Deport Justin Bieber?

Wow, you guys really take this thing with Justin Bieber really seriously. Now that Justin has screwed himself up in Cali and Miami, you people won't take this anymore. In fact, you had a petition signed to deport Bieber back to his home country in Canada. Since the petition reached 100,000+ signatures, the freaking WHITE HOUSE is forced to respond to it and figure out whether or not to kick him out of the country.

Wow. The fact that you say you don't care about Justin Bieber, yet you do anyway really makes me sad. You guys are feeding into his nonsense and regurgitating bullcrap. If this happens to be a gimmick, this will make Justin even more famous and more people will buy music and go to his concerts and do anything that involves his face and whatever.

IF Justin goes back to Canada, that doesn't mean he'll just go away. He'll do the EXACT same things he did in the past month: DUIs, drag races, drug possession, throwing eggs, beating the crap out of people, and acting downright stupid. And his own country has to deal with this dipstick. I know that's what you all wanted, but we've had Lindsay Lohan, Courtney Love, Madonna, Ke$ha, all the male actors from the 80s, and even Marilyn Monroe went through this behavior. The reason we haven't had them deported is because them are from this country and we all never had deportation on our mind. And in Marilyn's case, I don't think deportation even existed at the time.

People, we have taken this too far. We need to take this one day at a time and hope (and pray) that Justin new behavior (or phase, as this might be) dies down and Justin gets back to the studio and make music, because that's the only good thing about him he has left. To sing songs, sell products, and show barely-there sex appeal only female and gay male fans feed into and everyone else sees as man looking like a dyke with a crotch they don't see as male one.

Short/Long Music Review: Tennis Court & Team

Hello and welcome to the first Short/Long Music Review of 2014. I listen to a song, review it, and share it with you guys in a short, semi-neat package. Got it? Good. Now without further adu, let's get it started.

As you've heard, the ultimate success story came last year, when this artist became a huge success when he released an album independently with no label or no outside help and that album ultimately reached #2 on the US Billboard 200 chart and #1 on the Hip-Hop and Rap Album charts, with one song reaching the Billboard Hot 100 after a steady 16-week climb on the chart and later winning for Grammy Awards.

If you're just thinking that I'm talking about Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, then...yes, those aren't their songs, and that's not who I'm going to talk taking about here. Another person also has become a huge success story last year.

A little girl from New Zealand, Ella Yelich O'Connor, began a career by singing in various drama classes and and later won a talent show singing covers of songs by Duffy and Pixie Lott, with the father of a friend sending a video of the performance to several talent scouts with one of them, A&R scout Scott Maclachlan, signing her to Universal Records. After meeting writer and producer Joel Little, he and Ella would write three songs, one of them being a monster hit song about being poor, lower-class, middle-class, and even upper-middle-class with a dream to live life like a pop-star, rap-star--hell, any music star with sucess. At least that's what I think it is because all I hear is her mocking and destroying rap and pop stars on a nice minimalist beat. That song gave Ella a huge hit, massive media attention, and a Grammy Award.

But I've already talked about Royals. Today I give my review on two other Lorde songs; something you may have never heard of, unless you go to Pitchfork.
Two songs completely different from it that I think you'll like better, depending on your tastes...or social status.
It's "Tennis Court" and "Team" by Lorde.

Tennis Court is about Lorde's newfound fame and success after "Royals" and criticizes the high life rich people live. I hear "class clown", which I think she looks like in the video, and "beauty queen", but that means they're different from everyone else, and that they won't care about the rich. The beat is good, slower than Royals but really good, with this little beeping noise sounding like it's coming from Asteroid or Pong or whatever; an arcade game. One of the lyrics is "Don't you think that it's boring how people talk/Making smart with their words again, well I'm bored", meaning she hates how people talk about themselves and the things they want (but not need), and she wants to stand up to them and make her voice heard. Her own voice; her different voice; her "I hate rich life" voice.

This seems ironic, because Lorde is now living the high life along with the rest of them. I wonder what Lorde is like now that she's famous and rich and living the high life.

"Team" meanwhile features poor teenagers wishing for prosperity and happiness. While the rich and ritzy live high and mighty, the down and out are stuck in their small homes looking for work and to make end's meet, but find themselves close to friends and family in their small towns. Lorde hates being told what to do and wants to be her own self. (Does that sound familiar?) Here we don't know more than rich women wearing hundreds of jewels on throats; I don't know if it's their throats or some cut off of other people's heads, or whatever (shiver), so we're treated to what the normal people are and do for once, and that's a good thing. The beat here is better than Tennis Court; It's more sped up, more jaunty and more danceable than "Tennis Court" or even "Royals" I think I'll like this one better.


Hey, you know what?
I just noticed this. These songs and Royals are about Lorde's probable hatred of rich people and the life they all live. I believe this is probably a mission of hers. Make every other song a "I hate snobby, uppity, saditty, rich people and everything about them" song. It's like Taylor Swift, but just replace "Boys" with "People", and you've got Lorde's career on a pedestal. I really like that, though. Anyway, if she keeps doing this, people will get tired of her and go to the next hit sensation, whether a black girl who hates white people "because they is white", although she's near white people a lot; or a masked man writing electronic music, even though he hates it with a passion and even does video blogs about them; or a latino dude singing about his love of being a Scotsman, despite the fact that he has no clue about Scotland at all.

The point is, I really like these songs, and I really like Lorde as the now-quintessential anti-pop-star, but this might be a gimmick that might not last any longer, and people might get tired of it. But I hope she doesn't quit on this; we don't have many artists that DON'T talk about money and riches and cars and bitches, and does it in a very nice, near-indie, very awesome package. Keep it going, Lorde. Never stop.

And there they are: two songs I didn't have to review but I did (and wanted to), because-well-someone had to. But it's up to you if you want to listen. And it's also up to you like this girl (but you SHOULD), but if you don't, you've certainly made a wrong choice.
Next time I will be back to find another song to review (I hope it's good; who am I kidding, it's probably bad).
See you next time.

Beyonce's Grammys Performance Too Sexy? ...Yes

At the Grammys, last night, Beyonce opened the show with a steamy and provacative performance of "Drunk in Love". Some TV rights groups and parents blew a fuse. (Sigh)
I actually agree with the parents who said this. The performance aired at 8:00pm, where inappropriate or sexual content cannot air. And Beyonce's performance was indeed inappropriat and ESPECIALLY sexual to air at that time.

Although, to be fair, Beyonce didn't do much but walk around and move herself around on the chair--

maybe you all have a point about that.
Also, this is the Grammys. It's not family entertainment. It's for people 14 and older, and not for kids. Parents should be aware of that.

But you know what--uh--um--

well, uhh--

Alright. It was inappropriate. End of story. But of course, there was another inappropriate performance from Katy Pery, P!nk doing sexy acrobatics, and a bunch of gay people getting married on live television. But the most controversial was Beyonce. Everything else was all "Good Good".

SERFBUARD!

Grammys 2014: The Winners

Hi everyone.

As you heard, the Grammys Awards aired on Sunday. I gave my review, which is up as of now, but I noticeably left out what everyone cared for(well, not really): the actual awards that have been given out. So here they are as forgotten by me, Andrew!

