Once again, the trend of Idiotic, shameless white people in the U.S. calling local law enforcement against black people minding their business unfortunately continues.
This time, the caucasian creep in question gets what she deserves.
Christian Cooper is a famous black Birdwatcher walking through NYC's Central Park one day doing what he does best. Our Karen, Amy Cooper (no relation, of course) is a white woman who also went to Central Park around the same time to walk her pet dog. When they crossed paths in one area, Christian asked Cooper to put a leash on her dog (the reason being this certain section of Central Park features birds of many breeds frequenting among the trees, and dogs or other animals will catch and harm them while unleashed). Cooper somehow took Christian's understandable advice as a threat, and decided to call police. But it's what she does during the video that ignited her downfall.
Roll film!
Disgusting.
This bitch talked like she was attacked and beaten when speaking on the phone, while at the same time, held the dog by the leash so hard and so aggressively, she's basically choking the life out of it. The canine moves and squirms all over the place as if it's begging their master to let go; it's abhorrent and disheartening to watch. The fact that this woman cared more about making a scene to get police sic'd on an innocent bystander (a black one at that) who only wanted to help her keep her canine in check (and therefore keep the birds safe), than keep her canine in check and safe -- and, you know, BREATHING, says so much about her than it would at all for the man whom was trying to do something good for someone else and then go about his day. And it says even more about a part of white people in the 2010s (and now 2020) that decide to try to terrorize and ruin the lives of black people just living their lives and not terrorizing the lives of others to begin with (whether they truly are criminals not is irrelevant) . Had they just minded their own business and left the African Americans alone, these stupid showings of "borderline" racism and supremacy would not happen and life in America would much more happy and free. But no, they do just that, and now that their faces and names are out in the other, they now represent a form of humiliation, embarrassment and karma in the age of social media and memes. And Amy Cooper is the latest and best example of this.
After the video went viral, Cooper lost the following:
- Her dog: the cute pooch was surrendered by Cooper to the rescue she adopted the canine from, . On Twitter, they announced that the dog is back in their care.
- Her job: She was fired from Franklin Templeton, a major investment firm. They announced her termination in a Twitter post.
- Her livelihood: I'm sure anytime she leaves her house soon, she won't be seen the same way.
All thanks to one major overreaction caught on video that she did not need to make and one phone call she didn't need to make.
Cooper later apologized fir her actions.
"I'm not a racist." -Yes, you are.
"I did not intend to harm this man." -Yes you did, you threatened to call the cops on him, in the hopes of him getting arrested, abused and or killed for the major transgressions of telling you what to do and inconveniencing you. Don't deny it and don't lie about it. It makes you look even worse. We know what you are now, Amy. And everything we've seen of you in that video is what you truly are: a dimwitted racist who can't handle being in the same environment as a black man, and want to see them taken down even though doing so will backfire on your dumb ass.
I don't care if what I say next makes some people mad (if it does, fuck you), but she deserves everything. She didn't need to call the cops on a black man -- and one whom wasn't threatening or imposing to her (again, all he asked of her was to leash her dog). She didn't need to act as if she was assaulted by the same man (I don't know him personally, but I presume Christian and most birdwatchers like him are not psychotic people) -- that made things worse. And she especially didn't need to hold her pet by the leash and yank them around - that could've killed or at least suffocated them. She should've gone to jail for animal cruelty. All this gets her what she deserves, and had she not have been like all other whites being pricks to black people based on preconceived stereotypes, she wouldn't be where she rightfully is today -- jobless, hated, infamous and petless.
I hope Christian Cooper is doing fine. He didn't deserve the crap he went through. Hope he's having fun with all fine-feathered fluttering friends in Central Park.
I hope you guys are doing great during the your state's/providence's/country's shutdown from Coronavirus. It is very changing times on Earth at the moment, and it's definitely something we (most especially extroverts) are not used to. Many of us have lost our jobs; rent and utilities are near impossible, all the important supplies are always gone from the store shelves (seriously, fuck the people who swiped high amounts of toilet paper! [you all don't need that much]), and many large events across the planet have been either postponed or canceled altogether till next year. It all seems like insanity, but as long as we all stay calm, do our best mentally, thank those who still have an important job to do (the healthcare workers, our mail-people, our law enforcement and firefighters, government officials (who isn't the highest of the bunch) and all others unmentioned), keep the faith, have the famous folk actually notice and care, and keep the essentials stockpiled, we're #inthistogether.
I at the moment am okay; my family and myself are doing great at home - taking it one day at a time, but nobody is stir-crazy and it's a great thing.
As for the count of cases and deaths from COVID-19, it's startling and heartwrenching. Fortunately, as I've heard at the moment, all is slowing down a bit, and the curve is flattening. And even though it's real heartbreaking that so many have lost their lives or have had their lives slow down because of Coronavirus, at least things are improving steadily. And that is also good.
What isn't as good though is that some citizens of several states in the U.S. of A. have had enough of COVID and the stay-at-home orders, and have taken to their city halls and state houses to voice their displeasure.
courtesy Channel 7 - WXYZ-TV Detroit
Here's my displeasure: these people are out of their fucking minds if they think their demands of reopening their cities states and walking among the thousands/millions of denizens will make everything better! We are are in the middle of a pandemic, where people have gotten severely sick or even died from a major disease (which at the moment, STILL has no cure)! There's no where to go or who to talk to in person because the major streets are closed (except mostly in Florida, because... Florida)! The stores and beaches are shut down! And it is viral and borderline airborne! What point is there in protesting, when the government officials and leaders will not listen to you?! (Well except Trump, but he only wants your vote, of course. He doesn't care about you.)
And speaking of Trump, his response to Coronavirus was a goddamn disgusting catastrophe. He fired the response task force, he lied about not knowing about the virus (he knew in January and did still nothing), he went around Fox News and the right wing media claiming 15 people had the virus and that everything was under control (that's not how viruses work and him saying "under control" would make a cat have a heart attack), he fought against anyone and everyone who wanted him to send the necessary supplies to treat contracted citizens (governors, reporters, etc), sent necessary supplies to OTHER COUNTRIES for the money, made his daily press briefings like his rallies, his administration did nothing much to update the nation on the stats, blamed anyone but himself (Obama, Democrats, the media (and its reporters), China, the WHO, the CDC, etc. etc.) and of course he made it about himself.
A bang-up job from our commander in sheeit.
And back to the protesters of these protests, they're making their little stunt all about themselves. This whole thing is about putting themselves before those of everyone else in this country. Their wants, their needs, their desires and their cries of desperation for what they think is normalcy. But we're no longer in normal. This is a new normal. And what they're doing ISN'T normal. No social distancing, some are wearing masks and/or driving in their cars hilariously enough (which negates the whole thing) and many are even taking to blocking entrances to major hospitals so employees and patients cannot enter. All of this is selfish, pathetic, amoral, immature and irresponsible.
Think that's stupid? Well, some claims are even more so.
Some douche wanted more mulch for his grass. And some bitch wanted her roots colored at the hair salon. I'm not kidding - these are real. Here's a clip.
It makes sense that those people doing their protests are mostly Trump supporters, because no one else could think up very stupid reasons to hold up streets and block hospitals so that healthcare workers and COVID-stricken patients won't get in, but for those I've just said.
These people are certainly what's wrong with America and their incompetence in understanding the situation of Coronavirus has put themselves and others (especially others trying their best to keep their families healthy and safe while doing their jobs) not only in danger but also in the spotlight as the lowest of the low.
Just like this man: Stephen Moore, a Trump administration official on 45's council tasked with reopening the country. While helping plan a protest of Wisconsin's state-at-home order, said this verbal abomination in support of the protesters.
"This is a great time for civil disobedience. We need to be the Rosa Parks here and protest against these government injustices." That's right. This rich, high-ranking, high-and-mighty out-of-touch asshole moron compared the stay-at-home-order protesters to Rosa Parks. In other words, a Trump official one nut short of a Payday bar connected a group of idiots wanting the home states back open to serve their own trivial minutiae needs to a Civil Rights icon who risked her life to fight for blacks to sit anywhere they please on a public transportation. This is where our government is right now -- nonsensical racial and classism discord.
If you can find the dots to connect between these two totally unrelated and incompatible topics, congrats. You are just as dumb and out-of-touch as Moore.
Also dumb and out of touch are the GOPers in state government deciding this week to reopen beaches (already an unsanitary place to have fun for some people) to the public. And many have actually went. People, we are in the middle of spring! Why are you going to the beach when it's not the right season. Y'all just went there because your governors said so. And that is very dumb. Think for yourselves and find your own fun at home.
If what's next offends you, I don't give a sweet shit. Those protesters and beach-goers are going to catch Coronavirus, and that is karma. I'm not saying they deserve it (and neither does anybody), but if you aren't going to use common sense and actively ignore social distancing guidelines during this pandemic, you get what you get and I won't feel an iota of sympathy for you people. I only feel sorry for members of your families that share genetics with you. If they catch it too, and learn it's from you, I hope they disown your asses.
Protesting a state order is one thing, but doing so while blockading
hospitals from healthcare workers is one thing way too far.
And this healthcare worker says as much here.
(I feel I should worship the ground this hero walks on.)
Now look, I don't blame the protesters for wanting to protest against these state orders. They want to go back to work, go back shopping, have outdoor fun and live their lives again. I - as introverted as I am - also want to do these things again. We all want to. I realize this pandemic is certainly different than other viral outbreaks and really is something we're all not used to. But right now, it's not the time to do such things. This is serious, and it's not something to laugh at. Thousands of people have died and many thousands more are very sick, from a disease that is very easy to catch and suffer from. As I say they have every right to fight against their states' orders, the protesters' hearts certainly weren't in the right place, and their actions & words on TV proved it.
Fuck you protesters, fuck you Stephen Moore, fuck you Trump, fuck you Trump administration (except Dr. Anthony Fauci), fuck the GOP governors and fuck you Florida state government. All of you can suck seriously sweet taint.
