Another year...another year of crap. But this year was special for one reason: Noise.
Let’s call 2016 The Year of Noise. No, not because of a huge resurgence of EDM songs after 2013. Because this year, mainstream pop music has been filled with random noises (sounds, voices, etc.) in the drops that some would like on impulse, and others would hate on irritability. A lot of songs have these noises--whether made by computers or by mouth--and ended up popular:
“Gold”
“Starving”
“Let Me Love You”
“All Time Low”
“Don’t Wanna Know” and
“In the Name of Love” (okay, I kinda like that one)
along with some others.
Just an odd group of songs that all had one goal: Make a sound and tie it into the song’s production, because people will remember it. And it worked. This year also had nothing much interesting to offer. New artists barely succeeded and dissipated, old veterans either had some good songs or some terrible hits, the latter of which is what we’re getting into today.
(By the way, this year, I’m adding Dishonorable Mentions. Yeah, I mentioned them last year, but they were more integrated into the list proper. This time, I’m really adding some in, separate from the list proper)
So here are my choices of Dishonorable Mentions:
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“One Dance” - Drake ft. Wizkid & Kyla
This song is alright. ...That’s it.
It’s not really great or anything.
It had a fun beat, and Drake has some okay lyrics, and that Kyla singer has a good line or two--literally, I guess (...meh). But they’re not memorable or sensible outside the chorus (And even that is pretty nonsensical). So you gotta dance with a drink in your hand. Please tell me how you think that equates to the human condition.
This would’ve been on the Hip-Hop/R&B list, since Dancehall is more associated with R&B; but since Billboard counts this as Pop, I might as well oblige. Hmmm...maybe I could.
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“Cheap Thrills” - Sia (original version)
Honestly, I don’t hate this one, but the simple writing is the worst aspect of it. Basically it boils down to...
“C’mon, turn the radio on!/It’s [day of the week]/Got my [pretty body part] done, got my [article of clothing] on/Let’s go clubbing” Just two Mad-Libs-like verses of the same concept: getting ready to go clubbing. You can try and say she's explaining that you don't need money to have fun, just make up fun things. then why are you going to a club (which requires money to enter)? This “cheap thrills” thing isn't elaborated upon here.
Honestly, if it wasn’t for Sean Paul in the remix to give it some more oomph, this song would’ve made the lower tier of the list.
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“Play That Song” - Train
So they went from “So gangsta/I’m so thug” to this??
Ripping off the melody of an iconic song from 1938 (or...that scene with Tom Hanks on the Big-ass piano) is bad enough, but layering over it with some stupid, corny love lines like
“Hey Mister DJ when you gonna spin it/
My baby's favorite record, she been waiting for a minute/
She invited all her friends, and I'm buying all the rounds/
And they're all dolled up/DJ please don't let me down” and
“Oh, wait till you see my baby moo-oo-oove/
Moo-oo-oove Moo-oo-oove”--which sounds like forcing people to play a song liked by a girl (or a cow) he likes just to desperately put the moo-oo-ooves on her--is just grating (and a little unsettling).
Add on it’s tedious production (even “Hey Soul Sister” had more energy) and Pat Monahan’s as-usual irritatingly high-pitched vocals and it’s another Train song to run for the hills from.
I do like the spin on the melody enough, and I’ve been perfectly serene with not listening to Train over the past few years to put it on the list (hell, I’ve forgotten about them until watching another reviewer’s worst list), so there’s that.
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And now, let’s get to the important stuff.
Here’s my picks for the Top 15 Worst Pop/Indie Songs of 2016.
15) “i hate u i love u” - gnash featuring olivia o’brien
Ahh, nothing screams heavy indecision of love like a boring rap song.
There is one thing that I like about this one: the female featured artist shares a name with Conan and the main character of SVU. Other than that, not much about this strikes my fancy. The production calls for distressingly mopey, the verses by Gnash call for foolishly childish, and the Oconia O’Brienson guest verse called for “Vanessa Carlson ripoff”. You know, the "Makin' my way downtown" lady? Yeah, she had a better first hit than these two goofs.
