Saturday Night Live 40 Review: Amy Adams & ONE DIRECTION

Well, everyone. The Christmas holiday is upon us.
The snow is falling (in the case of this year, not really), people are shopping for Christmas gifts, decorations are hung up and turned on in houses across the nation, and everyone's in the cheerful spirit. So leave it to Saturday Night Live 40 to give us a reason to be happy...and split our sides too (probably).

The Christmas episode has been a tradition with the show since its beginning in 1975. Basically, it's just another episode, with some sketches featuring decorations in the background, and the main guest host/SNL Band set and musical guest set get heavily decorated as well. So what makes this better than others? The decor...
AND THAT ONE DIRECTION IS PERFORMING THIS WEEK!!!! YES!! WAAAAHOOO!!!! YES!!
OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! (HYPERVENTILATING)
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! HA-HA-HA!! ...
...sorry, got a little excited. Also, Academy Award-nominated actress Amy Adams (almost alliterative)
is the host, so that's also great. So follow me as we reminesce in yet another good episode this season...and possibly the strangest.


We start with a special by soon-to-be British superstar Sam Smith (Taran Killam, who surprisingly almost looks like him) singing holiday versions --and then, static--and then, Dr. Evil appears. DR. EVIL!!! YES!! Evil interrupts the broadcast to deliver an attack on both North Korea and Sony for their actions in the "The Interview" shutdown scandal. You know what's happening here.
I don't care if it wasn't funny (yet it was), the fact that Mike Myers reprised his (second) role from the Austin Powers in this sketch was absolutely genius. I expected SNL to do a mocking on the matter, didn't expect this at all. Brilliant, Brilliant, Brilliant!

Monologue time.
Amy came to the stage to talk about the joys of the Christmas season, including taking your kids to Times Square and see Christmas Elmo; if you're lucky, the human inside will take off the head ans reveal himself as an ugly balding crank who wants a cigarette.
She later performed (don't worry, this one's good. She can sing.) the Holiday classic "We Need a Little Christmas", with a little help from Kate McKinnon, Bobby Moynihan, TKill, Sasheer Zamata

Kristen Wiig returns to help this a little more razzle-dazzle (and a more crazier

Asian-American Doll Pre:
Sick of white female dolls that have all the fun stuff just for being...white? Well, here's the Asian American Doll, a doll made by the makers of the Christie, Stacy and Stephanie dolls. She can do anything the other dolls also can do--as long as it's not stereo-typically Asian.

This pre-tape is so cringe-worthy and hilarious. It mocks all the foolishness of the people who create dolls, their ethnic group and the back-stories and accessories. It also makes fun of kids who unintentionally mention stereotypes about the Asian-American Doll--it's country, academic strengths, and what it put's in a house it lives in (like an Oriental rug). And they made this so brutally well-done. The Gong bang was a lovely touch.
Also, Vanessa Bayer was great as the mom who gave her daughter a doll she will love, but the daughter thinks too much...way too much. (Do these kids watch CCTV a lot? Do they have Dish?)

Christmas Serial:
Next, a parody of NPR series Serial. I've never heard of the show, but from research on Wikipedia (It premiered on October 3), I'm surprised it took SNL this long to make a mock of it.
This episode is about a boy who got a present from a mysterious guy named Kris (as Kringle, meaning--you-know-who). You pretty much know how this goes.

This is a genius take on the immortal story of Santa Claus giving presents to kids on Christmas Night, but makes it look like a cold case crime as seen on the show and 48 Hours. Cecily Strong does a great job as host Sarah Koenig and Kyle Mooney was hysterical as "Kris", among the the other cast members in this pre-tape.

Following is...*sigh* Girlfriends Talk Show.
This time, Morgan claims to be on the dance squad, so the guest is its captain (Amy). Morgan tries her best to prove she's on the squad but fails horribly. Also, One Direction appears as the guy dancers.

Now, I'm not saying it isn't funny (some parts here are). But it's really annoying. Kyra's voice is fucking irritating and Morgan is so creepily desperate for a segment to do (or pretty much anything else), that I can't help but feel sorry for her that she always gets dashed by her best friend for someone she just just threw in because they're more popular. And Kyra is pretty much a slut if her dating all the male dancing squad is any indication. On the other hand, Amy looked beautiful as the captain, and believable too.
I really don't want to see this again.

Office Christmas Party
At an office party, co-workers who came to have fun look ready leave bored out of their minds (mostly because their co-worker DJ Tom plays the Ghostbusters theme), waiting for the day they buy their kids' presents to make it much much less taxing. That is until two guys (Jay Pharaoh & Pete Davidson), pretty much the second-coming of The Dick in a Box Guys, make the wish of one of them (Moyni) come true.
And from there, the boring office party becomes a banging, awesome Office Christmas Party!!

This reminds me of "Boy Dance Party" from last season, also bright-lighty, banging and catchy. The things the co-workers seem mundane but is really funny in execution, especially Carol from New Media (Baby Aidy) getting wasted and crashing into the tree. Becky from Payroll (Adams) was just awkwardly funny.
This was just hilarious.

The next sketch is a holiday special in Cuba airing on NBC in partnership between the Peacock network and
Cuba's own Cuba Vision.

I don't want to say much, but this was more cringeworthy and creepy than funny, with the many Cuban stereotypes that even the writers and producers of the first 5 seasons would blush at (and of course respond by saying, "we can do better than that"). Throwing in Cuba Gooding Jr. (Kenan) just because his name is Cuba just wasn't funny to me. The funniest thing being some Cuban figures being played by clearly white cast members; thank God they look like them at least.

Singing Sisters/"A Magical Christmas"
Three women (Kate Mc., CecStrong & Amy A) are at a bar trying to impress a couple men (Moyni & Kyle Mooney), while the men get them a drink.

I assume those "women" were animals, since they kept talking about eating garbage. Also, because the description on Yahoo! said they made a wish (talk about Spoiler). This was a strange-ass sketch.

And so was the next one...
In the Ten-to-One, a store called Whiskers-R-We, the spokeswoman Barbara DeDoo(?) (Kate Mc) and her girlfriend (Amy) are showing off cats to give for adoption during a holiday giveaway. They also slip details of their dating life in very creepy ways relating to the cats.

This was really creepy, Barbara's voice/lisp is irritating, and the lesbian subtext is sick as hell.

This week's musical guest is One Direction.
AAAAAHHHHHH!!!
Sorry.
They performed two singles from their lasted album Four...(I won't judge them for the simple album title...Okay, I will; The title is smple, basic and boring. The genius of it all is that it's the fourth album.)

The first is "Night Changes", a song about a girl having fears about a relationship with a guy, but the guy assures her the ship will stay the same, even though night changes to day.
This was a beautiful song with beautiful vocals from the guys, so this was a beautiful performance.

And the second is "Ready to Run"
I love this one more for being more higher in tempo than the last one, but they're both great performances.
Also, I wanna talk about the guys for a sec. They've clearly grown up. Louis look less like a boy, Zayn has the rugged hipster Irishman look (whatever that may be), Liam's grown a nice beard, Nial looks even more polished--and doesn't Harry look like a younger, British version of Hozier?

You can really see a resemblance.
Anyway, great job from the boys, I can clearly say this with no restraint, regret or disgust. Their latest album is really good, and I wish them very well in the future. Now, I really wish they don't break, just so they end bitterly and Harry gets a solo career that crashes and burns as well. Although they can get rid of the skinny jeans; poor thighs need a breather. (okay, I regret typing that)

Time For an Update:
Part One

Part Two

Okay...I noticed some uneven work from Jost & Che this week, as there was a very terrible ying-yang going on at the desk. Michael got the great laughs, while Colin got the shitty laughs.
I feel sorry for Colin. He's getting better, but all I see in him is being a boring, grumpy, crumudgeon who does this job only to get through and go home (Literally, since that's the only thing he does here, since he barely appeared in a few sketches), even worse since it's the Christmas episode and he's gone off the Good list. (At least Sump'n Claus will hook him up for Xmas.)

Moyni showed up as (oh no.) Kim Jong Un...and almost got shot in the process.
Y'know, I get annoyed when a cast member appears on Update for an interview. I get that it's part of the joke, but this still annoys me for reasons I clearly cannot explain. Oh yeah, and Moyni was kinda funny as Kim Dong Um-he's-a-bitch-for-not-taking-a-joke.