Daft Punk were the big winners of this years' Grammys as they aired in no particular order (as in copied from Wikipedia):

Best New Artist - Lorde (safe choice, but she's very talented, so kinda deserved)
Record of the Year - Daft Punk - "Get Lucky" (Very catchy song, better than some other noms)
--Thomas Bangalter & Guy-Manuel De Homem-Christo, producers; Peter Franco, Mick Guzauski, Florian Lagatta & Daniel Lerner, engineers/mixers; Bob Ludwig, mastering engineer
Album of the Year- Random Access Memories–Daft Punk (Haven't heard any of them, so congrats.)
Song of the Year- Lorde-"Royals"
--(What a very nice victory for a song that's a big FU to rap and pop artists)
--Ella Yelich O'Connor & Joel Little, songwriters
Best New Artist- Macklemore & Ryan Lewis--(Very talented guys, maybe deserved)
Best Pop Solo Performance- Lorde -"Royals"
Best Pop Duo/Group Performance- Daft Punk featuring Pharrell Williams-"Get Lucky"
Best Pop Vocal Album- Unorthodox Jukebox–Bruno Mars
Best Pop Instrumental Album- Herb Alpert-"Steppin' Out"
Best Dance Recording- Zedd featuring Foxes-"Clarity"
--(I really don't like this song. Truly. But congrats.)
Best Dance/Electronica Album- Daft Punk-Random Access Memories
Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album- Michael Bublé-"To Be Loved"
Best R&B album- Alicia Keys-Girl on Fire--(The title song is really corny to me now.)
Best Traditional R&B Performance- "Please Come Home"—Gary Clark Jr.
Best R&B Song- Justin Timberlake-"Pusher Love Girl"--(It's an okay song.)
Best Rap/Sung Collaboration- Jay Z Featuring Justin Timberlake-"Holy Grail" —-(So boring)
—-James Fauntleroy, Jerome Harmon, Timothy Mosley & Justin Timberlake, songwriters
Best Rap Performance- Macklemore & Ryan Lewis-"Thrift Shop"--(Very good and catchy song. Well deserved. And Kendrick Lamar was robbed. He should've won at least one award. He's also very talented.)
Best Rock Performance- Imagine Dragons-"Radioactive"--(I'm beginning to dislike this song. Especially live. It's boring and tired.)
Best Alternative Music Album- Vampire Weekend-"Modern Vampires of the City"
Best Rock Album- Led Zeppelin -- "Celebration Day"
Best Country Song- Kacey Musgraves-"Merry Go 'Round"
--(Very talented girl. She's probably what Taylor Swift isn't.)
Best country album- Kacey Musgraves-Same Trailer Different Park
--(Has some nice songs. I think She'll do very well.)
Best Music Video- Justin Timberlake f. Jay Z-"Suit & Tie"
--(I think Capital Cities' "Safe and Sound" should have won. The vid has almost every visual format known to man and lets them mesh together perfectly. You have to see it to believe it. Way better than just Black & White. Also the song's great.)

There are more winners on the official Grammys website, and (obviously) Wikipedia.
Well thank you for reading, and thank you for reading the Grammy Awards review yesterday. 14 pageviews in the first 3 hours of its release. Wow!!
Thank you and see you next time.
Later!

Man Plans to Kill Rhino; Activists Plan to Kill HIM

Corey Knowlton was in hot water last week. What--you don't know who he is?? Well, if you don't, what's wrong with--I'm kidding. Even I don't know who he is. He's a hunter who enjoys killing animals for a living. On April during an auction held by the , Knowlton paid $350,000 for the chance to hunt an endangered African black rhinoceros. He did so successfully. After his announcement of this, many animals activists have made their disapproval, with several sending him death threats, and some even threatening to take his AND his family's lives. Knowlton has since hired around-the-clock private security after receiving the death threats.

(SIGH)

Now I'm not an animal lover, mostly because I eat meat. I really hate animal lovers, not because of their protection of animals (I'm pretty much cool with that), but because of the way they go about it. They act all high and mighty about how the animals are sacred species and that their lives shouldn't be tampered with, that they're perfect and special, that the world wouldn't be great without them and ect., ect., ect. But hey, from what I can tell from years of watching nature shows like National Geographic Explorer and My Gym Partner's a Monkey, it's that animals are not perfect and special--well, at least they don't act that way. They're not high and mighty, and we're basically just like animals, if evolution is to be believed. The fact that you want to kill one species by killing another makes you jerks and jackasses.

And to the specific group of people who want to send death threats and take the lives of Mr. Knowlton and his family, just to protect the life of one rhinoceros. I've got two words for you:

FUCK YOU!!!!!

Why in the name of God would you want to kill a man to save the life of an animal?! The human is just the same as a species as a rhino. They both have a face, legs, a nose an appitite, and a beating heart. And besides, a rhino will die from other things too, like starvation, diseases, famine and being killed (and eaten) by other animals.

I'm not condoning murder of any special species (humans included), bet he's a man and he can do whatever the sweet fuck he wants! You can't because you are weak, stupid and horrible. I hope you get trampled by a rhino you're trying to protect like an elephant trampling a peanut named Chuckles.

Oops, too soon. (Still not sorry)

The Downfall of Justin Bieber : UPDATED (a little)

Well someone is in the news this week, and it's someone I have not mentioned before. He's someone you know and loath (or love, depending on who you are) and on a big downfall since ever since his second (Under the Mistletoe is a Christmas album and doesn't count) album Believe. Also he's a topic I've sworn and promised to never talk about since this blog was created. But now, I have broken this promise because, dammit, Justin Bieber isn't a child anymore and needs a wake-up call!

Ever since Believe dropped, he's been on a crazy, twisted rollercoaster ride of a celebrity like this. For example, first he did a really lazy thing, having his bodyguards carry him up the Great Wall of China; only people in wheelchairs or walkers can't do that. Later April 2013, in the Netherlands, while visiting the Anne Frank House, he wrote, in the museum's guestbook, this:

"Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber."

Stay classy, Drew. Of course he later got criticized for it, but wondering about Anne Frank being a Belieber is like wondering if Rosa Parks was a fan of Twilight, a Twi-Hard: it just won't happen.

And now the apex of it all: last Thursday night in Calabasas, CA, Justin was caught by his next-door neighbor Schwatz throwing eggs at his property including his door and walkway. The neighbor said there were at least 20 eggs thrown at his property.

Since then, he is now under an investigation into the matter, with the Los Angeles Police Department raiding his home Tuesday morning and arresting his good buddy Xavier "Lil' Za" Smith (who?) after drugs were found in the house belonging to him. Whether it's cocaine or not, he's still going to jail. As for Justin, he is a suspect in a vandalism investigation, with his damage to his neighbor's property exceeding $400. Meaning he has committed a felony.

UPDATE: And what can I tell ya ABOUT FELONIES? He has now been arrested for drunk driving, suspicion drug possession and DUI, and drag racing in Miami Beach, later resisting arrest. He did this after blowing tens of thousands of $1 bills at a local strip club the night before. He was sent to jail on $2500 bail (1,000 for resisting without violence, $1,000 for DUI and $500 for driving with an expired driver's license).

