Thursday, April 30, 2015

Malala Yousafzai Attackers Sentenced to Life in Prison


Hello, everyone. Justice has been served.

Earlier today, a Pakistani court sentenced 10 militants to life in prison for their involvement in the shooting attack on Malala Yousafzai in 2012. The sentencing was held in an undisclosed location for reasons of security. Sayed Naeem, whom was at the hearing, said “Each militant got 25 years in jail. It is life in prison for the 10 militants who were tried by an anti-terrorist court". 25 years is considered a life sentence in Pakistan.

This is a well-deserved sentencing. All Ms. Yousafzai wants is an education for all girls--not just for herself; for all girls, and women, too. And members of the Taliban shoot her. They shot a little girl in the head. Because they believe in a horrible philosophy that all women must be second-in-line to the men. Not just to serve their men (cook and clean for them), but also not have an education. Basically, they want all females to live their lives as empty-headed as possible and fill their minds with disgusting propaganda. They don't want women to have an education to be as smart as the men, have jobs like men, and even stand up to the men. Now they'll spend their lives in jail. Good. Thank God.

This girl risked her own life to help fight for other girls and women across the Middle East an education, something all men (with their backwards thinking and mentality) did not want for them. And has succeeded so far. And that's what made her so beautiful on the inside. Even a bullet to the head from the evil assholes of the Taliban wouldn't stop her. She's awesome, she's a badass, and she cares. Isn't what we all should be?

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

EDREWtorial: Baltimore Riots--I Can't Stand This


If you've been watching the news this past week, then you've heard this: another fucking riot has erupted after another black man was gunned down by another white police officer. This is not new; it's happened before for the past few years. It's happened even before the Trayvon Martin Scandal. So why is this "Mad Libs" story still happening? Because some black men can't stop being complete idiots and some white police officers cannot keep their fingers off the trigger for any reason.

In Baltimore, after the funeral of Freddie Gray, a 25-year-old man who died after he was injured in police custody, many citizens begin riots all across Charm City. One of the notable parts of destruction during the riots occurred when a senior center under construction was destroyed in a fire. And another occurred at a CVS when rioters looted the store and then set the place on fire. And to add fuel to the fire (literally), some other rioters cut off a fire hose while firefighters attempted to quench the blaze.

While the death of Gray was horrible and not deserved, the riots shouldn't be deserved either. Many people are looting stores and destroying property. All this besides clashing and injuring police officers. This is not respectful nor peaceful, and is a huge step back in the progression of racial equality and civil rights.

You want peace? You want justice? Don't be a fucking savage asshole and destroy parts of the city to get the verdict or conclusion you want! It's annoying to see this happening all over television for the past few years: A black man is shot by police, all black citizens in town are pissed, and riots will be made. What's the point?? It's not only making your city look bad, but also the African American race look horrible. If we wanted peace, justice and respect for our race, we should not act like savages and endanger the lives of others in the city. We don't need this crap thrown at them to offset the crap thrown at us for years. This is the damn shame to top all damn shames.

The police had to do their jobs to protect those who aren't taking part in the riots. If any of you got your lives in danger, that's your fault. If you get injured or dead, that's your fault. If you know that you've put your life in danger by facing off against police and SWAT teams for no reason, but will do it anyway, you have no brains. And if you believe that this man's demise or your contribution to the riots will change race relations or civil rights for the better, you're a fucking idiot and you're delusional. You put yourselves in this, and what you're doing won't change a goddamn thing.

He wasn't a part of any of your families, and you did not know him, so stop acting like he is a pivotal part of society or race. True civil rights leaders like Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr. and the Dalai Lama would not stand for this or condone this at all. In fact, I believe they would be ashamed of the people of the former two's race for such disgusting, repugnant, vile, idiotic and downright wrong behavior. They're probably rolling in their graves. And if they were still alive today to see this, they'd wish they weren't on Earth to live through this crap anymore.

I think I feel like I'm ashamed of my own race now.

Friday, April 24, 2015

Funday Friday: #18--Allonsy! YouTuber Plays Doctor Who Theme on Piano

Happy Funday Friday, everyone.

This one's a little quick, and a little late, so here it is.

For all the Whovians out there, this one's for you. A user on YouTube, by the name of Player Piano, composed this version of the iconic British series' immortal them on a set of 88 keys that would make even the Doctor drool. It's blue color is just as lovely as the color on the TARDIS. And speaking of the iconic time-traveling Police Box, it appears in the video itself!!

All of this is impressive. Just take a look.


This woman is talented. That is all.

Star vs. The Forces of Evil Review: Diaz Family Vacation / Brittney's Party


Well, Stargazers, it’s that time. The time where a Disney network puts one of their shows on a really-long, super-erratic, very-frustrating hiatus. And during this hiatus, fans of that show goes into a certain withdrawal that only be fixed by watching the episodes that have aired and eagerly awaiting the day it returns (well, when the network announces the return on social media). In this case, after only five episodes, Star vs. The Forces of Evil is off the air and on a hiatus until June when it returns for more of Season 1.
This is understandable in the case of animation, as it takes months for an episode to be written, re-written, storyboarded, animated, voiced, mixed, edited and finished before it can even be watched by producers before being shifted off to the network to air. Even for them, it’s a pain to wait through a month or two for the next episode to air.
And in the case of Star vs. The Forces of Evil, it’s even more of a pain, not only because it just began airing, but also because I need to keep this blog running and fill up a month. Oh well, let’s take this review segment to sudden pause with my thoughts (along with long abridged versions) of Episode 5.

First off, it’s…

In it, After inviting the Diazes on a trip to Mewni as a last minute anniversary present, Star and Marco must save them from a many-headed serpent.
The ep begins inside Star's expansion pack bedroom, where she is talking with her parents, The King and Queen, but is bored. The Queen notices the dimensional scissors, but Star manages to pass them off as regular Earth scissors, even when a portal with a monster hand appears. The King cuts their convo short because he has to give a royal lecture. The Queen is exasperated and greets their daughter goodbye. Marco comes in and tells Star about his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Diaz's anniversary, and that he has a gift. Star is perplexed and feels saddened that she didn't give them a present as well. Marco tells her that he'll share credit with her, but she declines, saying she wants to try to find a suitable gift, as they're "actually cool". Marco is perplexed by this, wondering how they could be..."cool".
Downstairs, Mr. and Mrs. Diaz are enjoying time to themselves. Really enjoying time (Eugh) Marco gives them the anniversary gift: fanny packs, which the two...sort of like. Feeling guilty about not giving them a gift, Star bursts into revealing that her gift is a trip Mewi. Both Diaz parents are overjoyed at the present. And through the magic of her Dimensional Scissors (and a nice jump cut), Star takes the Diazes to her wonderful homeland--world--dimension--whatever.
--You know, I could find a lot of things I can tolerate more than watching a woman grabbing on a man’s pubic hair in the name of love. A LOT. Cause that was gross. (But that is funny, though)
--That blanket is so...not age-appropriate.
--Oh, and those items Marco carries in his fanny pack? Remember them. Seriously.