This country should nothave to be so divided on such a dangerous issue like Coronavirus, but we have dangerous president in the White House at this moment so here we are.
Everyone else, stay safe, listen to your state officials, keep the kitchen full and stay healthy, because - again - we're all in this together.
Are you ready for a quest of epic, awesome, majestic and emotional proportions? If you're saying 'yes', then you're ready for...
the first LGBTQ+ character in an animated film.
That's what is happening in the upcoming installment from the "companies with the biggest, most obvious stronghold of the Academy Awards ever" franchise -- also known as Walt Disney Pictures and Pixar Animation Studios: Onward.
For those of you unaware (and I'm hoping there aren't many), Onward centers on two teenage elf brothers, Ian and Barley Lightfoot (voiced respectively by Tom Holland and Chris Pratt), who learn by their mother Laurel (Julia Louis Dreyfus) on the former's 16th birthday, that their late accountant father (he passed away when both boys were very young) was actually a wizard and left them with a magical staff and collection of spells in the hopes of continuing his legacy in a world with magic and wizardry are dwindling in saddening fashion. After this everything-changing reveal, the bros then find a spell that can bring their dad back from the great beyond for 24 hours, and it works... until they reanimated only his legs, waist and feet. This leads them on a journey to find a continuing spell to bring back the rest of their now-bottom-half dad and, along the way, find themselves closer in a very emotional and heartwarming way that only Pixar can make it.
But right now, that's not what's everyone is focusing on.
What's getting word of mouth is that last week, it was announced that one character in the film, a cyclops named Officer Specter would be portrayed as "a self-identified lesbian" (voiced by entertainment quadruple-threat Lena Waithe - whom is also a lesbian) in the movie. She appears in one scene with two other cops - Officer Gore and Colt Bronco (portrayed by Ali Wong and Mel Rodriguez respectively) - doing a traffic check where the Brothers Lightfoot are passing through.
Here's the peek into Officer Spector's life of scissoring and cross-tounging: “My girlfriend’s daughter got me pulling my hair out"
For context, here's part of the article from TODAY.com. "Officer Specter comes in towards the middle of the brothers’ quest while they head to the magical mountains. In one scene, the character and her cop partner Officer Gore pull over a driver who claims he was distracted because his girlfriend's sons have been acting up. “My girlfriend’s daughter got me pulling my hair out," Officer Specter relates during the scene."
And that's it. That's all we hear about it. Nothing overt, nothing brash, nothing in your face, nothing worth waving the rainbow flag. She's just a cop raising a kid from a previous relationship with her girlfriend. It's just so overwhelmingly underwhelming, that even I felt dulled out by it, asking "that's it?". So basically, Disney and Pixar are taking the subtle route and making the personal life of Officer Specter sound normal and mundane as if it's not a big deal.
As they should.
As revealed by producer Kori Rae to Yahoo, "it just kind of happened" and added “The scene, when we wrote it, was kind of fitting and it opens up the world a little bit, and that’s what we wanted.”
Director Dan Scanlon said in another interview, “It’s a modern fantasy world and we want to represent the modern world.”
From the moment the movie was announced, I was super excited. It's a fun, exciting story with no-doubt fun, relatable characters (voiced by no-doubt very talented actors) and some moments that make me laugh, cry, feel and enjoy. Plus, it officially debuts on my birthday - March 6. And as we reach closer to the release date, the trailers and behind-the-scenes videos got me even more amped. Nothing could stop me from seeing it. Not even the fact that an LGBTQ character will be in it.
Okay, don't get me wrong and make no mistake. I'm very happy for a non-straight character in an animated film (whether made for the family or otherwise). And if you expected me to get triggered and trash Disney and Pixar for this accusing them of "supporting the SJWs" and "brainwashing the kids", you're in for a rude awakening.
Here's why I care about this:
I don't have any problems with non-straight characters in movies and TV shows all my life. There are gay characters I've seen featured in several different characteristics -- some (read: few) written well, others (read: many) stereotypically unwell, and several in between. Most of them are vibrant and flaming. And rarely, in the previous century, has any characters of the like been treated normally and respectfully and not as a joke. The problem with that is we've been so used to seeing gay people like that in media for years that it's hard to see the LGBT community as anything but overdramatic, flamboyant, sexually active, disease-carrying, comically dressed weirdos. Which is why it's great to find TV shows and movies these days that depict less... those. But some people just don't want to get educated about why gay people aren't what they think. They're so close-minded it's more scary than funny, and that's a shame.
Here's why I don't care about this:
As happy as I am about Officer Specter being lesbian as any open-minded, progressive-thinking person would, I don't care if someone's LGBTQ because in real life - unless I'm dating them; that doesn't matter to me. If I want to make friends with someone or talk personal with them - and they reveal to me that they're lesbian, gay, bi, trans, queer or etc., I'd say "That's cool. I'm very happy for you"... and nothing more. It's not that I'm being dismissive. It just does not affect me personally, and I wouldn't care more or less than I'm supposed to. I really don't mean this in a disrespectful, insulting or demeaning manner; I just won't throw a party for you if you came out to me. I'll give you a hug and a nice pep talk, and that's it. If you say you don't care, at least explain why you don't care. Or else... you do care.
This news does not affect me like it does some other people make it affect them, who at this point just love to make a mountain out of a molehill over every little change in society that they think will negatively affect them. Seriously, just yesterday, I saw a video on YouTube by a popular superhero media news website reacting like the genre of animated movies has been forever besmirched and tarnished, because a side character in one of them just so happens to have a girlfriend. The host elaborated that Disney has their balls squeezed by social justice warriors to make this happen, and that children will think they will be gay later on life too - and some comments mirror this. For God's sake, it's not like Ian will end up in an orgy with mermaids and gnomes, or Barley winds up in a coke-fueled cult worshiping a golden idol likeness of Slash. The overreactions and overreaching were so gross, that I stopped the video about halfway and didn't bother commenting, as those whose opinions I agreed with got destroyed by the commentators who think Disney is forever ruined by a gay background character we'll forget about in one movie after seeing it anyway. Y'all know Disney and Pixar films have featured some dark and depressing morals, topics and scenes in their movies through their histories and no one got pissed over them (mostly because the staff never announced them beforehand). If African Americans, Hispanics, Asians, women and straights can be positively portrayed in movies, non-straights can too.
It just took way too long to do that for all involved.
One gay character is not going to hurt, it's not going to brainwash children (and if you think that's the case, you need to check their social media and streaming service accounts for all that) and it won't tarnish animated movies forever. If no one has a problem with straight people shown kissing, then no one should be grossed out by people of the same sex kissing. Kissing is kissing. And if children are repulsed by a boy and girl kissing, then that's one thing. They're children. You grown ass people are not. Grow up.
If you think that children are brainwashed by Disney and Pixar movies, then realize that they can believe that they could be replicating the toxic masculinity of Gaston (Beauty and the Beast) and Clayton (Tarzan); act like a far off world exists for them to stay a kid (Peter Pan); that toys live, breathe and move when you're not around (Toy Story franchise); superheroes live among us (Incredibles); talking rats can cook at night (Ratatouille); it's possible a meteor didn't wipe out the dinosaurs (The Lost Dinosaur); tiny colorful creatures control our emotions (Inside Out); the characters of video games have personal lives (Wreck-It-Ralph movies); the dead can celebrate Dia de Los Muertos like the living (Coco); it's totally cool to act and live an evil, egomaniacal, extremely-judgmental priest (The Hunchback of Notre Dame); monsters can magically access and scare our sleeping children through their closets (Monsters Inc.); boys can smoke cigars and drink beer before turning into donkeys [plus puppets can become real boys via fairy godmothers] (Pinocchio); elephants can fly (Dumbo); and Simba and Nala can be siblings [and the stars say "SEX"] (The Lion King). Long story short, if you think that children are so stupid to believe anything in a cartoon show or film to do such things or act like such characters, congrats. You assholes are just as dumb as you think they are - if not more.
Making a big deal about it will not make it go away; it just makes it bigger. If you say you aren't going to see the film because if one character whom is gay, too bad. It looks like a great, fun, exciting movie on par with Pixar. And you're just going to ruin it for everyone else with your mindless whining. But remember: It's not about you and it won't ruin you. It helps to be aware about it, but if you don't care, cool. Just don't make it an even bigger deal out of it than the people who make it happen. If they want to scream from the rooftops that the societal norms of the 2010s are cruelly shunning them away, they might as well should. I'll just stand aside and let them fight instead of roadblocking them from just living their lives in silence.
So in conclusion: I'm happy that Disney and Pixar are featuring representation of the LGBT community in one of their movies. It's long overdue and shows they're finally more open to people who aren't white or straight. It's not a major reason I want to to see it (again, everything else at the top is) because I don't fully care, and I'll still support it even if the character isn't a lesbian. And since she will appear in one or two scenes and she mentions a girlfriend briefly, there's really nothing to worry about. To those crying and piddling their pants about this, stop it. You don't know what you know more than what you've seen before that leads up to nothing big and brash. You are not a gatekeeper to the best and pure of animated film. Nothing is changing for the worst. That came when most films of the past decade plus are exclusively CGI and all of The Emoji Movie. Shut the hell up and enjoy the film for what it could be. I'm not saying you shouldn't speak on this; everyone has a right to speak their opinion, no matter what. But if this is what you need to say on a movie made mostly for kids, you shouldn't. Everyone else who wants to see it wants to see it for every other reason before this one; don't be mad at them for wanting to see another Pixar piece that'll do doubt get nominated for an Oscar - or even win (mark my words on either) and be another expected grand slam that'll be a hot moneymaker for LuxoCo and FrozenHead Studios.
Me, I'm going to cosplay as Ian when Onward comes on March 6 and enjoy it.
You? Whatever you want.
i DoN't CaRe!!!1!!11!!1
The man that saved a sketch comedy powerhouse... has come back home.
