Alright. Someone requested this, so I'll do this now and get it over with.
Today, I'm--I'm not even doing the intro. Here's "Twerk" by Lil Twist featuring Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus. But first, a nice little piece of semi-current events with
In the News.
Fun time with a little Twerking.
Rapper Lil Twist was recently seen dancing at a local nightclub, grooving, shaking, shimmying, and doing weird dancing with several other patrons dancing their tiny cares away on the floor, some female, a couple male. He later took off his shirt, because of the hot capacity and temperature of the room.
Also seen were singers Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus, also shaking grooving things and stuff. Cyrus was seen "twerking" a man, and later groping him in an inappropriate place. She was also seen sticking out her tongue at various times of the night, and was seen with three tall women and a short female as her entourage. Cyrus is now known for her provocative nature and taste in her music, from oddly mature to downright creepy.
Meanwhile, Bieber barely had any time to dance as he was berated by fans, mostly female, some male. He later was carried off by his bodyguards to go As you know, Bieber has been a bad boy recently, urinating in a bucket, cursing Bill Clinton, calling Anne Frank a "belieber", and getting arrested for participating in a weak drag race in Miami.
The three later meet up, talked and enjoyed the rest of the night and the early morning hours in a private room before leaving for wherever their sad careers take them. None of the "Musicians" were asked for comment.
I'm Andrew Duvall with Three Fools in the Groove In the News.
(Mah-GEE-Moe-do-boo-doe!)
Okay enough with the serious stuff. Now to the review.
THIS SONG IS HORRIBLE!!! Like more than garbage horrible.
The chorus is like some of my many nightmares converted to lyrics and audio. The way Miley says it (I refuse to call it singing) makes me want to take a knife to my ear. (Don't worry, I won't do it. I have more important things to hear like the News, Wheel of Fortune, and who the father is on Maury.) This is just another club song, but even the other songs do better in its purpose than this crap. Regular club songs are loud, fast in tempo and has lots of bass. This song is slow, boring and has some bass that's even quieter there. Plus, some of the lyrics are dreadful like this one:
"I'm NASCAR and I'm moving faster than ya even seen befo'"
--Well, I hope you get in a crash, Twist.
"No turn the keys, I'm turned up, like push button tho"
--I wish you'd get stolen. Get it? Because cars with push button start ignition are easy to steal, while I wish he'd get beat up. Yes, this song makes me wish for physical harm upon Lil Twist.
"I valet the car, throw me the keys, throw me the keys/ It's time to go, Girl you comin' wit me"
-Generally, most nightclubs don't have valet parking, but whatever. Anyway, like anyone lets you valet, Justin. If your auto record is to be believed, you'd probably crash a tree with the girl maybe ending up in the hospital and you going back in jail, for possible grand theft auto, larceny, and probable stupidity.
"Girl we can take it slow/Don't need nobody to know"
Justin. You're in a club scrunched up against a bunch of people. There is no "Take it Slow". And how can no one know about this? You're Justin Bieber! In a public nightclub! Clearly people will know when their phones are out when you're 'taking it slow" with your hot lady friend, who'll probably get jumped by female fans for taking their beloved Biebs from them. Poor girl.
By the way, the "In the News" bit was inspired be this line:
"Everyday In the News/Tryna start somethin' new...".
My apologies to CBS for ruining this iconic Saturday morning snippet news program by tying it with this song.
And of course:
"I came up in this party, time to tweeeeerrrkk!/I came up in this party, and I'm tuuuuuurrrrnnnttt!"
"Twerk, Twerk,
AAAAHHHHH!!!!
Stop this! Make it stop!! That's it! That's the end. I'm done. Happy Birthday to me.
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