As if this year wasn't remembered.
I will say that this year was slightly better than last year. These songs didn't piss me off as much as the abominations I spewed hatred on but they're terrible enough on their own accords to get the Anger Andrew treatment, too.
Also, we now have Vine to thank for helping shitty, talent-less, uninteresting and truly lyrically vile dreck songs (like what you'll see here) get more popularity power and staying power on the charts than they truly deserved. And because of that, I guess I'm as pissed off as I was last year.
This is my list of the Top Fifteen Worst Hip-Hop/R&B Songs of 2015.
This year, I've supersized this list to include five more slots to choose my picks and voice my opinions on them. And boy, was it deserved. While this year was pretty good in music in general, there still were songs that really grind my gears in some places. Whether it be disgustingly smug and obnoxious artists, horrifyingly asinine, beyond-sophomoric and/or stupid verses, mind-shredding abysmal, way-over-subpar and irritating vocals, or all of them together, this tear has somehow gotten slightly over last year in the horrible meter.
Before we get to the main list here are the five songs I consider not to be absolutely god-awful.
These are the Dishonorable Mentions:
It seems living this here the Lifestyle was enough for Quan to brag about.
I originally planned to put this song on the main list, but, surprisingly, it grew on me.
I originally thought the main artist was Future the first few times I listened. And for one thing, it sure felt like something I’d believe--rappers sounding like each other in some songs.
The beat is very boring and repetitive, but it somehow works. Despite it’s lazy production, it actually makes the song vaguely worthy of a listen.
Quan’s vocals are fucking annoying and so smothered in Auto-tune, you can’t make out 70% of what he’s saying. And if the the "Ooh-Ooh-Ooh's" are any indication, it might be that he suffered stomach ulcers in the studio while recording. They just slapped AT on those and continued on.
But...it’s helps the song become not nicely abhorrent, but terribly enjoyable. If you don’t take them past face value, you can get past that, the song and its other worst quality--the lyrics. Looking into them, though, shows some creepy things about Quan himself. His comparison of his woman to Dennis Rodman and that she likes anal sex (not kidding) is only scratching the surface.
And don’t get me started on what the "Ooh-Ooh-Ooh" shit could really mean.
(It’s like he’ll just say anything, and gets away with it by muttering them in near-complete gibberish so no one can comprehend them. Too bad he forgot about lyrics websites.)
He could be saying anything, and we’d perceive it as such.
And of course, it features the same old shit--bragging about money, women, fucking, buying materialistic crap, etc. But I don’t mind it here, because--again--I can’t understand most of what he’s saying, so I can’t slide through the track without getting angry about the usual suspects.
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(14)) “Cha-Cha” - D.R.A.M. (Does Real Ass Music)
Okay, the only good thing going for it is the beat. It sounds like a song you’d hear during a quick trip to your local corner store--it's fucking corny, but also catchy as hell. It samples a piece of the soundtrack of the video game Super Mario World: "Star Road". But that’s the only thing of interest I have towards it.
The concept is so simple: this guy likes to cha-cha. And yet, there’s more. He likes things of interest from the Latino community, cha-cha’ing with Dominicans, Spanish cuisine, etc. That’s the biggest case of being someone you’re not since Iggy Azalea, Nicki Minaj, Vanilla Ice and Rachel Dolezal.
-The lyrics are mostly blurred gibberish, so you can barely make out much of what he’s saying, making this go to the route of parody. In fact, that’s what I thought the song was at first.
-Remember the “song ringtone” craze of 2006, ‘07, ‘08 and 09; when people would buy ringtones of songs and put them on their phones as some status symbol? Yeah, this song is just like that. Just a chorus that everyone will remember from this song, and nothing else. I bet you that if this song ever plays in the club the years after it’s release, it’ll only be because of the nostalgic feeling of it playing after “Electric Boogie-Woogie” and the “Cupid Shuffle”.
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(13)) “Say It” - Tory Lanez
If all it takes for a girl to be impressed is a foreign car, then we’ve fallen into a depressing void in the world.
Ugh, this song. It doesn’t sound like a song about finding the right girl. It sounds like an experiment to see if a girl likes you for the whip you just rented. And if she likes it--and therefore you, sweet and sour fucking is coming.
This is confusing. If your proof is in the pudding, and the girl is only in the relationship for the car (which is a fucking stupid reason in and of itself), then why the hell are you still with her? There’s no way to have the whip in the first place if it’s only there to get easy access through any girl’s legs.
This is clearly explained in the pre-chorus (at least I hope so, because these can’t be part of the verses)
"So let a young nigga get down on it, yeah
Love when you spin round on it, yeah
Even though a young nigga want...you
Shawty I promise the truth
And when I come down on it,...yeah
You love when I'm down on it,...yeah
Fuck around, spend time on it,...yeah
That's why I came back top down"
And not all girls are easily impressible or shallow. Yet you think otherwise, as shown in your determination to go get her. If you really want her, get rid of the "foreign". If she doesn’t want you, get rid of her (dump her). It’s not that hard.
