SLMR: Move That Doh & Sanctified

Hey all. Welcome back to Short/Long Music Review.
Today, I chose two songs that my brother listened to a few days ago. I hated them ever since, but wanted to review them because they sound perfect enough for a review...and because I hate them. They the usual, but the first song takes drugs up to Eleven, and the other is so hilarious to me, that I just see it as a (really bad) spoof on religion.
Here are “Move That Doh” by Future feat. Pusha T, Pharrell Williams and Casino (ha) and “Sanctified” by Rick Ross feat. Kanye West and Big Sean.

Push what?

Wait. "Move That DOPE"? That's the title? So, it’s about pot? Well, it makes more sense than "Doh". Sounds like it's about playing (and then, doing questionable things) with Play-Doh. And referring to it as molding womens' bodies to shapes with big tits and butts, and stuff; whatever.
Okay, that beat is so creepy. It's like my worst nightmares in audio form. And yet, it's probably the best part of the song. Let's listen to to Future's lyrics, and see how much this guy proves his worth in the hip-hop world.

After 45 seconds of this "Move That Dope" repeating shit, I was about to turn it off. But we finally got to Future spitting his first lines. Even though he goes through the lines really quickly, I could still tell some things. He says something like "Rockin' the Dope", "Rocking the Boat", repeating "Maserati" 3 times to fill space and something about (yams?). And I think I heard "Kunta Kinte" (why he made a stupid reference to Roots, I couldn't figure out).

"Beatin' that china like Kunta Kinte"
Are you fucking serious?!? Referring drugs to to an African being whipped in the height of slavery is downright disgusting and lazy; whether real or fictional. It's not as disgusting as "Beat that pussy up like Emmett Till"". This trend of rappers using horrible incidents in African American history and referencing them to sex, smoking, ect. is the worst. Yet I feel like they're doing this because of race. "Because we're black, it's not racist". It's sad, that what I think. What's next? And what is china? Drugs or Plates? Neither; it's an African slang term for "mate". Which brings it all together.

I don't know why he calls himself "Future".
I understand it if it's his favorite word

or that he likes the word so much, that if he has a career in something, he'd use it as a nickname. But if the name is used because he believes himself as the future of hip-hop, then it's a really bad future indeed.
T-Pain used autotune years before he even begun songwriting, and even said himself that "autotune is on it's way out" in 2008, before it even gotten really popular. And he can't sing, even probably without the A-tune. He can rap, but his flow is corny as crap. So why is he famous? I don't know, so I shouldn't waste sleep on this.

Pusha T is basically rapping about how much old he is to be happy to have weed in his life. His rapping voice annoys me to hell. He sounds like he's angry someone ate his fries. Yes, the voice sounds humorous to me. The lyrics are the same as Future’s.

Pharrell Williams is also on this track. (And yeah, his "Hat" is in the video, too,) I wanted to put this there because I honestly didn't know he was a rapper before he was a singer. When I was a kid, the most I heard from him was singing and talk-singing. The closest thing to hearing him rapping was in Snoop's "Drop It Like It's Hot". I think he's the best part of this song; obviously, because he’s way better than Pusha and miles better than Future. The dark-skinned dolts shouldn’t even be in the same breath or sentence as this caramel-colored genius. Although the 12 times he said “nigga” was a turn-off. And yes, he mentions the big, gaudy hat he now wears in videos like T-Pain wore weird (but cool) looking top hats during the Thr33 Ringz era.

I'm not even getting into who the hell Casino is, why that's his name, and his verses.

And now, here's Sanctified.


As annoying as it sounds, I like the part where some female gospel singer tries to sing like Mahalia Jackson; that part I enjoy.

By the way, the artwork cover > looks creepy as hell.

Let's start off with Big Sean (who, as I previously thought, IS NOT the main artist in the song):
--"All I want's a hundred million dollars/and a baaad bitch!"
Because $30 million and Naya Rivera isn't enough, huh, Sean?
--"Plus that paper chasin'/It done turned me to a saaavage!"
Because we all have dreams of getting money and groupies. Oh wait, we all really do.
--"Groupies in the lobby/They just tryna get estaaablished!"
Typical. Any night with Big Sean makes you another example of Andy Warhol's 15 Minutes of Fame...well--Porn, Cheap Modelling, and Black Rapper Music Video Edition.
--"God, I've been guilty fornicating for my staaatus!"
Sure, making songs about sex, weed, hoes, ASS, ASS, ASS, ASS, ASS, ASS, ASS--and having sex with married women (and/or men; I'm not judging) to keep your popularity in the rap world is he smartest idea in your life.
Adultery gets you nowhere, idiot.