Thank God stupidity and horniness aren't viruses, or else he and his hyper-loud, scatterbrained fans would've infected us years ago.

Justin, this behavior NEEDS TO STOP. You're 19 years old (and about to turn 20 in March) yet you're acting like goddamn Bart Simpson! you're lazy, stupid, annoying, and downright pissing us all off. Just because you're a music star, doesn't mean you can anything you want, whenever you want. There are people in this world who appreciate hours of walking through one of the 7 wonders of the world, walking through the house of a Holocaust victim, and living in a nice, swanky, ritzy neigborhood without doing really f**king stupid things. None of things could ever justify who you are and what you do. Well, so does getting high, shoplifting, and killing someone; but you didn't do (2 of) these things, so you're not that stupid. But anyway, this all needs to stop. Your fans are defending you. The media is making a mockery of you. Hell, I'm actually wasting my time talking about you. Either truly retire from the music industry or continue making a damn fool of yourself. At least things can't worse. You could--um, kill someone, or--what the hell--just be like a rapper and bang a bunch a women, knock them up and deny the kids from the get-go. Although unlike the Mariah Yeager (who?) catastrophe, this would be real, raw and much worse.

U

So Justin, get your damn act together. I'm already beginning to hate you (outside your music, which is meh already) and you just continue to lower my standards. This isn't a plea for help; even the near scatterbrained fans of the Belieber hive are finding your acts stupid. So, just...okay?

Golden Globe Awards: My Review

Ahh, the Golden Globes, the loose-as-hell ceremony that I consider the drunk, fun-loving cousin of the Academy Awards. What I love about this is that unlike the Oscars, the humor isn't forced, the celebrities are being themselves for the most part, and it isn't boring me so much I might get a seizure. I love what I saw last night; Tina and Amy should host again next year, and the year after that and after that and after that, until people get tired of them, like sequels of Hollywood movies.

I'm gonna keep it short, so here are some highlights for me:
The thing I clearly hated about the show is actors walking across the auditorium to receive their award. It's not their fault the Hollywood Foreign Press Association foolishly put many of them in the back of the Beverly Hilton so they would be usurped by the bigger stars in front of the stage. Too bad, some A-listers didn't win.

The best joke of the night was at the beginning, when Tina Fey said "Gravity is nominated for best film. It's the story of how George Clooney would rather float away in space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age." Hahaha, it's funny 'cause it's TRUE!!

The worst joke of the night came from Brooklyn Nine-Nine creator Dan Goor: "Winning a Golden Globe is way better than saving a human life!" Yes, waiting an hour to see if you won an award and/or actually winning one is MUCH better than saving the life of--well, saving a life. Good one, Dan. Just be glad your show is about police officers saving lives and it won an award and leave it at that.

Melissa McCarthy was more drunk than funny on stage. I blame the media for hyping her up for being in so many comedy films, making her look like royalty. Even less funny than Jonah Hill not using a teleprompter to present a movie. At least he got it together with a hard copy paper.
I'd be Randy's father. I'd be creeped out by Jacqueline Bissett too. Diane Lane singing was nice. Unexpected and weird, but nice nonetheless.

One of the jokes also might have set off the live feed: "Like a supermodel's vagina, let's give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio". If there were any complaints, those people are pussies because they can't take a solid lewd joke. And it's Leo DiCaprio; gay men's penises will give him a warm welcome anytime.

There were much more highlights I would've put here, but I was too busy either laughing so hard or busy remembering the highlights I put here to put here.

This years' show was fantastic. Tina and Amy will host again, I'm sure. And the producers should change the format a little next year, maybe put on a 7-second delay all the way through, maybe make more time for the hosts, and-oh yeah- not make actors walk from the back of the room to get a damn Globe!!

WINNERS (in order of broadcast appearance):
Sup. Actress in a MP - Jennifer Lawrence (American Hustle)
(Great for a film that was released a month ago)
Sup. Actress - TV Series, Mini, or Movie Jaqueline Bissett (Dancing on the Edge)
(Best speech of the night just because she said "Shit". Bloody perfect!)
Mini-Series or TV Movie - Behind the Candelabra
Actress in a Mini-Series or TV Movie - Elisabeth Moss (Top of the Lake)
Actor in a TV Series - Drama - Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad)
TV Drama Series - Breaking Bad (Anyone else "not expect" this?)
Original Score-Motion Picture - Alex Ebert (All is Lost)
Original Song-Motion Picture - "Ordinary Love"- (Mandela-Long Walk to Freedom)
Sup. Actor-TV Movie/Mini-Series Jon Voight - (Ray Donovan)
Actres in a Comedy/Musical - Amy Adams (American Hustle)
Actress in a TV Drama Series - Robin Wright (House of Cards)
Screenplay-Motion Picture - Spike Jonze (Her)
Actor in a Comedy/Musical - Andy Samberg (Brooklyn Nine-Nine)
Foreign Language Film - The Great Beauty/Italy
Sup. Actor in a MP - Jared Leto (Dallas Buyers Club)
Actor in a Mini/TVM - Michael Douglas (Behind the Candelabra)
Director-Motion Picture - Alfonso Cuaron (Gravity)
TV Series-Comedy - Brooklyn Nine-Nine
(A really good surprise; better than The Big Bang Theory in some aspects)
Actor in a Comedy - Leonardo DiCaprio (The Wolf of Wall Street)
(Great for another film released a month ago.)
Comedy/Musical Film - American Hustle
Actress in a MP, Drama - Cate Blanchett (Blue Jasmine)
Actor in a MP, Drama - Matthew McConaughey (Dallas Buyers Club)
Motion Picture - Drama - 12 Years a Slave
SPECIAL AWARD: Cecil B. DeMille Award - Woody Allen (Well deserved; his films are timeless)
My apologies if any winners did not appear on this list.

And that's it. Thank you for reading. I'll see you in March for the Academy Awards. See when Ellen Degeneres makes jokes about the nominees and other things, while somehow adding herself and her talk show into them, like she does any. other. time she appears TV. Wouldn't want to miss that.

Oh well. Good night!

People's Choice Awards: My Review

Hey everyone. The People's Choice Awards aired last night, but I didn't watch live. I had other things to do. So I watched from YouTube, thanks with the good graces from from someone who recorded and uploaded the whole thing, so I thank you dearly. So here are some highlights for me in a nutshell:

It seems like every time CBS airs this ceremony, it's just an excuse to give some of their shows recognition and tell people about them. And let Ellen Degeneres show up just to pick up an award for "Best Talk Show Host"; her record 14th!! I don't hate Ellen; I find her hilarious a lot. But it's time someone else won the award, but as long as she has a talk show (until she 79 for all I know), she just keep this award category under her belt (or fanny pack; whatever she makes her team make for her at abnormally large sizes). And Adam Sandler is only funny when he isn't trying to be.

Anyway, I always have this consternation like I have for the past few years. Some of the expectations were correct some of last years winners won, and it came to my anger. I don't know why I should be angry, but this is the People's Choice Awards. The people chose; specifically, anyone under 28 with a computer and cell phone, and not me. But how the awards were given and how everyone still acts so surprised makes me sick. I should be happy, at least, but I wasn't.

