Security Stupidity at 1 World Trade

Okay.
For the past few weeks and a half, One World Trade Center in New York City has gained a...sorta new reputation. Besides now being the largest building in the country, and a piece of welcome change in this country after the still-horrible September 11th attacks; 1WTC has now become a new target for people to scale and put in jeopardy.

Twice in the last six months, security guards were sleeping on the job while random people sneak through the security gate and scale the building. First a kid from New Jersey went to NYC and, after going past guards, scaled the entire building; scaled, from ground floor to spire. This Fortunately, he was caught and arrested.

And second, four workers who constructed the building snuck past security and reach the top of the building to do a shocking and scary stunt of skydiving straight from the top and reach the ground at a time when most of the City That Never Sleeps...well, sleeps. One of them taped video of the stunt as this happened. Here’s the video.

They later turned themselves in to the NYPD.

One time a guard (who was "half-blind", mind you) was caught on camera dozing off while work continued on the building's interior. Although it was in daylight, the fact he got hired, and the fact that he signed up for this job while he knows he's BLIND IN ONE EYE, with the other eye's vision crappy at best, is a mystery that even Dipper Pines can’t solve.

Although I love this country (I honestly do), there are reasons I hate living in it. Some of those are that anyone can be a kidnapper or murderer (even the prettiest ones), someone (anyone) will sneak past security at random places, the goddamn NAVY believes Cap'n frickin' Crunch is not a REAL captain (!!), and a kid can be smarter than police into doing anyone his bidding.
Now, I'm putting this out there for the people who are illogical enough I'm not criticizing the police; they do an awesome job, and should continue to do so. I'm criticizing the idiotic company hired the dumbasses who are sleeping on the post while random numbskulls sneak past them, scale the building, and do God-knows-what inside. Why hire these fools? It’s not cheap to do background checks and physical training on people before they even get a call to be rejected. And if that wasn't enough, President Obama made a message weeks ago saying that he's worried about a nuclear bomb going off in Manhattan more than attack from a foreign country. How calming.

Why not just hire Patrick Star?; He'll not only sleep and later sneak into the building at night, but somehow let everyone inside even for make-out sessions and weed trade. That’s how I feel, folks. Hate it? Comments at the bottom.

MaroonMondays Awards Review: Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards 2014

I'm not a kid anymore but I still watch the Kids' Choice Awards. It's the brightest, coolest, most colorful and humorous awards ceremony on television. I can't miss it every year and I change the channel left with a gut-busting feeling inside. Now...it feels like a light mixture of the Video Music Awards and the Teen Choice Awards, with the slime and as much craziness kept in for very good measure.

This years' host is action film superstar Mark Wahlberg. And right off the bat, Mark claimed that he would be the first KCA host to NOT get slimed. I made a bet with a friend that he would get slimed in the first half-hour. I mean come on, no one host leaves the KCAs un-slimed. I'll get to that later.

This years' show feels so different to me. It didn't get super crazy, no unique entrances, no people in costumes saying the winners names--what the hell, it wasn't as KCA-y as it was the previously decade. I don't blame me, because I'm not a kid anymore and I see a change in perspective. But I honestly enjoyed it. Every minute I enjoyed. Except the ones where Adam Sandler opened his mouth. Dude needs to know his brand of humor isn't funny anymore.

The song choices in the opening number were really interesting. Best Song Ever is an appropriate song; Applause and Wrecking Ball are definitely not. I don't know who American Authors is before the performers were announced, but they are really good and talented. They would perform again later on.

Aloe Blacc, Mr. I Need a Dollar also performed, singing his hits Wake Me Up and The Man. He sounded fantastic. I love Wake Me Up as a wonderfully soulful, R&B-infused piece of work with a hint a bluegrass, and not the electric crap Avicii produced and released last year. And The Man is also a really cool song, although I see the line "I need you to tell everybody/I'm The Man, I'm The Man, I'm The Man" sounds like some dude is bragging to someone that he's better than everyone else.
No one likes an arrogant jerkhole.
Aloe (which has gotta be a stage name) is the the only person to make me let it slide.
Although I feel that they are not very well-known to the kids, I feel these two acts were great choices for this years' show. And really age-appropriate, unlike last year. I mean, come on! Pitbull? Xtina?? KE$HA?!?

Anyway, Nickelodeon gave away its' first Lifetime Achievement Award this year. And who was the person to receive this honor?
Only the person who came to Nick, took it, put it in his hand, and molded it into appointment television for all kids for the past 20 years, Dan Schneider.

And it was a wonderful tribute; casts members of his shows Sam & Cat, iCarly, VicTORious, Zoey 101, Kenan & Kel and Drake & Josh all joined together to help celebrate this man and his amazing work.
They then presented him with this nice Blimp in gold.
He is a wonderful talent and a great storyteller and he definitely deserved this honor. This was hands-down the best part of the show. Children's television has changed for the better thanks to him, and will never be the same after him. Not bad from that guy from Head of The Class, a show I still never heard of.


Austin Mahone and Cody Simpson both got slimed!! I'm sorry; I had to put this there. The fangirls probably wanted them to take their shirts off straight after. Also, a slime rodeo? Who the hell under the age of 13 wants to watch a real rodeo, let alone a slime rodeo? with Slime Tubes? Does anyone want their limbs ripped apart doing this? Seriously, I find this stupid and dangerous.

Finally, Mark got slimed. All it took was Kevin Hart (that evil bridge troll) to turn his kids against him to get their dad drenched in the green gloop. It had to happen (it always has to) or else this would've been the corniest KCA either in years or ever. Mark did fine as a host, but not great. Usually a KCA host gives his or her all to the show, acting completely like goofballs to make the show great. People like Rosie O'Donnell, Mike Myers, Whitney Houston, Jack Black and Justin Timberlake are great examples.

Oh yeah, now I know who they are. That group with the song I saw in the pormos for The Crazy Ones. They sang Best Day of My Life, pretty much the song that makes them a one-hit wonder until their next hit. I like it sounding nothing like regular pop. Just drums, guitars, and a banjo to make indie reach the top of mainstream radio. This year will go to indie and not pop. Thank you American Authors, for helping continue to break the Pop crap barrier in mainstream radio.

Usually, one of the reason I tune in is to see what the stage would look like.
I will say, it looks beautiful.

It looked like the producers took a page from the Lisa Frank catalogue.