"All I wanted was a hundred million dollars/and a baaad bitch!"
Wait a minute--
"Plus that paper chasin'/It done turned me to a saaavage!"
Wait! That's the same verse from Big Sean. You know, it's impossible to hate a song even more but just from the first stanza, I'm already past hatred. I know Kanye had some bas tracks before, but stealing verses from another rapper is just downright lazy.
"Niggas be lovin' the old Ye/They sayin' the new Ye, the nigga be spazzin'"
Well, duh. You haven't been your best since Graduation. Plus you're rapping fast to fill lines. That's annoying.
--"And wash my sins, in the blood of Jesus?/People sayin', 'Ye, We need another Yeezus?!"
Well...I'd rather die than even spend life under the religion of the one we have now. Kanye believes himself as the music equivalent of Jesus Christ. That's egotisim as its most finest (and silliest)--says the blogging equivalent of Dr. Mehmet Oz.
--"God sent me a message, said I'm too aggressive?/Really? Me?? Too aggressive?!?"
Yes, He did. He says "you're too aggressive." He also says to stop pretending to be like Jesus. You are not like Jesus. It is not right, and you know you are going to hell when you die.

And another thing: Fuck. Me. I hate it when rappers rap their rhymes like they're questions. They ask like they need someone to answer, believing they have no one to answer to. They're no better than us. They're annoying and frustrating to me. I'm so glad I'm not rich with no common sense.
(crying in a corner...)

Let's just skip to Ross' verse...because it starts with Sean's fricking first verse again!
-“Keys to my success, I get new keys and new address”
Yep, just like every other rapper, Ross briefly mentions that because of the fame as a rapper, he no longer lives life in middle class; he now lives in mansions, goes everywhere around the world, and drives fancy, expensive cars and has any woman he wants at his feet (sometimes literally)
--”Bitches that I date don’t get degrees, but they can dress.”
I was gonna just joke that any woman really wouldn’t date him outside of his money and to see if his dick is as big as his stomach, but I’ll say this: At least he has the decency to take them out first and actually let them wear anything other than underwear before he begins the hanky panky.
--"Fellatio's amazing/ Make grilled cheese for you, the best"
Sure, nothing in a rap song gets better than congratulating a girl on how well she sucks your dick, Rick. Why not have another verse be about how well she tosses your salad? And what the hell does "grilled cheese" mean? That's gotta be a sex term. Or Rick was thinking about food, I dunno.
--”Major cult figure, I’m the fresh David Koresh”
At first, I thought that Ross mentions that because of the many fans he has, he became a cult favorite in the rap industry; but then, I thought it didn’t make sense because he’s just as mainstream as Jay-Z, Kanye, Snoop and some others. And I didn’t know who David Koresh was. Then I learned from RapGenius that Koresh was a religious cult leader who notably killed 73 of his members and himself at the end of a fiery 51-day standoff with the FBI.
Well, be careful, folks. Before you know it, he takes you all on a vacation and gives you poisoned Nuvo. (Yes, a reference to another homicidal cult leader.)
--"All I wanted was $100 million and a bad bitch."
Not that crap, again.
--"Now I want $200 (million) and (Minaj; just kidding) menage in my palace."
Get in line, Ross. Every rapper wants the same thing. Except Lil Wayne; he also wants is unlimited Robitussin, a couple AKs, a few Semis and a war cellar; then, he's all set.


I'm not a fan of both songs, but I like Sanctified better. The beat is slow, but I like it. It's something to groove to once in a while. Move That Doh--pe has this boring, yet creepy beat that I'll try to stay away from, but just won't leave my mind, which makes it creepier. Yes, Sanctified has the encouragement of adultery and sucking Rick Ross' disco stick, but I'd rather have the song that takes the risk of the woman's husband beating the crap out of me, than the one with the side effects of pot killing me in the inside.

And there they are: Two songs I didn't have to review but I did, because-well-I really want to. I really don't like one song. At all.

Well, thank you all for joining me on this edition of Short/Long Music Review. Until next time, bye.

Parent Kicks Their Own Kid Down Skate Ramp

Real quickly--This is sad. And disgusting.

This is the best vid I could find on YT. The others are just crappy stills lasting 30 or more seconds. Ignore the voices of the hosts of Fox and Friends as it plays. Just click mute.

This "parent" Marcus Crossland kicks his 6-year-old Dino son down a skate ramp. This is grade B child abuse. I don't care if it's tough love or if this teaches his child what pain from falling 20 feet feels like. Yes, my parents smacked me around when I was a kid, but that was because I've done some stupid things. Fortunately I never owned skateboard and Philadelphia never had a skate park that I knew of. And my parents would never have the gall to kick me off a skate ramp. They'd rather save their energy for an ass-whooping.

Donald Sterling: Old White Man Makes Raci--Ignorant Remarks

Hey, guys. Well, let's be Glad that anything we said these past few days could not be any more stranger than what this guy said (well, except Cliven Bundy).

Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling is in hot water this week. Last week, a phone call went public involving Sterling and his really younger girlfriend V. Stiviano, in which he tells her he doesn't want African Americans to appears in the stands at Clippers games and doesn't her to associate herself with African Americans in general. It all gets sadder and stranger (and funnier) from here.

This all came after he sees a photo of Stiviano on Instagram with basketball legend Magic Johnson. Things get even more stranger when he mentions "removing" something, Stiv mentions she's mixed race, and that many blacks follow her on Instagram.