On Mewni, Star shows the family what life for normal citizens is like. And it’s very interesting. I mean, a child is eating a unicorn. And the open-air market isn’t any better. But things get worse (at least for Star) when she finds her father at a tent selling weapons, checking out a spear. She freaks out and runs away, before he notices. She finds Marco and hides him in a fence blocking a Mewni-an hybrid of pigs and goats. She tells him that if he finds out about her taking the Diazes here, her life is over. Star tries to keep them out of the way by taking to “Mewni’s natural beauty” aka the Forest of Certain Death.
--Be honest, you knew that when the counterfeit guy opening his cape, he really wasn’t flashing himself. But if you did...that’s very sad. But it was hilarious when the Diaz parents took out their cameras, right? Right??

The four walk through the forest, filled with creepy-crawlies that’ll make make you out your skin, and only Marc notices what’s happening. After trying to warn Star and his parents of his discoveries, yet ends up unnoticed, Marco instead keeps on going. Meanwhile, Mr, and Mrs. Diaz continue their trek through, like they’ve gone on a trip to Jellystone, and also continue to be blissfully unaware of the dangers surrounding them (at this point), while Star follows them and tries to stop them. While they take pictures of a baby creature, Star still finds her father wherever she is, this time checking the ground dirt...for some reason. Again, she grabs Marco and tells him she has to cut their other-dimension vacation short. But before this could happen, they find the two have slipped off and (through their footprints leading the way) and went into a cave that looks like a skeleton.

--”Nothing makes you feel more like a man than going to the bathroom in the woods.”
I know, right? Can’t argue with that.

Inside, they find Mr. and Mrs. Diaz’s clothes off and wonder where they are.
(Lemme stop here for a second and mention this:
if me and my family were on a trip like this, and my parents ended up in a cave with their clothes taken off, I’d assume the worst right away: Either (and God forbid) they end up dead, or...This

Part 2: This Time It’s Personal...ly Dirtier. Eaugh!
And now back to our regular-written review.)
Star looks around and finds a nostril of a large creature. It wakes up, and is revealed to be seven-headed, 28-eyed dragon and scares Starco. Marco signals for the exit, but Star tells him that his parents are in it’s stomach. The two fight off the monster (Star), with Marc’s pack helping along the way, including his blanket shielding them, and his miniature book of knots teaching them what stopped the dragon (tying its heads together in knots [which itself gets tied into a knot]) and ending the fight. After all’s said and done, King Butterfly comes back a third time (this time wearing nothing a loincloth--eaugh) and is about to get his Tarzan on to fight the dragon, but stops when he notices his daughter in the same place.

Marco tells them both that his parents are still inside the dragon; the King then cuts open the dragon (which I will hopefully assume is dead before it happened), and frees whomever is inside. It isn’t the Diaz parents, but is some Mewni-ans trapped earlier. Marco is extremely worried and runs into the creature’s corpse, looking for his mom and dad, while Star and her father watch on in heartbreak. Fortunately, and thankfully, they’re A-Okay, and they’re enjoying themselves in a nearby hot spring (Aww... I knew it!!), celebrating the fun trip and their anniversary.

--For a short moment, I really thought Marco’s parents would be gone forever. The look on Star and the King’s faces, along the sad incidental music playing in the background, really made things worse. Fortunately, they weren’t, and I figured that this wouldn’t, because if I did, I would’ve destroyed my laptop and cried my eyes off and my heart would burn like Tom’s angry face. Thank goodness this show wouldn’t go this far this early. We don’t need another Disney show to pull at our heartstrings, then rip them out and play double-dutch with them while we’re screaming and crying in agony.

(hint hint)

After being offered to join them, King Butterfly puts the rest in the spring to talk to Star about her leaving Earth and re-appearing in Mewni. Star tries to answer but stops at “fanny packs” and asks him the same thing, since he was supposed to give a lecture. He responds with some gibberish that also ends in “fanny packs”, and then reveals that he finds his duties on the Royal Throne boring, and takes a hobby in fighting monsters (just like Star; Like Father, Like Daughter. How Sweet). The two make up and hug, before the King summons his assistants and leaves. Marc comes by and tells Star that it’s nice to see her Father and her bonding on something and he has a wild side. He then covers her eyes, as his dad walks by naked. He then says he wishes he wouldn’t see that side.

--Gosh, Mr. Diaz is hairy as I don’t know what. Even Stan doesn’t have as much carpet when shown.

I really like this halfer. Not only did we get to see more of Star’s parents (especially her dad, the King, since the last time we’ve seen him was in “Star Comes to Earth”), we also get to see more of Mewni and find that it isn’t just a kingdom, it’s like all the other books and TV shows where underneath a kingdom there’s a land where normal peasant-like people live. Sure the same cliches are there like people selling stuff in the black market and some citizens acting creepy (read: the child eating the dragon), but I’ve honestly enjoyed seeing more of Mewni in this episode. And the twist of Star giving a trip to it as an anniversary present for Mama and Papa Diaz was really cool (just like their anniversary). I really can’t wait to see more episodes in Mewni and explore more parts of, see what Star’s life was like as princess of Mewni (more than the bits and pieces we’ve gotten in the few episodes so far), as the show has begun to have as many episodes that take place during Star’s stay on Earth, Mewni and the many dimensions that Starco travel through. Since there are 13 episodes in this season (that is until Disney XD announces orders more episodes--which will happen any day now, I know ), there will be a short time to see what adventures Starco goes on.

As that part where it would seem like it would’ve been the end for Mr. and Mrs. Diaz, I honestly felt dismayed and saddened. That’s the power of the animation and music. Again the producers know how to balance the light scenes and dark scenes, the comedy and action, and Western Animation and Anime in every episode. And I LOVE that. I’ve never taken more joy than to watch a TV show go light, then dark, and then light again and then dark again, and then even darker, then back to light to finish. It riles me up well enough to not keep my eyes away.
Also, it’s really cool to see King Butterfly get some limelight shone on him a little here, being (if I may use a bad word for better understanding) a badass (well, almost) by (again, almost) getting a crack out of the dragon as a hobby. I mean, guy looks ripped. Seeing that he has the same hobby as Star is a really cool thing. And the talk they have is just a really sweet thing; not as king and princess, but as father and daughter. You can just feel the love and warmth from that.