Also, the "young nigga" thing is hilarious as fuck. Wait till you're old (or technically older), and this song is still playing on the radio or on a streaming site, and people think of you. They're either forget who you are or not see the same person as you were before.
The beat is nice, but it’s also pretty slow, too. Also, it’s a waste of a sample of "If You Love Me" by Brownstone (aka the "Say It, Do It, Show It, Prove It" song), using it in the chorus just to tell us he nails a girl.
"You gon have to do more than just (say it)
You gon have to do less when you (do it)
Tell mama you know I (show it)
--You want her to tell her mom you show your penis? Eww.
Always want you to (prove it)"
Lanez’s vocals are so annoying, slathered in Autotune and sounding like he’s close to falling asleep. It’s clear he’s trying to sound slick and smooth, but just ends up sounds boring and constipated instead.
This song has so much to hate, but there is a some parts to it to like to keep it from getting higher, but I hate enough to put it here.
--
If I ever could look like him if I'm this clean, I'd probably deserve arraignment for indecent exposure.
I mean, that mustache.
In this track Jidenna is a classic man, yet he's trying his damnest to be a gangster. Dude, if you ever walked out in the hood, you'd be shanked, mugged and disrobed faster than saying "Even if she go away". And speaking of the line, what the hell does it even mean? Even if she leaves, you still consider her stuck at the hip? That is creepy.
"Now y'all fucking with the wrong mummafucker"
Yeah, he's not saying 'motherfucker', it's "mummafucker". Dumbest butchering of a word I've ever heard.
And he's right to say he's the wrong mummafucker, especially when the wrong mummafucker dresses similar to The Conductor from Dinosaur Train.
He's a joke compared to actual ganstas. Fuck, even actual mobsters; because they don't dress as bright and colorful as the NBC Peacock and teach little kids about science and technology. Plus, drugs is the last thing they'd sell. As sad as it is to discuss the underground scum of the human race, he and Roman GianArthur act like they're just like them--when in reality, they look like guys who'd faint at the thought of holding a used gun and touching cocaine.
"Like, oh me, oh me oh my
Why can't every woman end up being my wife?"
Because there are laws against that.
And you look like the scummy illogical fuckers who would do that anyway.
"I'm cool like Nat King Cole"
You're hilarious.
"Keep my gloves dirty but my hands clean
Got to keep the business in the family
Bread when I'm filling up the pantry
Now my niggas slang 'caine like a dandy"
Again, drugs is the last thing gangsters would sell. Have you watched The Godfather or Goodfellas?
"I tell you how it go
You pull out rubber bands, I pull out an envelope
The ladies on my elbow ain't for the show
Every madame on my team is a top general, oh
Got to be ready for war, war
Should they get into my door, door?
Get 'em, we'll get 'em, I know that we'll get 'em
Cause I lived through this shit before, oh"
Sure, he's just like gangstas, as he claims. But he sounds so...not like them. He's like the goofiest pimp ever trying to pass off as a coke slinger, but the other pimps and dealers laugh him off and let him go because they'll think he's a joke.
Also, there's this at the end where both Jidenna and GianArthur say the last word in a long way.
Also their vocals annoy me. They're rap-singing, but their voices sound kinda greasy. That's probably because of the reverb and echo put on them. And also because they sound terrible that way, especially GianArthur, who sounds like he coming close to fainting.
Couple that with overplay, and I got annoyed with this pathetic song in as soon as it came out. I hate songs about selling drugs and smoking them, but this I hate for different reasons.
--
I admit I’m fine with this song because he’s not rap-singing, but the reason why this song is on the list is because some of the lyrics. After realizing what they are and where it came from, wouldn’t you blame me?
“She my trap queen, let her hit the bando
We be countin’ up, watch how far them bands go
Hop out my beamer, she jump out the Lambo
Roll them bands up, smooth how the wind go
Dumping wood guts all-out the window (what?)
Married to the money, I ain’t never let go
Baby, it’s Zoowap from the bando
Dumping wood guts all-out the window
Married to the money, I ain’t never let go
Baby, it’s ZooWap from the fucking bando”
Why yes, he did record a song called “Trap Queen”; released in March 2012, and became huge in 2015. How’d you guess?
Yeah, that’s the thing. It’s one thing to write and spit shitty, uninspired lyrics in a song. But it’s definitely another to just take lyrics from another of your own songs and throw them onto another one! It’s just unimpressive and fucking lazy. Also, some others make no fuckin’ sense. And half of the entire second verse is just "Ayyy" “Yahhh, babeh” over and over again.
And speaking of that, I think half of the time, Fetty Wap is a rapping catch phrase. Every song he puts out is a stupid fucking phrase he says that annoys me.
"Yaahh, babeh", "Ayyy", "Squaaa", "1738", "Ooohh", "Zoowap", and a couple other shitty sayings he churns out in every fuckin' song he does! It's super annoying and not at all funny or catchy. Please stop doing that if you want to continue a rap career worth a damn.