Here's the phone call here:


Talking to the enemy, my ass.
As much as I want to say "Oh man, he's a racist! He should be fired! The Clippers (and black people) deserve better than that!", I will say this. We're living in the United States. There are still people who are racist and say racist things, whether they mean it or not, and whether we like or not. We'll have to get used to used it. And even if that wasn't Sterling taking in the voicemail message (as he so claims it), he should've remembered something. His call would've been tapped or taped by anyone and that message will be sent online for millions to hear and be shocked by. When you're rich and famous, most things can never be private, no matter how hard you try to keep it that way. You'll either reveal something to your friends, family, and/or even the world yourself, or someone will find out about it and want to reveal it themselves with you looking blue in the face. That's something you (and in this case, Sterling) should remember.

And this stuck out to me:

If they were talking about a white man or white people in general, they would've had a completely different conversation. She should be applauded for standing up to him and his bull. To call him out like that was fantastic. She should win the internet for this. She already won me over.

Anyway, he should've just kept those thoughts to himself, because since he kept talking about it, things get even deeper and even more stupid. Remember the term "Ignorance is bliss"? Well, it fits here. Like a glove. If he doesn't want to work with black guys, he shouldn't have to work with black guys. He could've just sold the Clippers to another billionaire and not have to live life around Black people any more than he has to. And he doesn't have to say ignorant shit like that anymore, even in a private place.
But hey, money talks, don't it?

Also what he said about giving the players houses, food, cars--ect. They're playing the game. They don't get the money they earn from you most of the time. They get it from endorsement deals and sponsorships. Plus, they buy their own houses, cars, food and crap. You didn't. You only own the franchise, not the players.
And I'm sorry, but what he said about "Removing your race" was so really stupid, it's hilarious. There's no way you can "remove your race". Trust me, I've tried (JK). It's like saying "I want you to remove water from dirt", or "I must take the lighter fluid from this fire" or "I want to stop being your twin". That just can't happen. His words really put his true ignorance and stupidity out into the forefront.

Although, I will also keep an open mind. This isn't the worst bout of racism I've ever heard. There are people who have said worse things than him, whether documented or said under their breaths. It's even worse than him now and can be in the future, and it's more painful to bear. (Again, see Cliven Bundy.)

As for the Clippers, though--oh, they're in the playoffs this year. Well, I was gonna make a joke about this news not saving the fact that they still suck, but I won't anymore. Never mind. And the team did a great job staging a protest against their owner by throwing their jumper jackets on the court floor and wearing their jerseys inside out during the game against the Golden State Warriors. That took guts and bravery, and I applaud them for it.
Later...

Maroon May returns!!

Hey everyone. Remember Maroon May last year? No? Good. It was more or less terrible. But since this blog has been more or less successful straight after, I've decided to try again and do much better with the Maroon May segment and concept.

2 stories on Monday
1 story on Tuesday and Friday
and an occasional fifth on Wednesday, Thursday, or Saturday.

Of course my always popular segments Short/Long Music Review and 1 Season Review will be a part so I will do something special. There will be 3 more SLMRs for the month and and TWO special 1SW will be revealed, on top of the one I already have planned. That will be released as a preview on May 1.

SLMR will be renamed Long/Short Music Review. The posts will be Longer and the songs are 1 song shorter.

So...I have a lot to work on for 1 single month. There isn't a lot of hype here, but I must live up to it.
I'm so glad to continue this and I hope you guys enjoy it too. See ya May 5.

New York Police's Epic #Hashtag Fail

Hey everyone. Need a laugh today? Dislike and/or distrust police? Check this out.

The New York Police Department is pretty well known around the country, yet because of this story, they've now become well-known around the world, for the wrong reason.

See, they have a presence on social media, and have noticed that many New Yorkers and tourists have taken pictures with officers and decided to take this to their advantage, by creating a hashtag and campaign by asking denizens of New York and tourists to send pictures of themselves with police officers (you know, should-to-shoulder, smiling, enjoying not being tasered or pistol-whipped) and tweet them with this hashtag: "#myNYPD".

Do you have a photo w/ a member of the NYPD? Tweet us & tag it #myNYPD. It may be featured on our Facebook. pic.twitter.com/mE2c3oSmm6

— NYPD NEWS (@NYPDnews) April 22, 2014

This happened the other night. This would seem to work, right? WRONG.