WINNERS (as shown on the broadcast):
Favorite Funny Star: Kevin Hart (I only find him funny when he doesn't yell like a frickin' banshee)
Favorite Female Singer: Selena Gomez
Favorite Actress: Ariana Grande (a very talented girl, congrats to her)
Favorite Actor: Ross Lynch (not related to Jane Lynch, despite first thought and both being blondes.)
Favorite TV Show: Sam & Cat (like it wasn't going to win; Nick shows rarely lose)
Favorite Movie Actor: Adam Sandler (I thought Johnny Depp would win again, but meh. Kids actually find him funny.)
Favorite Action Movie Star: Robert Downey Jr.
Favorite Animated Movie: Frozen (Best choice to win all night. Really good film.)
Favorite Actress AND Buttkicker: Jennifer Lawrence (Meh.)
Favorite Male Singer: Justin Timberlake
Favorite Movie: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (Figures.)
Favorite Group: One Direction (Come on. It was pretty much a lock)
Favorite Animated Animal Sidekick: Patrick Star (SpongeBob SquarePants) (Sure, because everyone likes a fat, lazy, idiotic, immature crustasean better than this...)

Favorite Cartoon: Adven--Phinea--Teenage Mutant Ninj--Gravity Fa--SpongeBob Squarepants (I'm beginning to think Nick fixed the vote. All the other noms are better than this show now. It deserved the win back from 2000-2005, but not this, last, or for the last four years.)
--More on the show's website--
Nickelodeon Lifetime Achievement Award: Dan Schneider (the man that took Nickelodeon to new heights and never fell back to Earth. This is definitely well-deserved. Congratulations, Dan.)

So, I enjoyed this years' show. It was great. Not the same feel as years' past, but I still enjoyed it. And by the way, folks. If you've said that the Kids' Choice Awards isn't what it was way back then, I don't blame you all. But come on, it's still a show for the kids. You can still watch, but it isn't made for the generation of kids that watched it first. It's for kids; I mean little tiny humans who don't know better yet, and their snot is green. Don't criticize something you've watched back then as a kid, because it makes you look like fools for watching anyway.
Thank you all for joining me for this review. I'll see you next year and probably next week for the review of the Academy of Country Music Awards.
Later!

Man with the 132-pound Scrotum Dies; So Does Mr. God Hates Fags

Hello all.

Some sad news last week. Wesley Warren, Jr. has passed away Wednesday. But to the world, he was known as the Man with The 132-Pound Scrotum. His disease and journey to remove it has received national attention with a special on TLC. He has also been mocked mercilessly for his huge nutsack, which was as huge as Mini-Me. Warren previously suffered two heart attacks prior to his death and has not had health insurance to cover his disease among other things.

I’m sure he was a nice man and didn't deserve this attention, but I think he should be happy for it. He had a disease that was grave and spread to not only his balls but the rest of his body. And since he didn’t had health insurance, his death would’ve came at any day and would’ve hit him like a moving train. At least he got the help he needs while he needed. And it didn’t ruin his life and made him a little stronger.

Also last week, someone also of controversial and sensational stardom who died is Fred Phelps, founder of the ever so controversial and ever so caring Westboro Baptist Church. Phelps died on March 19 from natural They are known as the people who hate everything that is bound to "destroy God's beautiful vision on this wonderful green Earth" or so I annoyingly say, including gays, and have also been known for having members go to funerals of celebrities and members of the military and stuff and protest their support for gays.

Look, I'm one of the many Americans who hate the WBC for their annoying stance on homosexuality and death. It's one thing to be anti-gay (which I understand and I am okay with) but to go to random people's funerals and picket for no reason is not only sad but downright stupid. Why waste your time ruining other people’s lives because they’re different? You’re not as holier-than-thou as you think. Then there's the fact Phelps' daughter said in a statement that there will be no funeral for him because they "don't worship the dead". What?! I know a decent human being doesn't do that, but to me this sounds completely hypocritical. They don't want a funeral because they're afraid that random people will show up and protest about his extreme and radical beliefs on sexuality and such, with "God Hates Fred Phelps" signs at the ready; just like the WBC protest at their funerals . I don't blame them, but I hope that this wouldn't happen. Hate shouldn't trump hate. Let's just ignore hate because they want us to feed into their craziness and let them win some battle between them and America. In their own words, they said that the media was “Gleefully anticipating” Phelps’ death, and that it’s “been an unprecedented, hypocritical, vitriolic explosion of words.“ And they also call us hypocrites for wishing and hoping for his death--just like they wish and hope for death to all gays and military servicemen. Doesn’t that sound like they’re talking like Charlie Sheen during his “WINNING” phase? Even after he's dead, they won't go away. They'll still be here. Mocking and criticizing us. (Let that sink in for a minute).

I'm not sad he died; honestly I don't care. This guy is of religion, but his religion is crazy. He’s an egotist and a big phony for taking traditional religion and repeatedly dipping it in the shitter. At least I don't have to hear his crap again (well, I rarely do, but)...at least for now, where there will be more from his family and other members ever so blinded by his unique ideology and painful beliefs. But just wait, Phelps family. If you think this would be bad? Then just wait until one of you die. The gays and soldiers and everyone else will come to picket just to protest because one of you all died. Okay, I'm kidding; let's not. Don't waste your time with this crap and move on.

Justin Bieber Acts--Is an Asshole in a Deposition

Our favorite Canadian tragedy is at it again.
In this video obtained by TMZ, Bieber is asked in a depostition by attorneys in a Florida law office about - and his relationship with Selena Gomez. And all he does is act smug, stern, and a downright ass. Every question he gets asked, he answers with smart-aleck remarks. Take a look...



Literally hours after the questions being asked, Bieber took to Twitter to defend himself:

Love how some people love to twist and justify the horrible action of others. We all have a right to defend ourselves and feel harassed

— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) March 10, 2014

Justin, I know rich pop star girls are hard to get and get around, just ask the guys who dated Taylor Swift. But still, if someone asks you questions, even from people of authority, you don't act like a dick, like you have somewhere to be.

Minutes later, he sends another tweet, this time to his fans for standing by him and that people of authority shouldn't ruin their mentality. (like that'll happen...)

They can't break us. They can't get us down. We are too strong. We love too much. #mybeliebers

— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) March 10, 2014

And if that's not enough, Bieber says he was "set up" by the attorneys to bare his feeling during the depo, because he worries of his feelings and his career enough to think that

BULL. SHIT. Justin, stop. This behavior is just embarrassing. I know I shouldn't care about you or you idiotic antics, but I have a blog and I need to continue it, so you're a idiot. This behavior of yours is-- you know what? It just came to me. Maybe this is a blessing for me. The more you make dumbass decisions in your career and your life, the more posts on you I will make on this blog.

Call me selfish, but if I stay to my original word that I don't talk about Justin Bieber, this blog would be 37% more boring (not a real fact). I need content like this to survive. And I need to air out my thoughts about this sniveling piece of crap to agree with the rest of the world and generate page-views. And in hindsight, I should thank you for it. I should thank you for breaking my (pretend) word to whine my ass off about you, why I now hate you, and how you can act like goddamn Michael Corleone to do whatever you want. So...thank you, Justin Bieber, for being a fucking asshole and having me document as much of your life as I can on this blog to make it more popular.
You're the absolute best!