Rae Sremmurd
I hate these two. I hate their skills (little to none). I hate the voices (they sound like TWO of the Chimpmunks got castrated by Dave while high on helium). I hate their music. And I hate these songs. Both are about braggin' about money and spending it on women, while treating them less like human beings, and more like objects that aren't even being kept forever. The beats are absolutely shitty, a terrible kind of minimalist, and seems like something that should have been deleted upon first peek. "No Type" has blank synths and weak drum taps, while "Throw Sum Mo" uses the same 12 synths and a barely-there, quiet-sounding group of bass--showing why the producers of the songs shouldn't have careers.
"No Type" features that classic line
"Bad bitches is the only thing that I like"
which, grammatical errors aside, is a damn type which doesn't involve all girls.
And then you have "Throw Sum Mo'", which reveals Ear Drummers at their worst (or as they think--their best) with this line about purchasing a stripper
"How I'm throwing all this money, I'ma fuck around an' buy her"
(So much about the disgust blacks still have about ownership of their people),
and the most off-putting and vile display of their vocals ever.
"She told me throw that money, I said make it worth my while
I'm bout’ to empty out the ATM, (throw it throw it throw it)
She doin’ tricks that make a nigga wanna spend, (blow it, blow it)
Girl you know you got me fascinated,
Just keep on dancin' til I'm outta paper (never)"
(Yes, keep throwing until you're broke. It's perfect.)
Why are they still famous? They're super lazy, uninspired rappers not worth success on the charts. Why do they still make music that buyers consider fun, popular talent-creating music worthy of the mainstream? It's not. It's generic bullshit with weak, garbage production; uninspired, pathetic and worthless compositions and vocals that should kill any good vibe instantly on first listen.
I really can't stand these two and I'm so happy to continue to put their songs on these Worst Lists.
I wish they'd just go away though.
--
I honestly thought “saucin' on you” meant pouring sauce on someone in a sex fetish-y way.
What was I thinking?
Post Malone certainly made a splash this year with this this song "White Iverson".
It’s too bad that splash felt like a belly flop to me.
“Saucin', saucin', I'm saucin' on you
I'm swaggin', I'm swaggin', I'm swaggin' oh ooh
I'm ballin', I'm ballin', Iverson on you
-
Watch out, watch out, watch out, yeah
That's my shot, that's my shot, that's my shot yeah
Spendin', I'm spendin' all my fuckin' pay”
This song follows the done-to-death-but-still-popular rap trend of bragging about money, buying/owning material possessions like water, taking other guys' girlfriends like single women are considered AIDS, and ballin'; but this doesn’t make any improvements or advancements to it. Yet Post Malone acts like it’s a true game changer. (It’s not.)
The beat is no different from the other brag rap songs from the past few years: it sounds like slow smooth jazz--without the horns--to sound new, but sounds like new wave (the bad kind at that) and is so boring. Whoever thinks this is type of music clearly needs to rethink their occupation.
Malone’s vocals are a snoozefest, draining any energy he actually has to sound cool, singing like has the talent--while clearly misusing Autotune in his voice to make him the new, more nuanced Rae Sremmurd, and speaking fast like he has the flow, but his flow is all over the place.
“I got me some braids and I got me some hoes
Started rockin' the sleeve, I can't ball with no Jordans”
--You do know Jordan is much better player than Iverson?
You know how I do it, Concords on my toes
(This shit is hard)”
--Yes, he actually said that. I can only hope that “shit” means rap, because it clearly shows it is hard for him.
“I ain't rich yet, but you know I ain't broke, I
So if I see it, I like it, buy that from the store, I
I'm with some white girls and they lovin' the coca”
--Yes he did end those verses with I, and then “coca”. Which is good because broke and store don’t. I guess you’re right in that “this shit” really is hard.
“Bitch I'm smiling, bet you see me from the nosebleeds
I'm the new 3 and I change out to my new 3s”
Like I’ll ever spend money going to your concerts. I'd be smiling then.
Also, this new term for spending bread--"sausin'"--sounds really frickin' weird. It’s bad enough that we still have “Ballin’” in our vocabulary, but now with this dumb term in our lexicon, it’s getting more and more stranger for us as a society to make slang-based parallels between money and food.
“Dough”, “Bread”, “Cheese”, “Lettuce”, “Bacon”, “Sauce”?
It’s like making a legal tender BLT.
The title is based on a nickname he had from a record producer who noticed his bleach blonde braids, comparing him on Allen Iverson, one of the greatest basketball players of the 21st century. This is hilariously ironic, because after years of great seasons with his first team, the Philadelphia 76ers, promise and endorsement deals, Iverson is now sitting in bankruptcy thanks to mindlessly blowing his money like Rob Ford and crack, with his only quick cash grabs were playing the game in Europe and a terrible homecoming season with the Sixers.
So I bet that while you’re “saucin’” from the royalties from this song, you might just literally be the White Iverson. If you don’t know what I mean, do your research.