Apparently, people took this some other way by posting pictures of random people being beaten and arrested by police officers and use the hashtag alongside them! Some of them aren't even the NYPD! They're just random police officers from somewhere in the world! Because of this, #myNYPD has become the #1 trending topic in the WORLD! Mind you, this happened LAST. NIGHT. Here are some example straight from Twitter:

Need a lift? The #NYPD's got you! Free Delivery, Only at #myNYPD pic.twitter.com/AStS3ZjoZu

— Occupy Wall Street (@OccupyWallStNYC) April 22, 2014

The #NYPD will also help you de-tangle your hair. #myNYPD pic.twitter.com/nrngQ1bOWv

— Cocky McSwagsalot (@MoreAndAgain) April 22, 2014

#myNYPD cares about noise control, so they'll shoot a homeless man's dog while he's having a seizure #NYPD pic.twitter.com/0N7KQqFhzX

— Dana Michelle A (@sagesurge) April 23, 2014

Free Massages from the #NYPD. What does YOUR Police Department offer? Tweet at #MyNYPD pic.twitter.com/IFWr8exuqH

— Occupy Wall Street (@OccupyWallStNYC) April 22, 2014

#myNYPD feature this on Facebook, swine! @NYPDnews pic.twitter.com/kvJSkiL7a8

— [OAKLAND]ASM (@OLAASM) April 22, 2014

You might not have known this, but the NYPD can help you with that kink in your neck. #myNYPD pic.twitter.com/NTfCZstunT

— Bardock Obama (@TheBardockObama) April 23, 2014

#myNYPD Keeping us safe from 'bad dogs' pic.twitter.com/DONJjfyPZc

— Illuminated Slave (@LuminatedSlave) April 23, 2014

I could put so many here; they're just too rich.

I'm sorry, but I just find this hilarious. How some random people take pictures of busts and arrests by police officers and embarrass the NYPD in the same breadth just makes me laugh hard. As sad as the pictures are in context, the tweets, along with the situation, make them worthy of Conan or Arsenio or @midnight or The Daily Show or anything else on Comedy Central. Although the NYPD will not stop with the SoMed presence, they need to rethink the "show us how much you love us on social media" thing. This is a huge black eye for them, and a huge belly laugh for us.

I'll end this one with this: The people who made these tweets with the pictures and the humor and side-splitting and the [stammer] (Jerry Lewis joke)--well, they won the Internet yesterday.

Powdered Alcohol: Convenient or Convenient?

For those wanting to know what the title means, I was watching this report on Today yesterday and I saw this about powdered alcohol, the appeal, how it costs and if it's worth drinking. Some people say it's convenient to have alcohol right upon your reach to make and drink, while others say it's convenient (in a bad way) because children can notice a packet like those quick juice packets you get from the dollar store, make one and drink one; very unhealthy, but very easy to get.

I definitely agree with the people who say the latter. Not only will children grab those packets for no reason other than to find the answer to "Ooh, what's that?", and drink it; I think it's not healthy to drink for adults, either. Who knows what kinds of ingredients in mixed inside? That could cause internal injuries or bleeding or cheap high everyone's going for these days. I wouldn't drink this even if it'll save my life, unless I read the the Nutrition Facts first.

The company Pal-cohol, the maker of the puffy drink mixes, cleared a hurdle getting them past the federal agency that got it approved for sale. But it later changed its mind. Creator Mark Phillips says he's optimistic that these powders will be sold soon. He says that "The label issue doesn't mean that Pal-cohol isn't approved, but that the labels aren't approved".

On it's website, its makers say they're experimenting with adding it to food, but they don't know its potential. I kinda do; it means don't drink it with food! Either drink before or after! Obviously!
It also warns "not to snort the powder", as it's not a smart or responsible way to use the product". I've never heard of that happening (yet), but it was smart for them to say this, as there are some really stupid people who have found random everyday household items and use them for a cheap high (see: Hairspray, Whip-its, whipped cream cans, nail polish, bath salts, cat piss, Raid [the bug killing spray], ect.) so there's no telling when someone will take a Pal-cohol, start huffing, and make a video of it to send to YouTube.

I don't drink, but I do think Palcohol is going to be a thing of the past very soon. So this post may be the last you'll hear of it. Well, until something of an alcohol candy bar or mint or vitamin might come in the future. We're in for a sad future.

Portland Water Supply Flushed because Some DunbAsshole PISSED In It

Hey, again, everyone. If you want more American male stupidity and shame from his fellow man (and woman), keep on reading!
Last week in Portland, a guy walks by the city reservoir with some friends, then stops and looks around. He then decides to do the unthinkable: unzip his pants and begins begins to whiz. That's right. This dude urinated in the entire city water supply. Uhh, gross. One of the friends climbs the gate and reaches the water; he doesn't do anything.

Here's video of the whole thing.

I don't blame you if you don't see the actual moment when the dude starts pissing. It's very bleak.

Everyone already knows this, but I'm saying this straight up: this is stupid, disgusting, asinine and a complete waste of water. There are people in this city that truly need the water for everything: drinking, cooking, washing up, washing hands, and yes, going to the toilet. Now this dipshit ruins it for everyone. No one (at that time, anyway) will use fresh, clean water for their important needs. All because this guy wants to empty his bladder in a reservoir, of all places. He and the fake kidnapping guys should be on World's Dumbest just because.

They should lock this dickface up for for 3 years for ruining an entire city's worth of water supply. If this would happen in Philly (and that's a BIG if), the idiot who did it would be arrested the minute he pulls his zipper up. I'm honestly so glad the water supply has been flushed; I'd be damned if I ever let water with some guy's semen mixed in go through my system. I'm also glad the city of Portland has a lot of water left over. Who knew its usual rainy weather conditions would come into good use someday?