In this track, gnash is moping about how he sucks at relationships. His old girl wants the net levelled, but he won’t want that. So he goes to a new girl, but he’s still pining for.
Amadeus was less sadder and much less painful than this crap.
I get it: most relationships are hard to keep strong and taking to the next level can be treacherous. But this guy isn’t even fucking trying; He misses her and still wants to get back together, but doesn’t tell her he misses/loves her. He’s just playing mind games with the two girls until he gets what he wants and no one wins. Especially us for listening to this simpering crud.
With the maturity of a girl on her period over a bleak, boring piano production and a mercifully-short but annoyingly-sung chorus, this song takes relationship drama songs back several years and makes it all several kinds of sad.
And cheap.
And unbearable.
And pathetic.
And cheap.
And unbearable.
And pathetic.
Also…
“If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that shit/
I put this real out, but you wouldn't bite that shit/
I type a text but then I nevermind that shit/
I got these feelings but you never mind that shit”
...ending a stanza with “shit” is just fucking lazy. Please stop that shit.
--
14) “Hands to Myself” - Selena Gomez
Selena Gomez has never been an artist I truly loved. She did make some fun tracks I’ve really enjoyed, but never loved. With this one, I can’t even enjoy this.
In this track (in the music video), Selena Gomez is a stalker for a famous actor. And...it’s just laughable. Even more so are the lyrics:
“You’re metaphorical gin and juice”
I’m sure the lust for this guy can be perfectly relatable to an alcoholic drink that can help you forget such a lyrical turd in the first place, and potentially ruined Snoop Dogg’s classic. Thanks, 1 of the 5 writers.
“Won’t let one drop go to waste”
This is the girl that was once Alex Russo saying this. GROSS.
“All of the downs and the uppers/
Keep making love to each other”
Drugs...collaging? Imma call this one of the dumbest lines this year. If not decade.
And Selena trying to be sexy with breathy vocals in the verses doesn’t work (you know, as she does) and her stronger, but vulnerable vocals in the hooks really doesn’t work (you know, as she does). Selena looking sexy with that babyface and American Girl teeth
I can at least say I liked the production; the sparse synth, short percussion clicks; the rest not even close.
--
13) “This Is What You Came For” - Calvin Harris & Rihanna
I came for a good time. Not to hear “you” 100 times.
I’m going straight to it. Here four reasons why this is on the list:
- The obnoxious amount of times Rihanna spouts the word “you” throughout (hella processed to your discomfort)
- There are only two verses on the track, one of them featuring the title (and “youuuu”)
- Calvin Harris’ watered-down, generic, unimpressionable production (you know, as he does).
- Taylor Swift co-wrote this. (didn’t know that, huh?)
Yes, CO-wrote--as in more than one person was responsible for these 50 words being sung.
"We say more than we need" -Oh, you bet you did.
Apparently, it all makes sense now, seeing as Taylor probably wrote this in a vengeful state to Calvin for inspiring another albu--I mean breaking her heart. I can see it; Calvin at a club performing, and Taylor showing up just to get attention and pointing at him in anger without a word. (Maybe muttering “You” under breath over and over)
"We say more than we need" -Oh, you bet you did.
Apparently, it all makes sense now, seeing as Taylor probably wrote this in a vengeful state to Calvin for inspiring another albu--I mean breaking her heart. I can see it; Calvin at a club performing, and Taylor showing up just to get attention and pointing at him in anger without a word. (Maybe muttering “You” under breath over and over)
When I first heard it, I wasn't too sure what to think. I liked the beat, but I hated the writing, and was mixed on Rihanna. But as time gone on, I realized all of this was awful. The beat keeps it higher on the list, but it’s still here nonetheless.