Bottom line this was one of the best episodes I've seen this season so far. (That’s right--this early). I guess it can be possible to make a great one so early. And speaking of best, this isn't one of them, but is good on it's own. It's...

Star must fight off Ludo and his army of monsters when they crash Brittney Wong's birthday party.
The episode begins at Echo Creek Academy, where Star is basking in the glow of being popular with fellow students, all of them wanting her to notice them. She then notices a line and (being a fan of them) walks to it; it’s a line for invitations to Brittney Wong’s birthday party. Brittney passes them out to the lucky few students; almost all of them being on the cheerleading squad. She goes to Star and doesn’t give her a invite, telling her she would “when pigs fly”, which is enough for Star to whip one up from her magic wand. But since Brittney doesn’t buy it nor give her the RSVP, Star has a plan.
“iiiI’m going to her partyyyyyyy”, she whispers.
--The Latino guy really should’ve thought about the consequences before getting “zapped” by Star. Doesn’t stop this from being funny though.
--Unless you have eagle eyes, you probably wouldn’t have noticed this the first time. During the line part of this act, Alfonzo was at the front of the line. Nice to see him again for the sake of consistency.
--Seriously, does anyone not notice that hair flip turns Brittney’s head. It may that she’s a possessed being cursed by a demon to be an evil, cruel teenage girl who terrorizes everyone who isn’t on the same social level as her, becoming a queenpin of the local place of higher learning and lower-level sports. Or it’s some funny Running Gag the animators pertained to her because of her Alpha B-word personality.
--Also, while the voice of StarFan gone over my head the first time, I read this tweet by earlier this week that reveals that she was voiced creator Daron Nefcy. And hearing it again makes me think that either it’s the same voice or she has some impressive VA range. Either way, good for you, Ms. Nefcy.

Later that day at the Diaz Family Home, Star and Marco talk about the party before the bus arrives. The two sneak on via Star’s “Rabbit Rocket Blast” transportation spell and land on the roof. Buff Frog, whom someone should’ve noticed and reported to the FBI by now, notices this and reports his latest finding to Ludo. In the bus, everyone invited is tortured by--I mean treated to Brittney’s karaoke singing, until Starco crashes in (literally, through the roof). Brittney is angered by this, while Star is amazed by her tiny hat, poofing up one for herself. Marco is doing pushups in front of Jackie Lynn (and--in his thoughts: wants to play it cool--in reality: gasps for about 7 seconds) but crawls away thanks to a speed bump making him nauseas. Star tries to beatbox for Britt, but is pushed out of the way. Brittney asked the bus driver to stop, but he can’t because of bumper-to-bumper traffic. During the wait, while Brittney wants everyone to watch her open presents, Star gets the feeling she wasn’t invited.
--In this scene, Marco reveals he gets carsick. This may be completely different from the reason I’m gonna mention, but in “The Other Exchange Student”, during the family trip to Isolation Point, Marc is seen perfectly fine in the family van, singing along with his mom and dad about the picnic with Gustav. But there is a difference:
The Diaz Family Van is something Marco has rode in for years and is comfortable in, whereas
the party bus Brittney’s party is held in is something he’s never been in before and can make him potentially sick after a long time inside. So there’s a big difference and his point is valid.
--The bus driver has a lazy eye. Just...putting this there.
--Star calling Marco “homie” pretty much gave me life for a moment.

Star tries to liven up the party by making a laser-eye dog that makes a great laser-light show, but Brittney whips it away. “Not cool”, Star says in her mind.
Meanwhile, Marc tries to talk to Jackie lynn, but his motion sickness is destroying the plan. He baby steps his way to Jackie (read: still on the swivel chair), but is stopped by Buff Blond Boy (who, as of this writing, and my learning from the Wikia, is named Justin), who carries a big plate of clams and asks if it smells bad. This triggers Marco to get even more sick and walks (slides) off to barf. Brittney stops him and makes him swallow the vomit. Star does all she can to cheer everyone up and liven up the party (like make the bus interior like a bouncy house and install a hot tub on the roof), but her efforts were met with dry quiet shade by Brittney.
--It was at the point where I thought Star has that bad, reckless side inside seeping, yet it's held back by her sweet, kind, girly girl side we know and love. And when it comes out, all Heck could break loose. And it made me think…it’s creepy. It’s really creepy. Seeing her act nice, and then when someone doesn’t comply, she just does what she wants to do. And that’s unsettling. Even if she wanted to help make the party better, it still was creepy in those little parts.

When the bus finally stops, Brittney kicks Starco off, unfortunately at the stop where Ludo was waiting for them. (Round 5) Star and the Minions face off on the roof, and Star is clearly kicking monster-butt. (all while Ludo is chowing down Oysters) When the bus ride to Evil is reaching home stretch, Star calls on Marco to take the wheel. Mac complies, but is having trouble thanks to his sickness. He holds off just enough to knock out TEPB to make the drive. But the henchman’s face on the gas makes it insanely worse, and Speed-s up the vehicle. Marco swerves the bus around for it to hit a fire hydrant, flip it several feet in the air and hit the ground. Fortunately, everyone survived happy and enjoying themselves; Unfortunately, the minions also survived--scathed and ready for Ludo’s wrath again. Marco and Lude reach a trash can to puke, but Jackie Lynn comes by to call them “Party Animals” (like they’re drunk).

Brittney is very angry, but everyone congratulates her for the awesome party. Star comes in to talk with Brittney, but she isn’t having it whips her hair and leaves. (Jeez, what a bitch!) Marco comes by and tells Star that what she did was great, and when he ever has a party, he’ll come to her to plan it. The halfer ends with Marc again running to the can to chuck, while Star watches on.
--I really liked the part where Three Eyed Potato Baby got comfortable in his side-role as new bus driver (seatbelt on, mirrors arranged, driver’s cap on and fitted; everything.)
--Also, Brittney and Ludo’s gal-pal-like gab about their shared hatred of Star is also really funny.
--Thank goodness Giraffe-man didn’t reach the same fate as Alan’s giraffe in The Hangover Part 2. Eaugh.
--Also, it’s great to see Spike-Balls again, this time signaling the bus through the dimension portal. I know he’ll appear again in future episodes, but still; I think he’s my favorite minion.