Also the hosts suck ass, especially the blonde. Seriously, Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs should stick to their day jobs (even though their day jobs also suck ass.) Although Beth was kinda good singing Wrecking Ball and Before She Cheats. She did something okay. So not much is different. It was boring, felt forced and I almost deeply regretted watching.
And yes, there will be people saying "If you didn't like it, you shouldn't have watched it."--well, something like that misspelled and messed up with numbers somewhere. But it was live, Sara Barreilles was performing and they're not here anyway, so what!

All of the the performers were great this year. But my favorite was OneRepublic, who really shut the place down with their performanc. Ryan Tedder really burnt his throat wailing on stage. And this is one of their best songs to dte for me, so that's great.

Here are this years' winners: My reaction is right next to some of them.

Favorite: Movies
Movie/Action Movie: Iron Man 3
Comedic: The Heat (It was pretty funny, Bu Sandra And Melissa were hilarious)
Dramatic: Gravity (Sandra owned popular cinema this year; one of the best dramas )
Actor: Johnny Depp (What movies have he been in this year I heard of?)
Actress; Sandra Bullock (She owned the show this year)
Dramatic Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio
Dramatic Actress: Sandra Bullock
Comedic Actor: Adam Sandler (He's only funny when he's not trying hard to be)
Comedic Actress: Sandra Bullock (Seriously!)
Action Star: Robert Downey Jr. (What did we think was gonna win?; This will explain the requests he made at the mic.)
Movie Duo: Sandra Bullock & George Clooney (Gravity)
Family Movie: Despicable Me 2
Horror Movie: Carrie
Thriller Movie: Now You See Me
Year End Movie: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

TV
Network Comedy: The Big Bang Theory (I did expect this at all)
Network Drama: The Good Wife (Ohmigod YEEEESS!! This show rocks!; Seriously this show is really good)
Comedic Actor: Chris Colfer (He makes me laugh zero times)
Comedic Actress: Kaley Cuoco (She makes me blush a lot a times)
Dramatic Actor: Josh Charles
Dramatic Actress: Stana Katic
TV Crime Drama: Castle
Sci-Fi/Fantasy Show: Beauty & the Beast
Sci-Fi/Fantasy TV Actor: Ian Somerhalder
Sci-Fi/Fantasy TV Actress: Kristin Kreuk
Cable Comedy: Psych (I was shocked. No really.)
Cable Drama: The Walking Dead (I wasn't shocked there
Premium Cable Show: Homeland
Movie/Miniseries: American Horror Story
Cable TV Actress: Lucy Hale
TV Anti-Hero: Rick Grimes (The Walking Dead)
Bromance: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester & Castiel (Supernatural))
Gal Pals: Rachel Berry & Santana Lopez (Glee)
On Screen Chemistry: Damon Salvatore & Elena Gilbert (The Vampire Diaries)
Hero: Norman Reedus (The Walking Dead)
New Comedy: (Super Fun Night)
New Drama: (Reign)
Actor In A New TV Series: Joseph Morgan
Actress In A New TV Series: Sarah Michelle Gellar
Streaming Series: (Orange Is the New Black)
Series We Miss Most: (Breaking Bad)
Daytime Host(s): Ellen DeGeneres (The Ellen DeGeneres Show) (See top, but still, someone else should win next year)
Late Night TS Host: Stephen Colbert (The Colbert Report)
New Talk Show Host: Queen Latifah (The Queen Latifah Show)
Competition TV Show: The Voice

I can't show the Music categories, because this is too much for me to bear.
It was a mixed bag shoe for me as always so we'll what goes on next year.

Thank you for reading; I'm so sorry I didn't give you more, but whatever. Good night.

Natasha Leggero "Offends" PH Veterans with SpaghettiOs Joke

Ahh New Years Eve: a time to celebrate another year gone, having fun with family and friends, and and mock veterans for not having basic bodily functions. Well that's what comedienne Natasha Leggero did in the form of a joke on TV on New Years' Eve.
On NBC's New Year's Eve with Carson Daly, Leggero, along with actor/comedian Anthony Anderson and actress Jane Lynch, was asked by Daly about how SpaghettiOs uses Veterans Day awareness to sell products and make profit.

Lynch joked that she was worried that SpaghettiOs is now considered pasta, while Leggero made this joke about United States veterans not having teeth to chew the "pasta".
Here's the video below...



(Oh no!! That she-witch!! She should be hangged!! WHATAN IDIOT!!)
First off, you may be wondering: who the hell is Natasha Leggero? Well, she's a comedienne best known from Comedy Central, and currently stars in the show Brickleberry (which I suggest not watching, unless you're into porn, mocking religion, redneck humor, and other tasteless crap. But season 1 is pretty good; check that out if you want to.)

Now I get the backlash she has received. I myself was pretty shocked by the video at first by reading the header, but when I watched this crappy video clip on YouTube, I could barely make out what anyone said.
(And the annotation on the top, made sense at first)

Of course you'd think I'd be pissed off and outrage about this, right?

Well...This should make me pissed off! I should be outraged! This make me angry!! THIS should make me FIND her and HANG HER!!! But, no, it really doesn't.
Why should we be offended? Because we all have someone in our lives who previously went to war and now don't have any teeth? Well, yes, that may be the case, but all she made was a joke. And seriously, veterans won't have teeth when they're old anyway. WE ALL won't have teeth when we're old. It's just what happens when we age, people.

It's a sad joke, yes, but she didn't make a joke about vets being blown up or killed. THAT would have been off-color, tasteless, idiotic and therefore unfunny. She made a joke about vets not having teeth and barely being able to chew food with gums or dentures. There are comedians out there who have made worse jokes about veterans and our society in general for years and all we do is shut up and laugh at them as if it was episode of All in the Family. Yet all you heard from her was "survivors of Pearl Harbor" and "food they can barely chew" and you're immediately up in arms. You all are acting like she made a funny about vets losing a leg, and then using a cane they can barely walk with, because the cane company is using Veterans' Day as a ploy to make a profit. Just like Anthony Anderson was acting like he was cracking up at the joke.

And if you're pissed off that I'm not at the same page with you about this subject then too bad. I'm not sorry about it. It's not a horrible joke. Calling a 9-year-old Oscar-nominated actress a cunt when she grows up is a horrible joke. Funny now, but still horrible in hindsight. Oh and she wasn't sorry about the vets joke thing either, when she posted this on her website:

I wish I could apologize, but do you really want another insincere apology that you know is just an attempt at damage control and not a real admission of guilt? Let me just try instead to be honest.
I'm not sorry. I don't think the amazing courage of American veterans and specifically those who survived Pearl Harbor is in any way diminished by a comedian making a joke about dentures on television. Do we really believe that the people who fought and defended our freedom against Nazis and the Axis powers will find a joke about SpaghettiO's too much to bear? Sorry, I have more respect for Veterans than to think their honor can be impugned by a glamorous, charming comedian in a fur hat.
That's not to say I don't think comedians are a problem in this country, they are a financial drain on the people who date them and talk far too much about themselves. I'm thrilled to see how passionate (death threats against a five foot tall woman are always the height of passion!) people are about our country and our Veterans. I am too. My own father lost his hearing in the Vietnam War so the issue is pretty close to me too. So rather than apologize, let me offer another perspective.
On the one hand you have me, making a joke about how old people can't chew tough foods very well.
On the other hand you have Veterans who receive inadequate care upon their return from active duty, rampant sexual assault against female soldiers, staggering rates of suicide, traumatic brain injury, PTSD, substance abuse and depression among soldiers and political gridlock that prevents these problems from getting solved quickly.
Where do you think your outrage and action would be better served, calling me a c--- or doing something about the above problems?
For those of you that are currently doing both: Kudos!
To our vets: I love you. I truly hope you know that.
To SpaghettiO's: Let's do lunch.
To the Elderly: Chew!
To [some guy named] @nealrscott: It's spelled Human Excrement not Increatment.
To those looking for an active way to address the above problems, do what I've decided to do instead of apologize: Make a donation to the Disabled American Veterans foundation.

