The Cold Open this week features five friends discussing which Democratic candidate to vote for in the next goalpost of the election season. When Bernie Sanders is their choice, Hillary Clinton comes from nowhere to try to accept this.
IN SONG!
This sketch is filled with strange logic and absurdity—Puzzlement on choosing Sanders over Hillary tuned to agreement, Hillary appearing out of nowhere in grand fashion singing "I Can't Make You Love Me", Bill Clinton revealing he's NOT playing a piano, and Jeb Bush popping out of a table singing the same song. But it works. The absurdity is hilarious, the strange logic keeps the skit going without really going off the rails and it kept me on lock throughout.
My favorite parts were when Hillary touched TKill and KyMoo's faces—with the guys trying not to move in their states of not noticing her (and mildly failing); when Bill revealed he wasn't playing piano; and when Jeb! Tried to do what Hillary was doing and embarrassingly realizing that he failed.
Also, Kate McKinnon has a really nice singing voice, even if she forces it for comedic effect like she did here.
Now that that's over...
--
Melissa McCarthy. If her recent films are any indication, she's pretty much Kevin Farley with longer hair and tits. Wait, wrong analogy. She's Kevin Farley with longer hair and...a vagina? Much...better?
She hosted SNL this week with a bit of excitement and joy. She's a new member of the Five-Timers Club! No? Wait a minute...no, she's not.
This is actually her fourth appearance as host, and is technically not a member yet. But thanks to Kenan, she has a little more to smile from. Since she did appear at SNL's 40th Anniversary Special (specifically the Weekend Update segment), that can count toward something different. As in a sixteenth added to her host count, making McCarthy a four & 1/16-time host.
This aspect was hilarious, counting on the tried-and-true gag of the Club being mentioned in the Monologue, last used to hilarious returns in the Season 38 finale by Ben Affleck. All he got was Bobby Moynihan wearing a T-shirt with a large number 5 on it.
That is one ice-cold, good-looking, best-dressed banana (to show scale) I've ever seen. (Which, I guess, makes Melissa...second banana?? [Heh? Heh? Eh.])
Anyway, this was a pretty funny song-and-dance number and great congratulatory introduction for Melissa into her own club of host count: The 4 & 1/16-Timer Club. Good for you.
--
Now onto the sketches of the week.
I thought these tried to be hilarious, based on the talents we've known of McCarthy (an abrasive woman with the knack of being doty and weird, and the inconsistent urge to jump around and break stuff)--and some of them are in some degrees, but others left me questioning my TV habits.
First, "Test Screening", where a group of people get a chance to watch a new horror/suspense film first and later get to watch their reactions to it. This goes as well as you expect.
These are their reactions.
It's clear that this sketch abuses McCarthy's physical comedy skills and basis to shout random stuff. And that...was pretty hilarious. In the way that that's most of the entire skit. There were a couple other great moments, a couple of which come from Leslie Jones ("Man, this bitch is pissing on herself!"), which I didn't expect but very well enjoyed.
--
In "Movie Night", a family (Pete Davidson, McCarthy & Bobby Moynihan) watch the original Terminator film. They later get stuck watching a sex scene.
This goes as well as you expect.
First off...longest. sex scene. ever.
Second, longest. awkward. family time. ever.
Third, their inside thoughts were really funny. The family trying to make the best out of an embarrassing situation and failing hard. All three (especially Pete) did great, along with the people who time the audio of the characters' inside thoughts between lines. That was also cool. This was one of the best sketches.
Fave Lines:
"So when's the last time you guys did that?" AND "Wow, she's getting railed!" -Son
(Also, while writing this on Windows Word, they mistook the sex slang "railed"...with another sex slang "nailed".
"You know she has dark nipples for a white girl." AND "We are FARmers! Bum-didi-bumbum-bumbumbum!" -Jim
"So. Rubbers are rad, huh?" -Patty (her husband and son's reactions to this too)
The line the son says later about how hot his parents were and referencing Back to the Future. DAMN.
--
"Pick-Up Artist"
At a bar, four women are in training to become perfect pick-up artists. Things go as well as you expect as only one of them fails her teachings in the correct way.
This sketch was just hilarious. And it was all McCarthy's doing. Her creepy wannabe character stole the whole thing. I swear I couldn't stop laughing at her molesting KyMoo's character. (I feel sorry for him)
Also, while I didn't notice it live (I was in bed still reeling from Kanye), a few people pointed out on YT that Leslie broke character. I will agree that it was distracting and stopped the sketch from being funnier, but I just avoid it, and I found it hilarious nonetheless.