Okay...I’ll get the thing I don’t like out of the way first. (And trust me, it’s just one thing)
Star in this episode was...pretty creepy. All from the thing she says earlier when she was shunned by Brittney and when Brittney whacked the lazer puppy off her hand. But you know what, I think I see why. Maybe Star secretly doesn’t like Brittney and snuck on the bus in revenge because of being a jerk, and making it better was her way of that revenge and reveled in her being angry. Maybe she has that side. At first I didn’t like it, but after seeing Brittney be bitter from start to finish, I was happy it happened. It was still creep though. Also, I really didn’t like Brittney’s behavior throughout the entire episode, but we all can agree that we all hated it anyway.
As for the rest of the episode, I liked it very much. Watching all the “adjustments” Star made to the party was really cool and really nice, and even made even really enjoyed themselves. Even if she just didn’t realized that she wasn’t invited and came in like she owned the place, Star did great making the party better.

Again, this was a very solid episode there were some parts that I didn't like; although I can chalk those up to disgust and that I'll get over them with later watching's. Putting them aside, this was really good, really fun, and can pull the heartstrings well when it can. I enjoyed the visit to Mewni, the Diaz parents celebrating the anniversary, King Butterfly being a badass, and him and Star bonding for a little bit (so sweet), along with Star doing her best to make Brittney's party much better--and succeeding. This was quite a fun episode, and I really made the right choice in finding this one of my favorite episodes of the season so far.

Well, Stargazers, this hiatus is here, and will be in affect for the month of May. And all we can do is be sad, cry and cry some more, knowing it will be a while before the series comes back in June...or we can rewatch these first five episodes over and over again to soften the blow until it returns in June, and be happy and excited now that our favorite show has returned and has given upon us more reason to laugh, cry, amaze and laugh again. I know it'll be awhile but we can hope that the next several episodes will be just as great as the last several have been. Oh who am I kidding? Of course they'll be as great! Or even better, who knows??

As always, I would like to thank the SVTFOE Wikia page for aiding me with the information that only they can provide for me to do these reviews.

And to you guys for joing me every Friday night to read my reviews. I'm always grateful for your tuning in and response. Since this is the end of the Star vs. The Forces of Evil Review for now, I hope you'll join me here at Maroon Mondays for my other segments until its return. You'll never know what enjoyment you'll find here (if any).

So until June (or August or whatever, if Disney XD continues to hold it, along with its other animated shows for another month in this Gosh-awful hiatus), I'm Andrew, saying
Reach for the Star, and Keep Looking Up! ...at your TV screen
(and maybe the Internet for them to announce the return date.)

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Jeremy Renner and Chris Evans are "Sexist"--No, Not Really

Chris Evans and Jeremy Renner are in controversy. I guess.

During an interview with British website Digital Spy about their new Marvel film Avengers: Age of Ultron, along with Evans' other Marvel film Captain America: The Cold War, the two actors talked about their co-star Scarlett Johansson, her character in the film Black Widow, and probably her dating life; during the answer, Renner came out and says about Johansson, straight up, "She's a slut", and later, "a trick".


Now, I don't find calling a woman a "whore" and a "slut" a good and funny thing. I never have and I never will, unless it's for a joke that really can make me laugh. But here, what they said was meant that way, and they seem like the kind of guys that wouldn't call women sluts, whores, tricks or any other derogatory term in the book at any time; unless their character would've said it in one of their films. They were just having a fun moment because the press junket for the film is huge and painful, so it shouldn't come too far for a shocker.

Sure, I really do think they deserve some the backlash for the cracks, because they words they said were just cruel; Renner really went over the line with his "slut" and "trick" cracks, but Evans didn't call Johansson a thing during the interview. So it's really unfair for him to be thrown under the bus. He shouldn't get any crap his way for this.

Again, what they said in the interview was meant to be taken as humorous. They were saying this as a "take that" to people who "ship" superheroes together and demand that this happen someway or another. They really wouldn't want to take it as serious or meaningful as possible. Plus they were laughing when they said it; that should be a clear indication that they don't really mean what they were saying.

Also, someone said in a comment on Facebook said that they might probably make a half-assed apology for the remarks. If they do, they deserve to, because I could honestly believe that some people would actually take this out of context and fire off the feminist alarm, and also take their apology out of spite too.
They did apologize (which was good), with Evans saying,
"We answered in a very juvenile and offensive way that rightfully angered some fans. I regret it and sincerely apologize."
and Renner saying, in a more dickish tone,
"I am sorry that this tasteless joke about a fictional character offended anyone. It was not meant to be serious in any way. Just poking fun during an exhausting and tedious press tour."
If I were one of the pissed off people, I'd accept Evans' apology more, as it was short and sweet, and was more sincere and warm-hearted. Also, he didn't do a damn thing, so don't fling shit at him.
Renner can run backwards naked in field of dicks for all I care.

Oh, and Vulture? You say these two dorks are "just beloved enough to inspire legions of defenders". I don't care for these two that much, but I'm still defending them.
COME AT ME!!!

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Short/Long Song Review: I Don't Mind & She Knows

Well, it's been a long time since I reviewed two songs in one review, but I've finally done it again. This time, I'm doing a theme, based on one artist and his...certain theme of content in his music.
Juicy J is a rapper known for songs about strippers and their line of work geared horndogs who love such. And has been doing this for the past several years. The reason I'm talking about him is because the two songs featured today are all about strippers. And that he is the featured artist on both songs.

Both songs here are pretty...meh. Individually, they feature bits and pieces that I do like, mixed together with bits and pieces that I hate.

First off, here is "I Don't Mind" by Usher.

At first, I don't know what to say about this song. I thought "Oh God, another stripper song.", but then I listened closely and noticed something different. It's not about strippers, or even about falling in love with a stripper, but falling in love with a stripper and not minding that she works as a striper.

Do you know that strippers don't really love their costumers? They only pretend to love the costumers so they can take your money. So about that about her "getting that money"? At least I'll give you credit for noticing what the hood idiots don't: Being in love with a woman, despite the fact that she has the sex appeal to show off to horny toads who part with their money every chance they get to see what they could see on the Internet for free!

Also, that thing that happens in the verses and chorus: some black guy (I assume) repeating lyrics in the background. I hate that. With a passion. My God, I found

"I make enough for the both of us, but you dance anyway
You know I was raised in the A
"
On one hand: Whoop-de-doo, Usher, you're from Atlanta! Who gives a buck?!



On the other it's sweet that Ursher has given up his money for both himself and his lady friend to do well, even if she already has a job based on taking off her clothes. Which is weird. But at least he respects her well.
"I'm proud to call you my bitch!"
Fuck you, Usher.