Hah!! She made a burn against you, because you're unintelligent and lazy!! (Ahem)
Anyway, she did something really different and decided not to apologize, because we as a society don't take a comedian's apology as nothing more than crappy damage control. And she cares about veterans as much as the next guy. You don't see other comedians do something like this before. And you know no one accepts their apologies unless their name is Ellen DeGeneres or Taylor Swift. And the next time something on veterans comes up, and she makes a joke about them, she will NOT get a sympathy vote from me.

By the way, I'm sure nobody chews SpaghettiOs anymore. They just stick it their mouths, taste and swallow. Unless there's meatballs, because then you can chew them.

See you next time when you old pal Andrew tries to defend Jamie Kennedy being asked about how middle-class Americans are struggling financially, and turns it into a joke about how Black and Latino residents survive on Food Stamps. You'll burn for my reaction!!

Later!

Happy New Year

Hello everyone. I hope you're enjoying the last day of the year they call 2013.

It's Andrew once again for the last time this year. First off let me apologize for this very long hiatus. I've been though a few personal things in my life. And writer's block. It has been a while since I've made a post so I'll just take this in a personal route.

When I started this blog in December 2012, I never knew of what I got myself into. I thought I was going to quit as soon as I started. But I later learned that it turned out to be the best thing for me to involve a computer, a keyboard and my brain. It took a lot of hard work and internet bandwidth, but it got me something I'd never reach: 1000 pageviews in less than a year; more than I ever wanted. And some of my posts have gotten more than I ever thought as well. Some have 5 views, some have 13. Even a few of them have more than 20!! My segments Short/Long Music Review and My Reviews on major televised award ceremonies have also became a hit because of you guys, and I really thank you for that.

I have one thing to say and a group of people do that to: THANK YOU, All of YOU. Without your love and support, along with spreading the word to friends, you guys have brought this blog from underground to sensation. If it wasn't for you guys, my blog would've still been seen by only my family and a few friends, and even then they'd only check it out if they had nothing to do. And without this blog, I'd still have nothing to do but watch talk shows and masturbate (and I do a lot of one of them). I shouldn't have said that. Oh well.

So thank you guys for making this year, my first full year of working a blog, the best I've ever had. And I can't wait for what's in store in 2014, so I can talk about it...or talk sh!t about and have you guys read about it. So I hope you guys had a great summer, perfect Halloween, fantastic Thanksgiving, a very Merry Christmas and super amazing awesome(balls) Happy New Year. See ya later...in 2014.

Sincerely,

The Maroon Marauder
Andrew

SLMR: Heartbreaker and All That Matters

Today I've decided that, for--what the hell, let's get into this.

Aahh, Justin Bieber. As you all have known, this guy is currently on a maturity roller-coaster going from pretty-boy pop heartthrob
to cocky, daddy-mack pop-R&B panty-melter.
And apparently his music changed too, as seen by his recently-released single from his single-release campaign "Music Mondays". Hmm, seems catchy, doesn't it?

Let's start with what I thought was Bieber's first ever break-up songs after so many make-up ones, "Heartbreaker".

This was literally from Wikipedia when I was making this review:

Heartbreaker was released on October 7th because it was he's official date with Selena Gomez Heartbraker is for any one whos going through a heart break just as he was when he wrote the song

WOW. Thanks for the info, dumbass.

Well, it seems like for the sake of maturing his sound, it looks like he's going to the direction of Justin Timberlake, as it sound like here, especially during the chorus. I really like the beat; sounds very 90s. But the spoken word part sounds like a fail to me as Justin here tries to be like JT or Childish Gambino. Okay, in this song, Bieber is whinn--confessing that he feels that his lover is giving him the 3rd degree because she feels he isn't giving his all in their relationship. He wants her to feel the same way. Oh boo hoo, Justin Drew Bieber!! She is breaking up with you. You shouldn't try chasing after her. You gave it your best, but she wasn't buying that. Now leave her and go someplace else. It's not like she loved you anyway. Okay, I barely got what he's saying because he sounds like he's singing through a fan, so I'm standing by what I wrote.


I actually wanted to hate this song because of the nice and not-at-all foolish decisions good old Biebs has been doing for the past few years
>
but as soon as I heard it, I thought, hmm, this could be interesting. And interesting it was, as we head over to "All That Matters".

Okay, is this Justin Bieber or Jesse McCartney? I'm definitely hearing the latter with a touch of Drake, or vise versa. Okay, I really like the beat. Nice mix of pop, R&B, and a little hint of hip-hop inside. It "Matters", Justin tells a hope-to-be-future lover that she is the only thing that matters to him...and that's it. Nothing else does. Like food, water, heat, music, hearing, a comb, or of course, anyone else. At first that's what I thought it was about...until I watched the lyric video, as I barely gone through the song proper. It's about cheating on his lover with some other girl, I think. Yikes! Probably the other girl was the girl in Heartbreaker. While I like the music, I certainly hate the words. It sounds like Bieber's trying so hard to be Ginuwine, Usher and Chris Brown, but sounds mediocre.

Oh, also there's some really corny lines such as "What's a King bed without a Queen" and "There ain't no I in Team". Ugh. I've never heard Lil Wayne say any lines more cornier than that. Well, if he makes more songs like this, he could become the next Ginuwine or Usher or Keith Sweat or, God forbid, Chris Brown. Sweet God Justin, choose wisely.

Okay I admit, I can't make out what the hell Justin's saying. This is the first time I've ever been stumped making this review; I've never tried so hard to hear and understand what an artist said because everyone else spoke clearly. Even Justin himself sang clearly in his older songs. If he wants be make more sensual songs about taking it to the next level, at least stand in front of the microphone and scream at it, then wait for the results.

And there they are: two songs I didn't have to review but I did, because-well-someone had to. But it's up to you if you want to listen. And it's also up to you like this guy, but if you don't, you've certainly made better life choices than I have.
Next time I will be back to find another song to review (I hope it's good; who am I kidding, it's probably bad).
See you next time.

SLMR: Wrecking Ball & Royals

Welcome to Short/Long Music Review, where I find songs (I either love or hate) to review them in a short review that took a long time to review.


Before I got started on this edition, I would like to apologize for this short hiatus for the past few weeks. The reason? Well, I live with my parents. You can connect the dots on that one.

And now, on with the show. Today I'm reviewing a song by...her.