OTHO, the unsung hero of this was Vanessa. While almost everyone cracked a bit or straight-up broke, Nessa B kept it cool throughout the whole thing. While the guys (except Kenan, although he prob. Script-laughed) did well too, they only appeared in pieces. She was the hidden gem of the skit.
This was another great one.
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In "Bus", a white woman wants to be nice and talk about Roots to a black woman sitting next to her. Things go as well as you would expect.
This was a strange sketch. Really strange.
It went from innocently racist humor sadly reminiscent of Rosa Parks to a dumbass reference to Speed. Except the passengers don't survive. There were some really funny lines from McCarthy's white woman passenger ("If this is Roots, which one is ?uestlove?"). And for that, this was one of the better skits.
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And finally, Whiskers 'R We returns yet again. This time meow-ster of ceremonies Barbara DeDrew is joined by a good...friend.
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It's time for the Pre-Tapes! And Oh, my God--"The Day Beyoncé Turned Black" is fucking hilarious!!
This is one of the best, most funniest and most genius Pre-Tapes this season.
This cleverly satires the reactions of white people who watched the music video of Beyoncé's latest song "Formation", in which she mentions her roots as an African American woman with her parents' heritage and that she'll never forget where she came from. While everyone was excited to see our Queen's reappearance to music, others (whites) weren't so hot about her return, namely the video which contains real-life issues, specifically the Black Lives Matter movement. Some people (who, again, are white) didn't like the parts of the clip where white police officers "surrender" to a young black boy, the piece of a local tagged "Stop shooting us" and Bey sitting on top of a cop car, which later submerges under flood water at the end. Then came her Super Bowl Halftime Show performance. They didn't like it and cried foul, especially Tomi Lahren from Glenn Beck's The Blaze, Andrew Breitbart and any other host on Fox News. But it was clear that their criticisms were not only for naught, but also are very misinformed and embarrassing. Check out Lahren's attack in particular on YouTube and you'll see why.
Speaking of YouTube, if you ever look under the comments of the clip, you'll see some people still don't like it or get the satire of it. Funnily enough, they're white, but anyway...
I'm glad this came about to put the dumb white crybabies' whines in the spotlight and show how misinformed they really are. It's discerning and even pathetic that people like them just won't realize the real dangers and issues in front of them involving blacks and other ethnicities in this country, and just choose to ignore it, or even show their true colors when trying to give their own responses on this.
Oh, on the skit itself, it's balls-out hilarious. The satire is accurate on the subject, the humor hits the nail on the head, and the reactions by the blacks in the crossfire is perfect and also accurate.
The aspect of it being a movie trailer wasn't needed though; take that out, and it's the same thing, but apples to oranges, it's still brilliant either way. I LOVED this one.
"Honey?! [...] Beyonce...is Black!" - Wife (Aidy Bryant)
"Hot sauce in my bag/swag?? What does that mean!?" -Man (Beck Bennett)
"Maybe...this song isn't for us." -Other Man (Bobby Moynihan) /
"But usually everything is!!" -Other Woman (Cecily Strong)
...
"But what about The Pink Panther movie!?" -Another Woman (Kate McK)
"Okay, yeah, she was white in that." -Black Man (Kenan)
…
"What's goin' on out there?" -Black Man #2 (Jay Pharaoh)
"New Beyonce Video." -Black Man #3 (Michael Che)
(why is he still a featured member again?)
"Ohhhhh."
…
"Karen! That is MY daughter." -Black Woman (Leslie Jones)
"Oh, that's right. Thank God." -Karen
"Thank God?? Really!?"
--
There's also one where Kyle Mooney tried to challenge Kanye to a freestyle battle, but that was predictable (although that was the joke), and Kanye pretty much savagely killed Kyle.
Poor guy; never stood a chance.
Dammit, pretty much all of them.
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Oh Kanye West. Sweet, sweet Kanye West.
You never stop finding ways of making us hate you:
ruining Taylor Swift's moment at the 2009 VMA's, almost ruining (and then spectacularly ruining) Beck's moment at the 2015 Grammys, by saying that Beyoncé is "the - of artistry" and that major award organizations should give major awards to her, the marriage to Kim Kardashian, the album Yeezus, that interview with BBC Radio 1 where you probably pissed off our Lord and Savior and everyone who believes is Him (again) saying that you are a god, and this recent single where you said you might have sex with Swift and that you called her a bitch, proclaiming that you could've made her famous (there is so much wrong with that one). And the creepy part about all of this is? All of this somehow is tied to Taylor Swift and Beyoncé (is he ... infatuated with her? Is he in love with her? He does know she's married to his mentor and best friend?)