Kenan appears as Michael's "neighbor" Willie, an old man who is clearly in the holiday spirit, and helps out Mike, who is a half-Grinch.
Even though it was lower in pace (and longer) than the KJU part, this one was also funny and sweet, and Kenan did a great job as Willie.

Garth & Kat are back! yay.
They are hear with another song involing the last-of-the-year holidays (this time Hanukkah) and of of course it's a weird-as-hell song about
I was only excited when Fred Armisen came back. I only laughed when they botched lines.

Favorite Bits:
"Look, Kimberly..."
Moyni as Kim Jong Un
Kenan as Willie
"...sorry, Ladies." (just kidding; that still sucked)

So, In Conclusion:
This was a weird episodes. Like, really weird. Some sketches But, surprisingly, that didn't stop it from being funny. There was some good laughs in almost all sketches.
Amy did a great job as host, she did keep me interested, and did her very best singing in a couple of them too.
Mooney, Sasheer, Pete Dave, Leslie Jones and Pharaoh barely appeared in a couple sketches (while Beck Bennet didn't appear at all), and everyone else gave really good performances in some sketches and "Meh." performances in others. But I'll give it to the performers for being so popular in the writing department to get so many sketches to appear in. I just find them repeat offenders. I do wish some of the other cast members get at least one sketch to perform in. That way, they don't coast for the season and have people forget who they are. And that they don't get a free pass to next season...

Well, guys this is the last review...for now.

Because on January 17, after Christmas & New Years' breaks and weeks of repeats, SNL returns Live with host Kevin Hart...The elipsis doesn't mean I hate his humor (although I don't love it either), it means there's no musical guest for that show. Which is extremely puzzling. Will they give him a slot for him to perform a comedy act? Did they forget to find an act to line up (which hasn't intentionally happened since...Walter Matthau hosted back in 1978)? Is HE the musical guest (I barely handled his comedy; I don't think I'll prepare for his singing) We'll see what happens then.
But until then, thank you for joining me for the first four Saturday Night Live 40 Reviews. it has been my pleasure spending all of my Sunday making these and and giving them to all of you for your enjoyment. See you January 17! Goodnight!
...and Thank You.

Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson: The Last Last Night (Review)

Well, everyone. The time has come.
The Late Late Show has ended an era: Craig Ferguson is leaving the program as host after almost ten years and over 10 seasons (I know, it confuses me too), from January 3, 2005 to yesterday, December 19, 2014.

Even though this show was second fiddle to David Letterman's Late Show (which itself will reach the end of its own era early next, when Letterman leaves for retirement, with Stephen Colbert taking reigns--as his replacement), it had a brand that made it stand out from all the other late-night shows, which was a huge feat, because all the late night shows of this era had identities that were genius amazing in their own right. That brand was absurd, surreal, in-your-face humor that is oddly refined, yet deliciously awkward in one strange, yet beautiful package.
Many elements made this show work; the loose, no-cue-cards interviews with guests, the running gags, Craig banging the camera at the start, his puppets, his chats with Geoff Peterson, Geoff Peterson itself/himself, horse Secretariat, ect. All of this showed how free-flowing, yet tightly-wound and smart as a whip it could be and did.
So let'[s check out my review of the very last show and relive the every moment from start to finish, shall we?

We start with drums...many drums...among other things...as they were performed (sort of) by some--many of Craig's beloved guests, which began a performance of Dead Man Fall's "Bang Your Drum".

And that segued into a live performance in the studio with Craig taking lead continuing the great song. Man, was that awesome! The feeling was amazing, the performers were great, the in-house choir adding in made it even greater and Craig singing made it even more greater. This entire performance was awesome!

After the commercial break, and a wonderful montage of him walking out to the set from the very first show to his last, Craig comes out for the final time to make his final monologue. And just like all the others, it was a barrage of strange stories, creepy jokes with Geoff and peeks of Secretariat. And of course, it was hilarious!



After another commercial break, it was time for Craig to answer questions sent by viewers via e-mail and Twitter. In the first question, Jack from New Jersey asked Craig to do a bit where a doorbell rings (via a doorbell under his desk) and he asks who's at the door. (if you're a fan, you KNOW who it is. If not...) It's Secretariat!! A horse!! He runs into and around the studio while Craig, Geoff and the audience dances in ultra-happiness. After that...it's onto the next question. It does seem weird to you, but an event to us, the robot skeleton army.
Anyway, a woman from Lexington, Ky., asks Craig, in this, the final Tweetmail in the history of this Late Late Show, what Ass Mode means. (If you've watched the show, during the "Check the Tweets" jingle, the phrase "Ass Mode" appears somewhere in all of the jingles. You've probably been curious about it and what it means too.) So Craig (actually Geoff) finally answers the immortal question: Ass Mode is the way of life.
...okay?

Anywho, it's onto the final interview, with Craig talking with legendary stand-up comedian and former host of The Tonight Show, Jay Leno.

It was a wonderful low-key interview. It was intimate, funny, heartwarming, goofy, absurd, lacadaisical, and just all-around amazing/ The interviews that Craig make with his guest are nothing like the other talk-show hosts. They are barely about things the guest would come to promote (TV shows, movies, books, etc.), and instead talk about anything on the guest's mind (and anything that's interesting and or/funny).

After that, it was time for the final edition of

and this leads to this near-immortal question: Who is the guy (or woman) whom has controlled Secretariat all this time?
The answer would finally be revealed. It's...Bob Newhart.

"Hey, guy, it's your dream."

Yes, a dream as Craig as a swirl of the screen, the sound of the TARDIS revving up, and my continuous, long-winded typing reveal to be a dream of...Mr Wick??
He wakes up to Drew Carey (!!!) and tells him the odd recollection of imagination. Drew tells him it's not true and the two go back to sleep. That's right, this is the dream of Mr. Wick, who is sleeping with Drew Carey after the end of The Drew Carey Show. This was a Shout-Out to the finale of Newhart, with a close-up to a snow-globe with Craig, Geoff and Secreteriat inside being another to the finale of St. Elsewhere and a quick screen blink-out to black as an ode to the final episode of The Sopranos.
Boy, was that weird...but that was what made the show great. And perfect.

I will miss The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson so much. It's humorous, intelligent and wacky; everything just makes me happy to be alive so I can tune in. Craig has been a surprisingly great host; his bits, pieces and touches to his part of the franchise have made it one of the most genius and underrated shows on TV I've never watched a show like it before and (since it'll be on YouTube forever) I never will again.
Goodbye, Geoff. Goodbye, Secretariat. Goodbye, Sid the Cussing Bunny. Goodbye, Kronos the monkey. Goodbye, Wavy Rancheros. Goodbye, all the other puppets that appeared on the show. And Goodbye, Craig. Your hosting threw in a new era in the talk show genre that has imprinted a goofy and genius naivete and changed it for better or worse (more better than ever would be worse). Since then, your presence has still been felt and talk will never be the same.
Thank You.

Top Ten Worst Hip-Hop/R&B Songs of 2014

Well, the year has come and gone. And this year has had a new awakening in Hip-Hop. New rappers came out of the woodwork and made their mark. In this case, though, that’s a reeeaaally bad thing. Many of these rappers have gotten popular thank to the beats in their songs, a popular rhyme or a huge rapper appearing as the featured artist because they like this person and wants that push they believe he actually deserves. All these reasons and the ones I'll state below are those for why I've chosen my picks for the Top Ten Worst Hip-Hop/R&B Songs of 2014.
Let's start it off with...

10) "We Dem Boyz" -- Wiz Khalifa


First off, the title is stupid and doesn’t make sense. Second, nothing in the lyrics is about “Dem Boyz”, just Wiz Khalifa. And third, what the hell is a Becky? Were you referring to Becky from Roseanne? Yeah, both versions of her are very hot, but that line makes no sense.
Also, the line “Man, did you see her Interior?” creeps me out. There’s no way you can see inside a woman’s front hole unless you went to sex ed or watched TLC circa 1980-2005. And Wiz, no sane person wants to hear a song with two words repeating throughout almost three-quarters of it. Just ask Rihanna. And then don’t call anyone lazy for that same reason. Wiz Khalifa, this may be the last time I've heard a song by you. I hope that weed money you've saved up can buy you better things in life. And if one of your life goals is to successfully get so skinny, you actually look like a tree, congrats. You did it! Good job! Not for the love of God and the sake of all things happy and sane, eat a fucking hamburger and get back in shape, will ya?!