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12) “Zillionaire” - Flo Rida
I only heard this one twice this year. Already it got on my last nerve in record time.
Awww...look who wants to be like Scooge McDuck.
So Flo Rida (already making another crappy song in general) takes a tried-true-and-tired track trope of trying a tryst with a girl because he’s rich. But look at this: he wants to take it up a notch by thinking about what could be had he become a zillionaire. You know...a fake word corresponding to another fake word for a larger amount of money higher than billion?
Anyway, another reason this song’s dumb as hell is because of Flo Rida singing the chorus. Whoever’s idea it was to have do his own chorus--let alone sing it, needs to be fired and blacklisted immediately. Flo cannot rap or write (or to make corny pun--flow); who the fuck thought he could using? (NO ONE!)
Oh, and a trumpet solo that really feels out of place, but does has more charm and personality than Flo Rida, so it does make it a bit better.
So, another bad Flo Rida song that somehow got popular because people have shit taste in music. How...Surprising.
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11) “No” - Meghan Trainor
I once thought she would get better. What the fuck was I thinking?
Yes, I once thought that, with this song, Meghan Trainor would get better in her music after the truly mediocre list of singles on Title. Then came this line...
“All my ladies, listen up/
If that boy ain’t givin’ up/
Lick your licks and swing your hips/
And all you gotta say is...”
After hearing that line over and over this year, it just pissed me off more and more that I began to finally realize why everyone else hates this track. She’s trying way too hard to be a headstrong woman with no priorities in the opposite sex, just wanting to have a good time and live the single life enough before settling down. And her refusal (saying “No” in place of everything else) makes her look like a bitch on that time of the month. There is declining a relationship for time for yourself or with the girls, and then there’s being a self-righteous asshole who brushes away people with heavy meanie-ness and ...and whatever.
I honestly thought this song was good the first time around, and that Meghan Trainor would become a better artist with it, but then she takes a giant crap on redemption by being an obnoxious, self-centered bitch with no regards for others. It’s not hot or cool.
And don’t worry; this isn’t the last you’ll hear of Trainor or me on her. We’ll get to that later on. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
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10) “7 Years” - Lukas Graham
Man, the Danish are are very strict and imposing. No wonder the kids started drinking at 11.
It’s usually okay to make songs about your humble beginnings and the rise to stardom in music...when tolerable and written right. This song is neither.
Lukas Graham (the guy, not the band or albums he named after himself in a fit of self-absorbency) sounds less humbling and more arrogant and braggy about his coming in Denmark. Sounds like he had this all planned to be a music star.
But first, he mentions the beautiful advice she received from his parents…
“Once I was seven years old, my momma told me/
Go make yourself some friends or you'll be lonely”
“Once I was eleven years old, my daddy told me/
go get yourself a wife or you’ll be lonely”
...and later bragged about his stories about himself got popular as if he cared.
That’s a bit too early to to be upfront on your child about life relationships, but hey what do I know? I’m not a parent, nor was mine upfront with me when I was young. Heh. heeehhh.
But what turns me off is Graham bragging he has about how his “humble” life before being a pop star. No one likes that. But he didn’t have a humble life; he starred in a franchise of films in Denmark when he was a lad, Krummerne. (Maybe the pratfalls of child stardom brought him into the life of getting lit.) So all of that is a lie right off the gate. And this song is just ridiculous because (at first I thought) no one would believe a song about a boy getting smashed and baked before hitting puberty with hard truth from mum and dad on the side, unless they witness it themselves. But hey, after the reality show era of TV, and trailer trash/ultra-conservative identity of Southern and Middle America, this could be closer from the truth.
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9) “Work”- Rihanna featuring Drake
The reason this song isn’t higher is because of the beat. Everything else just sucks ass (kinda like the pants of the guys dry-grinding the women in the video).