1 Season Wonder - God, The Devil and Bob

Welcome to 1 Season Wonder, a segment of Maroon Mondays. Here's how it goes.
I scour across the Internet and find TV shows with only 1 season, watch them, see if I enjoyed them, talk about them here and put them in a list of 1-Season Wonders. It sounds easy as it looks, right? No, you actually have to find these shows, watch through them hoping they're not as painful as they were the first time, and debate with yourself to see if it makes the list. If that sounds challenging and you want it that way, then let's do it.

During the late 90s and early 2000s, NBC was the number 1 broadcast network in America. Almost all of its programs were huge hits in the ratings-- including ER, Seinfeld, Friends, Frasier, The West Wing, Will & Grace and Law & Order. Some of their sports programming included basketball, baseball, and hockey, bringing in big ratings and big money to the network. But even the Peacock Network had low- and middle-rated shows that were either cancelled or lucky to have another season, and even then it would be cancelled. One of the former was a show so controversial because of its content and humor that many religious groups were so up in arms, that they boycotted NBC and wanted it dead. Oh, and it's a cartoon.
Here it is, God and the Devil hanging out and betting if Earth is good enough to be saved. Then they meet Bob. Blasphemy, huh? It's--well--God, the Devil and Bob.

The story is simple: God doesn't like the direction Earth is going and wants to destroy it. The Devil hears about this plan, and jumps on board. But God makes an ultimatum: Choose a random citizen to see if Earth is okay to save. If he/she fails, goodbye Earth. Devil accepts. So who's the person they choose? Bob Allman, a drinking, smoking, soft porn watching married man from Detroit. It's pretty much said much easier than done.




I don't think of the show as that blasphemous as the Christian groups perceive it to be. Besides the fact that God and Satan are major characters with their backgrounds and stories in the forefront, there is nothing else wrong with this show. It's not meant for families, it's for adults, as if the intro alone wouldn't tell you enough.

The show features the voices of James Garner as God, Alan Cumming as the Devil,
It's edgy, but not really edgy. The Bible and demon jokes are there but it's not as provacative as Family Guy, American Dad, South Park or even 90s era The Simpsons. And speaking of Family Guy, I want to make a counterargument that Family Guy does even worse with its jokes on religion. But it premiered a year later, got cancelled itself twice (but only because of ratings) and no matter how hard they try, the groups just can't get it killed, because it's still on the air.

I think it's sad that it didn't at least another season, but for story reasons, it makes sense. Continuing the show with the storyline that God and the Devil deliberating whether Bob can save Earth would've dragged and gotten old. So thank (you know) we haven't reached that.

What I love about the show is how ambitious it with its premise. It really is groundbreaking in the 90s for a show like this to even exist. If it was made in the last decade, let alone today, it would probably be another Animation Domination or Adult Swim show. No one would bat an eye. Some of the characters are hilarious, especially the Devil. And I will watch and re-watch over and over if I had to.

You can find the series on YouTube and DVD.

Well, thank you for joining me here on 1 Season Wonder. See you next time when I might find another show to review. That is if the pageviews sustain.


Later! Until next time, but until then, keep your television shows close and the pieces of crap closer.

Man Sues McDonald's...Because He Was Given ONE NAPKIN

I'll get this out of the way quickly.

Toss this under "Stupid Lawsuits That Should've Never Even Been Thought Of". A man is suing a California McDonald's for--get this--giving him one napkin. (Shut the front door!) Webster Lucas says he ordered a Quarter Pounder Deluxe at the Pacoima, Calif., eatery on Jan. 29.

But on opening up his paper bag, he found just one paper tissue. He alleges that when he returned to the counter to ask for more, managers refused. Lucas alleges the debate turned racial when the Mexican-American boss mumbled something like "you people" and some stuff-— which Lucas took to be a reference to him being black. He did make a point about the manager not giving him more napkins; he was very assholish and a jerk. But really...

Dude, be glad you even got a napkin in the first place. Some people walked out of McDonald's without any napkins at all, and they don't complain. Maybe because they thought that if they sued, it'll make them look like idiots. Just like you are. A damn idiot. And if you really wanted a napkin so badly, go home and get some tissue, go buy some from the store, or even go to Burger King! At least they let you get some yourself.
The man also claims that the incident caused him "undue mental anguish."

"Undue mental anguish."
You loopy man-cunt!!! You go mental after bitching out against the manager for having one napkin?!? I've gotten beat up and humiliated for nearly all of my childhood, and I've never whined, cried or moaned about anything. You were given one napkin, and now you feel mentally destroyed and need to sue?! You need a kick to the head, that's what you need.

And about the "You people" comment, it probably wasn't because you were black, it was because you're a dumbass.

MaroonMondays Awards Reviews: The Oscars 2014

Hi everyone and welcome to MaroonMondays Awards Reviews, where I, Andrew, bring you my thoughts on the big awards ceremonies...and and tries to be funny with it.

Ahhhhhhh...The Oscars, the film industry's biggest night. The day everyone comes in their Sunday Best, and drink like they're in their Friday worst. The Day where the best films are celebrated, yet they're only dramas. And theyday where I have to make a review for a televised ceremony on Sunday, But I have to do most of it on Monday. CRAP. But it was worth it.

So here we go anyway.

I didn't watch as much this year as I got really bored really fast, and the stupid montages tuned me out, so here's a review of what I saw.

The show usually begin with the usual pre-taped open which superimposes that year's hos into scenes of that year's nominated films. And it tries to be funny. This year...none. Thank God.

Ellen's monolouge had some hilarious moments including telling everyone Jennifer Lawrence fell on the red carpet (after saying she wouldn't; although she already blurted it out) and they give the Oscar to her. That gave the second biggest laugh from me that night.

After the first few awards have been given out, just as the show began, Ellen did something no Oscars host ever did before...she gave the stars pizza. Yup, she ordered pizza from a mom and pop shop, Big Mamas and Papas Pizza, just almost a mile away from the Dolby Theatre. As soon as the pizza came to them, they went at it. I thought it did feel it was forced and planned a little, but it was really funny nonetheless.

Pharrell performed one of the nominated songs "Happy" from Despicable Me 2, and already set the stage ablaze. He got Lupita Nyong'o go shake, Meryl Streep to shimmy, and Amy Adams to shake her groove thang all during the second verse. He also actually made most in the audience to get up and dance with him. It was a fantastic performance.

P!nk also had a gracious performance She gave a perfect rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" from The Wizard of Oz. I nearly cried. Bette Midler also performed a song from Beaches, during the In Memorium segment. While I liked it, everyone else hated it because it wasn't a song good enough to perform during the segment, which usually calls for really sad or moody songs. It's understandable, I thought she did really well.

This.