Riley Lycrus...sorry. Miley Cyrus. The all-mighty twerker of Twerkeessee. Since her image refresh, I've cut off all constant use of radio, MTV, Vevo, YouTube, SNL, Spaghetti-Os, French Fries, bathrooms, parties, looking at city skylines, and starting Monday, the Today Show, but since I have you guys, I decided to dip into the Miley pool of turnt up and un-censorship to bring you all my review of her latest single Wrecking Ball.
Also, I will be reviewing a song I haven't ever heard of until...watching Good Morning America on Friday. I should stop doing that. It's by a person I've never heard of until now named Lorde (w...not today.). It's a song that has been called the anti-thesis of partying, sex, drugs, twerking and anything else in pop music, rap music, and...basically music at all these days. It's called Royals.

Let's start with Wrecking Ball.

Wrecking Ball continues Miley Cyrus' big transformation from popular kid song singer to white trash hip hop impersonator...I'm sorry, I don't hate Miley Cyrus. I really like We Can't Stop and I see her image change as fakery just to help skyrocket record sales and popularity, and that's a smart thing for her. But I can't help making jokes about her looking like the richest-looking slut in the world. Instead this song is not about that, it's about being in love and the consequence you suffer in the hands of an uncooperative lover. In this case, it's Miley and her ex-fiancée Liam Hemsworth, who is the basis of the song. I know it seems crazy, but this song is actually (and obviously) tamer and realer than We Can't Stop, despite the fact that I would think that, in the video, Miley looks like some crazy-ass broad who either can't love or loves too much, like Taylor Swift. (Yeah, I went there. SUE ME.) Anyway, this is cemented (heh, pun) in the music video that had everyone talking (and mocking) ever since the vid was released last month.

Here it is.

And if you don't like that, here is the director's cut, which shows just Miley singing teary eyed. I find this much better than the original.


Speaking of the video, she's vulnerable and open and--and she wants to feel free--and--uh--okay, I was busy staring at her naked and riding the wrecking ball and liking the sledgehammer, and thinking that sledgehammer was my sledgehammer. But the vulnerable and open part, that's true. She did feel that way after ending her relationship with Hemsworth, which is what puts the video together. Ever since then, It has spun into countless parodies that include teary eyes, licking sledgehammers, broken cement walls and (yes) wrecking balls. It even garnered attention from as the video reminiscent of the video of Sinead O'Connor's song "Nothing Compares 2 U". The similarities are striking.

Yes, it seems like easy porn, but this is nothing compared to this. There is a video much worse than Wrecking Ball. Much worse that there is much more nudity and sex in it. It's called Pour It Up by Rihanna. And no one said anything about this.

And there it is: one song that wrecks the competition and becomes a surprise hit--wait. Oh yes I forgot something; the other song. The song that knocked "Wrecking Ball" off the top of the charts. It's--uh, oh yeah--Royals by Lorde.

Now to be honest, I have never listened to this song. Never. Since I don't listen to the radio anymore (and will probably be destroyed in 10-15 years, I think), I never gotten the heads up on this until watching ABC World News Now one late night with the anchors gushing about this song, and that she would perform it on GMA. That got me wondering: Why do I stay up at night and Who is Lorde? Well If you know Gotye, then you know what I mean, so I don't have to type it. Lorde, real name Ella Yelich O'Connor, is from New Zealand and has been in the business since she was 12, and has been praised in her home country for her near-unheard of sound, and compared her to Adele, Florence + the Machine and Lana Del Rey. Here's a taste of her sound in Royals.


So...wait, this isn't it. I never expected this to be yet another party pop song about drinking, sex, drinking some more, driving in expensive cars, smoking exotic drugs like Molly and Reefer and living the life of kings. And I really didn't expect this to top the Billboard Hot 100. And for that I say, THNAK GOD ALMIGHTY!! HALELUJAH!! Finally, a song that doesn't include the all of the above. It includes the opposite; telling you that you will never live the life of luxury, and you will stay broke, living off the paychecks you get from working at Wal-Mart and eating the Hungry-Mans you binge on while watching the cable you steal from your neighbor's house. From that you can tell that I hate these types of songs, and wish for a song to be nothing like that; and here it is. It sounds like rap, but it's fortunately nothing but. Some of the lyrics do confuse me like "I cut my teeth on wedding rings/In the movies". I've never met nor heard of someone doing that whether in movies of in real life.
As for the MV, it's just someone doing normal things that a typical person of average wealth of prosperity would do, like waking up, taking a shower, eating cereal, cutting hair, laying on a street, watching your mouth bleed, ect. It kind of represents what many others don't: Real human life that isn't a fairy tale dream come true. It's rare these days that there are music and videos about this subject, so let's hope Lorde makes more music this and just not be a sex freak. That goes for Miley Cyrus too, as if it isn't too late.

And there they are: two songs I didn't have to review but I did, because-well-someone had to. But it's up to you if you want to listen. And next time I will be back to find another song to review (I hope it's good; who am I kidding, it's probably bad).
See you next time.

CMA Awards Nominations

Why is she still nominated? She's not even country anymore!--

Oh sorry. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the reason I'm still relevant, Maroon Mondays Award Show Reviews. Today the Country Music Association released nominations to this years' CMA Awards, the largest country music awards ceremony
in the UNIVERSE!!!
(Ahem)
Well, at least in North America.

As you know, I am into country music (well, at least not as much as pop or hip-hop, sadly) but I do enjoy the awards show where I can watch the big artists (and Taylor Swift) perform their latest hits and battle against each other in the categories that make up the nominations (And in Taylor's case, just show up looking pretty, sing a song that sounds country enough, and you're automatically nominated).

So here they are, in their big, wonderful glory, the nominations to this years' CMA Awards:

Vocal Duo of the Year:
Big and Rich
Florida Georgia Line
Love and Theft
Sugarland
The Civil Wars
Thompson Square

Female Vocalist:
Kelly Clarkson (Not really a Country singer either)
Kacey Musgraves
Taylor Swift (See?)
Carrie Underwood

New Artist:
Lee Brice
Brett Eldridge
Florida Georgia Line
Kip Moore
Kacey Musgraves

Male Vocalist:
Jason Aldean
Luke Bryan
Eric Church
Blake Shelton
Keith Urban

Entertainer of the Year"
Jason Aldean
Luke Bryant
Blake Shelton
George Strait (A surprise nom; I never heard of him before Drake's HYFR)
Taylor Swift (Another surprise; as she's not a country artist)

Well, that's it. Who will win it all? Who will will perform? Who will not show up in a hat? Find out when the CMA Awards air November 6 on ABC.
But, dear God, I hope it's not Taylor Swift. Hate all you want, TS fans, but she doesn't deserve any nom, and definitely doesn't deserve any awards. She's a pop artist now, and I have never ever (no pun intended) heard any song from her that sounds like country; just listen to most of Speak Now and ALL of Red. It's all right there.

So, see you in November?

1 Season Wonder - Gidget

Welcome to 1 Season Wonder, a segment at Maroon Mondays - where I take a look into the annals of Television and find some of the best TV shows--with one season--and bring them to you for your enjoyment.