Also, he looks more like a hybrid of Mike Posner and Riff Raff.
That’s not necessarily a good indicator.
--
There’s nothing in song more pathetic than than a guy taking another guy’s woman. That is until there’s this song about the process of a guy taking another guy’s woman.
Wow, that is abhorrent. I mean what did you expect?
Chris is at the bar. And a woman is serving him a drink. He drinks it, and starts ogling her. He continues drinking, then he thinks about sleeping with her. He drinks some more, and we get this audio turd pile.
That is the entire song. There’s nothing else to this. Well, mostly because there IS nothing you can come up with from a concept of being a shitfaced moron harassing a girl into sex without the hint of being regretful about it. But hey, if Chris Brown is writing and singing it, then there’s nothing wrong with it, right?? Wrong.
Just like every other song from him in the last few years, Brown sounds like a jackass. (surprise, surprise) But here, he becomes one thanks to alcohol. There’s this line where he claims the girl put something in the drink. At first I thought it was a drug, so she could keep him away from her. But it could also sound like he put something in the drink.
That's not the worst theory of this track, but not the only reason it's horrible.
What saves the song from being higher on the list is beat, which is a nice, cohesive, consistent groove that is pretty catchy, and the slur at the start is pretty good, but the rest of this is just Chris Brown being his usual sleazy, slimy douchebag self.
I understand that's the narrative he's going with from now on, because that's what he is most of the time in real life. But it's still crap that I can't see myself playing at any time.
--
Oh. Beyonce. Why did you make this? WHY?!
It’s really pathetic when are better Trap songs from shit artists. Although that doesn’t say much.
Seriously, why was this a thing? Why was this made? It doesn’t feel like a song to get drunk and dance to. It feels more like the song to get the worst hangover from. Everything from this song feels like shit.
The beat feels like the bad side of inebriation; you drank straight up, got hit in the head with a bottle of vodka and then forced to act like a monkey dancing to an organ grinder. The beat is mindless sounds thrown together from someone who has to be high on uppers; nothing that could be made by a sane person with talent in production.
The verses aren’t actually actual verses; just short, word-limited sentences about waving your hands, smacking your legs, and twisting your foot like you're suffering from the worst acid trip ever, along with some other random shit like rolling dice and kicking it with someone.
And then there’s Bey's vocals, which sound less like singing and more like talking like a spazz. It's grating and worth slapping a copy of War and Peace against your head to remove. Which is funny, because it already feels like a raging hangover after too many cups of vodka and a Texas Bacon Cheesesteak Melt at Waffle House.
In the SLMR on it back in March, I mentioned that two people (Beyonce and Detail) wrote the song. I was incorrect in the information. It's actually four people -- Detail is a group of three people. That makes even worse.
Everything about this song is absolute lukewarm garbage that should've been made, even if its intention was to be the perfect party/morning after song/compliment of a hangover.
Beyonce, next time you feel like discussing "rollin' dice", "slappin' in the air", "kickin' it" and all that shit, make sure it's Jay-Z while grindin' on that "surfboart" during that flawless partition at home. Stay classy, Yonce.
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but this isn't the only song I'm putting here by a worldwide female singing superstar that is a lyrical shitstorm
-
Oh Riri. It's sad enough we had to hear dozens of your songs about rough, detailed sex over the years. But now you have this song about being a pimp. And I'd actually want to go back to them.
...and the video has a TV-MA rating. I didn't know this is ever possible for music videos to have ratings, because they're mostly seen online anyway, but I guess it makes sense.It’s really fucking stupid when one of the better parts of the song is Rihanna name-checking herself.
"Turn up to Rihanna while the whole club fuckin' waaaas-ted"
In this song, Rihanna is a pimp...as in a person who makes money extorting women for their sex in exchange for money, and cruelly beats them if their weekly sales aren’t up to quota.
Makes you remember a certain incident, don’t you think?
Yes, that’s right, I’m once again mentioning the incident where Chris Brown beat the piss out of her in 2009. And this song indirectly brings that us back to that horrible incident. If anything, this makes her sound hypocritical, like “I can take it, so I can dish it out”.
Some of the lyrics are really stupid:
“Louis XIII and it's all on me, nigga you just bought a shot /
Kamikaze if you think that you gon' knock me off the top”
If you’re referencing Louis XIII, you should realize that you have enough money to pay for the drinks for everyone, and NOT someone else.
And just the victim doesn’t die in a Kamikaze situation--you die too. It will NOT turn out well for you.
“Pay me what you owe me
Ballin' bigger than LeBron”
--It’s clearly obvious that LeBron James is richer than you are. But hey, since you’re ballin’, that doesn’t matter! All it took is beating your hoes and taking their profits. And if she’s going around saying “Bitch Better Have My Money”, doesn’t that imply that she’s a...Lesbian pimp...or something?