9) "No Flex Zone"--Rae Sremmund
Since these guys (and many rappers here) are skinny, I’d think it’d be embarrassing to flex anyway.

Oh man, when I first heard this, I knew these guys would be famous. To my chagrin. And now that they’re famous, I hope their status as One-Hit-Wonder comes as soon as I hope.

Over a very annoying beat, this song is about assholes acting like braggy, obnoxious wannabe mack daddies, and the place where guys who don’t want to be around them can go. However, I see this duo as complete hypocrites. In the song, there are NO lyrics about them not being like the bragging idiots who show off to get blown at night; they act exactly the same. It's the same in the video, too. They still act braggy, they still look obnoxious and they already have girls on their arms like they’re something they know they’re not. So not only have Rae Sremmurd lied to us about the "not being shitty obnoxious taint licks" thing, they seem to have forgotten the concept and message of their own song. If they wanted to this track to be a parody of rappers who act douchey to prove they won't be like this, they failed miserably. Guys, learn how to make fun of people before you actually try to do so. Plus their voices sound incredibly annoying. It's like they told each other the other's voice is crappy and made a bet with each other to prove which has the least annoying voice of the two.

Also, what the hell is up with their name?? Rae Sremmurd. Of course, it makes no fucking sense. But after I read some comments of a video I saw a few days ago, the name is the reverse of two actual words. What are they? Drummers Ear. Yep, that's the most interesting thing about them we're gonna get from these two, folks. A really shitty name that's reverse for a really shitty term. That One-Hit-Wonder status can't come soon enough.

8) "Lifestyle" -- Rich Gang featuring Young Thug & RHQ

You know, the more I hear about these songs about bragging about their rich lives, the more I wish they’d hit bankrupt.

Okay, let's start with the concept: this is the 100,100th song about being rich and enjoying the good life that comes with it. With all your homies
The beat is just boring and so anti-hip-hop, you might think this is a pop song (pretty much like every other song on this list). And the person singing (aka autotune), even Future does a better job than you. It should prove that you shouldn’t listen to yo’ homies/yes men when they tell you what should be put on your song.
Rich Homie Quan is just as annoying here as he was in his song "Some Type of Way", which inspired the annoying term of same name, and Young Thug is just as corny. Rich Gang is just Young Money with a new name, so I know one reason it would suck. And autotune needs to be banned from people who clearly do not know how to properly use it in their vocals. Just...no.

7) "Hot Nigga" -- Bobby Shmurda

Yep, nothing makes a hot nigga look hot like making a hand sign of holding a AK-47 towards a guy for no reason other than amusing himself, and pretending to pull the trigger. Fuck.

God, that video looks really horrible

Great, another asinine song with an asinine dance. The first time I heard this, I treated it like any other Hip-Hop song: Another asswipe acting like he's on top of the game, bragging about how better he than all of us, showing us all the money he owns, and spends three minutes spitting about it all. What makes this song even worse is that the two worded title appears in the lyrics...repeatedly.
Look at the chorus:
"In Chewy, I'm some hot nigga
Like I talk to Shyste when I shot niggas
Like you seen em twirl then he drop, nigga
And We Keep them 9 milli's on my block, nigga
And Monte Keep it on him, he done dropped niggas
And Trigger he be wilding, he some hot nigga
Tones known to get busy with them Glocks, nigga
Try to run down and you can catch a shot, nigga"
Yeah, talk about classy right there. Not only does it follow the the mold of other songs with the "I'm way better than you, and if you disagree, I'll kill you with a gun I don't legally own" mantra, it features the word "nigga" at the end of every damn line in the chorus. Genius, Shmurda, Geeenniuuuss.
And another thing, what the hell is up with using a warning siren in a rap song? It's not cool, it's extremely irritating and serves no purpose in the song other than make people think "Just another menace to society who shouldn't be on the streets"; well, mostly me, but still.
What's disturbing here is that he revealed that he once sold drugs as a child in the fifth grade. I've heard some sad shit from rappers before, but this is a goddamn shame. I bet he had some shame recording that line, but said it anyway to prove how "gansta" and "domineering" he was, but I just see it as "I peddled dope as a kid, and I'm still walkin'. Haha! Fuck the police!" I should pray for him. Nah, not worthy enough.

Also, he introduces the Shmoney Dance, a fucking stupid dance that follows the footsteps of The Dougie, "Stanky Leg", "Pop, Lock 'n Drop It" and the "Nae Nae". It's just a dance that was created to tie-in with the song that no one will remember after the song's impact (or what little there is of it) dies down and everyone will have forgotten the dance until their 20th high school reunion when they're too old to even try to perform it without being embarrassed.
As for Bobby Shmurda, I know this won't be the last of him, as he might have another "hit" on the burner or might appear as a featured artist on another rapper's song, but if he goes bankrupt and barely has enough to still live with his parents with that air glock he loves so much in possession, he'd be a sad man, and I'd be a happy guy.

6) "Tuesday"
ILoveMakonnen featuring Drake

I never thought I hear a song about Tuesdays in my life...but after this one, I never will again.

febr.jdv krl/bef/aldbv RQEkdakldWCnakf:D---Huhh? Oh, I’m sorry, I fell asleep on the keyboard. What was I--oh yeah. This song.
Where to even begin?? Okay, how about the beat? This is fuckin’ boring. It’s like NyQuil or marijuana for the ears and brain. I don’t know how people find this enjoyable, danceable to or even something to like. And the surprising thing about it? I find this the better part of the song.
The lyrics are just basic as shit. Clubbing, drinking, fucking, taking other guys’ girls, making money and haters. Nothing else. This guy’s like Cleveland Jr. in voice and body type. Except Cleveland Jr. sounds better than him.

That's right; "Balls Deep" is a much better and catchier song than this.
His (and Drake’s) vocals are fucking boring and irritating with no personality or substance and this goddamn pause at the end of every damn line, plus they say those verses in a near-high pitched voice, to say nothing of the chorus. (I take more comfort in Jim Parsons’ voice of Buddy in the new Elf special). And what the hell is up with his name? It just follows the recent trend names of rappers used as sentences like Soulja Boy Tell Em, IAmSu (the guy from Sage the Gemini's “Gas Pedal”), Sage the Gemini himself, and Chance the Rapper. Make no sense, it’s a mouthful and makes a minute of your life away just thinking about it. Plus Drake doesn’t help matters. He’s just the same problems as that guy, except he’s better than that. He’s been a rapper for almost 9 years now (counting his mixtapes); he should know how to make this shit song better by dropping some rhymes, but no. He does this dreck instead! God, Drake is dead to me now.
Also I want to mention that this guy is a part of Drake’s record label OVO Sound, which produced and released this track, which is why it makes me so sleepy. I’ll remember to play this whenever I’m stuck in Insomnia-Land.
IHateMakonnen

5) "Don’t Tell ‘Em"
Jeremih featuring YG

I’m still puzzled as to why his name is spelled and pronounced this way. Jer-re-MEH. Makes more sense to remove the H at the end...or put an A near the end.

Ugh. Yet another song about taking your girlfriend and sleeping with her. I know these songs seem catchy to you people, but here’s the thing: it’s still about adultery, and keeping that a secret. It may seem easy, until the idiot guy brags about it the next day. And I swear to God, this beat and Jeremih’s vocals could put me to sleep. I can barely hear or understand them...except this one: “I’m from Chicaago”
Whoop-de-fucking-doo, you’re from the Windy City. Not a thing anyone would care about during a one-night stand. Also this cryptic crap. Dude, you’re not Alex Hirsch! Why you ackin’ so secretive to the girl you seeing, when no one’s gonna notice or care? They still barely know how to pronounce your name. And things get worse when YG (Mr. Toot-It-And-Boot-It) comes in.
--“934-8616/I gotta missed call from yo’ bitch!”
I could picture a beatdown if he say this out loud. Doesn’t matter the guy, I’m just picturing it.
--”She been plottin’ on for a whole minute”
Plotting on what? An evil plan to take over the world?
--”She wanna suck my dick/An’ I’m cool wit it”
Dude, what kind of man doesn’t think it’s cool for a hot girl to give him brain during sex?? Seriously.
Its producer, DJ Mustard, keeps using the same sound and elements in his productions (like quiet beats, low piano hits, and people shouting “Hey!” every other second), therefore making them very unoriginal. And yet, they somehow end up being hits. It’s like people listening to they recognize the sound from another DJM song, and like it so they listened to this.

