Monday, May 19, 2014

MaroonMay Awards Reviews: Billboard Music Awards 2014



The Billboard Music Awards are back. Well, of course it is. It's an annual thing now. I hate it when the announcer keeps saying that as it it's dormant for nearly a decade. Well, it has, but it still annoys me.
Anyway, the show aired last night, and was hosted by rapper Ludacris. I think he did a really good job; he didn't crack jokes, he wasn't even trying and he really kept it together much better than last three hosts. I'm really tired of hosts of awards shows trying too hard to be funny and failing in execution. Unless you're a comedian, don't even think about it. And if you want to try, at least you're miles better than the guys from Shark Tank making a Solange Beats Up Jay-Z joke. That's not only not funny, that was just sad. Anywho, I didn't watch the entire thing, mostly because the good music that I know starts at the top of the show and wanted to sleep that night, so here we go.

--The first song is an anthem for the 2014 World Cup called “We Are One” by Pitbull, Jennifer Lopez and Claudia Leitte. I’ve never heard Pitbull sing, but I’m just fortunate that this is the only song he’ll do so. This was a really good song an worthy of the World Cup.

--The next one is OneRepublic singing “Counting Stars”. I freaking love this song. Especially when Ryan Tedder is raising his voice.

--Iggy Azalea performed “Fancy”. I don’t mind the song that much. But it’s annoying to me in the way that every female rapper makes a song about about how the glamorous life is...well, glamorous is enough to make me puke. Also her outfit is ridiculous. It’s so tight and so tacky, it’ll either rip off or flash someone. Or both. Straight after, Ariana Grande sang her latest hit, “Problem”, which features Azalea. The more I hear it, I more I begin to like it. It’’s a nice mix of Pop and New Jack Swing. The way she dances is so dorky. No matter how provocative she moves, it’s still dorky to me, because of how clean-cut she it. I hope she doesn’t turn out like Rihanna or Beyonce, though.

--Kevin O’Leary and Mark Cuban from ABC’s Shark Tank made a corny-ass joke about Solange beating Jay-Z in an elevator. "It's not funny" doesn't really scratch the surface. Too You could hear the awkward laughter from one of them as much as the boos from the audience. They later announce...
--Florida Georgia Line, who sang (or twanged) their latest hit, which is obvious to be a hit, "This Is How We Roll" with Luke Bryan. Florida Georgia Line sing-rapping will never win me over. After “Cruise”, I’ll never set a bar so low for them. And I don't like much of Luke Bryan's music. He's like the country equivalent of Drake. Nothing but drinking and butts now.

--Shakira sang “Empire”. It’s so, so moody. And I hate that the chorus being just Shakira saying some word so incoherent, I could think it’s something else like “But No More”, making it sound like a rape song. Which probably explains the beat. And the “Ooh-ohh-ooh”. Seriously, this is a song about having sex; please make it sound less moody. Really, I do really like it, but it’s too sad for me.





Before she introduced the next act, Kendall Jenner had a little (a lot of) trouble reading lines from the teleprompter. She just butchered every other line. "Guys, I'm the worst reader", she said. So I tweeted this.

Much, this is your co-host for this years' Music Video Awards; you better hope she does better than this come next month.

--I’m sorry, but anyone who compares a band to The Beatles in any way is worthy of a sin. That’s just almost sacrilege. But the band in question is 5 Seconds of Summer, a band I’ve never heard of until the promos came on TV. They’re a nice band, and the song they performed is a pretty good song called She Looks So Perfect (...well, not later-era The Beatles), and it’s perfect for Summer. So I wish them luck. They're boys, they're in a band, and they have the cuteness appeal for little girls. So I wouldn't be surprised if they end up held against their will by the music industry in a few years to churn out hits. Kinda like a Sev'ral Times type-of-situation.



--Katy Perry, direct from London, sang "Birthday". Her and her dancers look like they came straight from the Betty Spaghetti box. I really like the beat of the song. 80s synth and trumpets all around, but a song about sex on your birthday seems boring. No matter how unique the Birthday element of cutting your cake is, it’s just sounds the same.

--After a long break of drumming, which is annoying to me now, Imagine Dragons performed a new song straight from the soundtrack of “Transformers 4”, called “Tiptoe”. For a title like that, the song has to quiet and smooth to fit, right? For a band like Imagine Dragons and a movie franchise by Michael Bay, the answer is a definite NO.

--HOLOGRAM MICHAEL JACKSON!!
Seriously, this is one of the best performances of the show. It looks so very life-like, it's almost creepy. And his song ‘Slave to the Rhythm” is really good. Congrats to the company that made the performance happen.

--Another World Cup anthem. This one called “Vida” by Ricky Martin. I don't hate them.
So the more anthems sung by artists not from America, the better, I guess?

--Later I saw Justin Timberlake accept an award, and in his acceptance speech, he thanks everyone in the world. Really, everyone. That is...except Donald Sterling. That got me riled up and immediately tweeted this on my personal Twitter page.

And I don't blame him. Sterling deserves all the hate he can get, but I still felt a little off guard by that. Everyone (including rapists, killers, predators, egotists, bigots...and me). Maybe it's just me.

And now, this years' Winners. Some were expected (half for Lorde.)
Top Artist--Justin Timberlake
Top New Artist--Lorde
Top Male Artist--Justin Timberlake
Top Female Artist--Katy Perry
Top Duo/Group--Imagine Dragons
Top Touring Artist--Bon Jovi
Top Billboard 200 Artist--Justin Timberlake
Top Hot 100 Artist--Imagine Dragons
Top Digital Songs--Artist Katy Perry
Top Radio Songs Artist--Justin Timberlake
Top Social Artist--Justin Bieber
Top Streaming Artist--Miley Cyrus
Top R&B Artist--Justin Timberlake
Top Rap Artist--Eminem
Top Country Artist--Luke Bryan
Top Rock Artist--Imagine Dragons
Top Latin Artist--Marc Anthony
Top Dance/Electronic Artist--Daft Punk
Milestone Award Presented by Chevrolet--Carrie Underwood
Icon Award (previously announced)--Jennifer Lopez

And there it is: my review of the Billboard Music Awards. I enjoyed almost all of the show, more than others. The joke abut Solange and the second speech by Justin Timberlake (in which he thanked everyone on Earth...but Donald Sterling.) really went the wrong way for me. I didn't like them at all. The rest of it I enjoyed. Even if ABC is using it to pimp out it's newest (probably one-and-done) singing show Rising Star. I mean really, the judges and host appeared on the show.

See you next month for my reviews of the MuchMusic Video Awards and the BET Awards. See you next time!
(and maybe a weekly review of Rising Star; that's up to you guys.)
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