As the show continued, Degeneres asked some celebs to join her in a selfie. She got as many people in the show and got Bradley Cooper to hold the phone. Joining her were Jennifer Lawrence, Meryl Streep, Brad Pitt, Lupita Nyong'o, her brother Peter, Angelina Jolie, Jared Leto, Kevin Spacey, Julia Roberts and Cooper, who has very long arms.
This picture blew up Twitter as soon as it hit the web. Immediately, retweets came left and right. And before the show even continued, it beat the record set by a pic of President Obama hugging his daughter Malia three years ago. And because of this, Twitter broke for a few minutes. I didn't really notice because I was doing less exciting things like--well, i did things. Is there anything Ellen did not do that night that didn't go viral?

John Travolta became a trending topic within seconds, not for showing up or saying something funny (which is rare in itself), but for mispronouncing the name of one of the performers. Seriously, everyone on my timeline called him out on it and made joke about it, praising "Abu Nazir" or "Idella Dazeem" or "Adel Dalzeihm" for her performance of "Let it Go" from Frozen. Speaking of, that was wonderful, performance and song. This Adimna Manzal person is really talented and should go in pictures. She'll be fantastic.

Basically, almost everything on this show went viral in minutes. So while last years' show was the classiest I've ever seen, this year's show was the humblest and funniest. I really enjoyed it. Well, except the joke DeGeneres made about Liza Minelli. That wasn't nice.
I wouldn't be surprised if Liza gets back at her someday.

Okay, speeches I loved:
Well, I loved Lupita Nyong'o's speech mentioning her brother, her family and how her Oscar reminds her of little children who's dreams can come true. That was a very sweet moment for her and the show.
Cate Blanchett's speech, which films with female leads can earn actresses a lot of money.
Jared Leto's passionate speech about a single mother/high school dropout who worked hard to give her kids a great future...who is his mother, June; that was very heartwarming and fantastic.

WINNERS (in order of broadcast):
-Supporting Actor: Jesus--Jared Leto (Dallas Buyers' Club)
-Achievement in Costume Design: The Great Gatsby (Cathrine Martin)
-Achievement in Hairstyle/Makeup: “Dallas Buyers Club” (Adruitha Lee and Robin Mathews)
-Animated Short Film: Mr. Hublot
-Achievement in Visual Effects: “Gravity” (Tim Webber, Chris Lawrence, Dave Shirk and Neil Corbould)
-Animated Feature Film: Frozen (DUH.)
-Live-Action Short Film: "Helium" (Anders Walter and Kim Magnusson)
-BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT: “The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life” (Malcolm Clarke and Nicholas Reed)
-Documentary: "20 Feet from Stardom"
-Foreign Language Film: "Great Beauty"
-Achievement in Sound Mixing: Gravity
-Supporting Actress: Lupita Nyong'o (12 Years a Slave)
-Achievement in Cinematography: Gravity (Emmanuel Lubezki)
-Achievement in Film Editing: Gravity (Alfonso Cuarón and Mark Sanger)
-Achievement in Production Design: "The Great Gatsby"
-Original Score: “Gravity” (Steven Price)
-Original Song: Let It Go (Frozen) [Like we didn't know]
-Adapted Screenplay: 12 Years a Slave (John Ridley)
-Original Screenplay: Her (Spike Jonze)
-Director: Alfonso Cuarón (Gravity)
-Actress: Cate Blanchett (Blue Jasmine)
-Actor: Matthew McConaughey (Dallas Buyers' Club)
-Best Picture: 12 Years a Slave

Well, that's the end. I hope you all enjoyed the review as half as much as you have the show. This show was way better than last years. And like the half of America who watched last night, I hope Ellen hosts again next year.
See you next time.

Grandmother Hurt by Burger King...Receipt

Hey there.
Some Burger King in Virginia is under fire for giving an elderly customer a receipt. Yep, that's the reason. A receipt, but not any receipt. This receipt features some bad words on it. Take a look at this report from Richmond TV station WTVR


Oh boo-freaking-hoo. Yes, you received a receipt with curse words on it. That sucks, seriously. And I've never seen a receipt with a customer's name on it. But what can you do about it? No one physically or sexually assaulted you. No one said it to your face. And even if you did, you'd be arrested for putting your hands on the person. So there's nothing you can do about a receipt; except whine to a TV station about it. And that's just beating a dead horse.

And speaking of the station, that was really stupid of them to report on this. What would they do about it? Since this got on TV, the teenager who really did it could've quit his job just so he could escape jail or be on TV, or embarrass (him/her)self in front of his/her family and friends. And the bleep sound they used. Hi-freaking-larious!! And why make that their top story? Was the one about "hundreds dying in an Egypt unrest" not compelling enough?

Folks, I'll let you make your own conclusions on this one, but the old lady and the girl had a good idea to stay away from the Burger King. If/when they get more receipts from jackass teenage employees with names like "Cranky Ass C*nt" or "Old Ass Bag" or..."SLut" because they ran out of obscenities to throw at people, then they can sue the whole place, the kids' grandchildren would be in trouble.

SLMR: Drunk in Love, Talk Dirty & (BONUS) Hurt You

Welcome back one and all. It's part two of this month's SLMR. Last night I covered "Making Up" and "Breaking Up". And today it's "F**king Up" and "Drunk as F**k". Meaning you go to bar or nightclub and end up in someone's bed. It's that easy to decipher.

So today, I review two songs that cover these two categories. I know there are many songs in pop that cover Drinking and R&B/Rap that cover Sex, along with many that cover both. But I chose these two because they switch them around. The R&B hit covers being wasted, not on Merlot, Nuvo, Kahlua, or even Alize, But on love. And the Pop hit is basically about boinkin' girls from different countries. Also, as a bonus, I'm also reviewing a special song about how painful a breakup can be, and how friendship can keep a couple from killing other or calling finders-keepers on stuff.

Here they are: "Drunk in Love" by Beyonce featuring Jay-Z, "Talk Dirty' by Jason Derulo, and "Hurt You" by Toni Braxton and Babyface.

Let's start with Drunk in Love.

"SERFBUARD!"
"WATERMELON!"
"You got me feddy..."
"Eat the cake, Anna Mae!"
All these stupid phrases and more can be yours to meme when you listen to Beyonce's new single "Drunk in Love".

Okay, was Beyonce on acid when made this song?
In all fairness, I don't really hate this song. It's actually really good. In fact it's much better when it's heard slow.

The song starts with some child or human or creature(?) howling the first part of the track. Then Bey says the reason the song exists: She was drinking a new brand of alcohol, one that doesn't give you hangovers in the head, but in the vag. Also she talks about her fame and the flashing lights of cameras when she walks by. And she's drunk on that too.


She then says "We walked up in the kitchen saying "How the hell did this shit happen?"
What does that mean: You suddenly got drunk?
Jay knocking you up again?
You saying "Shit for the fifth time in your life?
You still being a music superstar?
Yeah.