Now, of course it can't be a song about "Strippers, Stripping, Strip Clubs and Sex" without a guest verse from the man of the hour himself, Juicy J. Now, let's see what he brings to the table...or in this case, the pole. Juicy, give us what you got!
"I’m just tryna cut her up, tryna bust a nut
Tryna take somebody bitch, turn her to a slut
Tryna fill my cup, tryna live it up
Throw some hundreds on that ass, walk her out the club
YEAH HOE!!
"

So you beat on a woman and call her degrading names?
All in the sake of lust?
Oh, isn't that cute?



BUT IT'S WRONG!!!

So basically, from this verse only, he's going to
-steal another guy's chick
-possibly physically deform her
-ruin one of his testicles on her (I know what it means; just making a joke), and
-use her as his personal sex slave.
Just...un-fucking-precedented. Well, at least she gets a hot meal and a nice warm bed every night.
Oh, and by the way, the "cut her up" and "bust a nut" line reminds me of a couple lines from "Some Cut" by Trillville. So yeah, not only is that a horrible dumb-ass line, it's a horrible dumb-ass line stolen from another song. Great start, J!
"(Yeah, ho) Lap dance for the first date
Bet I threw a few bands, that’s third base
It’s okay if you work late, we can still party like it’s your birthday
"
Hahaha. Oh, Juicy J, you randy dumbass, you. You really think she's in love with you? I'm pretty sure you thought so when you saw her ass for the first time, and it was all backdoor birds and bees from there. Fuck you, J.

So of course, that verse sucked. It's just Juicy J spouting the obvious and same.
As for the rest song as a whole...I don't think it's bad. I mean, while I can't stand stripper songs with a burning passion, I do kinda like this song because it's about a guy who actually is aware of the fact that his trophy--I mean bitch--I mean girlfriend is a stripper and dances for money.
Not only is it catchy, I think it's a better song about strippers than I've ever heard in a long time (possibly ever). As for the voice in the background in Ur-shur's verses, it's fucking annoying, unbearable and sort of kills the mood of the song for me (even if there barely is a mood to begin with). And the beat is kinda nice. It's boring, but nice.
Granted the rest of them are horrible, so this one is lucky to get a like out of me. It's not one of Usher's best recent singles, but it's not crappy, so I won't mind hearing "I Don't Mind" anytime soon.


As for the next song, "She Knows" by Ne-Yo, this is one song I can really do without.


First off the beat is kind of irritating. It's like someone recording the sound of a bee buzzing, before mixing it up it in the studio and layering it with some bass. (It's not really minimalist, but just kinda boring) I'd expect Ne-Yo to at least make a nice R&B/Hip-Hop beat. It does get a little better when the chorus comes up.

"She Bad/Mixing ratchet with the classy, OHHH"
--Really, Ne-Yo? So you're saying this woman is a mix of maybe
Alicia Florrick and Nikki Parker?

How disgustingly accurate...

"So Bad/I just couldn't let her pass me, NOOO"
She's a stripper...at a strip club. I don't think a man would ever pass someone like her up. Even if she was thick and big-boned. Wouldn't you?

"She said, 'Daddy, I'll be back after this song'"
You know, I'm up to here with the word "Daddy" in songs like this. Have you guys heard of the word "implication"...or "incest"? At least some of their fans don't, so that's a plus.

And, surprisingly, believe it or not, there is another plus to this song. And it is, of all things, the guest verse from Juicy. It's shocked me too when I realized it, but after a while, I thought...it's not that bad. In fact, I think it's one of his best!
"You got my attention baby, gon' do what you do/
Eviction notice, now you gone have to make a move
All this ice in my rolly (Rolex), no wonder I play it cool/
Ain't no 'I' in Team, but I got my eyes on you"

It's simple, it's catchy, and it works all the way. And, it's not gross, misogynistic, or stupid.
"I watch it bounce/When she walk,
she lick her lips/When she talk,
I throw her in that Bentley coupé/with the top off like Mardi Gras
"
It sounds horny, but at least no one gets hurt.
"All that cake, come get you some filling
Like a soap opera watch 'All My Children'
Hit it so long that she might lose feeling
With her legs in the air, she can walk on the ceiling
"
Hah! That's clever. That's actually clever. He actually put effort into these lines, and didn't just consult the "How to Write Rap Songs About "

Okay...after listening to both songs, I was left in an interesting position. Even though both songs are pretty mediocre, I somehow think one is better than the other in a few places. Kind of a "Lesser of Two Evils"-type of situation.

In the case of lyrics, "I Don't Mind" has some good lyrics.
I really hate the "I'm proud to call you my bitch" line, but the rest is...palpable, to say nothing of Juicy J's shit guest verse.
Meanwhile, "She Knows" is just about what a stripper does and what she is personality-wise. There's no substance from that. Plus there's a wrap between lyrics. That annoys me; I'm not saying that every song shouldn't have that, but I can't stand it when that happens.
Meanwhile, J's lyrics are...well, at least original. And not disgusting.

When it comes to beats, I'll give it to "She Knows" by a hair. Say what you want about that song's beat, but when it comes to stripper songs, the beat has to be danceable, and She Knows has that. "I Don't Mind"'s beat is just four notes repeating throughout the entire song, with added bass coming in halfway. It's nice, but boring. This beat is irritating, and that baby sound is reprehensible, but at least it's lively and kickin'. And it's a trap beat. So yeah, "She Knows" wins that one.

As for Juicy J lyrics...
"She Knows" wins. Hands. Down. The lyrics are original, they're actually good, the "Eviction Notice" line was pretty clever, and the All My Children one was actually funny. "I Don't Mind" has lyrics that should have a man kicked in his nuts (which he wants to bust so much) arrested, and beaten (in no particular order).

So, at the end of the day, the song I'd listen to more...is "She Knows".
And how surprising, too. At first, I thought I was going to hate "She Knows", because this would've been another crappy stripper song. And it is, but it's pretty catchy and has oomph. "I Don't Mind" is a good stripper song about being in love with a stripper, but the beat is simple and boring, plus the irritating-as-fuck background voice is a complete turn-off for me.

So in conclusion, these are actually pretty good songs, with elements that I don't like and elements I kinda do like inside. Will I continue to listen to them anytime soon? Probably.

Saturday, April 18, 2015

The Pic from Insta-Hell: Michael Buble and the #BeautifulBum

Michael Buble hasn't Met You Yet, but he has met your ass, and he's Feeling Good.
That's what's happened earlier this week when he posted this pic his wife Luisana Lopilato took of him in front of a woman's butt (her back facing his) in an unknown store in Miami.
The caption and hashtags below may not have helped.