-Rihanna speaking either parts of words or outright gibberish repeatedly
-Her sounding like a honest slut in her
8) “Don’t Wanna Know” - Maroon 5 (or Adam Levine and His Increasingly Distant Session Singers that Used to Play Actual Music) featuring Kendrick Lamar (or How A Brilliant Rapper Somehow Made This Weak Guest Verse)
I...have nothing much to say here. Another Maroon 5 song that sounds nothing like Maroon 5. The tropical house sound isn't fooling anyone. Adam's vocals sounding hot isn't fooling anyone. And the fact that he doesn't care about who his ex is going out with after him REALLY isn't fooling anyone
Also, Kendrick Lamar is featured. And it's horrible.
Kendrick...you're better than this. I don't care if you like them or you're doing this for the money, you cannot be a brilliant rapper and then put out crap raps in pop songs. It's not humanly possible.
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7) “Just Like Fire” - P!nk
Ladies and Gentlemen...our favorite loud, in-your-face, headstrong lady rocker has returned. Let’s check out her weaksauce boring single from a crappy film sequel that we’ve waited a long time for--wait what?
When I heard P!nk released a new single, I was excited for hee. We haven't heard new music from her in years as she took time off for family (good for her). But after hearing it...my excited burned...like fire.
“I know that I'm running out of time
(I want it all, mmm, mmm)
And I'm wishing they'd stop tryna turn me off
(I want it all, mmm, mmm)
And I'm walking on a wire, trying to go higher
Feels like I'm surrounded by clowns and liars
Even when I get it all the way
(I want it all, mmm, mmm)”
Get it, she wants to run the world? Or some shit?
The beat is really dull--with weak guitar, soft hits of drums, handclaps, . This song calls for pop rock, but this is too slow for pop rock. (That is to be expected from Max Martin & Shellback.) Not too mention, there's a rap breakdown in the bridge, which is just stupid.
Pink has done things like this before, but this is laughable. And those older songs have actual humor in them.
There are a few things I like about the song, but even they don't sell well with me.
-The half of the chorus that goes
“No one can be just like me anyway”
-the second half of the bridge
-the progression in the hook that sadly slows down soon after.
That's it. This is the first P!nk song I've actively disliked, and I can easily forget it just before and when she comes back with better music. Take your time, P!nk. We'll wait for you.
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6) “Stressed Out” - twenty one pilots
This song...depressed me.
Before you guys pop a blood vessel and write some incomprehensible bullshit in the comments section, lemme remind you that this is just a list pick. BREATHE.
This song depressed me. I originally wanted to like this song from my first listen in February, but couldn't because of the concept of nostalgia, but after listening to it more and learning the lyrics, it bummed me out more than was intended--to help go back to your childhood with happiness and cheer, when parts of my childhood wasn’t so happy and cheerful.
Now, my childhood wasn’t all the way bad, but it was a mish-mash of it and good
I was smart as soon as I came out the womb as I began reading when I was two, but then television came along and became my obsession. Living with 9 siblings (less than that at one time or another) wasn’t great; I didn’t know how to become a big brother (sometimes I don’t try at all), I was looked down upon by my parents and siblings for the smallest things; I kept to myself OFTEN (sometimes to the TV, sometimes talking to myself); and when I try to talk to someone feels like walking in a landmine; I did have friends in school, but still ended up bullied (which happened towards the end of 4th grade) (hell, I got beat up once by one of my friends); I felt like I was either a friend or the enemy towards my family and vise versa (and sometimes, I’m not the friend); and my best friends away from my friends were TV, the internet and a book (they saw it as nonsense, I saw it as escapism). And if I didn’t have friends on the Internet, I’d feel a lot worse. Sometimes it felt it was my parents fault or that of whomever punished me because I didn’t think I did much wrong, but years later, I felt it was my fault. I felt my behavior and actions came from me not being a behaved kid; I was a teenager when I thought this. And after years of my of suppressed agony, I got myself to sign up for therapy. And, mind you, this song came around AFTER therapy.