Anyway, the Trap beat is loud, buzzy, in-your-face and sounds too big for a track like this. Hell, it’s even too long for this; It’s just over 3 ½ minutes long. Take out the repeating outro, and it’s a solid 2:40. (Not kidding.) And the “Brrap Brrap Brrap” thing is annoying.
This is one song I wouldn’t play to my ex-girlfriends.
And I’m on really good terms with them.
This song is a disgusting travesty.
--
Jerem...it's best you "Don't Tell 'Em" about your little "excursions" in the friendly skies too.
This is not a surprise considering the guy behind the song.
Last year, I also put another song by Jeremih at the #5 spot, “Don’t Tell ‘Em”, which was another song about sex set to a super dull, boring, sleep-inducing beat and sad, under-par lyrics and vocals with a disgusting guest verse from a rapper (that time being YG).
Now, he he's taken these elements to the next level. And when I mean by "next level", I mean by making lyrics even more reprehensible, his vocals even more boring, and the beat even more sleep-inducing (with the featured verse even more disgusting and horrifying). And here's the kicker. This is about banging a chick on a plane, with many puns based on such. As if the title wasn't a dead giveaway.
Say what you will about "Don't Tell Em", but at least that song had a pulse and a pace.
This song is fucking lifeless! From the first time I heard it--and that was next to a family member wearing headphones in a car--I felt so sleepy, I nearly fainted. Yes, this song can have the ability to render you unconscious.
The beat sounds boring and uninspired, with the large drowning synchs, snap sounds and drowning hellacious choir in the background doing nothing but make it sound crappier.
Sure, Jeremih actually has vocals that you can actually make out well, but here, they are also slow and drolly, despite smashing the lyrics to the halfway mark,
It makes you want to go back to "Don't Tell 'Em".
And when you actually hear the song yourself, it sounds less like he’s nailing a girl, and sounds more like trapping her into a conundrum, and then raping her 30,000 ft in the air with no one to help until someone is full on complementary peanuts and $15 nachos.
The lyrics are jam-packed with airplane puns and references, it makes you think that Jeremih is actually a transportation buff, with singing as a moonlighting hobby, and he finally had a chance to put them both to good use. Yet he failed. The lyrics are so corny and obnoxious, and just makes the airline industry sound like a mobile prostitution hub.
Oh yeah. There’s nothing more hot, grown and steamy than fucking standing up in a 2-foot wide restroom with the only sitting place being the slightly piss-stained toilet, with the sound of screaming and moaning only slightly drowned out by a showing of Bee Movie on the entertainment screens.
And if that wasn’t worse, we then reach J. Cole's verse.
"You need a nigga when he done probably gon’ put you out/
You need a nigga that gon' put it in yo' mouth (heh heh)"
-Oh dear Christ. Ewww.
Also, the beat stops at this part. It’s as if the producers never took it seriously, and didn’t want it touching the production
"Dick so big, you got a foot up in your mouth/
You ain't babysittin', but my kids all on your couch" (gag)
Okay, that is the most disgusting line from a rapper I've heard all year.
This is easily the WORST Jeremih song I've heard yet (yes, even worse than “Birthday Sex”), and the WORST guest verse J. Cole has ever given. I'm just surprised it's not higher on the list.
--
Well...the age of stupid dances and the stupid songs that feature them has come back in a major way. This revival in particular has shown the worst of the trend; shitty dances being reused by corny-ass newcomers, lazy raps with even lazier rhyming, awful vocals that prove not even a hint of skill, and the most baffling rises to fame like you’ve never seen. Thanks to videos on Instagram and Vine this year featuring them, these songs have become very famous on the web, and even more popular on the charts. And we have these people to hate for them.
But what is the start of this re-clog?
If there isn’t enough of a red flag, Silento says “Ya already know what it is” to my annoyance, and then repeated his name at the start to hammer in the fact that he exists.
In this song, Silento wants everyone to dance some old shitty dances no one wants to dance to anymore. And that’s it.
Plus, his vocals are, while not annoying when he says the lines, are annoying in the little yells between lines, and remind me of a peppier Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em (who?)
The lyrics are fucking shameless, just saying the names of the crap dances ad nauseam until he reaches the next dance, to which he proceeds to do the same thing. That is lazy, and the obvious way to make a popular song.
The beat is more mediocre than terrible; it’s not horrible and sounds pretty original, but it’s also super corny and very basic, sounding like something someone would create either quickly on an iPhone or back in 2008 and wanted to save in for the right time. Or both; it could be possible.
It’s not the worst part of the song (is fun and quite catchy, and serves its purpose), but it’s still a sloppy mess. It sounds exactly like something for kids; which is funny because my young siblings and nephews and nieces dance to this song. But I’ve seen adults dance to this, which is pretty embarrassing. And the dances look really bad anyway.
And of course, the worst part of the song, is the revival of the shitty dances mentioned with Silento saying them more than several times! Especially “Bop” and “Duff”, which are said almost 25 times! And the title “Watch Me” is said more than 50 times. Why this song got popular is understandable, but how it got as huge as it did is so baffling!