And the last thing she remembered is her body humping all over Jay-Z's. Pretty much the last memory of every other girl after last call.

And now to the second verse in which things get more trappy ('Cause it's a trap song.)
She basically becomes a female Juicy J talking about lights, and rubbing against something, and something about calling a reverend. I'm guessing if the sex turns into some Excorcist shit, you should call one for holy water. Also something about sheets turned into washrags? She's so drunk that either she'll just spout anything to fit the rhyme scheme or just suffered a romance-induced seizure. And the "SERFBUARD!" thing, doesn't make sense, but is hilarious.
The only negative here is that "Boy I'm Drinkin'" keeps repeating throughout the verse. We get it, Bey, you're drunk. It's not like you drank Love-ohol for the first time. Oh wait, she has.

I really don't like Jay-Z's verse for one reason.
"I'm Ike.../Turner--Turner/Baby, naw, I don't play" Make that two.
"Now eat the cake, Anna Mae/ Said Eat the cake, Anna Mae/ I'm nice!" Dude must be a fan of "What's Love Got to Do With It".
He referred himself as Ike Turner, Tina Turner's ex. Who he beat repeatedly during her iconic career. Yeah. I'd be careful, Beyonce.
Oh, and, not the best Turner you'd want to be associating yourself with, Shawn. I'd rather be Timmy.

And the "Your breasteses(?) and my breakfastses(??) line? He must be drunk too. Still won't explain the "I'm Ike" thing.

Straight after, Bey says some things like "She's tired", "V-05", "Watermelon". We've reached the "Shitfaced" portion of the song, folks. Bey gets more and more nonsensical as it continues. It works though.

I guess I see why this song is so weird. As the song progresses, Beyonce gets more wasted; because that's the point. Beyonce is wasted off of her love to Jay-Z. And as the song progresses, she's more wasted because of her love to him. If she gets any more in love with Jay, she might just die of alco-hunk poisoning. I do like this song, and hope this doesn't teach people it can happen in real life. Because they've already been drunk on something else. It's called NoCommonSense.

We'll keep it moving with "Talk Dirty".

So Jason here refers himself as a plane--
"I'm that flight that you get on--International"
If any ethnic chick freak him, he'll take her there. And when I mean there, I mean Cumland. Get it?

"First class seat on my lap, guurl--Sittin' comfortable"
His lap is a seat. Although his body is first class, his common sense to me is coach, since his songs have gone to sex. And that's coming from a guy who still likes "What'cha Say", so it's lose-lose here.

"Cause I know what the girl them need/New York to Haiti"
Okay that one doesn't make any damn sense. What does New York have to do What do they need? Oh yeah. Gross!! And that accent. This is why singing like Rihanna makes you look like an damn fool.



This song is the pop equivalent to Young Money's "Every Girl in the World". They're both about bedding girls, countries they all want to grab girls from to bed with, and they both suck.
And 2 Chainz is also on this track.

This is why I can't listen to radio anymore (and that I go Indie now, but mostly the first). All these songs are about sex, drugs, liquor, and sometimes a combo of three. And it doesn't stop at rap and hip-hop, it's gone to pop, R&B and country, too. I know this is utilized to sell music, but seriously. But, fuck me, it's my fault for going back to it. It just makes me ashamed of the oldest medium in history. I wish there is a station that gives me just the songs I love, like, and sometimes like--oh wait, it's called Pandora. Ironically, the first time I heard this wan't on any American medium show--radio, TV, ect. I heard it on Big Brother UK Bit on the Side, where Jason was a guest. (It's on YT; funny, show, you should check it out.)

You know, it's so bad, I, at first, wasn't even gonna put the video here. It's him with a bunch a ethnic girls touching his chest and 2 Chainz doing his shitty type of rapping. But I did this to all songs I review.
So I can't leave this out.

A finally a bonus song: "Hurt You" by Toni Braxton and Babyface.

This is a real R&B song. Love, heartbreak, passion and ferosity all in one great package. No squicky sex, no encouragement of cheating, and no crap you hear on the stations today. Just classy and clean with a side of dignity and--well, talent.
Both lend their amazing voices to this track, about the problems in a relationship, the pain of loving someone, when you they might not love you, and the impact of infedelity. It's like Cheaters but without the name-calling, roughhousing, and pulling of the fake hair. You know, CLASS.

This is the first single by both artists in over a decade, and both really show how real R&B is. You should check out this song.

And there they are: Three songs I didn't have to review but I did, because-well-I really want to. Drunk in Love is a really nice song about loving your man or girl with the genius subtext of being drunk on it. Talk Dirty is crap that's the complete opposite, and Hurt You is just a perfect R&B song that there should be more of.

Well, thank you all for joining me on this edition of Short/Long Music Review. Until next time, "Good Good" Bye!!

SLMR: Dark Horse & Say Something

Welcome to Short/Long Music Review, where I find songs (I either love or hate) to review them in a short review that took a long time to review.

Hi everyone. It's that time again, and this time, in the month of LOOOOVEE (and black history), I've decidedly chose four songs based on the different points of love and relationships from making up to breaking up, and then F**king up with someone else. And also because I researched on Billboard's website.
These songs will be split and released on two consecutive nights. Tonight, it's "Make Up and Break Up". One of these songs are about the pain and hate of being in a horrible, nasty, evil and ever so scary relationship...and the other is Say Something.

Here are "Dark Horse" by Katy Perry featuring Juicy J
and "Say Something" by A Great Big World feat. Christina Agulera.

Let's start with "Dark Horse".

Now you know Katy Perry has been the ultimate guilty pleasure of the decade and the previous decade. With hits such as "I Kissed a Girl", "Hot n' Cold", "California Gurls", "Teenage Dream", and now "Roar", which is, as you remember, I called the of the anti-female empowerment songs, although I was wrong, because it is, and I didn't listen to the lyrics fully. It's that catchy.

Anywho, she now releases what I guess can finally be the end of my streak of guil--I mean, Katy Perry songs that I like. Well that happened with "Unconditionally" because she pronounces it "Uhn-con-diz-SHUUUUUNNN-AAALLL-ly". That makes my brain crash every time I hear it.

We start with Katy meeting a man (well, she says he met her, as she knew he "comes" to her. What?) and tells him she's happy to be with him, but warns him, that if he stays with her for the long haul, he will live a burning hell in the form of a relationship with her. Unfortunately, we saw this happen before and how it turned out.
Then we reach the chorus. In the first half, she says that if "you wanna play with magic, Boy, you betta know what'cha fightin' for", meaning that if you want her, you're gonna get used to power of her scorn. That's right, she'll start of like Mabel Pines, and go straight to Myra Monkhouse. Quite a catch, I say, huh?
Then in the second half, in which she sings like she's frickin' Jacob Two-Two, she exclaims that I'm warning you ("Are you ready for/ A perfect storm?"), if you date me ("Cause once you're mine"), you will never leave (There's no goin' back").