Men Kidknapped Child; Later Revealed to be HOAX

Hey, everyone. We all have something that sickens us. Some places in the Internet sicken me; including Porn websites, pop-up ads, ugly, messed-up sites, memes featuring body parts, ads featuring disgusting body parts, NetZero and prank videos that hurt people and ruin lives.
This is a reason the Internet sickens me.
Prank videos involving people hurting themselves, other people, or doing things to look as if they're pretending to hurt themselves or other people, and ruin others' lives. Something like the latter occurred last week when a video of a kidnapping hit YouTube and every female parent was outraged.

The vid took place at this park in Washington state. A guy runs up to the playground, kidnaps a young boy, and runs to his truck, where his cohort drives them and another dude away and to someplace and do God-fears-what.
Here's the twist: the 'napping was a prank, everything was videotaped, and the child was a relative. Yep, the boy is related to the idiots who made the video. They told police about what they were planning to do as clearance to make it happen, but word never got to everyone at the park. As soon as they went back to the park to take the child back to the swings and slides, angry parents were waiting and berated them for the stupid task. They said it was all fake and for awareness on child kidnapping, but they still were angry.

I didn't have the real thing, but here is an ABC News report that aired on Good Morning America:


The two knuckleheads (or lack of dirtier term), cousins Jason and Jesse Holden, taped the video. They claim that this is a "Public service" for child kidnapping, even though a disclaimer never appeared during the duration of the video. I don't buy it. I've seen many PSAs during my childhood, and, as cheesy as they are, I know what they are and what they teach me and other kids from the second they start. This looks cheap, cruddy, and not a generally-noticeable PSA.

I don't know who would find these pranks (especially this one) to be funny, but those who do are sad people indeed. I admit, I do laugh at some things I shouldn't, but this I will never laugh at. This crossed so many lines that even a real kidnapping wouldn't cross, And I think the guys responsible for it should get arrested and sent to jail. I don't care if they have a popular YouTube channel with hundreds of subscribers who expect a new video every week or month of them making other foolish videos of them hurting themselves of other people. This is stupid, and they know it, regardless.

The chief of police in Washington state says that "There's no law against stupid". Oh, if only. If there really was a crime, nearly half the nation would've gone to jail years ago.

Crazy Kid Stabs Fellow Students in Pittsburgh area School

Not to be humorous, but it's always the quiet ones that end up crazy.

Last Tuesday, in the Pittsburgh suburbs, a male Sophomore student at Franklin Regional High School in Murrysville, Pa., went on a violent rampage, stabbing 20 students in classrooms and in the school hallway. At least eight were hospitalized with serious injuries, many with deep puncture wounds to the abdomen, hospital officials said. Doctors said a 17-year-old male student was in critical condition after being stabbed in his liver, diaphragm and major blood vessels; thankfully, the blade missed his heart and aorta during the attack. The school's officials said a fire alarm triggered the incident, with students and faculty fleeing the school, and the almost-killer going for the attack. Murrysville Police Chief Thomas Seefeld said the suspect, 16-year-old Alex Hribal, who is in custody, was being treated for injuries to his hand. The 16-year-old sophomore was tackled by Assistant Principal Sam King and handcuffed by a security guard.

Hribal was taken into custody and treated for a minor hand wound, then was brought into court in shackles and a hospital gown and charged with four counts of attempted homicide and 21 counts of aggravated assault. He was jailed without bail, and authorities said he would be prosecuted as an adult. At the brief hearing, District Attorney John Peck said that after he was seized, Hribal made comments suggesting he wanted to die.

You know things like this are really sad, especially when you get into the details. No one knows why this young man committed this crime, and how the weapon got past school security. But this, nonetheless, baffles me.

You know, I was once also a quiet and shy kid in high school. I did have friends, but it was kind of a surprise that I had any. I was even in the school yearbook superlatives as..."Most Shy".

Yes, that was a thing. Ant the haircut? That happened. (Sigh)

I don't know if they had that sort of thing for years or felt so sorry for me, that they put me somewhere in the book. Oh, and that girl standing next to me? Didn't need to be there anyway, but thank God I wasn't the only one, I would've been embarrassed until I turn 50.

Anyway, I feel shocked that a kid like me and him could snap so hard and do something so shocking to people he doesn't know. Even if they were bullies to him, it's still no excuse to take even a pea shooter to school and shoot some people with it. As much as I want to somehow hate the dude for pulling such a crime, I can't help but feel sorry for him. He went to high school probably have a safe time, making friends, being on good terms with teachers, and hoping to make this some of the best years of his young life. I was just like him. High School life isn't perfect all the time, so we can't expect a good time every day, and expect the worst all the time.

Thank God no one was killed. I feared this would turn into an American version of the incident in Oslo, Norway in 2011 or another Sandy Hook or Dark Knight Rises shooting. Fortunately (and miraculously), it didn't. I wish the victims and their families a safe and peaceful life ahead, the dude the best in the jail he'll be staying in for a few years, if not decades.