Oh that’s right; the song. Why it’s here is because the haunting production gets unsettling with each listen, Tyler Joseph’s lyrics and vocals made me LOW-KEY IRRITATED at the things he brings up in his childhood:
“I wish”
-Oh you had a treehouse? Whoop-de-doo.
And this part could make me fucking cry.
“Wish we could turn back time/
To the good old daaaaays/
When our mama sang us to sleep, but now we’re stressed out”
-Oh yeah, your mama used to sung lullabies to you? Lucky bastards.
Hearing this brings back so much, that I can’t even enjoy even the good memories of back then. This song opened up more wounds than I thought I wanted during the many sessions I went through. And I’m sorry you guys have to sit through this and learn that your ol’ pal Andrew went through some shit in his early years but that’s what I get from this song. Which is unironic, because of the title. I get the point; this song is supposed to teach us that being an adult is tough at times, and the thoughts of the future can scares us witless; so we can only think back to our childhoods--when things were much simpler, we didn’t have to deal with the stress of work, bills, financial troubles, stress itself and other bad things that could befall our families; and we could just kick back, hang with friends, have fun and enjoy our favorite things. I wanted to like that technical aspect, but after reliving such mixed pain and joy in my life, I just can’t stand by this.
And before you tell me “Shut up! Be grateful for what you have. No one can have what they wish for in childhood. It’s not like you were living worse off”. First off, fuck you; you’re just indirectly defending the song. Second, I AM grateful for what I have and had back then, and my childhood was fine compared to other kids who don’t deserve what they have and can have my life if they could. But I still went through painful crap in my life that those items can’t cover up or remove from my existence entirely. Material possessions and money won’t make you happy long-term.
So this song is bad to me--from a personal standpoint more than a lyrical standpoint (although I still didn’t like that aspect that much either). If you don’t like this, that’s fine; I just can’t.
--
This next slot contains two singles from a truly reprehensible artist. No, he didn't treat women unfairly, or commit crimes that cops could easily arrest him for, or isn't a giant sleazebag. And yet that's still the problem.
5) “One Call Away” and “We Don’t Talk Anymore”
(ft. Selena Gomez) - Charlie Puth 
Not this time, old pal.
Oh, Charlie Puth. Just when we’ve finally recovered from “Marvin Gaye”, we now have to hear you whine off about a broken relationship and how you’re better than Superman. Gee we’re in for a good one!
Let’s start with “One Call Away”, where being a good friend can sound douchey and enraging.
Remember when I said this song was good--well, at least better than “Marvin Gaye”? Well, it’s true, but it’s still shity.
On paper, it sounds alright, if yet a little boring, or just perfect for a soundtrack of Austin & Ally. But if you look a little closer it sounds as if ol’ Charlie Browbeat wants to be less of a friend, and more of a douchebag lover who wants her for her vagina rather than her heart and trust. And that disgusts me. Just look at this shit!
“Call me, baby, if you need a friend/
I just wanna give you love”
{...}
“Come along with me and don't be scared/
I just wanna set you free”
{...}
“For now, we can stay here for a while, ay
'Cause you know, I just wanna see you smile"
“No matter where you go/You know you're not alone”
Euucch, what a creep.
Add his boring high-pitched vocals; the slow, sleepy piano melody and gospel influences; and the gross use of “Come on” padding the verses, and it sounds like the perfect low-key ballad either by or for Bill Cosby.
And now, the second of the duo--and collab with Selena Gomez--that made the man named Puth sound like Poop in 2016, “We Don’t Talk Anymore” which between the lines sounds like “We Don’t Sing Anymore”.
Great, now he’s whining about how his relationship ended and that he can’t move on from it.
“I just heard you found the one you've been looking,
You've been looking for/
I wish I would have known that wasn't me/
Cause even after all this time I still wonder,
Why I can't move on
Just the way you did so easily”
When you and your girl feel this relationship isn’t strong enough to continue, you end it and prepare for pastures new. You will feel a little hurt, but you’ll get over it as time moves on.