The man that for four years in the 80s helped (if not single handedly took) a hugely successful and popular television series from its dying breaths and gave it new life through his wild, crass, racially-charged and eye-opening yet real, raw, refreshing and damn hilarious brand of comedy has finally returned to that series as host for the first time in 35 years -- and that was the second time (his first was while he was still a cast member). And between that timeframe, he's made movies. And comedy specials. And -- popular, successful, quotable, classic movies and comedy specials.
Laughter is his game.
Eddie Murphy is his name.
On the other side of the bill is a musician who has really made a big jump to the mainstream this year. While she has been in the game for several years, she's been making hit after hit, bop after bop, jam after jam and Jawn after jawn in 2019. Juice, Truth Hurts, Good as Hell, Jerome and And she's just getting started. Oh and she's fluent with the flute.
Her name is Lizzo.
Honestly, I can't freaking wait.
I've seen Murphy's sketches today alone and he was definitely the shit during his time inside Studio 8H. His jokes were hilarious, his timing was impeccable, his characters (Mr. Robinson, Gumby and Buckwheat, etc.) was iconic and he was an inspiration to many. You really wouldn't believe he was only 19 when he started. Now he's back where he started from, with everyone grateful to be where they are because of him. And I'm grateful to be alive for it all.
See you soon for the 45th Christmas episode and the last episode of both 2019 and the 2010s. Can't get any bigger than this.
--
And here we go!
Obviously we start with a political cold open, this time based on the sixth democratic national debate. Everyone we know/love is back - Rachel Dratch as Amy Klobochar, Larry David as Bernie Sanders, Jason Seudeikis as Joe Biden, Fred Armiden as Michael Bloomberg and Maya Rudolph as dropout Kamala Harris (bringing her Beyonce sized sexy song humor with her). I didn't see the debate, and I didn't have to - as I know where my support lies. But this sketch tells me how looney this how thing has been. The current, former and guest cast give their A-game. Heidi Gardner does a fine job as PBS Newshour anchor Judy Woodruff, and Alec Baldwin still has good pay as IMPEACHED President Donald Trump. I can't wait for 2020 for the sketches to fly and the disses to sting.
--
Returning to a standing ovation and CHANTS, Eddie Murphy returned to the house he rebuilt to remind us how awesome he was, still is and always will be - his movies, his wonderful kids and his Bill Cosby impression. Tracy Morgan, Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle cameo to Also prove how awesome they are and make for an entertaining, hilarious and inspiring monologue. Some white dude also appeared -- "Joe Piscopo" -- but thank God for Kenan to break up the monotony.
--
As I live and breathe, it's Mister Robinson! One of Murphy's legendary sketches has risen from the ashes and has not been unmissed. Murphy has not missed a beat as the skit has been reinvigorated for the modern day. His place is now gentrified, he's old and fat and is now rocking a slick stache, but he's still got it -- thieving, squatting and being an affable asshole to everyone he meets. And teaches it all to his young impressionable viewers - who should watch South Central instead.
Also he has a son. I wonder if it's that boy he sold on the black market.
Show returns live on January 25 with Adam Driver and Halsey.
--
No, not Netflix's Nailed It. It's a Food Network show where people bake cakes and they end up dumpster fires that make me question what even do at 12:51 (am, PM, does not matter).
I loved this one because the cakes are nightmares, but the surprises are genuine. Speaking of nightmares, please pray for me after the ugly fire-raised demon lives in mine with me holding a cross and rosary beads to make it through the next few hours.
--
This next pre-tape takes place at a family's Christmas dinner party, where everyone enjoys the love of family and togetherness, even when everything leading up to it was an episode of a BET drama. It was brilliant, realistic to a sense and a classic to be sure. Just wait till next year's clipshow.
--
BUCKWHEAT!
Fuck the pointless Masked Singer starting the sketch. Buckwheat is back. It's good to see him back. And nice on the judges (surprisingly well-casted) for going meta to welcome him back after three decades... and being shot.
--
She's 100% you know... it's Lizzo.
She performed her #1 hit (and my fave of said boppy jams) "Truth Hurts". While more nuanced than her last performances of the track (see the BET Awards, VMAs and others for those - oddly they involve cakes), it was still energetic and fun. Lizzo looks 1000% less stripperific than at that Lakers game, she still looked sexy and smooth. She never performed the whole song live before, but I'm glad she did.
--
Colin Jost and Michael Che make their last appearance on Weekend Update, discussing the impeachment-- GUMBY!! He straight up took the show and NBC to task for not putting respect on his name for making Eddie Murphy a star and saving the show. I live for this and laugh for this. Even when they crack up.
-
Pete Davidson peeked out of his pothole to discuss the impeachment before launching a diatribe about how his being thr youngest cast member since Murphy led to jokes of being not handsome. Like a haze, I couldn't remember this.
-
Jost & Che launch into their tradition of reading the other's jokes. And as usual, Colin gets a race joke (Buttegieg"s running mate is the Popeyes Chicken sandwich) and Michael's is cringe (Epstein Unbecoming). My tradition is that it is always funny.
-
Cecily Strong's Jeanine Pirro is back to react to some political crap, but her punchline is up chucking wine all over Jost. It's as disgusting as it was hilarious.
-
This edition was super funny from start to finish. Merry Christmas, Colin and Michael and all of the writers.
--
It seems like they needed a time to squeeze in Murphy's characters when they didn't need to. It feels awkward.
--
Black Jeopardy! Is Back Jeopardy!
And look who's here - Velvet Jones!
The greasy ho-loving woman-teaching book salesman returned during an episode of the game show-within-a-show, and even though he's older, he isn't wiser enough to stop saying ho or using the show to his his similarly-titled correspondence books. I always love this sketch, and seeing yet another Murphy character makes me smile wide. His last answer is inspiring though.
--
Lizzo returned for the last performance of the year/decade with a Christmassy version of "Good as Hell" in a super-sexy Winter Wonderland. It was quite a surprise to see, but with dancers dressed like sultry candy canes and Cirque de Soleil-ing on poles, it's every sleazy pizza-faced 16-year-old's dream. Hot and fresh on the coldest, stalest holiday, Lizzo knocked it out the park.
--
And finally, a bear has terrorized and cannibalized a section of Santa's workshop. An elf has freaked out and it's all on the news.
Meh. Murphy saved it from being boring and forgettable. His lines were hammy and hilarious and all the same sleazy but make this sketch a visual pleasure but a conceptual waste.
--
Well, that is it. The last episode of SNL in 2019 hosted by Eddie Murphy. It was a great episode that featured expected-but-still-exciting appearances of Murphy's great characters from his tenure, and a few new and recurring sketches that took at least one big laugh out of me. The cast took the year out on a bang, and continued to gel with the impressive writing perfection. The hosts, musical guests and guest stars are brilliantly chosen and all give their A-game to consistently awesome returns and the creative of Lorne and the staff have no bounds yet (there are small ones but they come and go). This season so far is a winner to me, and I can't wait for more in the new year and decade. And I hope you'll join me then. Happy Holidays, everyone.I'm Andrew Duvall Pollard, saying "Goodnight and...*gurgling demonic tonguespeak*...-- I mean, "I'M GUMBY, DAMMIT!?".
Ho-Ho-Hey, everyone!
Welcome back to Tinselthon. Today, we're taking a look at the very first episode of The Simpsons - coincidentally a Christmas episode. Aired on Fox on December 17, 1989, this episode either reintroduced to America the subjects of the popular segment on The Tracey Ullman Show (which also aired on Fox at the time) or introduced to America and the world a family that would change the idea of a fictional family on television and the landscape of the American sitcom forever. And it all began by changing the landscape of the Christmas episode - for worse (for the characters) and for better (for them later and for us).
It's "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire".
This special is different from many others before it in which unlike where one or two things go wrong for light despair and/or heavy laughs but everything still goes right and festive in the end, everything goes wrong -- whether for despair and/or laughs.
- Bart gets a tattoo, but Marge pays for a painful removal - losing the money for Christmas presents in the process
- Homer doesn't get a Christmas bonus (along with his co-workers) and has to find otjer means to make pre-Christmas cash.
- Homer steals a tree from a homeowner's land (and nearly gets shot and mauled) because he couldn't afford even the cheapest of big real fir trees.
-Homer's secret seasonal job as a mall Santa gets him a very low wage (current hourly minimum wage)
- Homer's last resort is to take that wage to bet at a dog track. Even that fails... with terrible odds against his pick (but at least he does get a new puppy for the family).
Homie tries his absolute best (and that is very commendable) but sadly falls short every time... but at the end, the family are still happy -- thanks to their new dog Santa's Little Helper, joining their other pet Snowball II (rest in peace, Snowball I) as the furry members of the clan.
Despite the near poverty, it's sweet (and even a little teary-eyed to see the family still have a great Christmas. It's as if you don't need presents, trees, bright lights and decorations to have a memorable holiday. Just family and love.
This special episode introduced secondary characters that would become beloved on their own later on in the series proper.
- Seymour Skinner, Springfield Elementary principal
- Milhouse Van Houten, Bart's best friend and co-conspirator in his schemes
- Sherri and Terri, Bart and Lisa's classmates
-Ralph Wiggum, Bart's... special classmate
- Moe Syzslak, proprietor of Moe's
- Charles Montgomery Burns, Homer's evil greedy boss at the Power Plant
- Waylon Smithers (whom is only heard over the speaker)
- Barney Gumble, Homer's best friend, drunk and frequent Moe's customer (and is also a blonde here, instead of a brunette)
- Patty and Selma Bouvier, Marge's older twin sisters
- Ned Flanders (Homer's sweet friendly neighbor) and his son Todd
- Santa's Little Helper, the Simpsons' new pet dog
- Snowball II, the Simpsons' (relatively new) pet cat (of many)
- Dewey Largo, Springfield Elementary's music teacher
and Lewis, one of Bart's other friends/classmates (at first)
"Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire" really kicked off the series in a big, festive way, and it's easy to see.
From the start and throughout the episode, America's favorite family were just like we knew them from day one (if you've never watched the Tracey Ullman Show shorts).