1 Season Wonder - Marvin Marvin

Welcome to 1 Season Wonder, a segment of Maroon Mondays. Here's how it goes.
I scour across the Internet and find TV shows with only 1 season, watch them, see if I enjoyed them, talk about them here and put them in a list of 1-Season Wonders. It sounds easy as it looks, right? No, you actually have to find these shows, watch through them hoping they're not as painful as they were the first time, and debate with yourself to see if it makes the list. If that sounds challenging and you want it that way, then let's do it.

This time around, It's Aliens in America--no, I'll work on that some other time--but this show does have an alien, and does take place in America, but this is-no, was-for the kids. So we couldn't expect anal probing, mind reading, alien-vomit-spewing or the occasional learning of American culture--at least until after the first episode. This show is basically My Favorite Martian for the wrong demo (and decade). Oh and Fred Figglehorn's in it. It's Marvin Marvin.

It's kinda...Meh? Seriously though, it's basically your run-of-the-mill kids' show: a mix of odd characters: The Weirdo, the Smartass, the Idiot, the other Idiot, the Bumbling-as-F*ck Dad, and the Older and therefore Better Than You Mom. It happens with every other Disney Channel, Nickelodeon and maybe Cartoon Network show since That's So Raven. These generic elements (along with a laugh track) really annoy me among other things (including the fact that all DC sitcoms kinda look the same to me now), but I get used to that.

I pretty much have a love/hate relationship with Nick shows that aren't created by Dan Schneider. The "love" part because they don't have the Schneider Sch-pecialty: pretty much making humor from anything: cranky, kooky old people; greedy, annoying, snot-nosed kids; people with "special" problems; mentally retarded people; pudding; ointments--anything. That annoys the hell out of me. And the "hate" part is they all kinda suck in a sense. This show is one of them. It's not terrible, but it's not really good either.

Marvin Marvin is about an alien named--well, Marvin--who comes from the planet Klooton, sent to Earth by his parents during an invasion from the evil Klerg, a rival race in some battle with the Klootons. After successfully landing on Earth, Marvin gets scared and moves to some Auntie and Uncles in Bel-A--just kidding. He meets a family from

I do enjoy this show. It's not horrible (but not great too), and it would've been nice to see at least another season. I'd kill through good time for that. If I can get through two seasons of iCarly and Victorious, then I guess I might get through one season of this. Unforturnately, I'm wrong at times.

I can't find episodes for this show, because Nick removed all traces of this show since its cancellation (or people find it so repulsive, they destroyed all traces of it because it's that bad. So I don't blame anyone either way.)

And there it is, Marvin Marvin, the fourth addition of the 1 Season Wonder segment, added to the list of 1 Season Wonders and will forever be known as the second straight series Lucas Cruikshank starred in for Nickelodeon...that is short-lived.

Tune in next time, when I review a spin-off of one of the most iconic (and sexiest) shows of the 70s. In fact, I enjoy the spin-off better than the main show itself. And then there's the theme song...WOW.
I'll see you next time, but until then, keep your television shows close and the pieces of crap closer.

POST #100: Mets Star Misses Opening Day for Baby's Birth; Radio Hosts & Fans Pissed

Man, people can be absolute callous dipshits.

Example: New York Mets second baseman Daniel Murphy took a leave from the team to go to the hospital to help his wife Victoria Ahem give birth to their first child. When news broke out, New York sports talk hosts got angry about it, and took to their mics to voice their utmost displeasure.

Here's how WFAN host Mike Francesca discussed the "controversy":

Hire a nurse, my ass, Mike.

And CBS Sports Network hosts Boomer Esiason and Craig Carton had this to say:

I don't know who Skinhead was before, but I hate him now. And really, Boomer? Make your wife get a C-section? Screw you! I know in my relationships, the women always had the upper hand. So I never make the female do anything this painful and absurd.

I may hear them say these words in ears, but this is what I hear in my mind:
Boo-hoo!! Daniel Murphy's left the Mets to fend for themselves while he goes to the hospital to give birth to his and his wife's baby!! And now they're gonna lose and we're so saaaaadd!! Our second-best player is gone!!

The person who wrote the article at a website called SportingNews.com put it best:

While opening day is held in high regard among baseball aficionados, it really is nothing more than the first of 162 games.

I mean Seriously? You do know your favorite team loses a game, too, right?

I have a question for the talk show hosts and their listeners/fans:
If you were a part of the Mets or any other MLB team (and any other sports team, for that matter), with you believing that this job is so important to you, nothing will stand in your way; and your wife is about to give birth on Opening Day, would you leave to help give birth?

If you said "yes", you're a fucking hypocrite. Not only are you stupid to say that this man should have put his team first rather than his family, you're a hypocrite for saying that because you yourself are doing that. I know that you all have kids and a radio show at the same time; so by the same logic, implying that if your wife would give birth while you're doing the job that you believe is so important to you, you'd probably stay at that job. Because Sports stars need to stay doing their jobs, while many things come their way: a birth, death in the family, tornado, fire, murder, whatever.