Let that be a warning, guys. If you meet a woman that matches the one as sung in the lyrics, turn around, run, and never. look. back.

At least I do like the featured artist's verse. And it comes from...(sigh) Juicy J.
Usually I hate Juicy J for being the king of songs about strips clubs and strippers and such. If you don't know, Juicy J is a former member of Three 6 Mafia. For blacks, they're known for their creepy, gross mysogynistic tracks, and for whites, they won an Academy Award in 2006 for their song "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp". Remember? Let's go to his verse.

"She's a beast/ I call her Karma"
--Well, that could make sense, because, after giving hell to guys, she might get her's later.
"She'll eat your out//Like Jeffery Dahmer."
--What? Wait? She eats hearts, too? Gross!! (Okay, that's just a creepy simile, because Jeffery Dahmer is a serial killer, and he's deserves hell for what his crimes were. Hold on, didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat more than hearts?)

"Be careful/ Try not to lead her on"
Why not? What if she needs directions?

"Shawty heart is on steroids/Cause her love is so strong"
--Oh. She's crazy. Like "Rose" crazy. Got it! (Oh, and unless you die after it, there's no way someone's love can be strong after steroids, so don't try it, people. Yes, that doesn't really happen, I'm just playing ditzy here.)
Then Juicy here starts rambling about keeping the girl, saying keep her, but don't test her (keep her) or mess with her (okay, leave her).

"Something-Something-Armor-Something-Fairy tale//She can be my Sleeping Beauty/Ima put 'er in a coma"
--You can't put a Sleeping Beauty in a coma, you idiot. You wake her up with a kiss. Unless you have sex with her, then; she'll be Sleeping Beauty, all right.
I won't put the rest here, because it's about sex and being "so bad" and fairs, because it's Juicy J, so I'm not wasting my time with that. And that's the so--

Oh yeah!! My review. This song is so corny. It really is. The beat is dizzingly bad, the vocals are annoying, and Juicy J's in it (although it's better than anything he put out.) And the music video is really stupid. I may have thought too much of Katy's performance at the Grammys, but--mixing Egyptian with Ghetto? No. And did I notice ancestors of Skeeter Valentine? Anyway, it's so repulsive, some Muslum communities want it banned because one of the suitors with a necklace representing Allah, Arabic for God, is reduced to dust, necklace and all.

Yeah.
Katy, I'll come back to you, if you make a really catchy song that is good. Oh by the way, it's really boring.


And now, "Say Something".

This Great Big World song is about a relationship that just didn't go right and the couple discuss what went wrong before parting ways. The moody setting really works here, and the lyrics really capture mood of the content. And the video just captures the lyrics too. Each and every verse is brought to life by people (or water as shown there too) doing exactly what the lyrics are. Genius! (Although any time I listen to a song, I always think up a video that matches the song.) I must do that a lot.

Anyhow, these guys shine here. They put a lot of passion and brilliance into this. It just makes you cry the second Four-Eyes with the Jewfro says "giving". Christina Agulera shines just as much. (and not use her "I'm gonna vocalize like a banshee" voice). This song really tells "We're breaking up" in a beautifully nice package. Never before have I heard a song just like this. I probably never will either.

And there they are: two songs I didn't have to review but I did, because-well-I really want to. Dark Horse is a really questionable song with annoying vocals and strange mix of pop and trap; while Say Something is a beautiful encapulation of piano and strings that mesh well with AGBW and Xtina's vocals. Dark Horse pretty much going to be in my brain for a long time, whether I like it or not; much more than Say Something, which should be in my brain nonetheless. And tomorrow I really will be back 2 more songs to review about LOOOOVEEE.
(I hope you like it; even though, it's probably bad)
See you then!

Late Night with Seth Meyers: First Night Review

Hi everyone. Andrew here once again on a Tuesday night.
Last week, I made a review of the new Tonight Show starring new host Jimmy Fallon.
Of course, I raved a little about it and gushed a lot about the set, which still holds up quite wonderfully. And the show has done very well, and will still be great for years to come. And now it's time for Seth Meyers to take the reigns of NBC's other late night show, Late Night.

Before I get to the review, here's a quick crash course on Seth himself. He's from Saturday Night Live, has been an cast member for 11 years and has anchored the show's Weekend Update segment for 6 years. He's a really talented performer and very impressive writer. He's written or co-written many hilarious sketches and shorts and has later become the longest running male cast member in SNL history. Now that you know, let's get to it.
Also the bandleader and curator of the 8GBand is fellow former SNL veteran Fred Armisen. Talk about a nice reunion.

The INTRO:
I really like the fast pace of the open. I expected it to be this way, to compliment the news-y style this Late Night incarnation would undertake. This open and theme definitely and truly contrasts the slower, more moodier open and theme Tonight Show utilizes.

The SET:
Unlike the Tonight set, which I loved, mind you, and is directly under this set, I really like only parts of it. Well, at first. I later warmed up to most of it before writing this review,

including the arch curtain middle part--thing. I love its design and structure, and the lights around the arch and the blue brings extra cool to it. I also like the door, which is really nice and refreshing change from the decades-long use of a curtain.


I also like the blue walls and odd patterns around the set...for some reason--I don't know why, though.

And the 8GBand platform is nice. Everyone has a lot of space to perform and all have a lot of equal camera shot. Also I love the background; its strange-looking, kinda like an abstract painting, but I love it.

I don't really like desk section. Although the platform is pretty big and perfect enough, the desk is really small than at first thought; The guests sit in small chairs, close to the desk; instead of big, clunky, but still comfortable chairs. I'm really not a fan of Seth's desk; to be honest, it looks like it should be in Seth's work office, or even a classroom; not the set. I thought it would look really different, with a complex design, and a different color to match the colors and vibrancy of the set. And, you know, BIG.

The MONOLOGUE:
In his first mono, Seth mentions, among others, Toronto mayor Rob Ford (who isn't?) doing something stupid (again), 7-Eleven selling new products, while known for its food on the dirty floor, churches required to allow guns (my favorite), a remote-controlled monkey (who became the Bachelor), and the first UPS driver becoming a Senator (their first "sorta" bomb).

The BITS:
In the first bit, "Olympic Wrap-Up", Seth quips about the Olympics, joking about the Olympic mascot crying about the Olympics ending, but Seth thinks that he's going back to work...at Russian Chuck E. Cheese.
The next was "Costas Vision", which lampoons the host of NBC's coverage Bob Costas (well, his eyes) and what he sees while he suffered pinkeye. It was kinda funny, but not hilarious. The bobsled part was really funny.
Also, what would happen when Olympics announcers voicing other sports--such as college basketball...and MMA. (Sportsmanship at its finest.)
Another bit, Venn Diagrams, was the one I like even more. I would love to see this more. The funniest Diagram for me was this:
Russia & The NBA--

The GUESTS:
His first guest was fellow former SNL cast member and former Update co-anchor Amy Poehler. She first chatted about their younger selves at SNL, the jokes she said about George Clooney at the Golden Globes, and other thing the did over the years.
It was also hilarious when Amy and Fred become antagonistic after "being past lovers". Talk about a really good reunion. It really was funny and a really warn and fantastic chat between them.
The next guest was Vice President Joe Biden.