Bart being a mischievous brat that with a heart;
Lisa a precocious sweetheart, Maggie a pacifier-sucking walking-then-tripping baby, Marge a wise nurturing and loving mother and wife, and Homer a dopey and anger-prone yet fun, loving and determined father (sort-of). They represent a family that truly exists in all of us -- even if their characteristics are a bit over-the-top, there's legitimate authenticity in the family that you see in your family or your friends' families or your neighbors or people you see walking down the street. There's a chance the Simpsons are just like your family (and one of them are just like you).
Random Thoughts:
- How the hell did the tattoo artist think Bart was old enough to get inked despite The Boy being half his size?? Maybe he saw the signs instead -- dollar signs.
- By extension, Marge really didn't have to pay to get it removed. That money is for presents. If anything they could've waited until AFTER Christmas with makeup covering it.
Favorite Moments:
- Lisa and Bart's showings at SE's Christmas Pageant (especially Lisa's)
- The family's letters to Santa
- Homer as Mall Santa
- Bart's encouragement for Homer to keep earning money
- Patty & Selma in general
-Lisa telling off Aunt Patty for dissing Homer in such articulate language that I had to hear very close to hear what she said (I knew what she said though). What a badass daddy's girl!
- Homer and Bart taking home Santa's Little Helper (and the family's reactions)
The family and Grandpa Abe singing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" -- with Homer snapping at Bart and Lisa for adding funny lyrics to it (the former later getting strangled for the first time because of it).
Favorite Lines:
- "Oh, Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile broke its wheel, and the Joker got awa- (YANK)" -Bart
--
-
Marge: You will not be getting a tattoo for Christmas!
Homer: Yeah, if you want one you'll have to pay for it out of your own allowance.
Marge: Homer!
--
Marge: (writing) Dear Friends of the Simpson Family, We had some sadness and some gladness this year. First the sadness: our little cat Snowball was unexpectedly run over and went to Kitty Heaven. But we bought a new little cat, Snowball II, so I guess life goes on. Speaking of life going on, Grampa is still with us, feisty as ever. Maggie is walking by herself, Lisa got straight A's and Bart... well, we love Bart. The magic of the season has touched us all.
Homer: Marge! Haven't you finished that stupid letter yet?
Marge: [writing] Homer sends his love. Happy Holidays...
Homer: Marge!
Marge: [writing] The Simpsons.
--
Homer: (buying a chew toy for Maggie) It says it's for dogs... but she can't read.
--
Tattoo Removal Technician: (turning on laser) Now whatever you do, boy, don't squirm. You don't want to get this sucker near your eye or groin.
--
Homer: Dasher, Dancer... Prancer... Nixon... Comet... Cupid... Donna Dixon?
--
Bart: Hey, Santa, what's shakin', man?
Homer: (as Santa) What's your name, Bart-ner... er... little partner?
Bart: I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?
Homer: (annoyed) I'm Jolly ol' Saint Nick.
Bart: Oh, yeah? We'll see about that! (Pulls off Homer's Santa beard, just as their photo is taken)
Homer: D'oh!
--
Bart: Aw, come on, Dad, this could be the miracle that saves the Simpsons' Christmas. If TV has taught me anything, it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to The Smurfs, and it's gonna happen to us!
Homer: Oh, all right. Who's Tiny Tim? --
Patty: Where's Homer anyway? It's so typical of the big doofus to spoil it all.
Lisa: What, Aunt Patty?
Patty: Oh, nothing, dear. I'm just trashing your father.
Lisa: Well, I wish you wouldn't because, aside from the fact that he has the same frailties as all human beings, he's the only father I have. Therefore, he is my model of manhood, and my estimation of him will govern the prospects of my adult relationships. So I hope you bear in mind that any knock at him is a knock at me, and I am far too young to defend myself against such onslaughts.
Patty: Mm hm. Go watch your cartoon show, dear. -- Marge: This is the best gift of all, Homer. Homer: It is? Marge: Yes, something to share our love - and frighten prowlers.
Bart: And if he runs away, he'll be easy to catch.
--
"OW! quitit." -Bart
--
"Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire" is not only a hilarious, brilliant and heartwarming start to The Simpsons TV series as a whole, but is also one of the best Christmas episodes and specials in television history (and maybe it's because I love the show very much, but even if not it still is). This episode was supposed to air later in the season, but thanks to sloppy animation of the intended debut "Some Enchanted Evening" (In fact the series was to first debut in Fall 1989 with that episode) being pointed out by EP and co-developer James L. Brooks, it was scrapped with this episode airing in it's place. Cheers to writer Mimi Pond (her only credit for the series) and director David Silverman (his first of many), and the rest of the early crew for putting together such a festive and fantastic debut.
Thank you all for joining me for my first ever review of The Simpsons. And stay tuned on January 14 where I'll review the rest of Season 1, starting with "Bart the Genius". Can't wait to do it, and I hope you'll all join me.
Welcome everyone, to the first of hopefully many editions of Toony Tuesday's holiday-themed reviews - entitled Tinselthon. First up, the one that started the madness; the special that created term, and has continued the trend today with movies that are all essentially the same thing "something (romance, mishap, goofiness, bright light competitions, etc.) and TV shows where something (disbelief in Santa, missing presents) turns to something expected (belief, gifts turn up, everyone’s happy) to this day. It’s the first of Rankin/Bass’ iconic holiday specials: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
Everyone knows the song, everyone remembers the story, everyone can recaaaall the most famous reindeer of aaaaall. And everyone has figured out how much of an asswipe Santa - and everyone but Mrs. Donner, Hermey, Clarice, Yukon Cornelius Mrs. Claus and the Misfit Toys - was. So please let me retell it in my snappy, sardonic, somewhat-serious and un-patent-able wit and weird, uncouth yet funny writing.
This special has been sweet, fun, hilarious, and brilliant. But at some parts, it feels a bit cynical. Even though I never noticed it as a kid, almost everyone in the special was a damn jerk to Rudolph:
- His father Donner resented the red nose from the moment he was born (although I will give him some credit - he was genuinely shocked by the blinkin' beemer of a beak and wanted to protect him from the other dicks of does, and did feel horrible about his borderline emotional abuse when his son runs away from home);
- all the other reindeer (children and adults) give him hella grief because of it, by making fun of him (the kids) or keeping him away from... certain activities (Comet [thank gosh Santa yanked him out of the sleigh]). And even when he became an adult, the rest of them still act childish as hell towards him. [it's one thing for fellow kids to mock you for your appearance, but for grown deer and does to brush you off so harshly? That's a dick move if I've ever seen in a holiday special. And I don't care if that's how parents act toward their kin back then, that's just crappy];
- And finally, old Kris Kringle himself. From the moment he meets up with Donner and the Ms. to meet their newborn, Santa bitterly dismissed Rudolph because of the nose, and during the reindeer games scene where he admonished Donner for the little kid he co-conceived having the thing he didn't have any control over. The only time he finally shows any empathy to Rudolph is when the latter's nose has much better use when a demon snowstorm devastates the world and the nose's light so bright as a lifeline to give Christmas gifts to the kids. [Yeah, sure he did feel bad later on {he just didn't say it himself}].
(I said this in my review of the song during my Top 10 Worst Christmas Songs of All Time... list: the reason I hate the song [and therefore these characters in this special] is because Santa and the other reindeer treat him like garbage until the very minute (when a snowstorm somehow nearly wiped out the whole damn WORLD) he was considered useful - not a friend, or an acquaintance, or even someone interesting; USEFUL. People like them make the world a wasteland. While it’s nice that there are people with great talents to help make the planet brighter, taking advantage of them is a scumbag move.)
All these characters (except Donner to an extent) are the worst parts of the special, and while I’m aware that it’s one special whose plot is literally untouched all these years (...except the part of the end when the Misfit Toys do go to deserving homes) - causing me not to get totally furious about it, watching these scenes still tick me off - more so as an adult. Screw them!
And now to rid of the rampant rage, let’s talk about the special’s music.
Of course, this special titled Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer is based on the song called “Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer”. I don’t like the song (see why here), but I love the songs featured.
“Jingle, Jingle, Jingle” is a catchy and fun introduction to Santa (before he became the asshole we know and despise).
“We Are Santa’s Elves” is a sugary, charming and high-energy bop by...guess. The one elf with the specs doing that one line is always a highlight, as is the elf that cut another elf’s feather on his cap.
"There's Always Tomorrow" is a dreamy ditty by Clarice in which she comforts Rudolph from the cruel taunts from the other young deer. Her VA’s voice (along with those of the background vocalists and the stirring production) bring a string tingle down my spine and can for yours as well. The big crescendo at the end is also borderline ethereal. It’s an incredibly beautiful song that tells the listener that just because today was not your day, the next just may be.
"We're a Couple of Misfits" actually begins twice in which both Rudolph and Hermey ask why they are what others think they are, and it’s very sad. But the song itself is more cheerful and encouraging, where the two take joy in the fact that they are not alone in their misery over their true selves, and even more so when they say “fuck off” to their detractors, become what they are born to be and become independent together. It’s an upbeat and uplifting track that can inspire those who are in the same predicament to ignore the haters and be, stay true and love themselves.
There’s another song performed by the dynamic duo called “Fame and Fortune”, which replaced “Misfits” in the special’s 1965 airing and for several years. It’s a bright and cheery tune about them wanting to reach stardom and prosperity. While that doesn't fit the scene or the special as a whole, it’s still catchy and the instrumental is
"Silver and Gold" is a soft, slow, simmering song by Sam the Snowman, teaching us that the titular precious metals are not what they’re really worth, and life and all good that entails are. They do make great decorations though. The song was originally to be performed by Yukon himself, Larry D. Mann, but was given to Ives because of his legendary singing career. Makes sense there, seeing as the gold miner would’ve sang a song about gold, but whatever.
"The Most Wonderful Day of the Year" introduces The Misfit Toys. It starts sad and tearful, but when you get to know them you feel heartbroken for their current predicament, but you do smile a bit knowing what happens to them later.