Short version: News flash, dude! That’s how ALL breakups work!
You’re sounding and acting like of a mopey pussy more than the girl who dumped you.
Jesus Alive, I moved on quicker when my dad died.
“Don't wanna know
What kind of dress you're wearing tonight,
If he's holding onto you so tight/
The way I did before.
I overdosed/
Should've known your love was a game,
Now I can't get you out of my brain/
Oh, it's such a shame.”
“Booo-Hooo! I can’t get a girl to like me! And despite my tries, she’s ruined me beyond all oblivion! And now I’m a wreck! Booo-Hooo!’ Oh God, man, get your head out of your cunt!
I’ve never hated him like I do now with this song, and it makes me want to punch him in his pasty, infant-like face. And speaking of speaking of ‘pasty, infant-like face with a cunt’, here's Selena’s verse.
“I just hope you're lying next to somebody
Who knows how to love you like me
There must be a good reason that you're gone/
Every now and then I think you
Might want me to come show up at your door
But I'm just too afraid that I'll be wrong
Who knows how to love you like me
There must be a good reason that you're gone/
Every now and then I think you
Might want me to come show up at your door
But I'm just too afraid that I'll be wrong
...
Don't wanna know
If you're looking into her eyes
If she's holding onto you so tight the way I did before[...]”
Don't wanna know
If you're looking into her eyes
If she's holding onto you so tight the way I did before[...]”
--So, wait. Didn't you break the relationship and wanted to move on? Because I can't tell; I'm hearing the same thing from both artists, telling me both of them can't take the--
Oh nevermind; Selena is the better of the two because her try-hard and uninteresting vocals sound more tolerable than Charlie Scruth’s back there. But even then, what grosses me out is that neither of them can't move on from this dumb relationship that never worked out. They're just so trivial about how great one of them spooned the other and how all of this sounds to me like a mother/daught--I mean, mother/son relationship than a romantic one. Just move on to the next relationship and your lives! It's as if rebounding isn't so painful now.
Layer all that shit with a weak, goopy production--with a tedious guitar piece that was recorded on an iPHONE [I don’t know how that could make me angry, but it does] and whatever happy ominous chanting that is in the ”bridge”, and you have what is the worst song not-Charlie Booth has ever made so far.
This and “One Call Away” are just trash.
Fuck him and fuck his disgusting discography.
--
4) “Gold” - Kiiara
Show of comments: who thought this white girl from Illinois could be capable of being a gangsta? None. Good (sadly). She can’t pull it off and her tries are laughable. Everything she’s saying sounds more metaphorical (even if it’s all fictional) than real. Even more so is her supposed love life. How she's sleeping with her lover’s brother, how he's not saved her from danger, all that shit? Maybe.
The production is too dark for this drek. The bass, synth and trap hi-hats don't fit with the writing despite it trying so hard to. And then there’s there's DRIP sound; what the fuck does that have to do with anything in the song, let alone the production? What--did someone bring in Jack Benny with a water cooler? It's distracting, annoying and has no purpose than to say “Hey! I'm a broken faucet drip! Listen to how gritty and gangsta I'm gonna make this song!”.
I believe the only reason this song got popular was because of the chorus. Sure, it’s kinda catchy, but I bet people actually tried to correctly mimic the reversed gibberish (and failing). But let’s honest: it's also the worst part. Makes no sense, serves little purpose than to prove GarageBand can reverse your voice, and makes this shit stupid.
Hell, this track sounds like a song Amy Schumer would using; whether as a parody on Inside or a regular serious song. ...although watching those new commercials she’s in by Old Navy, I could see it either way.
“I miss you
in my basement…(DRIP)”
*shiver*
Whoever this Kiiara woman is can go back to the threshold of obscurity from which quickly she came.
--
3) “Me Too” - Meghan Trainor
You want respect? Leave this planet. We’ll give some then.
