This is 2 Chainz, a rapper from College Park, GA. Previously known as Tity Boi, Chainz broke out in 2012 with a few big hits--including "I'm Different", "I Luv Them Strippers", and the song we're going into today--"Birthday Song". All of them suck. So why I talking about this one? Well...the word "Birthday" is in the title. And it's my birthday today. So...
"They ask me what I do and who I do it for
And how I come up with this shit up in the studio"
Really? I don't think anyone would ask you about your rap career, or how you would come up with such lyrical brilliance of "No Lie" and "I'm Different". Unless you really are aware that your music is shit, than in that case...
"She got a big booty/
so I call her big booty"
Classy, man. Very classy.
No you don't even have to ask her for her name. Just "Big Booty" is a good enough nomenclature.
"I'm in the kitchen, yams everywhere
Just made a juug, I got bands everywhere
You the realest nigga breathin' if I hold my breath
Referee, with the whistle, brrt! hold his tech"
--I'm...I'm not even gonna try with this one. I don't care if I could get the best joke of my Internet history with this.
"Extendo clip, extendo roll/
when ya girl leave me, she need a hair salon"
That doesn't rhyme. That doesn't fucking rhyme.
It doesn't even have the same damn vowel tones! No fucking slant will save this stupid line! It doesn't even sound fake. It sounds...bizarre. Why did he think this line is perfect for the song? And even worse, why didn't the co-writers find this a dumb line and erase it?? Maybe they were too doped up to realize it...or, in the spirit of the song, too pressed up against a big booty ho's ass to notice.
"Hair weave killer goin' on a trapathon
See I done had more bombs than Pakistan"
*facepalm*
"When I die, bury me inside the jewelry store/
When I die, bury me inside the Truey store"
Just perfect. The body of a shitty, milquetoast rapper in a store where people buy diamond rings and necklaces. That'll be the day; the main attraction isn't a beautiful ruby necklace or large-numbered carat ring, but the stiff corpse of some rapper no one remembers from some odd decades ago whose claim to . You do know mostly women goes to these stores? Also, is it "jewelry store" or "Truey store"? Or is it "Gucci store" or "Luis Vuitton store"? Choose one place to be buried; you can't have them all! You're not gonna be buried there anyway!
"When I die, bury me next to 2 bitches"
--Uhh, question: Where these women already dead? Or do you really want two living, breathing women buried alive next to your rotting corpse? Because if so...you crazy, mon! Also, they wouldn't find it attractive to lay buried next to you dead and gone and stay that way for their lives. I don't think most women would find you attractive while you're still alive.
This verse is exactly what you expect here. Just 2 Chainz making a piss-poor attempt at rapping; his vocals are so crappy, you'd think he's acting as a parody rapper; the rhymes are truly godawful (no duh); his flow is so irritating, it could removing the color off a Coffee Mug; the use of background vocals saying one word like "Yeah!" or "True!" after every line; and the beat doesn't make any of this any better--it's just a gaudy trap beat that tries to sound menacing, real and gritty, but 2 Chainz's laughable voice and flow just throws everything off.
So let's get to the verse that is just as bad as the last. From the rapper who is way more talented and perfect, yet is even more of a bigger ass, Kanye West.
"Ah, Yeezy Yeezy how you do it huh?
-Asked himself
It's my birthday, I deserve to be greedy huh?"
Whoa. Calm down, dude. This enough of the pussy for yourself. Just calm it.
"She holding out, she ain't givin' to the needy huh?
You go downstairs and fall asleep with the T.V. on"
What the fuck does that mean?! You have sex with her, and then watch TV downstairs? What, was her performance that bad you had to go to another room to avoid talking about it??
"Y'all been together ten years, you deserve a ménage
'Specially if you put that BMW in her garage
'Specially if you paid a couple payments on her mamma crib
Went to her niece's graduation, man, I hate those kids"
This has nothing to do about this song (surprise, surprise) but if it says something about Kanye, it's that he wades through marriage for good, freaky sex; hates kids; and buys a house for someone who already owns one. Man...I wish I had his life.
"Last birthday, she got you a new sweater
Put it on, give her a kiss, and tell her, "Do better""
--At least she got her something nice, dickhead!
"She said, "How 'bout I get you jewelry from the Weston?"
How 'bout she hit the 'West Inn' and get her best friend?
?I'm jokin', I'm just serious, I asked her
Don't be actin' like no actress, if we preachin' then we practice
Don't be reachin', don't be touchin' shit
We in Kanye West's Benz
'Cause I will turn you back to a pedestrian"
--Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. "Even more of a bigger ass".
All of this verse screams smug, douchey and abusive, with a side of obnoxious and dumb. Kanye just couldn't go over himself without saying disgustingly threatening statements about sex and relationship where he dominates over the woman, and how he'll threaten the woman with getting him better items for his birthday that he could get himself. And the fact that he had the balls to say he'll force the woman to get her friend for a threesome in every other line is unbelievable.
But this is what I expect from Kanye. This is what he is now. It's sad, I know.
There's another verse to this by both guys, but it's clear I don't wanna go though this sh--
"I show up with a check to your work place
--SONOVABITCH!!
(Then hand the valet the keys to the Mercys')"
--Who says that as a slang term for Mercedes?
No one says that as a slang term for Mercedes.
It's either Benz or nothing!
"Tell the DJ play your song, this shit come on
(What I'm seein' from the back I can't front on)"
--Yeah, I don't think anyone would want to call this shit their song.
Especially a song that has nothing to do with birthdays, and nearly everything with funerals and not rhyming.
"When I die, bury me inside the booty club"
--UUUURRRRAAUUGGGHHH!
"Get it girl, get it girl, get it get it girl/
I might switch it up...and get you girl"
--How about switching it up and actually get some decent rapping and rhyming skills? And not filling up lines with the same three words?
And not say "girl" like you say "God"?
"They ask me what I do and who I do it for"
How about if people ask you why you left college with basketball scholarship and a 4.0 GPA for a career in rapping that no one finds a good thing? Yeah, you'll love to discuss that.
Okay, we're done here.
This song is garbage.
Nothing here is pleasant. No rhyming, no decent rapping skills, no statements or activities worth any logic or morals a terrible guest verse by Kanye. It's disorganized, it's unorthodox, and it's a fucking mess. Nothing is about birthdays, and nothing is happy or cheerful about it. Even the beat isn't happy. And the music video (basically The Room of music videos) couldn't help make it any better (if it was ever possible). It is laughable, though.
There's nothing to remember from this, and everything to forget about. Of course this is the horrible introduction to one of the worst rappers of the decade--ever, even--so this isn't surprising.
Why 2 Chainz ever became a rapper is a mystery even Sherlock couldn't solve. He has: the writing skills that would make , flow so shitty even The Blizzard Man would laugh at him, has no rapping skills that would save his life (hell, it's better just to end it all anyway and let him die at a jewelry store like he so eloquently wishes), has the personality of a white Dennis Reynolds (scratch that, even Dennis has a better personality)--he has none at all, and no point .
He has no talent whatsoever, and has no reason to become a rapper. He should've just left college to become...whatever it is he originally wanted to become.
In short, FUCK THIS SONG! And FUCK 2 CHAINZ!! (I've said "FUCK KANYE WEST" too many times)
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