And finally, another song by Sam the Snowman to close out the program, “A Holly Jolly Christmas”. While it debuted during the special, it has since grown to be a seasonal classic ever since. It’s definitely as bright, cheerful, fun, exciting and (dare I add) jolly as the Christmas season itself. Ives’ voice fits and mingles well with the track and is definitely the most memorable part of the song, and was even a Top 10 hit in 2019, making Ives the oldest artist with the longest gap between hits and the oldest artist - living or dead (at 109 years after his birth) - to have a Top 40 hit. It’s also one of my all-time favorite Christmas songs.
and now the characters I love:
Ms. Donner (Rudolph’s Mom): Her love of her son was obvious, but not being as cruel as the other reindeer make her as saintly as any loving mother would.
Clarice: Rudolph’s sweetie liked him for who he was from the minute they met, a cute deer that she could be friends with (or more). Even when Rudolph’s false fact failed and his real deal revealed, she still liked him and found the beamer handsome. She even wanted to help Ms. Donner find Ru when he ran away. She’s a very compassionate and wise doe who should’ve been of many
Hermey: The ex-elf and perspective dentist also ran away - this time from the toy factory at Santa’s village - for not being accepted as to what he dreams to be. He then meets Rudolph later on and they hit it off and trek to . He’s sweet, smart, strong-willed, sometimes sardonic and super; and his link-up and later friendship with Rudolph during the rest of the special is something iconic and forever the best part of the special.
Yukon Cornelius: This miner may be looney tunes when it comes to mining, but his unconventional style, kindness to Ru & Herm by helping them find a new living space and hyper-loud voice and hammy/cheesy speaking are infectious. And his sacrificing himself to save Rudolph and Hermey is one that gives him the right to be called a hero (even if he survives as shown later on with Bumble [how? “Bumbe]) Every time he appears on-screen makes me ear-to-ear grin, so much that he may be my favorite.
The Misfit Toys: This large commune of unique playthings couldn't be played because of their odd differences from other versions of their kind: A cowboy riding an ostrich (instead of a horse), a gun unleashing jelly (and not bullets), a jack-in-the-box named… Charlie, a polka-dotted elephant, a boat that sinks (not floats) and stammers and a depressed doll, with a flying lion as their leader. While it’s heartbreaking to see these toys in their current condition - unwanted, unloved and nowhere else to go, seeing Rudolph and Hermey cheer them up and convince them that they are the exact opposite made me tear up. And that they finally do find forever homes during the special’s close made my heart almost warm as much as Rudolph’s nose. As for the leader, King Moonracer, he’s a stubborn but caring and fair monarch, and his letting the Island’s castaways leave for their destinies is wonderful and palpable.
Ms. Claus: I’ve never seen her act harsh or malicious to any other character, let alone Hermey or Rudolph. Her meanie moment was at the start when she wants Santa to fatten up, but she was cool then and throughout.
While there were characters I dislike profusely, there are also characters I adore strongly, and the latter outweighs the former by a mile for me to keep loving the special. Also, a few words: the animation is shoddy and jerky but has its charms, the work to get the movie together was admirable, the voice work is top-notch - with most of the cash to blow on Ives as Sam (and he does a fantastic job), the songs are earworms of the very merry kind and the story sucks but the journey to the end is an enduring one. It’s not one of my very favorite Christmas specials, but it is still worth watching after all these years and something for the family to watch together. Enjoy.
Random Thoughts:
- The Head Elf is a dick, but his inflictions are a delicious riot
- "WHY WEREN'T YOU AT ELF PRACTICE?!"
- If it weren't for their outfits, all the other elves would've looked like the mascot for the Greendale Human Beings - but with faces. In other words, they look non-gender-ish (no homophobe).
- Hermey's non-speaking faces and poses give me life. Just watch the song scenes mute.
- A cowboy riding an ostrich is super awesome, a gun squirting jelly would be brilliant at breakfast and lunch, a polka-dotted elephant or a sadsack doll would be any kid's favorite snuggle-buddy, a sinking, stuttering boat can be fun to play with when holding it, and Charlie-in-the-box...can have a different name- but Charlie is just fine.
- King Moonracer is a badass - in name, character and in form. He shall be my spirit animal of the month of December or any month ending in "-ember" or "-ry".
- As you all know recently, the Rudolph special was produced and aired in 1964, but Videocraft (Rankin-Bass as it was known that year) goofed big time with the copyright - the year used in roman numerals is MCLXIV -or 1164- MC-M-LXIV meaning this little, unnoticeable slip became a king-size snag picked up years later, proving it to be (at least without the featured music or Rudolph himself) under public domain. So if I had a YouTube show, Fair Use wouldn’t have to protect me; I can show most of it untouched and I’m good.
Thanks for checking in everyone, Come back tomorrow when the Tinselthon continues when I review another of Rankin/Bass’ Christmas classics: Frosty the Snowman.
Mere mortals... ghosts and ghouls... damned demented derricks ... gynecologists... Welcome to your dooooooom. Also, welcome back to Saturday Night Live Review!
I hope you're feeling putrid. Because I have a roundup that'll melt your skin, rot your soul, blacken your heart... and wish you had a different career goal. (Seriously, what you do is embarrassing.) Let's take a trip down ...
for Episode 4, hosted and musical-guested by rapper... called Chance, Chance the Rapper.
The Cold Open takes us Donald Trump rally in Albuquerque, New Mexico (or as he refers it - "Albacore, tuna capital of the United States" in "by far, my favorite Mexico") where President 45 (once again played by Alec Baldwin [because fuck Match Game and all the future guest roles; all he needs is this and he's set for life])
There's so much to love here:
- Alec's continued performance as Trump
- The writing, which at this point two years ago was really written by Trump and everyone around him; the writers just enhanced it a bit and Donnie might expect residuals very soon
- The cast, especially Cecily Strong as MAGAsupporter "Christine from Los Crusas", Aidy Bryant as an even loonier supporter, Pete Davidson as an escaped fighter of ISIS, Alex Moffit as "Mark Zuckerberg" announcer Darrell Hammond as Bill Clinton and alum Fred Armisen as Turkey's Premier Erdogan.
Fave Lines:
Everything "Christine from Los Crusas" said
- "I don't care what they say, I know it's big." and
"We're gonna ride. Kind of the only thing we do." - Bikers with Trump rep (Mikey Day) (what's funny is how brilliant it is, being an un-exaggerated non-hyperbole on what the MAGAtards would do whether or not Trump is impeached and removed from office. These people can be and - at times - prove to be batshit insane)
-- Everything the background crowd says (proving that the MAGAnuts can be - and are - members of a cult lead by gold-snorting, tan-faced ox of a false idol they are worshiping and willing to die for to get him to even notice them for their brief, undeserved adoration. Also not exaggeration or hyperbole.)
-- "I love you. And I worship you as the one true white lord!" and everything else -MAGAfreak (Aidy Bryant)
Need more?
Another home-run of a political CO. Speaking of home-run, did anyone watch the World Series last weekend??
Chance the Rapper makes his return to Studio 8H, proving - after three stints as musical guest and one as host two years prior (doing the Thanksgiving episode no less!) - Lorne and the crew like him well enough to have him steadily appear the last several years and he hasn't missed a beat... to beat. His Monologue proves it, as it's based around his hometown Chicago's well-known moniker of/as The Second City. And for that, incensed, - and with help from Melissa Villasenor Heidi Gardner and (for some reason) Kyle Mooney - he goes to rap about his favorite things that are second nature in the realm of public opinion.
Burger King, Pepsi, Robin Gibb, Chili's, Luigi (from Super Mario Bros.), Sega Genesis and DMC (as in Run-..., over Rev Run) and forgotten and ill-fated products of pop culture like Bing, the Percy Jackson movies, Antz, Redbox, Adam Carolla, Brooklyn Nets and Scrappy-Doo (Hey, someone likes him too!! I feel redeemed!!) get a shout-out and it feels both pretty funny and pretty charming. While this has to be written by one of the writers, I'd be superbly content if Chance had a hand in the rhymes (he's quirky cool like that).
Random Thoughts:
--If you're an Outlier - with a love of any of those things, this is for you. Outside of Scrappy, I have equal measure love for or outright dislike any of these things.
--Why Chance let a white man (KyMoo) rap should be grounds for his black card to be revoked. This is the mistake we have to put up with after Vanilla Ice. (Eminem and Macklemore are excluded.) KyMoo has no thug life; he could get shot just for thinking that in a black neighborhood.
--Also, I now know what an isthmus is. Every time I say it, I feel like a grown-ass, black Cindy Brady.
--And California Dreams was my sheeeit back in the day. Random afternoon reruns in the 2000s put it on-point with me. Why isn't anyone talking about a revival or reboot of that show?? Why is that trash Zack Morris still getting head-space??
- "I was wondering, do you think I could be on your next album?"
--Heeeeell no! You're lucky you got to rap, let alone speak. Those pretty ladies got nothing but to be the scene in Say Anything. (You KNOW that scene).
--
The Sketch After is the newest, hugely popular recurring character to baffle me since David S. Pumpkins (unlike Pumpkins, I get his schtick and laughed immediately). Meet Lazlo Holmes, a correspondent for the New York regional sports network known as MSG. He usually covers legendary NBA franchise (and nationwide punching bag) the New York Knicks; but thanks to the company's other reporters leaving for reasons from paternity leave to taking to PSATs (apparently they'll cover anything and hire anyone), Lazlo has to cover their sports as well.
Holmes' first appearance had him calmly complain about the cold elements of Hockey (and his surprise that a black man actually likes the sport).
And now, he's bewildered by the on-the-rise and crazily popular... thing known as e-sports with his coverage of the League of Legends World Championship. Believe it or not... he doesn't like it.
Okay... this is hilarious. But at first, I didn't get the hype. Here's the punchline: a black sports reporter out of his element and instead doing coverage of something his race ain't having no business being near, and outright stating his distaste, perplexity for such. It's hilarious to me (and even more so that black people can and do love more than just the the B-ball, but at first I didn't think this would continue. After this sketch... I'm now convinced. And with Chance playing him instead of - say - Chris Redd (because there are enough roles for him [/s]), they don't have to do this more than once a season. It's the same setup and punchline and its more expected here, but it still works and the jokes land well (even if I cannot possibly relate to whom now has to be the second fictional character in TV history I know of named Lazlo... after him.