Chalk this as a bad example of “If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It”.

4) "Loyal"
Chris Brown feat. Lil Wayne & Tyga

There should be a law that forces these guys to stay away from women...and long-term relationships.

Even though this is part Pop, it’s also part R&B, and there are more rappers than singers, so it definitely counts for this list. Also because it’s very confusing; if you’re calling out women for being shallow sluts cheating, don’t make lyrics about men taking those women from their boyfriends; it makes them look no better AND makes you look stupid for not proofreading the lyrics first. What makes you think taking those women from their boyfriends anyway is completely different from other guys doing it? Because this happened after they’re cheating? Or maybe because you’re Chris Brown? (which is worse) That still doesn’t excuse the fact that the girl is still cheating on her man with a rich guy (aka you).
Lil Wayne tries to act like a saint in his lyrics about girls being sluts, clearly forgetting the fact that, among others, he has four kids with four different women. I guess if making a point about sex as long as it doesn't refer to you can work...sometimes.

3) "Fight Night" -- Migos
You’ve never heard boxing like this before.


Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for the main event of the night, Migos vs….some woman’s vagina. Apparently, Chris Brown and Lil Wayne are still influential to the development of Hip-Hop music in that sense. Because every other hip-hop song that comes on the radio always has a variation of the line “Beat that pussy up”, which not only makes no sense, but also sounds like domestic abuse (Which explains why it’s popular with some black men...and most NFL players) And this is just the worst of it. “Imma knock that pussy out like fight night”? Shouldn’t it mean “Imma knock that pussy out like it’s fight night”? That structure makes no fuckin’ sense! Oh no poor pussy! What did it do to deserve such treatment and disgust by such horny, thirsty idio--oh right, the rest of her foolishly got with them that night. Also the “Regulate” line; what made it so genius and so popular that they had to play it twice during the song, including the start? I will never know but I don’t like it. And Migos repeatedly referring to themselves as “Rich niggas” just makes me laugh. While they aren’t really rich now, they won’t be rich anytime soon. So they better hold onto their money. Those Versace clothes and Timberlands aren’t cheap.
You know what? I’ll just be honest here.
Every song Migos produced, recorded and released this and last year--Migos
I just fucking hate Migos. With a passion. I feel the reason they’re on this Earth is to make music that challenges your mind, destroys your feelings and insults your intelligence, and wins. It just leaves you with a headache so huge and brain so empty, it might take 4 straight weeks of PBS, Jeopardy! and The 700 Club just to get you back on track. The worst of the bunch is their mixtape Rich Nigga Timeline in which it’s a fucking hour of fast-as-hell spitting, nonsensical lyrics, questionably stupid beats and background noises and nasty sexual content. The worst for the whole thing is “Pop That”, three minutes of wanting to breed a state’s worth of children with a woman because of the way she shakes her ass. I wish they never existed or I'd want to wipe them from existence myself. That'll be a fight night.

2) "6 God" -- Drake

The first time I heard this song, I immediately wanted to drink to get this out of my head. And when you listen to this, you’ll understand why.

You know, I don’t like all of Drake’s music, but this is the freaking pits. This is four minutes of Drake rapping and stretching words to fill space! I have never heard something this sound so fucking irritating! Yes, rappers have done this before, but those last times wasn’t as annoying. And he doesn’t do this on just one line; HE DOES THIS ON EVERY OTHER FUCKING LINE!!!! And this goes on after the first few lines. It makes me wanna shoot myself like I’m the Nostalgia Critic (although I shouldn’t mention his name on this list because he’s better [AND funnier] than Drake or this song [and please don’t tell me how many Grammys, VMAs, BET Awards, AMAs, Billboard Awards or other awards he’s won; I don’t really care]). Plus the chorus is also annoying in that Drake’s singing is terrible. I’ve him sing before; he’s pretty good. This is really terrible. I’d hope that after this year, I’d never want to hear this song again, but I live in a house where almost nothing but Hip-Hop is playing, so I’d better save up on Beats headphones...or beer.

And finally...
1) "Anaconda" -- Nicki Minaj
The minute I saw the the artwork for the song’s cover art, I knew this song would suck. I just didn’t know, the minute I first heard it, it would suck ass (pun intended). And yet...I knew this would also be popular.
I just didn’t know it would be THIS popular.

I’ll say this first: It’s a song about a man desire for a lap dance from a woman with a big ass. But this time, it’s told from a woman’s POV. Still, we’ve heard this before, people! We’ve heard songs about quenched-ass men wanting to get sat on before! It’s not new! And she mentions fucking guys who peddle dope (basically half of any female rap song’s MO) to be their personal trophy wife (probably the other half), likes getting head from a man with grills on, and laughs like a fucking hyena! And she says all this with no shame or remorse. I would feel sorry for a woman doing this against her will, but in this case, she’s doing this intentionally. And it’s one reason I’m questioning humanity on Earth. Plus, she sounds like a rapping Trinidadian version of Brittany Morris from Glee, yet somehow makes Brittany sound smarter than her.
Also, this is the second most annoying and irritating Nicki Minaj song I’ve ever heard; right after Stupid Hoe, which is deservedly one of the worst songs ever recorded. I don’t care if the song is actually about women being sexually liberated and expressing their sexuality freely, while making men watch and hear without touching. This song was produced by men, the music video is directed by a man, and the song it samples is by?--you guessed it--A MAN. (And speaking of the sample, the producers don't do a damn thing with it. No change, no idea, no creativeness, nothing. Just the same parts of "Baby Got Back" repeating throughout with nothing genius ) That not only tells you how hypocritical Nicki Minaj sounded, but also proves how thirsty and disgusting we men can be AND ARE. And this is coming from a guy who trying hard not to be a prude. To say nothing of the fact that it still makes women look and sound like whores, and still sounds annoying (And yes, I’ve heard rap songs by men mentioning horrid sex with women, but I find that making men look and sound like whores, too. Creepy, lewd, sick whores) I know this wouldn’t be the last song like this from her, but I have a feeling it may be much worse than this.
“He toss my salad like his name Romaaaiiin”
(snicker) Okay, that line’s pretty funny, but it’s still sick, though.
Nicki, I don't know how you'll top yourself in the slutty, foolish, ass-slinging department, but after this, I think it'll be possible.

And there they are: the Top Ten Worst Hip-Hop/R&B Songs of 2014. Disagree? Well, it's my list and I stand by it. Thanks for joining me, and check back next week for my picks for the Top Ten Best Hip-Hop/R&B Songs of 2014. See you then!

Saturday Night Live 40 Review: Martin Freeman & Charli XCX

Welcome, everyone, to my third review of Saturday Night Live 40.
You know, this season is getting better, in my opinion. The jokes have gotten a little funnier, the memes have gotten more internet-worthy, and I've laughed or smiled more than I have last season...or the season before that. And surprisingly, there still is that miserable Chris Rock episode to drag it down, so the writers have cleaned up their act, and, for better or worse, have cleaned up really well. (We can all agree that that's gonna stop after next week's Christmas episode? I mean, it has to happen. If not, I feel a tear in the time-space continiuum)
Martin Freeman is this week's host. Best known for his roles in The Hobbit films, Sherlock, The original The Office UK (which I didn't know about, but makes him much more awesome) and some show called. Hey, there's more cra--I mean programs in the UK that I haven't heard of, but I Don't Care.