I hope whatever money he’s gotten from this will help him through life. Because I truly believe that he will become a one-hit wonder.
--
Originally, I wanted to put that one song at the slot, but since there’s another song that also exists just for taking advantage of the stupid dance songs trend, along with it’s shitty lyrics, both songs fit right at home here.
These songs are obviously trying to cash in on this trend--and largely succeeded, but everything about them sucks. They both feature shitty dances, have lyrics that almost never mention them just to get the rapper famous, and thanks to Vine for putting up the 6 seconds that “matter”, they’re stuck in the fast lane to success.
Who are these rappers that will reach the void of obscurity and the songs that will be forgotten completely as soon as the year is over?
also 5) “Bet You Can’t Do It Like Me” - D-low
This song is obviously a cash-in because they lyrics mention all the dumb-ass dance moves that have become popular this year. And all of them aren’t too hard to do.
Whip, Milly Rock (which sounds so much like Fetty Wap), Sexy Walk, Hit the Quan*, Hit the Folks (whatever the hell that is), Nae Nae and apparently his own dance--the Dlow Shuffle (of course).
And almost nothing else in the song is about the dance. It’s all about flexing, haters, money, and all that shit. But what grinds my gears more, is that for the majority of both verses they’re filled with words that repeat ad nauseum!
He doesn’t even fill the whole things with meaningless crap; it’s just even more meaningless terms repeating.
“Now twerk, twerk
Now twerk, twerk
Now twerk, twerk
Now twerk, twerk”
=
“Now dream team, dream team, dream team
I'm like what these haters mean
Dream team, dream team, dream team
I'm like what these haters mean”
(A crappy rapper with no talent deserving of popularity whatsoever? Oh you're right,
you are what we haters mean.)
=
“Now gone break it down, aye
Gone break it down, aye
Gone break it down, aye
Gone break it down”
=
“Ohh, ohh
ahh, ahh,
hey, hey, turn up
ohh, ohh
ahh, ahh
hey, hey, turn up”
-
But this wasn’t the end...nor was it the start.
--
4) "Nasty Freestyle" - T-Wayne
This song is nasty.
This is just like "Watch Me (Whip / Nae Nae)", but with more than 25 words, none of them are tolerable, yet it's even worse. There’s no built-in dance alongside it, it got popular thanks to Vine videos featuring only one line in the song, the dance popular from it was around before even the original, and the guy doesn’t have even a decent flow to carry the crap.
The beat is shitty and basic. It’s weak, disjointed and boring, with a limited amount of energy around. T-Wayne’s vocals on top make it worse. His using Autotune makes it clear that no rapper other than T-Pain knows what he’s doing while using it.
What puts it high is that it exists because of the idiotic shit videos on Vine. And thanks to Vine, god-awful songs like this get popular on the charts and drive the public consciousness, and putting god-awful rappers and singers (especially rappers) behind the tracks in the spotlight. It’s thanks to the many people who make dumb-ass Vine videos that only show six frickin’ seconds (!!!) of the song to make the rest of them popular.
This song is absolute tripe and T-Wayne will no doubt fade to obscurity come next year.
And speaking of dumb-ass Vine videos that only show six frickin’ seconds of the song make the rest of them popular…
--
No joke, this is the worst of the revival of stupid rap dance songs this year. Worse than “Watch Me”, worse than “Can’t Do It Like Me”. It’s just shocking how this piece of cat shit even became popular in the first place.
Oh yeah.
Anyway, everything about this song sucks.
The lyrics, the beat, the vocals, the dance, the guy’s name, even the title is stupid. I thought the title meant hitting Rich Homie Quan.
The beat sounds like a horror song that can be found in Scary Movie. Yet it also sounds like a something someone quickly whipped up on the spot to take advantage of a revival of stupid dance songs that’s instantly popular on Vine...which it is.
It’s irritating, cringing, and makes you want to curl up and cry than dance.
If anything, it sounds like a straight-up parody.
The lyrics are fucking dumb. They’re the ramblings of a lunatic who happened to start a rap career, and had barely anything to say--just saying whatever’s at the top of his head. And of course like every other stupid dance song, the lyrics have almost nothing to do with the dance. And they suck cow ass.
"I paper chase then vanish
--Please let this be prophetic.
Hit the Quan on her make her boyfriend panic”
--Yes, some dickhead doing a terrible dance on another guy’s probably-easily-impressionable chick is enough to the guy raise the red flag.
Here’s the hint, guy: If this happens...just leave the cunt.
“I heart Memphis, but I also love dancing”
So does a 6-year-old, but on them it’s cute. You look like an idiot.
“I call shots just do it like Nike
No FaceTime but the people want to Skype me”
--That line is so corny and stupid, that Nike, Apple and Microsoft should sue him for slander. And those last two products are basically the same thing...
so that is fucking moot.
“If I do time then who would really write me?
No one, they're too busy doing the dumbass dance to care.