Fave Lines (courtesy of Lazlo Holmes):
"I guess e-sports is what White and Asian kids were doing while Black kids were inventing Hip-Hop."
"Well, to me, this game looks like how a seizure feels. But I think if you know what's happening in this clip, you need to get out of the house more."
He says he's kidding. But honestly, he's not. But hey, at least the pay is good.
Random Thought:
S3X PANDA99 is my spirit animal from the username alone. Even if I got zero word out of anything he said.
--
Tasty Toaster Tarts
Jason might have... done something... to his parents.
But hey, he's got the Tasty Toaster Tarts!!!! DAY MADE!!!!
This pre-tape airing close to Halloween may have been obvious but it's no doubt brutally hilarious. Since you watched it, you knew what happens. Chance's performance here was well-done, both as a cheerful, excited teenage boy excited to have over friends for treats and pallin', and a silently deranged demon child who should be in Arkham Asylum and the next subject of an episode of Law & Order: SVU.
--
Spooky Song
Two white kids cavort about a cemetery, and now must listen to four ghosts' creepy compositions about their current careers as celophane-esque corpses. The third one (Chance) is the one we wanna hear about the most to his "chance-grin".
As expected, the cast must sing about brutal ways they met their maker, while host has the most revolting and embarrassing demise of all-- he got mega hard from reaching 9V batteries up his rectum and getting electrocuted from protruding a pole up his patootie on his roof, leaving him parting to the postmortem pissy/poopy-pantsy style. Yikes, no wonder he wanted to skip his turn.
Ahh, toilet humor. When it works, it works. And boy did it work here. Chance did the heavy lifting here, and carried the sketch with ease, with embarrassment easily spoken and foresight of his actions clearly streaked across his face. And the shock and disgust from everyone else is palpable. Plus, the dark setup and punchline mixed with the whimsical humor and songs
Plus, the set of the sketch is the best of them all. The fake tombstones, piano-plaing skeleton and puppet owl (whose reactions somehow remind me of The Californians) and the large LED screen displaying the clouds that create illustrations that show the ghosts' deaths are big pluses to me; and show that when the set design department are great, they're awesome. Great job, everyone. This is the Best Sketch of the Week.
--
Judge Barry
This judge has the power to preside cases judging on people's (men's) appearances.
It feels like something made with Gilda Radner in it. I liked the idea and the flying (guess what it really is) but to me the execution felt a bit off. But the turn off kiss was hilarious. And at least the lady found love... by the bartender that looked up her dress. Certainly gave him a rise up.
--
Space Mistakes
This last Pre-Tape hits the nail on the head on what could happen if you fucked up in space. Shit goes south super soon.
This is brutal to think about, but it is hilarious to watch still.
Remember that Nationwide Super Bowl commercial where the kid is revealed to have died at the end? Well this is like that if it screwed the Challenger disaster: the mystical wonder and delight of working for NASA, only for something to not go right and take the lives of everyone on board. I'd watch this if this was a dark comedy movie should it exist.
Both pre-tapes this week were very morbid and yet very side-splitting. Well done, writers for taking the PT's to some depressing places for the lolz.
--
And now, Uncut for Ever:
Where I review sketches that didn't make the 90-minute live show.
So, ever watched those Public Service Announcements back in the day when untalented people in loud, flashy clothes overact to what was _then worst pieces of society (drugs, alcohol, sex, fire, littering) and you cringe to when someone suffers or creepily enjoys from one of them? Of course you all did. Well, this sketch takes the idea, and mockingly shoves it up its ass.
This was really funny. The pacing was slow, the direction was a bit sloppy and the lighting was bottom-notch. But all of this, and especially the acting, was intentional to prove a point in how bizarrely bad it is (beside many of the worst PSA's). The acting was terrible, the clothes were bargin-bin as Boscov's, the writing was trash, and the production rushed and sub-par Canadian children's comedy. And it all was brilliantly well-done. I wouldn't haved loved it if it made the live show, but as a cut sketch it was A+ execution.
That reminds me, I gotta watch those Smokey the Bear and McGruff the Crime Dog cartoon PSAs from the 90s. Those were my childhood.
--
Chance the Rapper introduces this week's musical guest: some rando from Illinois named... oh yeah.
He performed some new tracks from his first ever studio album The Big Day (don't worry fans, it's still self-released): "Zanies and Fools" and "Handsome" with the woman whom will at this point be forever known for "Hot Girl Summer", Megan Thee (remember the second "e") Stallion.
"Zanies..." is a deliciously hype record about his meeting his future wife at a Re/Max open house. The song is bright, ; and the performance is all-pink from lighting to dancers and the band's outfits. The showcase also featured a video of Chance's beautiful daughter singing "Impossible: It's Possible" from Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella, which is sampled in the song and lifted every single one of my spirits. Chance's usual bounce, goofy rap-sings were the usual yet a nice touch, but everything else about the production felt like something I've never heard from Chance (which should say so much of me not hearing his music. Gotta change that).
"Handsome" is young typical brag rap song. Rapper says he looks hot, is rich, sees everyone as jealous of him his "talent" and his bank account, and has eyes for one girl having eyes on him. It's obnoxious but it's usual. But wow, this is uncomfortable to listen to, especially when it's made by Chance the Rapper. I don't know if he made songs like this before, but this isn't something he can make in his element (at least to me). And it shows here. Megan Thee Stallion is certainly in hers, but her lyrics (some good, others very much not) are sloppy and raunchy as her voice. She does have the energy to say them but she's more Nicki and especially Cardi than Remy (ironically Nicki did guest on "HGS", so there's that). I really like the production and work by the backup band though, so there's also that.
I hope The Big Day features more songs like Zanies and Fools than like Handsome, because despite the roller coaster feelings of Chance's musical performances, I still wanna cop the album, no matter how brutal the fan reaction was. I mean, DAYUM.
--
Well, this episode was fangtastic. The writers certainly tapped deeper into Chance's strengths as an actor for the sketches, the cast were in their Agame as always, there was some chemistry going between the Rapper and the Cast, and while there weren't any sketches that are exactly memorable (probably other than Lazlo Holmes II: Spastic over e-sports), they were still funny in their own ways.
Best Sketches:
- E-sports Reporter
- Spooky Song
- Judge Barry
Next time, it's episode 5, hosted by award-winning indie darling (and you know where else) Kristen Stewart with music from newly Five-Timers Club member Coldplay. Who knew an F-bomb actually can't keep you away from coming back? Certainly not me (... everyone but Lorne. Must be the forgiving type.)
Well, then, evil spirits, that takes care of our little rendezvous. Any last words?? Oky, Happy Halloween, everybody! Either enjoy the treats, or enjoy the trick that'll rid us of your miserable, miserly existence. Enjoy the day...
...and I'm Andrew, saying Goodnight, and "We're not judging you."
I'm back with more random rambling live during commercial and nothing less (or more?) I had a lot of fun with my return of reviewing SNL last week and I hope you all enjoyed it as much as Pete Davidson skipping out so far to film The Suicide Squad reboot. I hope this week's episode will be just as fun and funny as I'm not about to drop to rock bottom with the writers after the assist in glow-up from Phoebe Waller-Bridge. But I believe that they can linger on (they did win an Emmy by the way...)
This week, our host is David Harbour, star of Netflix's colossally-popular, hugely beloved, enormously-successful and substantially-talked-about original series...
Word Party.
Just kidding, it's Stranger Things.
Since most of you know what it is, and we all watched it from day one, I will stop right there and say... there is not much else about him I know. Other than the Hellboy reboot, but I heard that it's terrible as all... you know. But hey, he's got a slot as host this season probably on the strength of ST's third season, so yeah that's awesome.
This week's musical guest: Camila Cabello, however, is not as awesome.
I... don't like her music. one bit.
When she was a member of Fifth Harmony (a girl group I've shown to dislike greatly), she was my least liked member. Her vocals were weak, fuzzy, try-hard and pure awful. Any song I hear has a full verse from her and her length feels like slipping honey in my ears and then laying sideways behind an anthill. So it makes sense for her to break out and go solo - thanks to her bigger popularity over her bandmates, and yet have the same talent, range and delivery across her recordings. No song of he"rs has been a favorite of mine -- "Havana" (about the real-life capital of Cuba she barely remembers from infancy) is consistently one of the worst songs of last year - sans the beautiful, well-done production, "Consequences" was okay but not by much, and "Never Be the Same" is the better of them all, but most on the strengths of the beat and her vocals on the hook (outside the second "fahw".
And now, Camila is back to make me tap out for round two with her newest album Romance. (Wow, the second SNL MG in a row to name an LP after a word tied to the emotion of Love. What. a. farce.) And since she has four singles released already, as if her team at Syco Music and the execs at Epic thought her popularity needed a good shot in the arm to keep it alive (oh yeah and just a reminder to get your flu shot this month before flu season. Better to get a prick in your life and still clean than be a prick as an anti-vaxxer). "Liar" has Cam-Cam spew out the wince-y breathy vocals I may have ever heard, but the ska-, Latin-trap- and flamenco-based production is deliciously bouncy , "Shameless" is even more so than the TV show with an unfinished dullard beat that reminds me of Martin Garrix's "In the Name of Love" with garbage, over-the-place singing, "Cry for Me" continues the crap beat method of "Shameless" (ironically with different producers) while sounding more than barely like "Senorita" with a weird stanza delivery, and "Easy" is a better pill to swallow - with sweetly twinkling strings, slushy yet smooth bass, nicely placed 808, and a and sleepy (in a good way) attempt at a relatable ballad.
Plus "Senorita" itself is a slower, more boring retread of "I Know What You Did Last Summer" that feels like a racial insult... but with decidedly less "AA-AAH"s and "HEE-EEEY"s.