The Cold Open is a spoof on the recent CIA “Torture Report” released by Senate Democrats disguised as an interview on The Charlie Rose Show (with Taran Killam playing the titular host, who, as I know, does not have a clear Southern accent; and yes, I’ve watched his show before, it’s more antiquated, mysterious and questionable. But Lord knows he tried, so I won’t fault him) His guests are James Mitchell and Bruce Jensen (Bobby Moynihan and Kyle Mooney, respectively), the psychologists who devised the report. They talk about how they put together the report and how they were approached by the CIA to create it. They also reveal some other things they invented--like customer service automated recordings (specifically from Time Warner Cable), autocorrect and those self-checkout lines at the supermarkets, where you scan stuff and an annoying-ass feature where you have to wait for assistance pops up, when you really don’t want it to. (Those bastards!!) All while they sit there acting calm and happy.

Anyway, this was a really good CO; Moyni and Mooney were a team on this sketch, bouncing off each other well and giving us some really good laughs. There were a few corny jokes here and there, but really funny otherwise. Now without further adu, LIVE FROM PHILADELPHIA, IT’S THE SUNDAY NIIIIGHT!!!!

(Before I get to the monologue, I want to say that the set looked beautiful with this year’s Christmas decorations lining up the walls and the tree looking amazing.) Now back to the review.

After the usual, Martin came in for his monologue. He mentions the TV shows and films he stars in, and mentions his life before becoming an actor, and his life since (he knows a lot of British actors and musicians); with appearances by Kate McKinnon as Dame Maggie Smith (while in costume as the Dowager Countess of Grantham from Downton Abbey) and Taran Killam as Alan Rickman (dressed as Severus Snape in the Harry Potter films).

It was a good mono, but does the cast have to wear costumes representing characters from TV shows and movies with the intention of hoping the audience know who the actors are? I’m guessing the answer is “yes”. It just works.


After that, a pre-taped musical skit about an elf-turned-pimp in the Christmas spirit named Sump’n Claus. If you’ve done bad and Santa won’t give you a present via the nice list, thus crossing you off (although I find it weird that people believe in Santa when they’re adults, but I won’t get into that), Sump’n Claus will treat you with some cash. This is freaking good. How good?

"Everybody's Getting Sump'n!" My God, that's catchy. #SNL

— Andrew Falala-llard (@APollard36) December 14, 2014

Yes, it’s freaking catchy, the lines are hilarious, the beat is super danceable and Kenan (along with Cecily Strong and Sasheer Zamata as his backup singers) just kills it as Sir Sump’n himself. The line “He sees you when you sleep; that’s weird!” made me laugh my ass off, and the third verse made me almost die. I seriously thought Sump’n and Ms. Claus (Aidy Bryant) were gonna get busy in Santa’s galley, but sipping her cocoa (literally) and eating her Loco was a travesty to Santa, so he kicked Sump’n out of the North Pole, and Sump’n became the good ol’ money racketeering pimp we know and love today. Also, doesn’t this remind you of commercials of those used-car dealerships or check-cashing places/notary public stores you watch on local TV stations wherever you are? Because it just look and feel like those to me. Anyway, a damn good skit and great job to everyone who participated in this.


The Sketch After, Wedding Objections, takes place at a church where a White man, White Castle owner Ian (Freeman), and a Black woman, WNBA star Alberta (Leslie Jones), are beginning to marry (how sweet); but some people in the crowd (i.e. almost everyone) have objected to this courtship. Including:
--Alberta’s roommate Marnie (Baby Aidy), who tells her she knew Ian for 5 days (they met at a Taco Bell/Pizza Hut combination) before the wedding (which may be an eloped marriage for all I know), squicked at the sex they have in their duplex apartment (I assume 10 quickies a day), and hated the full-blown arguments in the porch. She seems like a true friend who doesn’t want this to happen, although she should’ve stopped this on Day 3.
--Ian’s wife (!!!) Patricia (Nessa B), who questions Ian’s throwing away their marriage for one with a tall, easy black woman. He replies he isn’t, but wants love from more than one woman (and race). As sad as it is, I guess the saying “Once you go back, you’ll never go back” is still alive to this day. Oh, and Ian’s a bigamist.
--Alberta’s father (Kenan), who up and tells everybody their personal business: Alberta has 10 children, way more than Ian (and me) thought. Damn, this woman is fucking loose.
--A doctor (TKill), who tells the couple, after a trip to the ER, Ian has a weak penis (no comment) We can blame Alberta for that. (And thanks to the doctor, he has ruined Jenga for me. That starting scene in an episode of The Big Bang Theory is never the same again).
--Alberta’s WNBA teammate Cassidy (CecStrong), who wants her girl to focus on the team or else the $5,000 check (with the rest of the team) goes bye-bye) and,
--Some impliedly racist woman named Evelyn (Kate McKinnon), who just walked by the church, saw the proceedings and walked in like it was her right to object in the name of Cliven Bundy. She’s a psychic and says the marriage will end in murder with Ian being killed by a tall, black, horny, breeding, penis-destroying C-List WNBA player and a big-ass plastic hanger (I’ll just leave this here because it’s funny.)

"Evelyn, get in there and SHUT. IT. DOWN!!" #SNL

— Andrew Falala-llard (@APollard36) December 14, 2014

who all feel they shouldn’t get together for their outrageous reasons. But they fail, as true love prevailed in this strange arrangement of family and...need of chocolate. (ew.) As a part of a family with 10 kids (half of which are adults mind you!), I can kinda relate to the craziness that went on in this sketch, aside from broken penises and murder from hangers.)
Pretty much everything Alberta says in rebuttal is hilarious. Also, everyone who rejected was also hilarious. Ian was hilarious. The parson was hilarious. This whole sketch was hilarious!

Man, this would've been the pilot for a show on The WB and UPN. It would've reached 4 seasons. Three thanks to Leslie. #SNL

— Andrew Falala-llard (@APollard36) December 14, 2014

And so is this. It could've happened back then.

Next up, another pre-tape: one so powerful, it could either heat up the Internet like a search for the One Ring...or crash and burn like a death by Smaug. I think this is the former. This sketch is a crossover between two classic pieces of viewing medium, both of which Freeman starred in: The Office UK and The Hobbit, entitled “The Office: Middle Earth”.

This was a genius piece of writing and source material. Martin does a great job as Bilbo Baggins working at the Wernham Hogg paper company, Moyni was genius as a David Brent-like version of Gandalf the Grey and TKill was also great as Gollum. The sketch included recreations of some of the show’s iconic scenes including Gollum finding his precious in a plate of Jello, and Gandalf the Brent engaging in some very awkward dancing. I have seen a single episode of the original series, but after this, I better start watching.

Right Side of Bed is another one of those local morning show skits the show loves to do. This one is about the banter between the hosts (TKill and CecStrong), and a quick tease to their guest, a DIY maker named Louie (Freeman), who is embarrassed to be on camera.

This was a “meh” sketch with some cringe-worthy laughs. And the co-hosts voices were irritating as hell, although, that may be the point. I got better laughs from Louie and the sad lady Margene (played by Baby Aidy--heh, rhyme), even though there weren’t many.

Doesn't anyone else think Cecily Strong could pass for white? Does anyone think she's aware of this? #SNL

— Andrew Falala-llard (@APollard36) December 14, 2014

This was what I was thinking (and tweeting, clearly) during the sketch, because during sketches when she's supposed to be a white woman, I almost always mistake her for Vanessa. Fortunately, this only happens for a second.

Another pre-taped sketch...sigh. Not their fault, though. It’s a live show, and everyone has to prepare for the next sketches, and these pre-tapes are there to keep everything going smoothly. As I so thought after I made this tweet.
At St. Joseph’s church, everyone is ready to prepare for the annual Christmas mass. And that includes EVERYTHING.

I’ve been to church many times before, and I must say it’s pretty spot-on. The old man (Jay Pharaoh) with the sweaty-ass palm, the organist (Kate Mc) who still can’t get it right, the pastor’s (Moyni) change in speech speed, along with a peek into his chambers (just a table in there), the choir leader (Baby Aidy) who tries really hard, the foreigners who attend because their house is nearby and many others. Really spot-on And it really helped it become hilarious. And the angle of the commercial skit, as if it would air on MTV or Spike or Velocity, really sold it.

Later, at an assembly line, a worker (TKill) gets the tips from his boss (Freeman) on how to do his job. And it’s a really easy job.

Man, this dude looks like the son of Pat from “It’s Pat!” and Ed Grimley. You have to wonder how the hell he got this job or how stupid the boss was to hire him. This dude is as stupid as Chip and Skip from Camp Lazlo.
This was so-so; there were a few good laughs, especially at the end when the light turned blue but still. I was more impressed with Martin’s American accent; made me forget for a minute that he’s British.