If you said "no", you're the saddest motherfucker in this country. How could you miss one of the most important days of your life, stranding by your wife's side giving birth to your baby, while you're out doing stupid shit God-knows-where? I'm not saying anyone should force you to go through this. I'm saying going to MLB Opening Day with the rest of your team or your friends, while your wife is giving birth, is really the dumbest thing you'll ever do in a marriage. And when it all ends, she'll be pissed, you'll sleep on the couch, if not the park, she'll talk about it to all her friends and label you a pathetic husband, and then you two get a divorce. It might happen, I don't know.

Sports stars also have families, too, you know. Their jobs are important for the most part, yes; but so are their families. Just because you want to give birth on the day that happens, and then go straight to work the next day, doesn't mean he should. You all can't force him to do what you think he should do. You are not him.

The thing is, the radio hosts and the fans were stupid to openly discuss this in the first place. And I should be stupid to waste my time with this subject in the first place. And I'm a baseball fan; Thank God I'm not a true fan.

POST #101: Sam & Cat-roversy

You don't see this happen every day. Or maybe you do.
Nickelodeon's hit series Sam & Cat is probably in disarray and its star Jennette McCurdy is on full damage control...because of this.

and this
aaaand this.

Mmm-mm-mmm.

These pictures of her were leaked last week. Jennette claims that an ex-boyfriend, Detroit Pistons star Andre Drummond, leaked them after hearing her mock him on a local podcast for being a bad kisser. (If that's true, this guy's a disgusting jerk, and probably deserves the wrath of Jennette's fans.) Because of these pics, the show has been put on hiatus with McCurdy being in a painful and public battle with Nickelodeon, the network that made her a star. The crux of this came when Jen didn't show up at last weekend’s Kids' Choice Awards. Some sources say that she was pissed when she and co-star Ariana Grande were nominated for the same award in the same category: Favorite TV Actress. Ariana won.
I honestly think she didn't attend because she didn't want to face questions about the leaked images. Some have said that these pics would ruin her career, but I think these will help her for the better. The pics being shown all around the world more than a typical episode of Sam & Cat will probably make her more well-known like Ariana's song music career has helped her.

You know, I heard everyone say stuff like what I'm gonna say for a long while, but Jennette McCurdy is NOT a little girl anymore. She was still barely a girl when iCarly was in its last two seasons. Any female on a kids' show or teens' show isn't and won't be a little girl for a long time. You can pretty much expect one to make sexy pictures either when the show is in its final season or when it ends. She may be playing a character on a television series, but even the youngest of fans know that Jennette is not playing a teenager on this show. She's almost a grown adult here.

Same with Ariana. In fact, she already has a successful career as an R&B artist. She’s gonna show off some skin in a music video sometime or another. And the prototype cover of her debut album looked like this.

It could've been sleepwear, but still...

There's also no way you'd think a near grown adult would still be referred to as a little girl just because she plays one (with the grating voice, brain capacity and attention span of an 8-year-old) on a kids’ show. Hell, even Lisa Simpson acts more grown than usual too, and not just because her voice actress Yeardley Smith is pushing 50. Ariana will get through this the same way Jennette will.


It's hilarious that some people still act shocked that a girl from a kids’ show is acting risque now that she’s an adult. It's happened to Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus, Hilary Duff, Raven-Symone (she's a lesbian now!), Vanessa Hudgens, Britney Spears, and some others. And it could soon happen to other girls like Zendaya, G. Hannelius, Cymphonique, Keke Palmer, the girl from The Thundermans, the other girl from The Thundermans (sorry for the cheap joke, if you think it was one.), Laura Marano, Raini Rodriguez, Olivia Holt, China McClain, Sierra McCormick, Brigit Mendler; you get the idea. I bet you, any of the girls mentioned here, and many others that make a kids' show, might, in the next few years, do exact same thing; and the pic either they show themselves or get leaked, will either make or break their careers. And if they don’t do this, then thank God. They really don’t need to.

As for Sam & Cat, this is a real shocker. This show is a huge (sorta) hit for Nickelodeon. Every other kid watches it and likes these characters (well, except me; I find them irritating). The fact this show didn't get second season earlier instead of having this 40-fucking-episode 1st season shocks me. And understandable too; because of this, the cast and crew have been suffering a lot from the pain of working 40 straight tapings of these episodes. In fact, I think this is a blessing for them. This taping schedule is so damn absurd. I also enjoy the show for its other characters Dice (he’s not creepy or annoying), Nona (not a kooky, cranky old bitch) and even Goomer (Meh. He’s fine...and stupid). I hope everything sorts out between Jennette and Nickelodeon and that the show comes back well. I don't care for a TV show for my personal gain or close-ness to it; I just hope she get through this--like the show’s theme song--Just fine.

Enjoy your weekend, everyone!

An Editorial from Grandpop

Hi everyone.

