SLMR: Wrecking Ball & Royals

Welcome to Short/Long Music Review, where I find songs (I either love or hate) to review them in a short review that took a long time to review.


Before I got started on this edition, I would like to apologize for this short hiatus for the past few weeks. The reason? Well, I live with my parents. You can connect the dots on that one.

And now, on with the show. Today I'm reviewing a song by...her.

Riley Lycrus...sorry. Miley Cyrus. The all-mighty twerker of Twerkeessee. Since her image refresh, I've cut off all constant use of radio, MTV, Vevo, YouTube, SNL, Spaghetti-Os, French Fries, bathrooms, parties, looking at city skylines, and starting Monday, the Today Show, but since I have you guys, I decided to dip into the Miley pool of turnt up and un-censorship to bring you all my review of her latest single Wrecking Ball.
Also, I will be reviewing a song I haven't ever heard of until...watching Good Morning America on Friday. I should stop doing that. It's by a person I've never heard of until now named Lorde (w...not today.). It's a song that has been called the anti-thesis of partying, sex, drugs, twerking and anything else in pop music, rap music, and...basically music at all these days. It's called Royals.

Let's start with Wrecking Ball.

Wrecking Ball continues Miley Cyrus' big transformation from popular kid song singer to white trash hip hop impersonator...I'm sorry, I don't hate Miley Cyrus. I really like We Can't Stop and I see her image change as fakery just to help skyrocket record sales and popularity, and that's a smart thing for her. But I can't help making jokes about her looking like the richest-looking slut in the world. Instead this song is not about that, it's about being in love and the consequence you suffer in the hands of an uncooperative lover. In this case, it's Miley and her ex-fiancée Liam Hemsworth, who is the basis of the song. I know it seems crazy, but this song is actually (and obviously) tamer and realer than We Can't Stop, despite the fact that I would think that, in the video, Miley looks like some crazy-ass broad who either can't love or loves too much, like Taylor Swift. (Yeah, I went there. SUE ME.) Anyway, this is cemented (heh, pun) in the music video that had everyone talking (and mocking) ever since the vid was released last month.

Here it is.

And if you don't like that, here is the director's cut, which shows just Miley singing teary eyed. I find this much better than the original.


Speaking of the video, she's vulnerable and open and--and she wants to feel free--and--uh--okay, I was busy staring at her naked and riding the wrecking ball and liking the sledgehammer, and thinking that sledgehammer was my sledgehammer. But the vulnerable and open part, that's true. She did feel that way after ending her relationship with Hemsworth, which is what puts the video together. Ever since then, It has spun into countless parodies that include teary eyes, licking sledgehammers, broken cement walls and (yes) wrecking balls. It even garnered attention from as the video reminiscent of the video of Sinead O'Connor's song "Nothing Compares 2 U". The similarities are striking.

Yes, it seems like easy porn, but this is nothing compared to this. There is a video much worse than Wrecking Ball. Much worse that there is much more nudity and sex in it. It's called Pour It Up by Rihanna. And no one said anything about this.

And there it is: one song that wrecks the competition and becomes a surprise hit--wait. Oh yes I forgot something; the other song. The song that knocked "Wrecking Ball" off the top of the charts. It's--uh, oh yeah--Royals by Lorde.

Now to be honest, I have never listened to this song. Never. Since I don't listen to the radio anymore (and will probably be destroyed in 10-15 years, I think), I never gotten the heads up on this until watching ABC World News Now one late night with the anchors gushing about this song, and that she would perform it on GMA. That got me wondering: Why do I stay up at night and Who is Lorde? Well If you know Gotye, then you know what I mean, so I don't have to type it. Lorde, real name Ella Yelich O'Connor, is from New Zealand and has been in the business since she was 12, and has been praised in her home country for her near-unheard of sound, and compared her to Adele, Florence + the Machine and Lana Del Rey. Here's a taste of her sound in Royals.


So...wait, this isn't it. I never expected this to be yet another party pop song about drinking, sex, drinking some more, driving in expensive cars, smoking exotic drugs like Molly and Reefer and living the life of kings. And I really didn't expect this to top the Billboard Hot 100. And for that I say, THNAK GOD ALMIGHTY!! HALELUJAH!! Finally, a song that doesn't include the all of the above. It includes the opposite; telling you that you will never live the life of luxury, and you will stay broke, living off the paychecks you get from working at Wal-Mart and eating the Hungry-Mans you binge on while watching the cable you steal from your neighbor's house. From that you can tell that I hate these types of songs, and wish for a song to be nothing like that; and here it is. It sounds like rap, but it's fortunately nothing but. Some of the lyrics do confuse me like "I cut my teeth on wedding rings/In the movies". I've never met nor heard of someone doing that whether in movies of in real life.
As for the MV, it's just someone doing normal things that a typical person of average wealth of prosperity would do, like waking up, taking a shower, eating cereal, cutting hair, laying on a street, watching your mouth bleed, ect. It kind of represents what many others don't: Real human life that isn't a fairy tale dream come true. It's rare these days that there are music and videos about this subject, so let's hope Lorde makes more music this and just not be a sex freak. That goes for Miley Cyrus too, as if it isn't too late.

And there they are: two songs I didn't have to review but I did, because-well-someone had to. But it's up to you if you want to listen. And next time I will be back to find another song to review (I hope it's good; who am I kidding, it's probably bad).
See you next time.