A lounge singer (Kenan) at a bed and breakfast is performing with his band, while his sax player Isaac (Martin) just wants to play, and not talk with the audience about the goings-on in his life.

The part about Kenan’s whining in despair about his red boots being missing was hilarious, along with the monotone-looking man wearing said boots. I’ve wished Kenan would put his same-old voice to good, goofy use all season and he finally does it. And he does it well. I FIND THIS THE BEST PART OF THE SKETCH.

And finally, a Waterbed Commercial for local waterbed distributor Waterbed Warehouse. I won’t say more, because everything you need to know is in the name and description.

Baby Aidy was the star of the sketch as Janine, and Martin did great as the store salesman, but Aidy stole the whole thing.


This week’s musical guest Charli XCX is best known as the featured artist in Icona Pop’s “(I Don’t Care) I Love It” and Iggy Azalea’s monster summer smash “Fancy”, Charli has branched out to become one hot item in Pop music...well, besides her own hot items.

Heh heh heh. But she has proved herself with her infectious vocals and talent for writing, as she pretty much to the world by storm, and cemented it when she hit the SNL stage...in more ways than one.

First up, her hit single from the soundtrack of The Fault in Our Stars (the 100th teen novel-turned-teen film-turned-bona fide-Teen Choice Awards-winner...this millenium), “Boom Clap”. First off, the title reminds me of the two basic things an infant does on any normal day: go Boom-boom in his/her diaper and clap his/her hands. Anyway, this was a really good performance; The song is really good, the lyrics are good, her vocals are really good, and that outfit

was very good. Although, I was at first disgusted by it at first sight, when I made this tweet:

I'm sorry, but Charli XCX looks ready for bed...at the Playboy Mansion. #SNL

— Andrew Falala-llard (@APollard36) December 14, 2014

Take that however you wish.
The second one, however, I really don’t want to take in any way...or wish. It’s called “Break the Rules”.

This is one song I can definitely do without in life. Just look at the chorus:
“I don’t wanna go to school/I just wanna break the rules
Boys and girls around the world/Putting on their dancing shoes
Going to the discotheque/Getting high and getting wrecked
I don’t wanna go to school/I just wanna break the rules”
Yep, folks. Charli XCX has recorded an anthem for the idiots, horn-dogs, skanks and overall menaces of society. Call a prude if you want, but this is music that glorifies foolish, idiotic, uncontrollable, vapid and downright sad behavior. Throw in the recent riots in Ferguson, MO, for a heart-wrenching example, and I’ve proved my point.
All in all, I loved the first performance and hated the second. And to think...I would’ve loved it when she wore more clothing between performances.

Update time:
part 1

part 2


--Jost and Che continue to get better. Colin is less boring (well slightly) and Michael has gotten more comfortable in his new role as co-anchor. I have enjoyed this new hosting team, and I hope they continue to grow, and not stay at this level for a while.
You got one more week, Jost and Che. Wow me.

--SaZam appears to discuss Emojis...and why there isn’t one with a black face on it. It was pretty good. The emoji she uses looks really creepy (she should stop using it for the good of the African American race), and I loved the bold move of turning controversy into laughs, and they did it well.

--CecStrong returns with a new character and she is a parody of one-dimensional female characters in male-driven comedy films. Her name: A One-Dimensional Female Character From a Male-Driven Comedy. *sigh* Because The Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started a Conversation With at a Party...just didn’t feel like a mouthful to the writing staff, so they had to make another long-ass name for a Cecily Strong character. And that’s where she came in.
-If they’re wanting to bring her back sometime later on this season, at least I hope they change her hair color and clothes, because the ambiguous nature of the character involves change thanks to more than one movie with more than one fem-char. Or else she’ll be named The Same One-Dimensional Female Character From The Same Male-Driven Comedy.

--Another classic recurrer returns in time for the holidays: Jacob the Bar Mitzvah Boy! yay. While I find him great, the one thing I find irritating is when he is asked by an anchor about his life, he just looks at them with a creepy smile, and looks into his speech book. I know that’s the joke, but My God, it creeps me out. Other than that, I love him so much, and I wish he comes back soon. Although he could stop looking like he just celebrated his bar mitzvah, instead of celebrating his friends' bar mitzvahs.

Favorite Sketches:
Wedding Objections
Sump'n Claus
Holiday Gig
honorable mentions:
Church/Waterbed Commercial

Worst Sketches:
Assembly Line
Right Side of Bed

So, in conclusion, it was a really good show. Not a sketch I really hate, and the best ones were almost all of them, especially the Wedding sketch and Sump’n Claus pre-tape. Martin was amazing as host
And I must say, while the ladies took last week in , the guys did the dirty work this week, and really shined, especially Moyni, Kenan and TKill. Great job guys!! Keep up the good work!!

Next week, Amy Adams hosts the annual Christmas episode! With music from ONE DIRECTION!!! YAAYYY!! YEAH!!!! WAAAAHHHOOOO!!!!
I’m sorry, but I like One Direction now. Their music has gotten much better since after Take Me Home and I can say this with no shame or regret.
Goodnight!!

Saturday Night Live 40 Review: James Franco & Nicki Minaj

Hey everyone, welcome back to my weekly review of Saturday Night Live 40.
After my admittedly lacking review 2 weeks ago, I promised to do better with my approach to my thoughts on the sketches, musical performances and Update edition. So what better show do I start with than this one hosted by James Franco with musical guest...Nicki Minaj. (Oh God, I need a drink just typing that. And that was on Monday the 1st.)

We start with the Cold Open, which is….another one about politics. (sigh) This time spoofing MSNBC's PoliticsNation with Al Sharpton’s coverage of the Grand Jury decisions after the deaths of Eric Garner and Michael Brown.

Kenan Thompson (with the voice working in his favor this time, sounding close to him) was great as Sharpton, mocking his voice, speech mannerisms that make words sound different when old people say them, the fact that he is bigger than Sarpton today & made an aside about gaining weight, his indifference with everyone and interruptions of guests. Bobby Moynihan and Jay Pharaoh were also good as Sharpton's guests Civil Right Lawyer Lawrence Tatum and Peter DiNello of the Patrolmen’s Benevolent Association, although Jay's jokes were from Tatum's interruption by Sharpton. All in all, pretty good start to what happened to be a really middling show.

After "LFNYIST!" and the title sequence, James walks to the stage for his monologue, presenting himself as actor, poet, and dude, and mentions his new film "The Interview" from Sony, which was hacked last week, with some of its films leaked on the Internet by said hackers. He of course mocked this incident by pointing out that personal information about him wasn't leaked, so he decided to leak them himself before other could do so.

(Just so you know, the email address is fake)
And of course, his "Interview" Seth Rogen makes the obligatory co-star cameo to mention some...questionable photos they took together has been leaked from their phones. All of them either half-naked or full-frontal. He also mentions the incident involving photos he took of a young girl on his Instagram account earlier this year. Seems like a good sport to mock his troubles.
(After the mono, a promo for The Interview aired, featuring [guess who] Nicki Minaj as a guest on the show-within-a-a-film . Which explains why she’s the musical guest.)


The Sketch After the monolouge just had to mock the network’s telecast of Peter Pan Live (no exclamation point; I hate that) with Cecily Strong playing Alison Williams in her portrayal as The Boy Who Never Grew Up (mentioning how boyish his female-like self is and some show called Girls), and just as perfectly coincidental, while Tinkerbell is out of town (?), popular recurring character Tonkerbell (Tink's half-sister) returns. Her (played by Aidy Bryant) appearance (mentioning she jacks children's money for her own teeth and likes a guy who drowns kids) just made it 30% better. And James Franco mocking Christopher Walken’s performance as Captain Hook (basically how dull it was and his boring mannerisms) made it another 33% better. Also, Kate McKinnon, Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney as the Darling children, the weak-ass fight and Moyni as the Bat from some movie made it all come together in a nicely-wrapped package of odd, delicious and way better than the real thing.
This was just fucking GENIUS! I applaud the writes and producers for working such a sketch in so quickly.