The RESULT:
His interview skills seem really good. Having Amy Poehler was a smart idea as the first guest; he really loosens up and gives a really wonderful delivery. Of course, as expected, he'll find his tone soon, so we'll see where he goes from here.
I'll give it another chance to see if he does better when the days progress. I'll wish Seth and the crew the very best of luck. They really will need it.

Favorite Jokes:
The Church Guns Requirement
Russian Chuck E. Cheese--"We're out of Chesse."
Venn Diagrams

Alright everyone. this has been a really fun review. Thanks for joining me, and I'll see you later.
Unless NBC announces another late night talk show, and I'll have to cover that too.
I'm looking at you, Carson Daly.

Alec Baldwin want to leave NY...for LA

Hello there.
Alec Baldwin announces he's tired of the Big Apple, and is planning on leaving New York City soon. In the February/March issue of New York Magazine, Baldwin says that he's tired of the paparazzi following him and giving his family hell...and stuff.
“I just can’t live in New York anymore,” he wrote in the cover story of the edition. “Everything I hated about L.A. I’m beginning to crave ... I want my newest child to have as normal and decent a life as I can provide. New York doesn’t seem the place for that anymore,” he wore on.
“L.A. is a place where you live behind a gate, you get in a car, your interaction with the public is minimal,” he explained in the most recent rant. “I used to hate that. But New York has changed.”
So he announces that he will be leaving New York to go to Los Angeles. (What) Also in the article, he calls out MSNBC host Rachel Maddow, calling her a phony and doesn't feel the same way he does on television...and stuff.

I'll get to the Rachel Maddow thing in a sec, but first let me dig in a little about the NY thing. (Ahem.)
Come on, man. Really? You think it's best to leave New York, where the paps are, following you around...and move to LA, where MORE paps are, following you EVERYWHERE?? And why the hell did you announce this to the public anyway? If you wanted to distance yourself and leave the public eye, then do not tell the public eye you're leaving New York!! No wonder the New York Magazine writer sees you as a crybaby. You have problems with the paps, yet you whine over and over about it. Yes, you get a gate and car to drive and more privacy. But if you haven't read the tabs and watch the newsmagazine shows, then you won't know that the paparazzi will find you and won't leave you and your family alone.

The best way you should've done this to just go without telling anyone. If Beyonce can make, produce and release an album without promotion; if Kerry Washington can get married to a football player without telling anyone for a while; and if some woman gets pregnant and successfully gets no one to notice, then maybe you could successfully move away from the public eye, move to LA (facepalm-sigh) or anywhere else without any difficulty. Or...stop being a celebrity. Quit acting, and be a stay-at-home dad to take care of your kid, and be very happy. I know you're the most famous Baldwin brother, with the other brothers' mixed success barely known to us, but if this move to LA (with the settling down thing) fails, we'll just laugh at you. This will go down at least to me, as the dumbest thing Alec has ever done in his career as an actor. His second was getting that late night talk show on MSNBC.

Speaking of, he calls Rachel Maddow a "Phony" "who doesn’t have the same passion for the truth off-camera as she appears to have on-camera". Right dude, find an angle to spill your new hatred of the network that dropped you.

So Alec, good luck in Los Angeles. If New York welcomes you back, it just might be with open arms...and the sounds of people laughing so hard.

New Fantastic Four Cast Revealed; So is the New YouTube

Ah comic book fans. They can be so possessive. Especially when it comes to adaptions of the the comics they love made for the silver screen. Such is the case when certain actors they don't want to star in the films will star in the films. This includes Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan in Green Lantern, and much recently, Ben Affleck as Bruce Wayne/Batman in the next Man of Superman movie. That move made comic book fans go crazy, spurred a huge backlash on Twitter.
Even I myself had a word to say about this.

So Ben Affleck is playing Batman in the next Superman movie. It's perfectly fine but I like the guy who played Adam West on Family Guy more.

— andrewpollard (@APollard36) August 23, 2013

A few months ago, there were rumors circulating around the Internet that a few certain actors would play the comic book Fab Four in a new, including Josh Gad, Miles Teller, and Michael B. Jordan as (wait-for-it) The Human Torch. (headshake)
Of course it was a rumor, but a stupid rumor nonetheless. But it's true.
So imagine their reactions when the cast of the new Fantastic Four film reboot was revealed yesterday.

Joining the cast are Kate Mara (who is brunette) playing Sue Storm/Invisible Woman (a blonde), Miles Teller (who looks 25) as Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic (who looks 45), Michael B. Jordan (who is BLACK) as Johnny Storm/The Human Torch (obviously not black) and Jamie Bell (who is skinny) playing Ben Grimm/The Thing (who's husky as hell).

Of course the comic book world as a whole is outraged at the casting decision. If you go to comic book movie websites, and read the comments, you would definitely see how they're feeling about this. But you know what? I actually agree with them. There is no way these actors can play these roles without people making comments about this. Yes, that's every other movie, but this time's different. And they actually have a legitimate reason why. So, obviously, there are a few sticking points that show wrong with this story.

First, a black man playing a white character. Is there anything right with this? Who in the production staff thought this was a great idea in the first place? Was this based on a bet to see who could make the first illogical choice in pre-production? Did someone get drunk in the Casting Department while choosing actors? Did they cast a black dude as the Human Torch just because they want Comic Book Guy to rip them apart in a episode of The Simpsons?

Second, unless he finds a way to make it happen, there is no way Miles Teller can look the part of Reed Richards, let alone Mr. Fantastic. The dude is currently pushing 30, while Mr. Fantastic looks 50 with the gray sides in his hair. Maybe the producers are pushing for younger versions of the characters. I'm not sure; this seems really odd.

Third, see First. Unless they have a white mother and a black father, white Sue and black Johnny cannot LOOK related, let alone be related. No one will fall for that. At least they got it right casting a white actress as a white character. Not that Jessica Alba isn't talented, she's just not white.

And finally, look at Jamie. Now look at Thing. Now Jamie. Now Thing. If you sill don't get it, I think Jamie Bell is a little too skinny to have the role of the Thing, or even Ben Grimm. I'm not saying the actor should be fat, but come on.

Those are my reasons why I think these are bad choices to put together the cast. I don't think the casting department made the right decisions with this cast, but I'm okay with it. I will watch the film; I'm not a comic fanboy. If the cast does a really good, or even great job, I'll say I was wrong and will be okay with that. If the movie bombs, It was a stupid decision.