Well, we'll see how she'll performs two of these songs live this week. Spoiler Alert: She did do nicely during that Taylor Swift concert I mentioned last week, so... she has a leg up here.
Let's do this...
--
And we're live ...
The CO mocks CNN's Presidential Town Hall on Equality toward the LGBTQIA communtiy. Out of the gate, it was hilarious. All the right cylinders were fired. The can Cory Booker (Chris Redd) walking in before leaving to avoid a gaffe, Pete Buttigieg (Colin Jost{!}) walking to wonder why he hasn't won, Elizabeth Warren (Kate) with the snatch game wordplay, Julian Castro (Lin-Manuel Miranda!!!) bringing the reminder he's Latinx (yes that exists) (and nice almost Hamilton breakdown) and Joe Biden (one host Woody Harrellson) making up everything he thinks he knows as he goes-- I mean-- yeah. Everything about them leading up to the town hall was brilliant dissed. Also, yaaasssss Billy Porter with the fabu cameo and even more sponsorship. This was incredible.
--
David Harbour makes his 8H debut essentially taking about the one thing he's known for (outside of the thing he isn't known for) and then goes through a studio walk where the set designers BRILLIANTLY mix the hallway with the Upside-Down from the show. Kate encourages him to enter, Baby Aidy is trapped (and now named Barb) (RIP Queen), Beck Bennett taken by the Demogorgon, and Lorne leaves his office to now be the bith of the guy who now owns the show - Mike--uhh, Kenan. Best Mono of the season so far. Oh yeah, Pete Davidson (remember I mentioned him?) is back! Apparently, he's been stuck there. Makes sense.
--
It's time for the 29th Annual Little Miss Teacher's Friend, where kids compete for the title probably no one but the most delusional-ly uptight (me probz) would want. Baby Aidy and Kate do wonderfully as last year's winner, the weirdo first kid respectively and Melissa Villasenor and Chloe Finnerman was also wonderful. Harbour does great as the open but perplexed principal and Ego Nwodin same as the even more perplexed teacher.
--
Okay.... I didn't think we want this, but.... I think we need this.
After the gargantuan success of Joker, the folks at SNL decided to up the ante by taking on a beloved children's character and make a trailer based on them as gritty and grimy as possible. And... it all fits like a hand up a muppet's ass.
The fake trailer for "Grouch" Was everything. All the well-known Muppets make an appearance and are smartly portrayed and skewered. Everyone in front of and behinf the camera gave it 110%, especially the cinematographer and costume designers. I'm very impressed and I can't believe it took them less than a week to get it done. Best Pre-Tape so far.
--
SoulCycle
Bowen Yang proves to be worthy with his calm, upward and random demeanor, Harbour is hyped like a coke fiend (literally), Heidi Gardner has a sweet-but-sour pro, and Kate has an addictive gruff behavior, as the instructors. Ego Nwo and Alex Moffit make a cool couple with their faults (especially her being the worst cyclist). I've never been, but I think I'll try it after this.
--
Camila, Camila, Camila... that was pretty good.
I wasn't a fan of "Cry for Me" as stated earlier, but this live performance sounded much better, and she gave better vocals here than when she recorded it. The setup in the days of Marie Antoinette are based on Madonna's iconic "Vogue" performance at the MTV VMAs, but was almost entertaining. This actually almost made me like the song. Almost.
--
Time for an Update:
Jost and Che tackle Guiliani's "friends" being arrested , Trump lying about not knowing them, Trump bitching about a Fox News poll on his impeachment, Trump's other shit this week and CNN Equality Town Hall.
-Heidi Bowl returned as Bailey Gismert to review the box office smashes including It Chapter II and Joker, before being sad about her guy friends going of to college and mentions missing Leslie (Jones- whom I miss too). This is one of my favorite Update characters, continuously played nicely by Gardner.
Pete Dave returns! Yes, he's back to discuss new diseases. Fittingly. He hasn't missed a beat, with the same confidence and rank humor the got him the job - which he missed for a movie that'll no doubt go gangbusters at the BO. Maybe DC's movies are getting better from now on. We'll see, let's hope Grouch will be real.
--
On PBS' broadcast of an old music variety show The Bob Rogers Show, a folk band perform their classic. It's raunchy. And hilarious. The song brilliantly flips the script on sweet, sappy 60s songs with lyrics that would be more fitting on hard rock 'n roll. Plus the designer staff perfectly brought the styles to life, making Harbour, Kate, and Aidy look like the Mamas and the Papas riff they're supposed to be. Plus, I love the end the latter two embrace and where the camera pulls away from the cheap-ass set and the SFX turn back to HD color. Love when they do that.
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Have you and your father been drifting apart?
Need some bonding time.
Well, check out the Father-Son Podcast Microphone.
While this one is obviously, overshadowed by the Grouch Trailer, this Pre-Tape still managed some laughs by Harbour and Kyle Mooney as a convincing dad ans offspring. The little talks and awkward silences and cuts to ads were side-splitting.
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Three siblings visit their loving grandparents, but they seem to forget the kids are here by getting fresh with each other.
The writing was weak, but the physical comedy was off the charts. Weird little sketch that made me thought it was almost 1AM.
--
Camila returned for song #2, "Easy". Like the last one, Camila's live vocals made it more tolerable and even enjoyable for me. With excellent assistance from the backup singers and band, this performance is much better than the recording. And that dress... GOT DAYUMMMM!
--
Dog Court. Genius.
Must be almost 1am.
This dumb sketch. This ridiculous sketch. This adorable sketch.
I have not much to say here. The K9s have melted my heart, the moment when the dog try to flee from the judge was hilarious, the boob-bleep was actually brilliant, and the one dog's response was Hil"Aruuu"ious.
--
Okay. That was just as great as last week's episode!
David Harbour was fantastic for a first-timer - definitely game for all the sketches and supremely delivered - and surprisngly didn't look at all stonefaced with killer eyes like we see most of the time on Stranger Things. And Camila Cabello far exceeded my expectations; she's a really good live performer. The cast did spectacular as always, so did the writers. Whomever they picked up to created the cue scripts this year deserve a few gold stars from me so far. I think the Grouch sketch will be winning a few awards next year (no not just nominations - winning).
We're on our first hiatus of Season 45 next week - that gives me the big opportunity to review the premiere hosted by Woody Harrellson and musical guest (and Royal Wedding scene ripper-offer [according to some dancers] Billie Eilish. Please come back on the 26th when Chance the Rapper returns for time number four hosting episode four, the Halloween episode. Will we get a new David S. Pumpkins? I hope not; they'll try too hard.
It’s back. My review of Saturday Night Live is back after… a fuck-ton hiatus. I know this blog is infamous for stopping reviews out of nowhere and keeping mum about them, leaving you all disappointed in me. And I don’t blame you all for that, and for that I truly apologize. (That reminds me, I gotta finish Star vs. The Forces of Evil, review more new cartoons, not to mention Fifty-Difty-Doo!)
Things have gotten more hectic in my life since I didn’t finish season 41. I got a job, then another, left one job, stuck with the one I hated, got a better job, got a new computer, went to a few comic-cons, gone to a few special events and actually getting the courage self-esteem and will to live, live, live. So, if anything, it’s as if I needed a blog as a hobby to just pass the time. Now that my life is now in balance and I'm feeling better than I've been in years, I feel more alert and excited to do long form reviewing again.
As for the FFD! Thing, my internet cut off at the worst time as was halfway finished the TV shows reviews, making me miss the planned end date (which was the 50th anniversary of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!’s debut), so this month I’ll finish the celebration and end of this month with the original on Halloween.
Anyway, back to SNL. Now that the show has returned for its landmark 45th season, I feel it’s time to man up and return to something long-form-ish to keep this site from recurring dormancy. And this is one of those somethings; I really enjoyed reviewing SNL for the 2-ish seasons I’ve done it, but lots of things caught up with my time to drop it. Also, to be honest, the more I watched it, the more I got bored with reviewing it. Nothing clever to say (and that’s most of the time), nothing much new to like, and I didn’t want to spend three more years saying “Why is Taran Killam is every sketch?” And yet I now have a full season to say “Why is Mikey Day in every sketch?” And you’ll just might see why later on.) So for now, I'll retry my review in a more live-blog format -- where I'll review the show and post my thoughts briefly at it goes along. Then rewite it to add more thoughts after clips of the sketches are posted on YT.
Now, the thing you want me to discuss before you rip out all your hair: episode two. This week, our host is red-hot British TV triple threat (creator/writer/actor) Phoebe Waller-Bridge. I know… next to dick about her. Nothing she made has been on my radar since the first time I heard her name. The only thing I do know is her work on Killing Eve -- an absolute badass humdinger of a TV show. Her work as showrunner during the first season was razor-sharp second-to-none. So I was wondering - why is the woman who wrote for Killing Eve doing Saturday Night Live?
This is why:
Fleabag.
I never got to watch it, because it’s on Amazon. I hate Amazon because of the deplorable work conditions towards its workers. And it’s because of that, I've been out of the loop from it (poor me). I’ve heard of raving, glowing, phenomenal reviews to it, and its surprise wins at this year’s Primetime Emmy Awards (with PWB even beating alumni Julia Louis-Dreyfuss for Actress in a Leading Role in a Comedy Series) bolstered my surprise of it. Before even the nominations, I never heard of Fleabag outside of the name. In fact, this isn’t the first Fleabag I’ve ever heard of.
Until then this is the Fleabag I’ve ever known.
This character from The Oddball Couple, the 1975 Saturday morning cartoon based on The Odd Couple (the classic Neil Simon play and the iconic sitcom from which it was based). All I can assume is that they’re both self-assured, loud-mouth, sloopy, gratuitous slobs, but whatever that Fleabag does, this Fleabag can’t -- cause 97% of her actions can’t be shown Saturday mornings on ABC in 1975 (or any year with a 5 outside of premium cable).
I’m gonna guess that the show will be parodied in a sketch. Other than that, I think PWB will give a marvellous performance. She (along with the show) did win an award last week. They’ll be a match made international telly heaven.