After some (rather kinda deserved) backlash from some fans and other people who saw the image, Buble responded in a rather "I'm sorry, but not really sorry" kind of approach.


I agree with Buble and agree with the people who may have been offended.

People, if you've watched music videos by Hip-Hop artists these days, then you KNOW what he's shown here is nothing compared to that. Enough said.
Okay, here's more: What he said in that photo wasn't offensive or degrading. Sure, it's weird that that a nice, classy man like him has uploaded the pic to his Instagram page, and even weirder that his wife, of all people, has taken it in the first place, but it's not as disgusting as everyone has made it out to be. Also some people believe that he was fat-shaming her. Ummm...does she fat to you?? Because to me she looks like a lovely average woman. You guys have probably listened to "All About That Bass" one too many times. (No offense)

I do agree with the people about the point he missed about the fact that he didn't ask for the woman's permission for her body to appear in the photo. He shouldn't have done it in the first place, even more obviously because of its inclusion on The Gram, should've asked first and it has posed some unflattering aspects for others to think about onto the unknown woman, who doesn't deserve to be a part of this controversy, or the aftermath.
But let me take this into a new perspective: If you take a photo of yourself either by yourself or with other people in public, and someone else or some random people just so happened to be in the shot, whether face(s) front or with their back(s) turned, would you have to ask each of them for their permission to keep the photo around, even if they'll never see it again? At least I wouldn't (not that you're wrong, though); that'd be a friggin' waste of time...and in this case, some unwanted embarrassment, that is if you're actually going through with taking a picture of someone's backside and posting it online for the world to see. Would you want to ask a woman for her permission to take a photo of her butt while she doesn't know of it occurring? Of course not! What the hell are you doing taking a picture of a woman's ass in the first place?? And this is a question I shall ask Mr. and Mrs. Buble.

What you two did was kinda wrong, but damn me for not finding it flattering and a little funny too.

Friday, April 17, 2015

Gwyneth Paltrow Lives The SNAP Life--A Thing She Dislikes

It's been made clear that not many people like Gwyneth Paltrow. She's an actress, health fanatic...and some type of snooty taint lick. And here's a new reason why.

Last week, Paltrow announced that she accepted a challenge put upon by the New York Food Bank to live on a limited amount of money for a week. During this, she and her family have to carefully spend a limited budget ($29) enough for food to last the week. This is like government assistance for those in the US whom are destitute/in poverty.
The apex of this is this tweet she made at the stat of her challenge.

Who the hell needs seven limes for meals?



"Walking in their shoes"?? You don't even know what it's like walking in your shoes! You're too busy thinking of other parts of yourself.

I've never cared much for Paltrow except for the films she starred in. Now, I still don't care for her, but I now have contempt for her. And all it took was to live like people who can't live like you, or even middle-class people.
Oh you poor pampered woman. You feel like you have a reason on Earth to makes us feel better: living amongst the people who have not much and everything beyond reach. Despite the fact that you have the money to buy at least 1/8 of those people enough to last a year!! Who the hell do you think you are?! Believing this would change people's perception of you, when it won't change shit.

And another thing, most people don't spend their SNAP money on vegetables or fruit. I'm pretty sure most cereals or pastas don't exist in her world.


Anyway, this week, she stopped--no, failed the challenge by doing a ritzy restaurant in LA and chowing down meat with actor/director Jon Favreau. She failed her challenge after eating the food she loves, and even graded herself during the challenge. Oh please, we all know the reason why: she didn't want to do the challenge because she didn't want to subject herself to something she sees as beneath her. So she consciously uncouple herself from the challenge by going to a restaurant and blowing off a grand+ on a fancy meal. She could've done it for friends, but even if she did, they could've paid it for her. So that was a dick thing to do.

Screw you, lady!! This is why no one really likes you. You are snotty, jerkish, self-centered and a complete bitch. And for years, you brutally spew disrespect at the people who have no choice but to rely on government assistance for food, because they eat unhealthy food and live disgusting lifestyles. And while that may be true, they can't eat what you're eating because it's too expensive for them, and they need something that's filling and not made of air.
And now, you've decided to be like them?? How dare you?! We all know you're not doing this to raise awareness toward people who do such; you're doing this to appease yourself. This is all a part of your website "goop", which is the corniest website dedicated to health. Or at least it could be, but it's just a blog-like website that serves upscale, snotty-ass people who give less of a fuck about anyone else, with health stuff to barely look for.

I mean look at this:

Yeah, I'm sure four-inch pumps are the next best thing to jogging a mile a the park, or sushi is the perfect entrée to lose 10 pounds, or looking at some people's bodies is an inspiring story of how they shed the weight perfect enough for People magazine.
I was wrong, this website is the cornucopia of perfect health and lifestyle.

Anyway, this is a dumb-ass thing she's done, and I'm happy that she stopped it days later. She deserved the backlash she got for it, and will still become one
of the biggest douchebags on Earth. I understand she did this because the New York Food Bank took her up on challenge, and she accepted it. I don't blame her for that; they're just doing this to raise awareness for the people who live on welfare or Section 8 that live on government assistance, and that's great. I now think this gives off a lot of attention to SNAP and call on many others to help the disenfranchised and destitute. And it's a great thing, and I hope everyone does what they can to help out. Give to Feeding America, Action Against Hunger and The New York Food Bank and many Americans (along with others around the world) will have better lives on the long run into the future. As for the timing in this, it couldn't get worse. All she could've done was waited until the challenge ended to at least celebrate the challenge's success or celebrate the fact that it's over so she can get on with her asshole life, and then brag her results to everyone, and then the awareness would go on more organically (no pun intended). But this happens. Oh well.
Other than that, I eagerly await her new films coming later in the year.

Star vs. The Forces of Evil Review: Cheer Up Star / Quest Buy



Hiya, fellow Stargazers!
Feeling happy it’s Friday? Feeling good about the weekend? Feeling excited about what comes your way? Well, Star isn’t. Star is feeling terrible, thanks to a newly-developed fear in clowns. And it’s up to Marco to help her get out of her fear and feel happy (and overexcited...and feisty...and unknown about most stuff) again.

Here is Sher--I mean...

The episode takes place at the Diaz Family Home, where it would seem at first that the family and Star is celebrating Fourth of July Dia de los Muertos early, but it’s actually Starco facing off against Ludo and his minions once again.