Just like I found this spoof on the new Star Wars Episode VII trailer genius. The spoof features a mock of the first Black Storm-trooper, how old the characters look and act (because the three human cast members from the original films are older and have their own grandchildren) and question the droid that looks ready for the FIFA World Cup. Even though this seems like any parody video on YouTube mocking all this, it's still funny. (I will point out the font for The Force Awakens looks old too). Although I saw an obvious screw-up with graphic, as I saw a green screen behind Kenan's character spoof (X tape spot and all).


Next sketch, MTV is “airing” a special program as part of its Jingle Ballerz special, Hip-Hop Nativity, a modern-day reenactment the birth of Jesus Christ, hosted by "Drunk or High" host KaTyler Smith (Pete Davidson) and including some of today’s hottest musical acts.

The casting was just perfect: Kate Mc as Justin Bieber (always a crowd pleaser), Taran Killam as Eminem, Franco as Riff Raff (who?), Kenan as Rick Ross, The Pharaoh as Kanye West playing Yeezus Christ (I will not refer to him as Jesus), Nicki Minaj as Beyonce and Sasheer Zamata as Rihanna. She sounds like Riri if she had a head cold and looks close to her if she had severe sunburn). All in all, while execution was really good, the idea was great, and would’ve been better if the network airing this wasn’t MTV, since it barely airs anything music-based anymore, but enough about that.

Grow-A-Guy

Straight after, a strange pre-taped sketch by writer-turned-featured-player-turned-writer-again Mike O’Brien about friends at a lake house bonfire joking around. Then a guy named Flint (Beck Benn) tells Trevor (O’Brien) something personal about him (Flint) and the group being his only friends, with Trevor replying that he does have others. And sets to prove him wrong...artificially creating and growing a human being (played by Franco) to be his "other friend".
This one was pretty corny...and very gross. The human-making process was really disgusting, the end where everyone but Trevor explodes gave me a small heart attack, and things they say weren’t very funny (sure, it’s the point, but still). Flint is a fucking jerk (and hypocrite when he explodes). Also, the shout-Outs to Guardians of the Galaxy were kinda dated, especially after the ones made back in the first episode hosted by Chris Pratt. This was one of the strange-but-funny bits we’ve been seeing this and last season, and I usually enjoy them, but this one is one of the ones I can definitely do without. For sure.
#TheHastagCuriousityJokeWasKindaFunnyThough

Magic Bridge/Troll
Soon after, a young couple (Baby Aidy & KyMoo) try to cross a bridge in the woods but are stopped by a troll who lives under it (Franco)

and his...chain-smoking, low-rent buddy (CecStrong).
This involves a lot of kissing (but not from the female) and cheering from the audience. I laughed more from the Dora the Explorer joke I made than from this sketch, and I won't explain more because it was questionably bad.

Here's the version that was taped during Dress Rehearsal. I don't know why this was chosen for the Live Show in the first place.

Sketch after Update takes place inside Pete’s Brain: because he has so many memories in there, he tries to remove them to make room for another via a specialist (Franco). My favorite parts were some of the memories themselves: including TKill as a song, Baby Aidy as the word Rhombus and Jay as Fresh Prince of Bel-Air era Will Smith and Moyni as Judge Lance Ito from the OJ Simpson Trial. This sketch was mixed (more good than bad), and would gotten worse had Nicki Minaj’s involvement in this one got longer. But I learned to move past it.

(Unfortunately, no clip available. Blame YT and Yahoo)

No offence to a certain follower on Twitter who really likes Nicki Minaj (who would probably unfollow me soon after posting), but Nicki’s involvement in sketches really annoyed me. She only appeared in two, and already they were enough to make me grind my teeth in anger.

Like that.

Kid Mayor is about a kid named Tommy, who is the mayor of the small town of Aldridge, Minnesota. Everyone is ecstatic and pleased with this result thanks to Tommy's cute face, cheerful dispostion and the fact that he's still barely an infant, Yet, someone else isn't pleased or ecstatic about it--his competition Tad Rankin, a grown man (obviously) who faced against Tommy in the election, and made a political ad whining about losing to a 4-year-old.

Franco's enthusiasm and wide-eyed manic behavior made this sketch work. His anger toward a four-year-old boy doing certain things (like watching Frozen, sleeping early and soiling a pair of pants) that are cute when Tommy does them and weird when he does them was hilarious. I think this was my second favorite after "Peter Pan Live spoof".

Former Porn Stars
In the Ten-to-One Sketch (Technically, Five-to-One, since it aired five minutes to 1AM...or maybe Dive-to-One, heh-heh...pun), the Former Porn Stars make their return to horn--I mean form. This time, Brecky and (idiot with unknown name) are spokes-sluts of of a yacht company called Sunseeker Yachts. They explain the enjoyment of being on a yacht but wind up mentioning getting past banged or squirted in different ways

Sure, this sketch is really formulaic, but like Phineas and Ferb, the jokes are different and land almost every time. They’ll all sick sex jokes, but that’s the point of these two cum-brained knob-slobs. They’re just genius. Seth Rogen (aka James Franco) comes back to help out and make this sketch even more cringeworthy (aka funnier).

And speaking of funnier, here is a sketch that didn't make it to the Live Show, but was gracefully released on its YT channel. Called "Morning News", it's a report on the news like it's done on any TV station in America. Two anchors (here played by CesStrong & Kenan) act breezy and calm while reading the news, like nothing bad happens. Then came the Ferguson Grand Jury decision and riots...and everything's screwed.
(LesJo appears as traffic reporter Trisha Darby and Franco appears as a guest chef with an...unfortunate name)

This is commentary of race and tension in America based on the riots...and is funny too. Why was this cut while the damn troll skit was added? I don't know if Lorne was afraid people would get offended by this (coming from a guy that created a show that started off offensive) or might find it unfunny, or both, but had this sketch been added, I'd take being offended over being bored. This sketch toes the line between funny and controversial (with a touch of awkward), and ends up both bold as hell and funny as fuck. This was a bold thing to do and paid off on the Internet. People LIKE this, and would've been one of the best sketches of the week, had it been chosen for the show, and not the FUCKING STUPID TROLL SKIT!!!

Nicki Minaj is is the musical guest this week, so I had about two weeks to mentally and psychologically prepare for what would entail on screen (and be defiled on stage). Of course, Nicki would usually shake her ass a lot, as that's in her DNA, and her voice would be a high-pitched audio equivalent to cats screeching in heat, so that's what I'm used to. I was sure she would perform two of the three recent songs she released: Pills N Potions, Anaconda and Only. And I was correct in that the song she wouldn't perform would be PNP...but I was surprised it wouldn't be Anaconda either (although half-wrong is the word, because she would perform part of it in the Brain sketch).
Instead, Nicki performed a new song called “Bed of Lies“ featuring Skyler Grey. It’s...actually good. I actually like the sound and rhymes from this set. It’s very nice, at least.

As for her second performance, it was what I feared. It was “Only”. Now, it was boring, mostly because of the beat. And her lines were corny, especially those about duct tape. I swear I heard some boos in the audience...okay, they were in my head. But still, corny. Thank Goodness, it was short, as this turned into a medley, which got better for me. The song is “All Things Go”, a very serious and powerful song detailing Minaj's life before becoming a rapper, including having an abortion when she was 16, and being proposed marriage at a young age. This one sounded better beat-wise, and her vocals and raps were really good. This song is pretty much my fave from her lastest album. And I’ll take mid-tempo hip-hop over dull pings and bass any day.

Also the set background is really nice. Looks like a New York subway like previously (more the walls of Grand Central Station).
She did have a lot going for her. She is smoking hot, fake ass or no. And she was on point with her spitting, so I won’t fault her technically. 2/3rds of the songs she performed were really good, and I praise her for not doing the ones I hated. So all in all, mixed. Loved "BoL", could care less for "Only", and really loved "ATG". She exceeded my expectations and that made me happy. Well done, Nicki. Well dome.

Update time:
Jost and Che were...actually enjoyable. Even though some of the jokes weren’t. In fact, the parts were more serious and biting than funny. And somehow, I like it. It’s very different, very positive and just what this duo needs to make their Update era to move forward. If they can do it more in a baby steps fashion, they can last a few more seasons in a more positive direction.

