Monday, August 12, 2013

Teen Choice Awards: My Review

Welcome everyone to the dog days of summer. Where the beaches are closing, the babes are done tanning, the BBQs close, and everyone gone back to their normal lives. Oh and the Teen Choice Awards come out and play for the right reasons. Teenagers vote to choose which actor or actress or singer is hotter than the other and hope that actor, actress or singer wins. Also they want to see if Justin Bieber or Cody Simpson or One Direction will perform and/or take his shirt off. Oh and they'll scream every five-seven seconds. And even though I don't watch most of the TV shows their demo watches, I enjoy the TCAs for its upbeat, colorful and preppy nature. Sure it's annoying for some, but what else can you watch on a broadcast network in the summer and have this much fun (even if you don't have cable)?

This years' show is hosted by Pretty Little Liars star Lucy Hale and Glee star Darren Criss, taking place for the last time at the Gibson Amphitheatre in Los Angeles before the venue closes to make room for The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Why that's happening, I don't care. I couldn't watch this years' show because I had other things to do (and all the other TVs in the house were taken), so I had to grab the info from Wikipedia and the show's official Twitter page, which was very slow at best. But that was fine because I figured most of the people winning last night were the same people who won last year. But I love watching the actors and singers acting surprised because they either knew they won or were surprised they won, because their fans have been playing "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better" with other celebrities' fans. Also there wasn't much winners last night that I didn't see coming.

Usually during my reviews, I just give my critiques on performances and nothing else, because nothing else happens in the ceremony to surprise or excite me. But here, it's the exact opposite. There were some interesting moments that would stand out among the rest to make headlines around the world. I'll get to that later, but first, the performances:


Starting off the show is everybody's favorite foreign pasty-faced pretty boys One Direction, singing their latest hit "Best Song Ever". I got to hear it for the first time, and to me, it is not what the title implies (even if they know what the best song ever is; hell, it could be some heavy metal song about Zombies and moonshining). I didn't like it because the boys were a little off-key. I'm okay that they didn't do much but stand and walk around the stage, because that's what everyone did tonight...well let's say that I'm glad they began the show and not ended it. The performance started the show with a fizzle, not a bang.

Next up was Florida Georgia Line with "Cruise". I don't like the song so much, but it has become the fourth rated song of the summer, behind "Blurred Lines", "Get Lucky" and "We Can't Stop", to my utter annoyance. This song is like every other country (and every hip-hop) song about cars and sluts. So here's a short rundown: They're standing there, with a bunch of women in skimpy clothing dancing like strippers (or normally) and then Nelly comes out. The same as their last live performances. I didn't like it. I hated it.

One of the the best performances of the night for me went to Demi Lovato with "Made in the USA". Although I'm a sucker for So-Happy-to-be-An-American-I-Could-Sing-About-It songs like "Born in the USA" and "God Bless America", this technically probably wasn't one in that context. This song is about being patriotic, yes, but in a good relationship. I like this song because it puts a twist on the ever-so-legendary songs about being American by singing about being an American in love, which is genius. She sang beautifully here, and that's what mattered here. I don't care what Demi wore, I don't care what 'do Demi had and I don't even care if Nick Jonas was on drums. Demi was great and that's what mattered.

And finally, Paramore (whose only songs I heard were Decode and Only Exception [Both of which I love]) sang yet another song I never heard of tonight {I should listen to the radio more}, "Still Into You". It was energetic from the beginning. Haley Williams was amazing singing the song and doing whatever she was doing there. Although I was wondering what was on her legs, Then a flash mob of people wearing black clothes and colored wigs erupted on the stage. And then they showed their asses. Yup, good way to battle the censors, Fox. Anyway, it was an awesome performance from start to finish, and ended the show with an explosion. And this is a show that is really annoying and suckish most of the time.

The music performances were wonderful, but the biggest and the best moment of all that night was when Lea Michele made her first public appearance since since the death of her Glee co-star and real life boyfriend Cory Monteith. She was brave to come out on stage after a very painful time in her life, and I commend her for that. To lose someone you loved and cared for so much, and more over for that to be so focused on in the public eye, she must have the balls to come out on TV and thank the fans for their love and support. And of course, that was when Glee won best comedy, but that time is better than no time at all.

Oh and then there was...twerking. Oh yeah, that's right. twerking. This tweet shares my anger and embarrassment for this country.


And this is what I would rather watch than that. Notice how the rakes Sideshow Bob hits represent the facepalms I made after hearing that. And the grunts I made after said facepalms:


And now this years' winners. They get a surfboard. No, seriously, a surfboard. Something that looks they can't surf on. But it is better than a piece of metal. Also, I kinda wasn't surprised at some of the winners, because whatever adults find horrible, teens find amazing. In fact, someone has actually blown the lid on voting. And he happened to win one in 2010. Shane Dawson, popular comedian on YouTube, posted this tweet about 45 minutes into the show:

I was shocked at first, but quickly knew he was probably right. Some of the winners were either the same winners from last year or those who were expected to win. And the producers probably made the choices for the winners, not the teens who voted on the website.
Which led to this.