It’s Starco vs. The Useless Minions--The Fight for the Magic Wand: Round 3!!

Star and Marco run into the shed, where the two are hiding and figure out their next move. (She could just do her Turbo Nuclear Butterfly Blast finisher, and everything will be done quickly [and violently];...nah.) Star asks Marco what’s going on, and replies that it may be his fault; he takes out painted skull (which brings back that Dia De Los Muertos theory) and begins to tell Star a story.

Marco explains, through flashback, that he’s been having the cruddiest of cruddy days (and judging from what we’ve seen on this series so far, that’s not saying much). He’s missed the bus and is chasing it, runs into the Stop sign after it stops, thanks to Star helping out (not her fault, though) then takes a black eye in the process, ends up being dragged by his hood by the door, ends up on top of a group of trash, and is laughed at by a passerby thanks to a certain shirt he’s wearing…
An embarrassed Marco then covers it up by wearing a newspaper, and heads on to school, as the passerby keeps on laughing. Then he suddenly stops and goes on with his day.
And if things couldn’t go worse, it’s picture day at Echo Creek Academy and has a surprise pic taken by a female student. When all falls flat for our Meatball Hero, his old rival Jeremy Birnbaum appears and is berating him; Marco is having none of it, but Jeremy is having a lot. When he firmly stands his ground, Marc also firmly stands on Jackie Lynn’s skateboard. (Ouch) Jackie is saddened by this action and leaves away sliding on her half broken accessory. Jeremy then leaves as well, feeling his job (like he ever had one) is done.
--You know I like this. No really, I do. I have mentioned before that I hate the Butt Monkey aspect of Marco’s character, but here I don't. What makes it great here is that it’s part of the episode; It’s a part of the plot. And people can relate to this. Everyone has had at least one bad day in their lives, and nothing can stop it from happening. Just like Marco is here. I actually liked this ()
--The part where the passerby laughed and then stops for a second before riding away was funny.
--Also, I want this shirt. No, not because Marco wore it. (okay maybe)
--Also, I think I like Jeremy Birnbaum now. I’m not sure why. I said in last week’s review that I would’ve liked him, before the reveal that he was roughly 8 years old. But here, there’s nothing here that would annoy me. And he was really funny here, making fun of Marco (although I will give it to Marc for doing his best to ignore him)

When Star tells Marco to get to the point, he finally does, saying that after the day ended, Star made sure to cheer him up, (Aww) of which she succeeds--by getting eaten by a large fish, causing Marco (and later herself) to laugh. Marc then gets to the next day, in which the students hear what has to be the worst sound ever made. Star is tuned in by the horrid audio and asks Principal Skeeves who it is making it; he replies that it is Oskar Greason, a degenerate with a RECORD. The RECORD turns Star on, and she moves on over to Oskar, who is enjoying and reveling in his music. This then turns into a song number where Oskar takes Star to a new world within the power of bad music. This is then revealed to be a part of her imagination, as Marco snaps her out of it. She then returns to it, revealing that she gives him her number and slides away.
--Suddenly, I have this strange urge to find Star even more attractive with the false mustache on. (Yeah, I said that, and I stand by--he wrote embarrassed inside)
--Remember that part in “Star Comes to Earth” where she herself mentions that everyone thinks of her as reckless? Well, remember Tom? Yeah, as it turns out, Star likes bad boys. And this episode takes that a little further with Oskar..
--My God, his keytar skills are laughably bad (yeah, the point, but still). In fact,
Oskar and his keytar skills are like me and my jokes; we both take self-indulgence in them, even though others are mixed on them.

The flashback then switches from Marc to Star, as she is expecting a call from Oskar on Marco’s phone. She runs to her bedroom and waits patiently for him to call. Someone does call, but it’s Marco’s grandmother, whom Star rudely hangs up on. Time goes on and days pass as Star continuously waits for Oskar to answer, but nothing comes of it. Back in the real world, and at the shed, Star realizes that she isn’t what Oskar (or any guy with a RECORD) wants or looks for. Realizing her sadness, Marco does what he knows best--to Cheer Up Star. (Classic Marco)
--I love the look in Star’s eyes as she waits for the call; they move slowly and lusciously, like in an anime. I haven’t mentioned this much, but the influence of Anime on this show is amazing; from the fight scenes to through the animation to the eyes, this show is amazing in this regard.
--Oh and that paper with writings on the desk? That’s Star test with results from “Match Maker”; you know, the one with the F grade she thought was for “Fantastic”. Nice Continuity Nod, there, animators.
--Plus, the music in the background during is just lovely; the soft, quiet, sad sound reminds me fully of the music used in Anime shows. And it will make you cry a bit; trust me, I teared up myself from watching the first time.
--That ringtone. I wish it was real.

Later that night, someone comes into Star’s room and wakes her--
It’s Marc dressed as a clown. This scares Star. He runs away, apologizing and thinking she wasn’t afraid of clowns (Don't blame her, though. Yikes). Marco tries again with a Evel Knievel-like stunt at the top of her expansion pack loft room--it does not go well. After seeing Star’s wand, Marco draws up a Plan C. Marc throws her wand through the evil dimension to one of Ludo’s minions, who notices it and chases through the portal to try to get it, along with some other henchmen. From there it brings us up to speed and to the present day (or night, if Star's outfit is of any indication). It seems that the thing that Marco wanted to cheer Star up was another match against Ludo. He says that nothing cheers her up more than Narwhal Blast-ing a monster.

Marco is grabbed by a henchman, with Star giving chase. Ludo begins giving a fight, but Star is confused as there are new monsters joining the fray. Man-Arm and Spike-Balls (whom I think will have fully-made solid fanbases any day now), with Ludo shocked that they’ve never fully know each other. Anyway, after the formal introduction…

It’s Starco vs. The Useless Minions--Fight for the Magic Wand: Round 3! (again)
After the awesome usual (Star using her wand to blast, and Marco using his intense Green Belt skills), Star finally realizes that fighting monsters DOES cheer her up, and even says she doesn’t care if Oskar ever calls her. That is until Oskar calls her. For a minute, the two exchange small talk during the fight. When one of the minions screams at her, Star snaps back (calling them rude) and finishes the fight with a new move (I assume), Syrup Tsunami Shockwave. After everyone (even Ludo and Marco) ends up covered, Star returns to her call and ends with “Cool”. Star thanks Marco for doing all he could to cheer her up (even though Oskar did call her anyway) and hugs him with the two end up stuck to each other from the earlier syrup blast.