Moyni returned as Second-hand News Correspondent Anthony Crispino. Although he wasn’t as very popular as Kate Mc’s Angela Merkel, CesStrong’s Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation With at a Party and Moyni’s own Drunk Uncle, I like Crispino as an alternative who can hold his own in a bit and still make me laugh. His jokes and timing were really good and has become a favorite of mine (yes, more than Druncle Stan for sure, whom I see as funny, but also a little overrated).

Leslie Jones just can’t stop being funny. This time talking about marijuana legalization and how this accounts to users visiting dating sites and not to African Americans. Seriously, I know her humor isn’t for everyone, but it is a lot of everyone, which was why she was promoted to featured so quickly. I just love her so much and want her to appear again soon. (But not too soon, I don't wanna be annoyed).
And this line "Have you ever been called a bitch...by Harriet Tubman?" just kills me every time.
Although she could tone down her creepy flirty passes at Jost a bit. It's a little unsettling.

Kim Kardashian showed up to talk about her ass in an issue (no, THE issue, he says sarcastic as fuck) of Paper magazine. She shows those photos of her in some places for comparison. Who gives a fuck? This shit needs to stop. Taking about Kim Kardashian and her ass in that God-awful photo shoot needs to stop. I'd rather hear about anything else other than this crap. Fuck, I'd rather listen about the life of Adoph Hitler set to the music of Insane Clown Posse rather than this! And the fact that she's played by Nicki Minaj (who herself has an ass that men also gawk and cream about) just makes this more bad (not to mention her annoying-as-shit voice making it worse). And I won't get into anymore crap about how they don't look or sound alike, because I wanna remove the memories like Pete did earlier.

Favorite Update Bits:
Eric Garner
Snapple Cap
Detroit Power Outage
Girl Scout Prison Cookies
Leslie Jones
Black Peter

Top Three Sketches:
Peter Pan Live Spoof
Kid Mayor Rebuttal Ad
MTV's Jingle Ballerz/Hip-Hop Nativity

Worst Sketches:
Magic Bridge/Troll
Grow-A-Guy (*shiver*)

And that is it for the review this week. I think James Franco was a really good host. A few of the sketches were really weak, but the ones I liked really shined for me, and Franco was great in them all. And Nicki Minaj surprised the hell out of me by being better than I thought. Not that I hoped she'd be bad or that I hate her personally, but she was better than I thought. Well done to both, and the cast for making a better episode this week. The guys did really good, but Girl power was in force with all the better stuff coming from the ladies, especially Baby Aidy, CesStrong and Nessa B. Great job, ladies!!
And congrats to Mike O'Brien for coming out of the hole that is the writers' room to appear in a sketch this week. Just...don't creep us out next time.

Next week, The Hobbit and Sherlock star Martin Freeman hosts SNL for the first time, with music from another first-timer, Charli XCX. You know, (I Don't Care) I love It, Fancy and Boom Clap? No?? Good. See you then! Goodnight!

1 Season Wonder: Freaks and Geeks

Welcome to 1 Season Wonder, a segment of Maroon Mondays. And you know what that means. At least I think you do...
I scour across the Internet and find TV shows with only 1 season, watch them, see if I enjoyed them, talk about them here and put them in a list of 1-Season Wonders. It sounds easy as it looks, right? No, you actually have to find these shows, watch through them hoping they're not as painful as they were the first time, and debate with yourself to see if it makes the list. If that sounds challenging and you want it that way, then let's do it.

In a world where low-minded jocks rule the hallways of high school, where goofy-looking nerds rule the study halls and libraries, where the adults can't be any more smothering and clueless about their kids and kids in general, and the music that truly defined a decade and generation, you get one of the most critically-acclaimed, well-beloved and questionably-short series of the 90s...and also probably of all time. It's Freaks and Geeks.



Created by Paul Feig and premiering on NBC on September 25, 1999, Freaks and Geeks explores the the students, cliques, and behaviors within William McKinley High School in Chippewa, Michigan. Lindsay Weir is a "freak", an academic prodigy, a mathlete, and all-around nobody. She and her brother Sam, a "geek" with a love of Star Wars, LARPing, and algebra, move up to High School and face new challenges in their lives. For Lindsay, it's a new discovery in herself, including wearing a rad-ass army jacket and hanging with some strange, yet really cool beans friends aka the "freaks". And for Sam, it means bullies, bullies, new study groups and chess tournaments...and bullies.
But in that one year, they both find change in their daily minutae. Lindsay makes new friends in Daniel Desario, Ken Miller, Nick Andopolis and Kim Kelly, also "Freaks"; while Sam makes some in Neal Scheiber and Bill Haverchuck, also "geeks". This new rag-tag group of friends go through school, life and the troubles and tribulations that real-life teenagers would face in the 80s...and this series did it well.

This show was--well, awesome. And all the characters are awesome. They all have their own brand of humility and humor that some other shows of the era don't have...and they were not even in their 30s...yet. (Almost all of them were either in their 20s or a little older than their characters at the time of production [and some show it], with John Francis Daly being the exception, but still) They all weren't one-dimensional, boring or shitty. They were very complex, close-to-real-life and were likable. Lindsay and Sam are smart, but she doesn't bring any nerdy stereotypes to the table, and Sam does brought the ones that weren't exaggerated or blown up for the gags. Plus, the Freaks were like normal people, just different from what we thought were different; they think and act differently. And they were cool for it. Not many series could have a group of characters like this.

Wow, this series had it all about the 80s: the fashions, the attitudes, the hair. As much of the 80s as possible is thrown into this series, and it was done really well. Hey, it's Judd Apatow; the dude's a producing genius. Also, the use of Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation" as the theme song was freaking rad. In fact, the use of many songs of the 80s is freaking rad. Although it cost the show's budget greatly, it worked well in the producers' favor, and, along with sharp writing and acting, would help create some of its' memorable scenes. Like this one.

And speaking of said scenes, my God, were they filled to the brim with awkwardness. Many of them were either hilarious or heartwarming with a touch of hilarious in them. But of course, it it had some awkward in them, and that's what made them (and this series) memorable. I feel very sorry for the producers because they had a cultural touchstone on their hands, but NBC cancelled it just when it got better. A start in a time slot on Saturday did not help (although, at the time, it was a night that was programmed like the others), and a move to a night where Who Wants to Be a Millionaire was the fucking king of TV made things worse. After said cancellation, three episodes didn't air, so they (along with the rest of the show) would air on the network that later become known as ABC Family. That still wouldn't satisfy the fans (or the producers).

Even 15+ years later, everyone's still riled up about it's cancellation. Judd Apatow is still pissed about it. Just last month, Seth Rogen ran into a former NBC exec to complain about it. Here's an idea: How about making a revival?!?
Revivals have been huge this decade: From Reading Rainbow to now-cancelled Dallas, the shows that everyone loved from years past have come back in full force and has gained many fans. So why not do one for Freaks and Geeks?? Sure, the cast has grown up and has gone to different endeavors, but the show isn't called Freaks and Geeks in High School! Have the characters shown 35+ years after high school and into their own accords. Show them in that setting and that'll satisfy everyone.
I don't blame the producers for being angry about the show's death. NBC shuffled the show around the schedule, barely promotes it, and aired the episode out of order, causing the continuity to end up out of whack. So I see why they're still peeved after all these years.
But they do have a right to be peeved after all. This show is so damn good, brilliantly written, amazingly cast and wonderfully produced. This is one of the best shows of the 90s. As great as Friends, Seinfeld, . This show will live in fame...(insert famous quote here).

All episodes are available on YT and Netflix, with reruns airing on IFC and FXX.
Favorite Characters: All of them.

No words can describe how much I love each and every one of these main characters
Favorite Episode: Pilot--which started everything and looked, sounded and felt like a great pilot in the process.

Well, there it is, Freaks and Geeks, the ninth edition of the 1 Season Wonder segment, added to the list of 1 Season Wonders--because it just had to, and this show is too good not to be. This show is on of the best short-lives TV series in history for a reason. And I'm just glad it exists for all of us to watch, enjoy, love and have close in our conscience. And it's all deserved.

Thank you for joining me for this edition. Tune in next month for another edition of 1 Season Wonder involving another classic series that was criminally AND undeservedly short-loved lived. Also it's one show Sheldon Cooper is still crushed up about.

See you then!!