I scour across the Internet and find TV shows with only 1 season, watch them, see if I enjoyed them, talk about them here and put them in a list of 1-Season Wonders. It sounds easy as it looks, right? No, you actually have to find these shows, watch through them hoping they're not as painful as they were the first time, and debate with yourself to see if it makes the list. If that sounds challenging and you want it that way, then let's do it.

Ahh the 1960s. Such a wonderful decade. Bright sun-shinny days, happy kids having fun, dancing, surfing, Model-T cars, government, war, McCarthyism, segrega--uhh, anyway, the sixties were awesome not only in real life events (except the bad ones), it was awesome in television. The characters and plots were bright, realistic, and either gritty or silly. One of the latter, this edition's show, was really bright (because it takes place at the beach most of the time), realistic (because some of the characters know how to surf) and it is silly (but not Batman or Monkees or Bewitched silly, but it's up there.) Also, as we heard from Seth MacFarlane at last years' The Oscars, the title character is played by the legendary and certainly hot Sally Field. It's Gidget.


Before there were shows like "Moesha", "Boy Meets World" and "Saved by the Bell", we had Gidget. A look into the world of a normal, typical teenager going through things we went through as teenagers. This show definitely had all a sitcom in the 60s had for the 18-49 demographic: the beach, hot guys, dancing like you're on American Bandstand, quirky best friend(s), and one or two parents that are always strict and caring. And that's what Gidget was all about.

Gidget may seen like a boy-crazy character of a 60's sitcom, but she's more than that. She's pretty sophisticated and charming character who's up to learn about life and being assertive and proud of herself, with her family and friends by her side. In fact, on one hand, Gidget was utterly enjoyable and, at times, hilarious to look at. That's attributed to Sally Field in her first television role. Field really committed to the role, giving us some moments that make us laugh, some that made us cry and some in between. You might never know what Gidget would be up to next (unless you've been religiously watching reruns or on DVD.)
Gidget's father Russell was like many 60's sitcom dads. They are always wise and calm, yet can be strict when the time comes. But at all times, he's very sweet. He always had the right thing on his mind, and was that guy to go to if you really need help. Plus, he's hilarious when he acts goofy.
I can even enjoy Larue for being the goofy yet sweet and dependable best friend. She is always there for Gidget even if it sacrifices her own devices. Larue was the voice of reason for Gidget during hair-brained schemes, but goes along because she cares for her.
On the other hand, Anne and John were so annoying. Like "take a gun to your head" annoying. They may care for their little sister/sister-in-law, which is understandable, because of her behavior. But other than that, the things she do and say makes me want to bash my head against a wall. I don't know if they suffer any disorders or neuroses, because that's what they act like.

Why I Love This Show: is that, even though this show is old (and, you know, a season long), it actually holds up today with what teenagers do and the morals they should learn. Just replace dancing with clubbing, sleepovers with sex, and mild drug use with heavy drug use. It also teaches us good morals we could use unlike the many sitcoms that don't like The Monkees or The Beverly Hillbillies, like learning to feel good with yourself, having your best friends' backs like they would have yours, and learning to appreciate the things you have in life as there are people who don't.

The show aired on ABC from September 15, 1965 to April 21, 1966.Reruns after its initial run aired in syndication for decades, with two made-for-TV movie sequels airing years later, 1969's Gidget Grows Up and 1972's Gidget Gets Married, along with a syndicated reboot, The New Gidget. Decades after its cancelation, Gidget has maintained a big and devoted cult audience. Reruns can now be found on Crackle, Hulu, and Antenna TV, a digital subchannel airing sitcoms and dramas from the 1940s to the 1990s. The Monkees and (starting this fall) Bewitched can also be found there.

Favorite Character: Gidget. She was smart, sophisticated and crazy (sometimes all at once). She wasn't like many female characters of the 60s. She wasn't boy-crazy all the time, and acts like what a teenage girl going on adolescent should be like.

Favorite Episode: "Like Voodoo". The part where she makes a plan to stop the curse gives me the chills, but made me laugh as well.

And there it is, Gidget, the second addition of the 1 Season Wonder segment, added to the list of 1 Season Wonders and will forever be known as the show that put Sally Field on the map and forced her to go to a show she hates to the grave, The Flying Nun.

Tune in next time when I review a show that made two of the greatest characters in nonfiction history best friends and helps a guy solve a problem (keeping Earth alive)...and made some of the most religious groups up in arms that they forgot it's fiction.

I'll see you next time, but until then, keep your television shows close and the pieces of crap closer.

MTV Video Music Awards 2013: My Review

(UPDATED on May 30, 2014. Pictures re-uploaded after accidental deletion.)

Hi everybody. Welcome to MaroonMondays Cable Awards Reviews; where I watch the expensively cheap, trashy, over-the-top and shocking-because-they-planed-it awards shows and review in the way I can for your enjoyment.

This time, I'm tackling the MTV Video Music Awards, the undisputed king of trashy, shocking, near-over-the-top, OMG-I-can't-believe-this-happened-live moments. This year the VMAs took place from the BK. That's right, Brooklyn, New York at the newly-built and almost nearly graffiti-covered Barclays Center, with host...well, no host this year. But it didn't really matter. It was always about the performances and shocking moments. Always.

Some changes happened in the day leading up to the day of the nominations. One change was a huge makeover of the iconic Moonman award. It went from being the earliest representation of Music Television...to this.

This creation was by world-famous artist (and Brooklyn native) KATS (who?) known for the cat with the skull-and-crossbones face with Xs for eyes. Companion. You know? You don't? Oh, me neither.

Also, the nominations were revealed on the network's Instagram and Vine pages. At first, I thought it was a bad idea because people with brains won't wake up in the morning to see six-15 second videos about nominations. It still is, but the concept and execution is awesome.
Now the show has come once again, with everyone looking forward to who wearing what (or who), what performance will shock and amaze (or just shock), and who is going to put MTV's censors on a handstand.

Lady Gaga opened the show with her latest hit "Applause". And if you know who she is, you're bound for something you'd never ever expect from her to perform.
Remember blood-tits?
Or Jo?
(Who, by the way, would look like the prettiest man-dyke I've ever seen.)
That's what she's about, as was seen here with "Applause". It started with Ms. Gaga welcoming us to the show, which looks like she was already in a weird costume. Fortunately she tricked us as the camera pulls out to reveal she's actually in a white nun's habit. As the song begins, she takes the habit off and dresses up in a outfit fit for Broadway (and yes, she looks amazing in that) and makes 3 more outfit changes.

As it turns out, this is one of the most subdued Lady Gaga performances I've even seen (and that's saying a lot.) I've seen many Lady Gaga performances, and they are worth nightmares. This one, not so much, thank God. After a change into a wig and suit outfit, she then dashes through her dancers to wear this.

Yep the same thing she wore the music video.

And she looked ass-tastic.
I will admit, I wasn't all that surprised for this performance, but I was surprised when she pulled C-shells out (if you know what I mean). Stay classy, Stefani. Stay classy.