I stay on y'all mind but, oh, I think they like me”
--Yeah, you’re in my mind alright. But it’s not because I like you…
“Throw a flag on the play, man somebody get the ref
Cop blah la la la low, man somebody get some help”
Yeah, someone needs some help, and his name is iLoveMemphis. His song is criminally endangering the human ears, tries too hard to steal taken women and he needs to be arrested. Or as he says it, do time.
Speaking of criminally endangering, his voice. If you think that Rae Sremmurd has the most annoying voices in Hip-Hop, prepare to be wrong. It’s horrifying, it’s irritating, it’s like the audio equivalent of vomit. It’s ultra clear that he can’t rap to save his life, has no flow at all to save to save his life, and that he’s just doing this to jump on the popular trend of making stupid dance songs to boost his career...which it is.
“Pull up on the block and do the dance like crazy
This chick is hella hot but I know this chick crazy/
If I think she not then that makes me crazy/
We are both thots so we are both crazy/”
Wow. Rhyming “Crazy” with “Crazy” with “Crazy” with “Crazy”.
That's not crazy. That’s...fucking...stupid.
What is also horrifying is that, like Silento, this guy is going to be famous from this song and have a rap career that just might last longer than anyone would expect. And for that, I ask...WHY?!?! Why are horrible rappers like him and Silento getting more popularity than actual talented artists who put time and effort into their music and make great sounds and raps that should get talked about, only to be lucky that they get shuffled in the middle of the Hot 100, if at all, when these fuckfaces get their shit playing in the Top 20, or even the TOP 10?!
Fortunately, since this is the social media age, everyone will move on to the next thing and iLoveMemphis will later sound more like a tourism board than the name of a rapper…or a radio station. Seriously, why does his name sound like one of a radio station? It’s uncreative and lazy. It’s ILoveMakonnen all over again.
Fortunately, this track only has two verses, but these verses are so god-awful, along with the shitty chorus (it plays three times), iLoveMemphis’ vocals (which are close to hellacious) and the dance itself--which I’m not even sure what is. It seems like a bunch of random dance steps grouped together after a session to figure out what will be the dance, and just decided on them all. Too bad they look retarded. If anything, it looks like you’re SpongeBob a little too excited to go work at the Krusty Krab or go jeffyfishing or stalk/unintentionally torture Squidward.
Anyway, this song and dance are so fucking stupid and I hope to Jesus that this will only be the end of iLoveMemphis.
Fortunately for him, there is an artist still around today that I hate even more.
--
I don't need Chris Brown or Tyga in my life as much as they don't "need" women in this song, but for this list, I guess I have to.
I can't stand this song so much, I'll just be rushed with this. I hate this song for these reasons.
-Chris Brown being his post-Rihanna smug, arrogant, asswipe self--especially with the chorus being an indicator:
"All my bitches got real hair chilling with the top down
Screaming like ayo
I'mma take her ass down when she bring her friend around
Fuck ‘em both like ayo
I'm a bougie ass nigga left the roof at home
-
But don't be acting like I need you"
--You already have these girls with you. That proves you do need them.
-Tyga not rhyming at all in his verse,
"Ahhh! Aye babe this my new shit
I'm the black Richie Rich with the
If it don't make dollars it don't make sense
Z, wake up like I gotta
along with this stupid line.
"Lookin in the mirror like I wish I can be me"
- You ARE you, you obnoxious idiot.
-- and both guys being smug, douchey, jackasses bragging about what we already know they have--Money
"She too into me, I'm more into money" -T
"Money, decision-making only worried about stuntin'" -CB
and sleeping with easily-impressionable women that sounds like attempted manslaughter.
"I wanna see her body (bodyyyy)
And she said get inside of me
I wanna feel you baby (yeahhh)
Just bring the animal right out of me" -CB
"he too into me, I'm more into money
My hobby's her body, that pussy's my lobby
I'mma eat it, I'mma eat it
I won't lie, hope my dick's too conceited
Uh, told her she's my wife for the weekend
But don't be acting like I need you" -T
Ugh, can someone please tell them not every woman on Earth has a husband/boyfriend, and then write about it in their songs?
This song has a nice, fun-sounding beat, but I hate everything else about. Two rich men bragging about money, hoes and sex. With music video being so obnoxiously pretentious about it, I don't even have to explain further. I hate Chris Brown and Tyga with a passion, and this song certainly won't help change my mind.
--
and finally, the worst Hip-Hop song of 2015 is...
1) "Stimulated" - Tyga
Gross.
If you’ve been watching the entertainment news programs sometime in this year, you may have watched or read many articles about a certain C-list rapper who got himself into a lot of shit that is just reprehensible. And no, it’s not that he’s still making music. In 2014, Young Money official jackass Tyga began dating the youngest of the Kardashian-Jenner clan, Kylie Jenner. At that time they claimed that they were just friends. But it’s clear that as time goes on, they were more than that.
This song is proof of that. And that they had sex together.