Ladies and gentleman...your Grammy Award-winning Best New Artist of 2016…
(Thank God that award doesn’t matter anymore).
(Thank God that award doesn’t matter anymore).
I’ll tell you this: I can’t stand egotistical people. Sure, that’s their personality and they have a semblance of authenticity in them, but with this song, that genuine ego gets taken to disgustingly fake levels. And people telling me they're better than me than they really are always pisses me off. Trainor has always been an obnoxious, self-absorbed artist all throughout her career, but this song (and the other singles from Thank You so far) take it to a much higher level. Right off the jump, she talks about how good she looks, wears a dumb gold necklace and thanks the Lord she's as perfect as she believes. Because that's what we need: three minutes of self-ass-kissing and condescension to the peasants below.
This piece of crap has all the ingredients for a shit cake: the lyrics; the God-awful production--with what I could assume is an underlying bass-line, a cringe use of popping bubbles every 8 seconds, what sounds like Godzilla burping and the odd switch in music in pre-hook; and Trainor’s vocals--she tries way too hard to using well.
Wanna know something? This song was originally #2. Wanna know what that is?
--
2) “Work from Home” - Fifth Harmony ft. Ty Dolla $ign
I hope you enjoy your “working” on the gutter.
I hated this song from the moment I chose to listen to it; but because I didn't have much to say during my short opinion during SLMR in March, I'll say what I can here.
This track is about how a woman (presumably any member of Fifth Harmony) who wants to fuck her significant other, who's working very hard. But instead of working around his schedule or just waiting until, I don't know, vacation day, she conspires to get him pink-slipped so she'll give him a new position--personal pussy popper. Yeah, that's nice. Wait, no it isn't! This man loves loves his job, give him something to enjoy that isn't a body part for a change.
Ohh, and speaking of vacation:
“Gonna make it feel like a vacay/
Turn the bed into an ocean”
Yeeeeaaaah, that's just nasty.
Ladies, please seek medical help if this ever happens. This has been a public service announcement from Andrew “Won't Go to Bed Till I'm Legally Wed” Pollard.
Also, the lyrics don't suggest the woman is working also; just her moping that her beau wasn't hitting it every day. So what? Ruining his work life just to satisfy her sex life is a major cunt move and is a stupid idea for any person (whether in music or elsewhere in life).
I said that all members of the group have no personality or weight in their performances. I was wrong; only one of them do--Camila Cabello, who immediately turned me off as soon as she opened her mouth and after Ty Dolla $ign’s guest verse (which is sleazy, but still not the worst part). Her vocals are garbage and just her singing about sex creeps me out (she was 19 when this was recorded; GROSS.)
The light, poppy DJ Mustard-like beat annoyed the fack outta me, and set the already low bar to subterranean levels for what’s to come here. This song is the worst for this already horrible group, and I think I don't need to listen to them anymore...or maybe… I could.
Oh yeah, another thing…the best part of it all.
At the end of last year, a rep for Camila announced-to the shock of her bandmates that she --the worst member-- is leaving the group for a solo career. Goodbye Camila Cabello. May your untalented patootie find success on your own. It's worked before, and it can work here. I hope this will lead the other ladies (whom are much more talented) to continue on as a quartet with more critical success and more tolerance from me and other critic across the internet.
Good luck you're gonna need it.
---
And finally...the worst Pop/Indie song of 2016 is...as if there was any doubt….
1) “Treat You Better” - Shawn Mendes
I once thought he was good. What the fuck was I thinking?
We meet again, Nolan Gould ripoff.
If there’s anything I hate more than egotistical people bragging about how better than me they think they are, it’s egotistical people who believe they’re better in a relationship than others in the same gender (like me). And we have just that in this song. Shawn Mendes believes that he is better in being this girl’s boyfriend than a guy she’s currently with--who is probably a domestic abuser. The problem here is that we don’t have much to learn about the other guy or why Shawn wants to protect her. All we hear is what Shawn wants, what Shawn needs, what Shawn cares about. It’s all about Shawn. He doesn’t care about the girl -- her feelings, her well-being, her health. All he cares about some arm candy he wants to chew on every night.