Miley Cyrus.
Yeah.
She sang "We Can't Stop". If you read the Short/Long Music Review on this song and its video, you know she'll pull off something Disney Channel wouldn't (they stick to radar-breaking writing). So she comes out of a giant robotic teddy bear, wearing something she stole from the trash can at Chuck E. Cheese's (just kidding; you look hot. Stay classy, Destiny.) and dances with a bunch of human pink ones. If that wasn't enough, she moves like she's drunk, feels tired, like she wants to make Walt Disney spin in his cryogenic grave, and just couldn't resist a little twerking. She then puts her face in a plus-sized dancer's ass and then smacks it. (Right now, I admit, I thinks it's hot to see a woman smack another woman's ass. Yes, I'm a filthy animal; It happens. Sue me.) And if that wasn't enough, she pulls off her outfit to reveal a flesh-colored bikini while Robin "Beetlejuice" Thicke walks in.

She looks nice in that. No, she doesn't. He would duet with Miley by singing his monster hit "Blurred Lines". She should not ever sing "Blurred Lines". EVER. She then grinds him.

(I wonder how Paula felt) I wish I were him. Then 2 Chainz and Kendrick Lamar come out. I'd rather have Miley grinding Robin. Seriously, I don't mind Kendrick, but hearing something come out of 2 Chainz's mouth would be equivalent to putting a gun in mine. You can understand why. We mash that up with see Miley having fun with a foam finger 9 times. Stop, Miley. Actually, don't. It's turning me on a bit. (Sorry. Filthy animal kicking in.)
And those reactions...

...priceless.

Kanye West did "Blood on the Leaves" from a screenshot of a forest. Really. Although it may seem boring (as I always say), I actually enjoyed it. Who knew that Kanye West rapping in front of a picture in silhouette would be so enticing? Anyway, this was the first time I heard this song, so...I like it and I'm going to hear it again sometime.

Justin Timberlake was awarded the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award, which acknowledges artists who made big innovations to the Music Video form. Other artists who received the honor include Janet Jackson, The Beatles, George Michael, Madonna, Beastie Boys and last years recipient Britney Spears. He first sang his latest single "Take Back the Night". Great song, nice beat, and awesome message to get your ass on the dance floor and make the night yours. He then preformed his biggest hits like "SexyBack", "Cry Me a River", and "Senorita".
And then...he brought...them.

That's right. *NSYNC. Reunited.
But first, the backstory.
There was a huge rumor swirling that Justin would also reunite with the members of his old boy band *NSYNC. But unfortunately that was shot down days later (even though they all wanted to). I really wanted this to happen, given I was previously a fan of the band, and that I thought that was a planned lie like on the finale of The Office, when Michael Scott returned.

This even had me changing the profile pic of my personal Twitter page to pictures of Chip Skylark.


You know, from Fairly OddParents? He was voiced by another former member, Chip Kirkpatrick. He was really cool character.
Anyway, the lie happened and the rumors were true. The band is back together again. So they performed their biggest hits "Bye Bye Bye" and "Girlfriend"...and then left. Yes, it was short, and I wanted more, but it was satisfying nonetheless.
Welcome back, *NSYNC. Welcome back.
Straight after, Justin ended the set with his current solo hits "Suit and Tie" and "Mirrors". It was an absolutely amazing medley to an absolutely amazing man. Keep staying classy, JT.

Kevin Hart later made fun of them for being fat. He does have a point. He then made a creepy compliment to Lady Gaga about her ass. Who wouldn't? Stay classy, Chocolate Drop.

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis took the stage to preform that will probably take the nation by storm and put sexual segregation to rest, "Same Love". Such a powerful song, full of truth and sadness in which our country is stuck in a time where not only acceptance in skin color wasn't allowed, but acceptance in sexuality and marriage equality wasn't allowed either, and still isn't. I hope this song changes that. Later on the duo and featured artist Mary Lambert (who is smoking hot; I don't care what her size is) brought out another smoking hot woman, Jennifer Hudson, to sing the rest of the chorus. Later the two girls got into a singing smack-down. This performance really almost had me in tears. Well, not the smack-down.


Drake sang.
Seriously, he sang to his latest single "Hold On, We're Going Home". Well...the beat is great. I could dance to that without the singing. Then October's Very Own (I don't know how a month could have it's own person. If so, then I'm March's Very Own. Yeah, why not?) performed "Started from the Bottom", the ultimate song about being raised in the 'hood and living with mom and dad, dreaming of becoming a football player, and ending up being a low-class rapper with money, liquor and bitches at your feet in the process. He moved around the stage. That's it. I liked the Energy? I don't know what to say; The album cover is whack.


Bruno Mars sang "Gorilla", a song about doing it like a primate. Primal screams throughout. I was scared. Stay classy, Peter.

Katy Perry had the daunting task of closing the show, something almost everyone hope will end with a bang. She sang "Roar", something I also did a Short/Long Music Review on. She was at the Brooklyn Bridge--oh sorry--near the Brooklyn Bridge at a fake boxing ring, pretending to be a boxer. I understand the concept of the set, because the song is about fighting a bad relationship and coming out strong, but the performance was boring and dry. I like the tempo the set had and the lion props decked around the ring, but I stop at that. No bang. A sizzle, maybe, but no bang.

Next year, MTV, do better. Get a host. Make it brighter. And stop making those trashy moments; they now seem forced and sad. The BET Awards are kicking your ass, and they are more entertaining. And yet I thought they were the bad one. But there is one plus: the set. It looked awesome.

Anyway, MTV, clean up your act. Same for you, Miley. Just...stop.

And now to the secondary part of the VMAs, the part no one has cared about since 1985 and came back into interest since 2005, since it stopped being unwittingly and (amazingly) awesome. The winners of the coveted Moonman award.

WINNERS:
Video of the Year - Justin Timberlake — "Mirrors"
Best Male Video - Bruno Mars — "Locked Out of Heaven"
Best Female Video - Taylor Swift — "I Knew You Were Trouble"
Artist to Watch - Austin Mahone (who?) — "What About Love"
Best Pop Video - Selena Gomez — "Come & Get It"
Best Rock Video - 30 Seconds to Mars — "Up in the Air"
Best Hip-Hop Video - Macklemore and Ryan Lewis (featuring Ray Dalton) — "Can't Hold Us"
Best Collaboration - Pink (featuring Nate Ruess) — "Just Give Me a Reason"
Best Direction - Justin Timberlake (featuring Jay-Z) — "Suit & Tie" (Director: David Fincher)
Best Visual Effects - Capital Cities — "Safe and Sound" (Visual Effects: Grady Hall, Jonathan Wu and Derek Johnson)
Best Art Direction - Janelle Monáe (featuring Erykah Badu) — "Q.U.E.E.N." (Art Director: Veronica Logsdon)
Best Editing - Justin Timberlake — "Mirrors" (Editors: Jarrett Fijal and Bonch LA)
Best Cinematography - Macklemore and Ryan Lewis (featuring Ray Dalton) — "Can't Hold Us" (Directors of Photography: Jason Koenig, Ryan Lewis and Mego Lin)
Best Video with a Social Message - Macklemore and Ryan Lewis (featuring Mary Lambert) — "Same Love"
Best Song of the Summer - One Direction — "Best Song Ever"
Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award - Justin Timberlake

Thank you for joining me for this edition of MaroonMondays Cable Awards Reviews. I'm Andrew saying "I bark funny."

Sorry I wanted to end it in happy, upbeat fashion after the...degrading...mess. Anyway, bye!