Speaking of stupid decisions, YouTube suddenly changed its layout on Wednesday. It originally looked most of the same, but with a three-lined "guide" icon on the left-hand side, which gets you to the channels you subscribed to the recent videos you watched, and other stuff, looking liked this.

Now it looks near-completely different. The guide is now on the top, now next to the YouTube logo. The homepage is wider than ever, with no ads on top. Looking like this.

Usually I ever like or get used to a new website layout if the company announces the change in advance. This time around, I guess I'll get used to this...I hate it. It looks ugly and baggy. It looks much less better than the last look.
They said it was to "make tweaking playlists easier and closely resemble its apps". Well, to me it looks like they screwed up on that. The desktop website and the mobile app still look completely different from each other. They don't need to look the same. In fact, i'm getting tired of seeing websites and mobile apps of one site look on and the same. It's fine if the app has something unique to it, but the looks better to me in some sense. But if the website begins to look like the app, I hate its guts.

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: First Night Review

Hi everyone, Andrew here.
The Tonight Show returned last night with a brand new set, brand new open, brand new band, brand new audience seating, brand new city, and a brand new host...Jimmy Fallon. So, I'm here to give my thoughts on Mr. Fallon's first night as host of the venerable, 60+-year icon of late-night talk. Here we go.

The intro music has a nice Motown sound and is a really classy touch to the Tonight Show mantra. And the open is wonderful, featuring all iconic sites of New York on display, telling people The Tonight Show is back in New York and here to stay. And it was directed by Spike Lee, another great plus.
(I honestly hoped Conan O'Brien would stay a long while as host too, but we all know how that turned out.)
Jimmy was nervous, but he was very good. But you would too, if you were hosting The Tonight Show for the first time. He pretty much knew all the pressure is on him, as new host of Tonight and handled it well. He made a very good move introducing himself to all that don't know him, where he's from, his childhood and age, and his family. Speaking of family, he brought his parents to the show, both looking wonderful. He should be so happy to have the both of them here. Also it was really sweet of him to mention the past hosts before him (Steve Allen, Jack Paar, Johnny Carson, Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, and Jay Leno. [Yes he was mentioned twice, because he hosted twice. Refunds at the close icon.])

The SET:

I really loved the set. Lots of warm wood, nice textures, perfect lighting, and a cool curtain. I liked the panels on the sides of the curtain, which oddly remind me of...ice cream cones. It also has an awesome retro-looking desk with a beautiful backdrop of the New York City skyline all made and carved in Wood, which I loved the most.

And The Roots gets this really nice platform for all members to stand or sit. I find it much better than the setup at Late Night.

The first jokes were based on the bad turbulence that shrouded Tonight for the past few years, the Winter Olympics and...

Then came a bit where Jimmy mentions he previously had a bet with a friend that he couldn't host the show in the future. He won the bet, and won the cash from his friend--well, make that a lot of friends. Including Robert DeNiro (Jimmy's first guest on Late Night), his old SNL pals Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan, Lady Gaga, Seth Rogen, Kim Kardashian, former NY mayor and governor Rudy Giuliani, Joan Rivers (who was previously BANNED from Tonight after cheating on Johnny Carson with a Fox talk show and never spoke with him again), Lindsay Lohan, SJP, Mike Tyson and even STEPHEN COLBERT, who gave us this lovely welcoming message:

"Welcome to 11:30, BITCH!!"

The GUESTS:
After that, Jimmy's very first guest, Will Smith, joined him for a nice taped bit "The Evolution of Hip-Hop Dancing". My faves were "The Cabbage Patch" and "The Carlton".

Straight after, we got this REALLY great performance from first performer U2 with their new single "Invisible" at the top of Rockefeller Center. Jimmy said it would blow your pants off, and he was right. It was an awesome performance, with sweeping shots of the band, the crowd and the absolutely amazing sunset backdrop of the NY skyline in the background. Also I had this hope that, becase of the small space, no railings to keep them from the inevitable, and the big amount of people there, I feared that people would fall from the Top of the Rock, but fortunately that didn't happen. Otherwise, an amazing performance to start off the Fallon Tonight franchise.

Will later came back to talk to ol' Jim. He began with a heartwarming message to Mr. Fallon, that his warm and loving personality is one of the reasons major stars come to his show, ending with “People are coming [to The Tonight Show] because of your heart”. That was really sweet. He later talked about his family, their winter gatherings at the slopes skiing and snowboarding.
The term he used to describe Jada while snowboarding was hilarious.

SHAUN BLACK!

They later chatted about his daughter Willow, who had a hit song you may still try to for--"Whip My Hair", that was parodied by Jimmy in the style of Bob Dylan.

After the break, U2 came inside Studio 6B to talk with Jim about their new-found mainstream success after winning a Golden Globe and an Academy Award nomination. They later played an acoustic version the song that won them the Globe, "Ordinary Love" from Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom. It was already beautifully fantastic, until Bono summonsed The Roots to join in, and they immediately played as if they played from the start, adding onto the greatness.
The Roots are a brilliant band and still is a really great choice as house band for not only Tonight, but also Late Night as well. And that cannot be denied.


I never honestly thought that someone like Jimmy Fallon would host The Tonight Show (or even Late Night, for that matter). But hey, I was a kid then. I was more focused on School and the next new episode of Foster's. But now that I've seen him up close, I think he could take this hosting job all the way and then some. But now that he's not hosting Late Night anymore, he's in a different ballpark, he has some things to work with: Viewers, demographic, popularity and if he could still get eyeballs. And of course, not everyone loved it. And a lot people did watch out of curiousity. And they will have something to say, whether they loved it and will watch again or they hated it, thought the set looked bland, The Roots were terrible, and they expected him to reach Jay Leno- or even Johnny Carson-level humor (Really Dipshits??) I, however, watched to see what the set looked like. I loved it so much, I wish I could sleep in it--okay, and with it. Whatever. And of course, the very first show is always shaky; either it's really bad and unwatchable or it's pretty good but not great. This is pretty much expected (and should be). But Jimmy will do every well; he's had a very successful run hosting Late Night (yes, for 5 years, but things turned around REALLY quickly) and has been very popular during his stint on SNL, so I won't be surprised if he becomes more relaxed and calm as the stint continues.
Good Luck, Jimmy. You're gonna need it in the ever-expanding late-night field. You might be here 5, 9, 10, maybe even 12 years, but I know you'll do very well.

Favorite jokes:
"I'm Jimmy Fallon, and I'll be your host--for now."
"Welcome to 11:30, BITCH!!" -Stephen Colbert

Favorite part:
(Definitely) U2 performing "Ordinary Love".

Well thank you for joining me for the review, everyone. I'll see you later, or maybe when Seth Meyers debuts.

THAT would be an interesting review. Bye!