Today I make a rare decision, and release a post with content from an outsider: my grandfather Andre Pollard II.
He wants to release this editorial to everyone to share his disgust in a certain subject in this country: Youth in America today. On his behalf, I hope you enjoy his op-ed and learn that from his point of view, that teenagers are shit to deal with. Enjoy.

Hello. My name is Andre Robert Duvall Pollard. I’m 67 years old, and I come the city of Philadelphia, PA. And today, I am making this message, with the help of my grandson, Andrew, to tell about my disgust about this new generation of people in this country.

1. Their Behavior- Oh, dear Lord. I’ve never seen a generation of whippersnappers (not a word I’d use to describe them) act so callous and rude. Every time I see one, it acts rude to its parents; talking back, saying curse words, making actual threats. It’s sickening. It makes me want to go over there and hit it over the head with my cane. They act like they’re grown-up, like an adult. I think they’re more like overgrown babies. And even babies have more common sense and tact than them.

2. Television- Back then, when television was good, there were actors that gave their all so we can enjoy quality television week after week and year after year, and there was only three channels, so there wasn’t any difficulty choosing which to watch. even then, there was a wonderful variety of programs has consistently gone down the toilet. Now we have shows that ruin our brains and turn braindead mindless electronic zombies. Programs like The Jersey Shore, SpongeBob SquarePants, The Walking Dead (it’s about zombies; why is it so popular?), Teen Mom, and Sam & Cat (the red-headed one’s an airhead; at least she’s smarter than my grandson, who got held back in the 3rd grade three times!! Lord knows, whatever’s in her brain is slightly cleaner than whatever’s in his) make this medium a barren vast wasteland. I guess Newton Minnow was right.


3. Music-They music they listen to is filth. All the things the “artists” or the thing I really should
music they listen to is filth. All the things the “artists” or whatever I should call them, talk
about are money, drugs, liquor, women, how they treat said women like objects, making them dance disgusting dance moves and calling people things like “niggas”, “bitches”, “hoes”, “broads” and “slut” among other things. Idiots like Lady Gaga, Lil Wayne, Miley Cyrus (ugh, someone needs to put her in a chemical bath), Katy Perry, LMFAO, and Pitbull (I don’t know if he named it himself, or if that’s a part of his given name. And what’s with his mouth?!) Fill the radio with disgusting. Back then even the dirtiest songs has class, cleanliness, and most importantly, TALENT! Because you don’t have any, and you all should be lucky to have careers, and the money to survive until the 20th anniversary of your deaths, it makes me angry that you all brag about it all while we are suffering to eat soup and crackers at the senior center on Tomato Tuesday!

4. Dancing-the dancing today is putrid and vile. All the females shaking the rear end, wishing for a man to be behind them to make their days go better. Then they hope to be lucky to get lucky. Dancing wasn’t so gross back in the day. The moves may look hard, but were easier than the kids who performs such moves.

5. Clothing- Every time I go out, I see kids and teenagers dressed, they wear these tight, uncomfortable, and expensive clothes like they just left Detroit. Where they get them them, and why they wear them to believe they’ll impress other people will always somehow cross my mind like the names appear across the clothes. And don’t get me started of the heavyset females! They’re the worst. You all think you’re sexy, but I’ve got news for you: No matter what people like Mo’Nique tell you: Loving yourself won’t escape the fact that you’re morbidly fat and wearing clothes that only teenage girls wear. Do yourselves a favor, and wear clothes that can actually

6. And bedding a woman for the “halibut” (not a typo) is so disgusting. There are tricks and trades and whatnot. Back then, if your parent give you the talk first, we’d wait until we’re married to have sex and we knew that children would be a consequence if we didn’t want any. We’re not stupid.

Now before you begin to rant and criticize about my article, I get it. I get that we’ve done things similar to you all way back then. The dancing, the clothes, the attitude and behavior. We’ve done it before too. But the difference between us and you all is that what we did back then is more classy and innocent than what you all are doing today. No social media (whatever that means), no loud, bass-blasting music, no stupid, terrible television programs that run on sex, drugs and/or toilet humor than quality and talent; no anything made before 1991. Just innocence and cleanliness.
Now run and tell that, you disgusting pigs. That fact that we, the elderly (or “elderies” as that stupid redhead Cat would call them) are in a world run by mindless, crazy, ignorant, violence-driven, buttfaced nincompoops is a sad fact indeed. And I fear even more for the children of today and the future (including the wedlock love children of the slutty horny kids) to end up even worse.
God help us all.

Thank you all for reading and thank you to my grandpa Andre for the great read. And now I have an announcement to make: starting this month, this blog will no longer include opinions of random topics in the world of entertainment, national news and international, and just random thoughts in my head. Instead, I will talk of sex, the goings on in the world of soft-core pornography, bondage, the best deals in sex toys and vibrators, ninjas and why they're so cool and the occasional talk of the fantastic programming on Disney Channel. Recaps and live chats of such programming such as Austin & Ally, Dog with a Blog, Gravity Falls, Liv and Maddie, I Didn't Do It and Wander Over Yonder. I hope you all join me for the conversation in the months ahead.

Thank you and...
APRIL FOOLS.