Such smart investigating, Shane. Anyway, here they are in particular order:

Choice MOVIE
Action: “Iron Man 3”
Actor Action: Robert Downey, Jr. - “Iron Man 3”
Actress Action: Anne Hathaway - “The Dark Knight Rises”
Drama: "The Perks of Being a Wallflower"
Actor Drama: Logan Lerman - "The Perks of Being a Wallflower"
Actress Drama: Emma Watson - “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”
Comedy: "Pitch Perfect"
Actor Comedy: Skylar Astin - "Pitch Perfect"
Actress Comedy: Rebel Wilson - "Pitch Perfect"
Romance: “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2”
Actor Romance: Robert Pattinson - “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2”
Actress Romance: Kristen Stewart - “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2”
Sci-Fi/Fantasy: “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2” (Of course)
Actor Sci-Fi/Fantasy: Taylor Lautner, “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2” (Of Course)
Actress Sci-Fi/Fantasy: Kristen Stewart - “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2” (OF COURSE)
Breakout: Adam DeVine - "Pitch Perfect"
Scene Stealer: Kellan Lutz - “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2"
Best Villain: Adam DeVine - “Pitch Perfect”
Summer Movie: Action: "Fast & Furious 6"
Summer Movie: Comedy: "Grown Ups 2"
Summer Movie Star: Male: Johnny Depp - "The Lone Ranger"
Summer Movie Star: Female: Sandra Bullock - "The Heat"

Choice MUSIC
Male Artist: Justin Bieber
Female Artist: Demi Lovato
Choice Single: Male Artist: Justin Bieber featuring Nicki Minaj - “Beauty And A Beat"
Choice Single: Female Artist: Demi Lovato - “Heart Attack”
Choice Single: Group: One Direction - “Live While We're Young”
Group: One Direction
R&B Artist: Bruno Mars
Hip-Hop/Rap Artist: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
Rock Group: Paramore
Electronic Dance Music (EDM) Artist: David Guetta
Country Group: Lady Antebellum
Male Country Artist: Hunter Hayes
Female Country Artist: Taylor Swift (Since when is she still a country artist?)
Rock Song: Imagine Dragons - “Radioactive”
Love Song: One Direction-"Little Things"
Break-Up Song: Selena Gomez-"Come and get It"
R&B/Hip-Hop Song: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis featuring Ray Dalton - “Can't Hold Us'
Breakout Artist: Ed Sheeran
Breakout Group: Emblem3
Country Song: Taylor Swift - “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” (Wow you people are idiots)
Summer Song: Miley Cyrus - “We Can't Stop”
Summer Music Star: Female: Selena Gomez
Summer Music Star: Male: Bruno Mars
Summer Music Star: Group:
Choice Summer Tour: One Direction-“Take Me Home Tour”

Choice TELEVISION
Drama Show: Pretty Little Liars
Actor: Drama: Ian Harding - “Pretty Little Liars”
Actress: Drama: Troian Bellisario, “Pretty Little Liars”
Fantasy/Sci-Fi Show: "The Vampire Diaries"
Actor: Fantasy/Sci-Fi: Ian Somerhalder - "The Vampire Diaries"
Actress: Fantasy/Sci-Fi: Nina Dobrev - "The Vampire Diaries"
Action Show: “NCIS: Los Angeles”
Actor: Action: LL Cool J - “NCIS: Los Angeles”
Actress: Action: Lucy Liu - “Elementary”
Comedy Show: "Glee" (WHY??)
Actor: Comedy: Jim Parsons - "The Big Bang Theory"
Actress: Comedy: Lea Michele - "Glee" (I don't see why.)
Animated Show: "The Simpsons"
Male Personality: Simon Cowell - "The X Factor"
Female Personality: Demi Lovato - "The X Factor" (Not a shocker, but I don't mind.)
Reality Competition Show: "The X Factor" (It just had to. They share a network.)
Reality Show: “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” (I hate this country.)
Female Reality Star: The Kardashians & Jenners - “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” (Don't want to live here anymore.)
Male Reality Star": Kevin Jonas, “Married to Jonas”
Breakout Show: “The Fosters”
Breakout StarBlake Jenner - "Glee"
Scene Stealer: Male: Chord Overstreet - "Glee"
Scene Stealer: Female: Miley Cyrus - “Two and a Half Men” (She's not even a main chara--oh, I don't care.)
Villain: Janel Parrish “Pretty Little Liars”
Summer TV Show: "Pretty Little Liars"
Summer TV Star: Male: Keegan Allen - "Pretty Little Liars"
Summer TV Star: Female: Lucy Hale, "Pretty Little Liars"

I wanted to do more, bur I couldn't take any more of this. It was already a nightmare copying this from Wikipedia. So I wondered what happened if I typed every single letter of every single word of every single category. Then I stopped and went to sleep because it felt like I was at this for hours. I feel sorry for however made the website.

Anyway, it was a nice show, but they need to put it together and I can't wait for next year. I'll see you next month for the VMAs review.

Oh and if I mess up, I was frustrated at all this. Sue me.
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