And all of this is supposed to make Shawn look like the cute, daring superhero heartthrob we’re supposed to root for, cheer for and praise. But in actuality, it makes him look like an arrogant, self-absorbed, uncaring, woman eater asshole with no regard for morals or anyone else. Makes the other guy look like Jason Seaver in comparison.
Just look at this garbage and tell me this dude is supposed to be the good caring guy.
"I won't lie to you
I know he's just not right for you
And you can tell me if I'm off
But I see it on your face
When you say that he's the one that you want"
I know he's just not right for you
And you can tell me if I'm off
But I see it on your face
When you say that he's the one that you want"
BULL, meet SHIT.
You ARE lying. You don't know anything about her or her situation. You just want to break up her relationship like SpongeBob broke up Squidward's toenail--long, loud, painfully and unnecessarily. This is a major dick move; no good guy would force a woman into something she has no control over. Disgusting.
"Tell me why are we wasting time
On all your wasted crying
When you should be with me instead"
Maybe she's wasting her crying because she's in a horrible relationship and came to you for help to curb the pain or take her away from it. When all you're doing is not caring, waiting for the moment she finally dumps her man and leaves with you. I bet you're just fapping off to that thought, huh?
--That's the line that just pissed me off, proving what Shawn really is in this case; an asshole with no tact or care for anyone--let alone this one woman.
Oh and this line is just gross:
"BETTAH THAHN HE CAAHN!"
UGCH.
I never loved or liked Mendes but this song makes me outright hate him, and makes him much more punchable (yet, even more than Charlie Puth. Shocking, right?)
I feel bad for Shawn. He was a young artist who was talented enough on Vine (ugh). But thanks to him and co-writer/Pop music has-been Teddy Geiger, my thoughts are now down the toilet. And thus, "Treat You Better" is my pick for the Worst Pop/Indie song of 2016. And also the most disgusting and pathetic.
Well, that's my list. Any song you didn't like or any song on you disagreed with? Lemme know in the comments section below. (Just in a calm, rational, grammatically correct fashion.)
Thanks for checking in and I'll see you soon for a lot more to shoddily review and discuss right here. See you all again soon.
You ARE lying. You don't know anything about her or her situation. You just want to break up her relationship like SpongeBob broke up Squidward's toenail--long, loud, painfully and unnecessarily. This is a major dick move; no good guy would force a woman into something she has no control over. Disgusting.
"Tell me why are we wasting time
On all your wasted crying
When you should be with me instead"
Maybe she's wasting her crying because she's in a horrible relationship and came to you for help to curb the pain or take her away from it. When all you're doing is not caring, waiting for the moment she finally dumps her man and leaves with you. I bet you're just fapping off to that thought, huh?
--That's the line that just pissed me off, proving what Shawn really is in this case; an asshole with no tact or care for anyone--let alone this one woman.
Oh and this line is just gross:
"BETTAH THAHN HE CAAHN!"
UGCH.
I never loved or liked Mendes but this song makes me outright hate him, and makes him much more punchable (yet, even more than Charlie Puth. Shocking, right?)
I feel bad for Shawn. He was a young artist who was talented enough on Vine (ugh). But thanks to him and co-writer/Pop music has-been Teddy Geiger, my thoughts are now down the toilet. And thus, "Treat You Better" is my pick for the Worst Pop/Indie song of 2016. And also the most disgusting and pathetic.
Well, that's my list. Any song you didn't like or any song on you disagreed with? Lemme know in the comments section below. (Just in a calm, rational, grammatically correct fashion.)
Thanks for checking in and I'll see you soon for a lot more to shoddily review and discuss right here. See you all again soon.