Meanwhile, this week’s musical guest... is none other... than Tay-Tay.
Taylor Swift has had quite a last few years. After 1989’s era finally ended and we all shook it off for a new blank space to suit our style (...I’ll see myself out.), T-Swizzle then got caught in a war no one expected...or asked for or wanted with Kanye and Kim K. That manifested in her going into radio silence that lead up to slinky, slimy, slithering snapback with reputation… her worst record yet. In fact, during her last performance on SNL, “...Ready for It?” was a sludgy, screeching white-girl-rapping failure (nothing more to say that won’t make me laugh my bigger-than-hers ass off), and I don’t need permission to say what I think about her or her relationships, but thanks to “Call It What You Want”, I can say that I really think about the latter: meal tickets and remedies for her occasional writer’s block. But hey, at least she’s talented and her music is mostly real good and catchy. And I did get to see her during it’s stadium tour and she was fantastic.
Now, her latest LP, Lover hit the stores and interwebs, it’s… better. The songs are cheerful, optimistic, colorful, catchy and pretty well-written (at least from some singles I’ve heard so far). And it’s a real sweet syrupy strawberry letter to something she just can’t find but acts like she has it all over her… Love. “ME!” is about finding it with a guy while the singer(s) thinks other people are better than them (yes) (although hearing "Hey, kids, spelling is fun!" makes me want to whack myself off with a flail), “You Need to Calm Down” is a lovely composition about her “support of the LGBTQ+ community while also telling everyone around her to get off her ass, and “the title track” is about loyalty to someone -- my personal favorite of the three. And I’d be excited to see them all (or two; cause duh) done live - preferably in front of the performance area specially dressed like the album cover.
--
And here we go!
The Cold Open takes place in Washington, where President 45's "dream team" of VP 45 (Beck Bennett), AG William Barr (Aidy Bryant), and attorney-at-dim Rudy Guiliani (Kate McKinnon) try to gather themselves after the aftermath of Dump's impeachment inquiry. They're joined bu Mike Pompeo (surprise guest Matthew Broderick) who should be doing what he was voted to to. I loved this one; the usual heavy hitters are still in their A-game, the writing was top=notch, the direction and timing were perfect (Don Roy King deserved his Emmy), the appearance of Broderick was awesome, the snake as Stephen Miller was brilliantly... venomous. (Ehhh?) Great start.
Waller-Bridge makes her 8H debut, and her Monologue is sharp and smashing out of the gate, with a mind-blowing-ly meta assessment of the thing that happens after the thing that takes down the set of the CO, introducing the cast in a glossy, high-powered, expensive video that shows them in the city doing things they can't do if they weren't here, with them being happy because they get paid to do it.
The whole is a bunch of non-sequitur in a stream of consciousness that has Phoebe incredibly showing off while superb she is. Did she write this?? That explains why it was hilarious. (And yes, I'm trying my best to use as many British slang in ref to her all night, so buckle up mates, it's gonna be nigh bloody cricket).
--
The Sketch After is a game show. Will Mikey or Kenan host? We shall see. See, we shall.
It's Kenan. The game is What's Wrong with This Picture, And Elliot Pants (christ) is the host. Three reaching morons try to figure out what's incorrect. The whole thing is uproarious from start to finish, with all contestants (Baby Aidy, Kyle Mooney and PWB) giving random answers that have Pants and us all losing our sanity with the hopes we'll get a raise tomorrow. Every line is hilarious, and Kenan's quiet hamminess is Delicious. If I did this show, I'd be armed. for my head.
--
Next up, the Pre-Tape After takes a shit on Love Island. It's a reality show where the most obnoxious, over-makeuped and tanned people stay on an island. I would say this is spot-on, but since I don't watch the US version, I would've bashed my head with a steamroller. If I lived in the UK, I would've considered priesthood now that this rubbish exists.
--
WANU 7 Mid-Day is on the air, and the anchors (PWB, Kenan, Ego Nwodin & Alex Moffit) are recapping the stories... before debating, hoopin' and a hollerin' while playing "GUESS WHAT RACE IT IS!"
If this isn't me and every other person with way too much time on civics and watch more than a half hour of BET...
This has to have been written by a black person and a very urban white person. But it was glorious. All the cast members and PWB rocked in this one, showing personalities you wouldn't (and shouldn't) see in your favorite news people doing sad stories involving murder and larceny like it was the NFL Draft! Too much for the mainstream but perfect for some - me included.
--
This next one has been done before. A man fighting in war (Mikey Day - this time as William) sending love letters to his love. Then she sends letters back that look like Dear John letters. It was hilarious the first time and worth continuing. This new installment is just as grand. PWB is supreme as Lydia, who doesn't seem to give a flying fig about William and is enjoying the time apart and destroying her husband loyalty (and self-esteem). The glee she gives him while he wants answers to everything is horrible... yet hilarious. William... get a new wife. Or at least... experiment.
Considering with snickers (from a different time),
Andrew (PS. I'm shagging with Lydia, haha)
--
So, after commercial about her music on... AMAZAAAAHN! and the stupid Cats film... https://youtu.be/8p0EW65CWmA?t=695
Taylor wift takes takes the Performance Area, looking like Kermit the Frog's new mistake-- I mean, flame in a bright green room with scattered papers hung throughout performing Lover the title track from Lover the album (I knew it! [...the last one]). I really love this; Tay-Tay along performing on a player piano is a brilliant arrangement, and for this smooth, airy, charming song, it's one I still didn't expect or thought I'd love, but it's here. Her vocals are incredibly sweet and savory, and per piano playing was perfection.I didn't think to look forward to Swift performing live again, but like the liar and dirty, dirty cheat I am, I really actually did. And I'm happy for that.
--
Time for an (Absolutely Needed) Update:
Jost and Che are back to tackle the Trumpechment Inquiry and do it flawlessly, tag-teaming the idiot-in-chief's countless public crimes, accusations against Joe Biden and his son Hunter, the moronic moat with alligators and snipers and hundreds of tweets bitching about the Impeachment Inquiry (plus the dim Nickleback Photograph tweet).
Remember when I hated these guys. I feel like shit now. They've come a long way.
-
Kate McK returned as Elizabeth Warren and discussed her policy tactics, big money donors choosing 45 over her, and a random conspiracy theory about her rough-fucking a 24-year-old Marine. Kate kills it yet again, from the look and dress to Warren's Tilly Green-esque voice and mannerisms. The jokes left me gasping.
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Newest featured player Bowen Yang (shining bright after the...controversy surrounding another featured) makes his Update debut as Chen, talking his thoughts on the U.S' trade war with China. Yang's mannerisms and tenacity are infectious and was my favorite of the "guests" this edition.
I'll never not hear Tig Ol' Bitties ever again.
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Mikey appears as Mort Felder, an elderly commentator discussing Centenarian News, the accomplishments of 100year-old seniors... before blurting after Colin's praise that they died soon after. The joke is obvious and repetitive but the punchlines are clever, well-placed and well-spoken by Day, whose voice fits an old man a bit too much, but still works the gut-bust--I mean, side-split--uhh funny gag--joke very well.
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Well-done job by everyone this week. This second time around was amazing for Update. Even the groaners were good.
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Hello and welcome to "Royal Romance", introducing Jimmy J Robertson, a former 70s blaxploitation star who was later chillin' as a member of the Royal Family, married to a lesser-known duchess. Kenan shined like the bitch Thunderstick pumped in the head as Robertson , and I ate up his hamminess and swag like black licorice (which I hate), and the supporting cast was prim and proper in the "BBC Special".
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The sheet music blew away and is now replaced by a dimly-lit Performance Area flanked by equally-dimmed light bulbs and her now-appearing short-numbered band to perform "False God" (a new song I've just heard here first). I enjoy the production very much, same with the backup vocalists, the drummer, and especially Lenny Pickett -- THE guy behind the musical voice of SNL, the saxophone. Lenny was FUCKING AWESOME!!!
I'm so watching this the SECOND it hits YT.
--
The Sketch Before the Goodnights takes place at a trailer-trash watering-hole, where four women (PWB, Cecily Strong, Baby Aidy and Kate McK) acting like members of the Buffalo Gals, try to woo (lightly speaking) a guy (BeckBenn) who wants what Lizzo wants to be -- a bad bitch, non-committal, before whacking him with with whatever bar items they can find. It's as glamorous and romantic as it sounds. It's as clear as the ladies' voices -- muddled, . But still chuckle-worthy. Mikey Daylenz had no right to be here (there it is), and Beck was forgettable. Who played the guy again? Anyway, weakest of the week, hands down and not worth last call. (Ehh??)
--
So... that was bollocks. Oh wait, no... it was... bloody brilliant! The cast were all energized and electric and eclectric. PWB brought her own brand of humor (as far as I know; still gathering from the Mono) and it translated seamlessly. She was a first-timer, but acted as if she reached Five-Timer status. She was a fantastic host and deserves to come back. Whether Fleabag gets another season or not (with British telly, two seasons and 12 episodes can last a lifetime over there) or if she'll star in a blockbuster movie -- which she'll no doubt do soon (she's worked on the next James Bond film No TIme to Die and has starred in Albert Noobs, The Iron Lady, Goodbye Christopher Robin and Solo and Rouge One: A Star Wars Stor(ies) {if you watched either]), at this point in time, if you didn't watch Fleabag, you now know who Phoebe Waller-Bridge. And with this review, you will happily never forget her. She's here to stay, rest of America. Enjoy her like you enjoy... whatever one British show you watch (or have watched before). Let's say... Crashing?? ...wait, what's that?
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Anyway, next week, David Harbour, star of Netflix's smash Stranger Things (a show I have heard of; it's American. lol) is the next newcomer to Studio 8H, joined by another newcomer, Camilla Cabello. I've heard of both. I like Harbour.
And I hope you enjoyed this review, and my new live-update format. If you have something to say about my new reviewing style, let me know in the comments section below. If you don't... well, I got your pageview anyway. That proves you were here.
Goodnight old chaps, beans, and old floggers and "Take a look at my big, black ass!"
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