There's always a moment where you make yourself the biggest douche in the world. Sometimes I think it all has to be an act to keep in relevant in the public eye, whether we like it or not. Or maybe this has something to do with the passing of his mother?
(If so, I really feel sorry for him.) But I just get too annoyed with him to continue thinking that.
Wait, what was I talking about? ...
Oh yeah, his SNL performance. Greeeaaat. So even more crap.
Oh wow, that first performance. That was shit.
I don't think I've felt more white people feel uncomfortable about a black performer performing nothing about the dark undertones of black history since Beyoncé released the "Formation" video(--dammit!). But if anything, I don't blame them.
The performance, contained a multitude of the F-word AND the N-word. When I was watching live, I honestly thought I was the only one hearing it. It's like it's the BET Awards but no one bothered to sloppily press the Censor button. I swore I was the only delusional nut thinking all that. But as it turns out, according to an article on Fuse.tv, everyone watching the performance heard the Multitude of Swears. And for that I ask...WHY, LORNE? WHY?? Why did this performance go uncensored? Did Kanye pay you, the producers, everyone on set, and the execs at NBC to let you perform this? If so that explains why he's $53 million in debt. But that's still no excuse! Also it's no excuse for him to suck so bad here.
On the upside, Kelly Price makes her first TV appearance in years (at least to me) and performing music in a long time (again, at least to me) during both songs.
And she was fantastic.
Her vocals were truly amazing, and proves that she was and still is one of the best R&B performers of all time. Also, The-Dream was another singer in both performances (I haven't seen him in the music scene in a long time also, although that's for the better). He did really good.
Speaking of fantastic, Chance the Rapper made a surprise return (why I said surprise because I haven't listened to The Life of Pablo--and after this, I don't think I will) to Studio 8H, performing his verse in "Ultra Beam Lights", which was FIRE.
And Kirk Franklin, El DeBarge, Young Thug and A$AP Bari also appeared in the live set. But I wouldn't be surprised if you all haven't the slightest clue who almost none of them all. And yet in the end, Yeezy himself steals the lime...light (heh)...from everyone else by being a delusional ass pretending he's still as holier-than-thou as the man Himself. Showmanship at its best.
And if that all wasn't enough to make your head roll like Reagan in The Exorcist, let's get to the songs themselves.
"Highlights" is just garbage.
At first, I thought the VO of this woman was Beyoncé--driving home his little "crush", then some of the worst lyrics of his career.
GoPro rhyming with Go Pro (the spacing matters here)? Fuckin'. Genius!
Then he drives home his bragging about bagging Kim K as his wife, by dogging Ray J. Of course, he's not rich, but is it worth shitting on each other when you two are fighting over a reality show ho nobody nobody likes, and it makes you two look like dumbassholes?
"Ultralight Beams" is just blasphemous.
It's about how he's like Jesus after his crucifixion. It has a great slow beat, and a wonderful choir performing with a "gives me life" vibe almost nothing else can duplicate. I freaking love Kelly Price's vocals and the verse by Chance the Rapper. I liked this song better than the other one.
If it wasn't for Price, The-Dream, DeBarge, Chance, Kirk Franklin or even Young Thug, this would've been an absolute fucking waste of time. Granted, anything with Young Thug is a fucking waste of time, but still.
Say what you will about Kanye being an asshole in real life (I mean, sure, go ahead-it's true), but like it or not, he does make some damn good music (These two songs are not). There's a reason he's still called a genius. And a dick, but a genius too.
Time for an Update:
Part 1:
Part 2:
Skipping Jost & Che's performance, since we know what they're like now, I really enjoyed the joint-joke on Donald Tramp's incessant interruptions of his fellow candidates at the Republican debate.
Leslie Jones returned yet again to verbally molest Colin and then give a story on her love life. Again. But hey, Valentine's Day!
This was pretty funny. Still some one-note elements thrown in to not make it hilarious, though.
Wraparound:
Melissa McCarthy was a great host previously, and is still a great host here. But the writing tries so hard to hilarious to her strengths. Half of the time...it works. But I got really annoyed with some of the jokes because of that, and it fails.
I hope to see her again next season or in another couple years, and then she will make the Five-Timers club, and there will be a celebration.
ConcluSLoN:
This episode was funny, but not really memorable. I wish another artist was performing and this would go higher in my list of favorite episodes. And I blame Kanye for that. And a lot of other things.
Well, it's probably gonna come after this comes, but in a few hours my review of Episode 14 is released, hosted by another four-time host (who probably also appeared at the 40th Anniversary Show) Jonah Hill, with music from Future, an artist I hate. Boy, this oughta be good!!
See you soon.
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