This is a disgusting, reprehensible, horrifying and very creepy song. And it’s clearly obviously about Kylie. Besides the cartoonishly cocky rhymes about the same shit he typically spews, Tyga goes off IN EXPLICIT DETAIL about a girl he’s sleeping with that’s clearly underage by the time of recording and turned 18 two weeks before the song's release.
“Shut the fuck and let me finish, baby
I'll let you finish later
Why the fuck you so opinionated?
Yeah you book smart but don't be gettin' paper”
It’s not just the fact that she’s underage, but the fact that he says so much about that so casually. Under the rough, arrogant voice, he clearly brags about dating and sleeping with-- not a grown woman, or even an adolescent but -- a teenager.
"How the fuck can these niggas hate it
When these bitches love it, man this shit is funny
All I can do is laugh"
That's because some niggas have common fuckin' sense! And these "bitches" love it only because they just want to have your embarrassingly skinny kids.
And yet. that's all he can do--laugh.
He also sounded confident in shutting down the haters for “complaining” about his recent courtship. It’s as if he’s proud about it. Well, Ty...we had to. How else can we make our thoughts know that you were dating a FUCKING TEENAGER?! And the thing is, if he took out some of the lyrics, and he could be talking about any woman, and it could've been yet another sex/brag rap song. But no--they're so explicit about their... loving, that it almost made me vomit. Never have I felt so disgusted about the word “penetrating”.
This shit is so gross, I can’t make jokes about it. Yep, that bad.
But as we continue on towards the end, it gets even fucking worse.
"She a big girl, dog
Fuck what they talkin' about, nigga
She a big girl, dog
I'm gonna do what the fuck I wanna do when I wanna do
She a big girl, dog
I'm puttin' in, I'm penetratin'
I'm gettin' big, I'm stimulated"
"Might take her home, gon' and dinner plate it
I don't heat it up, don't microwave it
She already hot, she sizzle baby
No salt and pepper, she been the flavor
I'ma stimulate her, yeah simple, baby
Fuck with me, then I fuck with you
You don't fuck with me, my nigga fuck you too"
It's like...he's trolling everyone for doing something that could get him arrested, and continues it. He's not only rubbing his wealth in our faces, but he's rubbing in statutory rape.
Now, look. I know he’s an adult, and he can make his own decisions. But it’s that mentality that got him in trouble with everyone who watches TV news this year. It's no wonder everyone is so irritated with this. This guy is pushing 30 fucking years old, and he’s dating an 18-year-old. How does he not find this a bad thing? Well, he was raised in Compton, where common sense isn’t exactly a given thing, so that could help. And I bet you that he’s probably only dating her just to get a boost on his rep and get him even more prominence in the mainstream. If so, this is on his ass that he’ll catch the wrath of her mom Kris and social media. But this relationship is just sad. I usually don't judge people's taste in music, but if you generally and genuinely like this song, and yet are aware of everything surrounding it, you're a fucking moron.
This song is sad. And Tyga, you're pathetic.
Oh yeah. And this track samples a song by a certain title. That title? "Children".
Let that sink in.
But don't worry, all. It's not the end of it. Because I have another song that reached the bottom of the heap. The cream of the crap. The
You knew this was coming.
also 1) "Post to Be" - Omarion ft. Chris Brown & Jhene Aiko
I've said all I can say in the SLSR I did back during Maroon May, so if you want check it out--link's in the comments section.
But my option hasn't changed much. It's still one of the worst tracks I've ever heard, it's still a sleazy, braggy, girlfriend-stealing, DJ Mustard-produced, messy waste of music and production, Omarion is still on the fast track from obscurity, Chris Brown is still Chris Brown--who funnily believes is a "real nigga" (Heh, what a farce), DJ Mustard made the beat (which, honestly isn't that bad; it's probably a better production than most in his arsenal) and, most sadly, Jhene Aiko is featured. WHY? I don't know, but she's better than this and deserves better than this. She's one of the best R&B singers/songwriters of this decade in the industry. She does not need to stoop this low! And of course, her line "But he gotta eat the booty like groceries" is the most memorable part about the whole thing, now her most successful recording. And it makes me sick.
And that's not how it's "post to be".
I hate this song, and it also deserves the hatred it's received.
And there they are: The Top 15 (...or 18) Worst Hip-Hop/R&B Songs of 20Fifteen.
These songs deserved their beatings and I feel happy to have done so.
Hate what you saw? I don't care.
Liked the songs you saw here? That's fine (except for "Stimulated"; that is dogshit garbage).
If there are songs that hate, let me know in the comments section.
I'm Andrew,
and I thank you all for checking out Maroon Mondays throughout the year of 2015, and thank you all for continuing to check it out throughout the three years it's been an active blog. I'll see you in 2016 with many more opinions, reviews, jokes, stories and more that may or may not be up to code.
Goodbye, everyone.
Here's my Short/Long Song Review for "Post to Be".
ReplyDeletehttp://maroonmondays.blogspot.com/2015/05/SLSR-Post-to-Be-MaroonMay.html