The episode ends with the guy who laughed at Marco earlier coming back to laugh at him (and Star this time) again.
And then he suddenly stops and leaves...again. (as if he had other things too)

--Admit it. You all thought it was cute (and/or funny) when Oskar played the Alphabet Song on his keytar. Don’t blame ya, though.
--It’s good to see that Star changed up her attacks every once in a while. I mean, I almost expected “Turbo Blast” to be the ending attack, but fortunately she didn’t with it.
--And another thing, It’s like Star discovered the Wu Tang Clan name generator, and used some of the random names on her attacks. Because the names are so random, yet so coherent, you have no choice but to find it cool. And they are so cool.
--Seriously does this guy stalk Marco just to make fun of him?
--One more thing, I honestly thought from hearing Oskar talk more, I thought that was Jon Heder voicing him. One quick check to the Wikia page reveals that yep, I was right. But Heder is perfect for the role. He can work a bad boy with a RECORD. With a droll, whispery voice to match. And since he’s a main character, it’s great that he’ll be back later on the season. He’d be a nice love interest for Star, just like Jackie Lynn is a perfect love interest for Marco.
*lightbulb* And speaking of love interest...

More Random Thoughts
:
When this series began, I began noticing something. Although I’m not a fan of “ships”, I had a feeling that Star and Marco would have one. And sure enough, they do. Fortunately, from watching these episodes so far, I realized that they are much better as just friends other than friends that become something more later on. And because of that, my thoughts about them quickly died down, and thank goodness too. From the chemistry I’ve seen so far from them, and the voice work from Eden Sher and Adam McArthur, it makes pretty clear for me that it’s a much better thing to see than a budding relationship that translates to love. I not gonna act like I wanna protest the “Starco” ship, because other people like it--I’m cool with it; I will say that I’m more for them as just friends than as boyfriend and girlfriend (blech) We’ll see what happens from here.
By the way, I didn’t make up the Starco portmanteau to ship them; I made it so that do have to refer to them as “Star and Marco” all the time. It gets annoying typing both of their names this way so much. Yeah, I did say that this would be a thing, but at the time, this was because of potential (and now waning and unwanted) interest in their ship.

This was a very sweet episode through and through. Watching one of Starco helping the other feel better was a wonderful sight to behold. It really can show what good friends really can be: people who can help each other out, and make them feel better about themselves. And that’s what these two are--two people who care about each other and have the other’s back no matter what happens aka really good friends. This goes without saying, but I’ve really enjoyed the adventures these two have been on, and with this realization, I now enjoy them more than ever before. And I can’t wait to see which adventures they’ll go on now, as just friends.

Oh wait, I don’t have to do that, when they do have another adventure to go on.
It’s a race against the clock to save Star’s wand from death...forever...in...
The episode starts of at the Diaz Family Home, where Marco is combing his hair; no strand untouched. (Basically, he has the grooming habits of Harold Crick) This gets interrupted by Star, who is brushing her hair, along with blow drying, thanks to her wand multi-tasking. Marc puts a stop to it and cleans up the sickly sink counter (at least his side) with a vacuum cleaner, which is covered in pizza slices (?), (a cupcake/or ice cream, whatever that is) dolls and other things that shouldn’t be on a bathroom sick; and is even more messy on her edge. (By the way, remember Marco vacuuming the counter? Remember that.)
Suddenly Star’s magic wand dies down, and checks the battery life--it’s on low, close to dead (and in this case, forever) and she needs a charger. But because of her messy side of the bathroom, it’s hard to find. After searching through her horrible mess, Marco suggests buying another one. Star agrees and knows a place to go to, Quest Buy, which of course is in another dimension.
--This.

I was clutching my stomach from that.
--Seriously, who leaves pizza on a bathroom sink counter?
--In this scene, it’s revealed that Marco is a pretty tidy and orderly person--as in, a neat freak. (which explains the fact that his bedroom is pretty clean in the last few episodes). Also, Star is messy and disorganized--in fact, it’s weird to see her like this. And yet, it makes sense. Because of the reckless behavior she exhibits so far, especially in “Star Comes to Earth”, it makes you wonder how she keeps her clothes clean. Well, she is a girl.
--I honestly thought the power and life on the wand was infinite. Seems weird to suddenly come out and say that it now runs on (literal) horsepower. But hey, as long as it drives a good plot, I’m cool with that.
--Another thing, Star’s cheeks as emotion symbols is a really cute and cool thing. And pretty hilarious too. Especially when light bulbs come up.
(--Also, I know this is in the next scene, and I’m a little late with it, but Marco saying “Whoa” pretty much has to be his catchphrase at this point, like Joey from Blossom.)

Starco arrive at Quest Buy, a mall where many creatures from many dimensions come to buy anything they need. ANYTHING. The two try look around for the charger, but it’s a hard thing, as Star reveals that the founders of Quest Buy have created an ancient, cryptic system to organize items, making any customer succumb to madness from the difficult directional. But Marco assures her that he a crack the map to find the charger department.

Unfortunately, in their midst is Ludo and his henchmen, taking a little visit and buying last minute items--including a beak groomer. The minions try to sneak other items in, but Ludo's not having it.
--That little moment where Ludo and the minions first appeared in the store was undeniably funny...and reminded me of the times my and my family would go to the supermarket and my siblings and I would sneak stuff into the cart and my mom would force us to put it back where it came from. Here, it’s like the minions are me and the siblings and he’s their mom. In fact, and this is hilarious, but would you believe it if I told you that I originally thought that Ludo was a woman? The voice and the facial features really threw me off. I even went far enough to write him off as a her and she in the first review. Fortunately, I had the foresight to read the Wikia page before publishing it, so that saved me from a planet of embarrassment. Heh heh heh...heh. *headdesk*


--Oh, and by the way...The thing the Giraffe minion tried to slip into the cart?

Girafro. Nice.

Meanwhile, Starco run past a riddle giving sphinx (immediately giving the correct answer), and go to what seemed to be a different department, but is actually where they started (they went in circles-something Star doesn’t understand very well). And if things couldn’t get any worse, Ludo & Co. comes up, and immediately it’s…
Starco vs. The Useless Minions--Fight for--Okay, this is getting annoying now. (...Round 4)
(And it gets interesting here because the two are facing off without the aid of Star’s wand, which is still draining power.)
Star tries to use her wand to stop them, not really realizing that a dying wand won’t help any. (And apparently, Ludo doesn’t either, but that doesn’t stop him from wanting it, though)
But they actually don’t need it, as they have the aid of...adult diapers, which they throw at the henchmen with great accuracy. They escape, but end up in another dead end. It’s at this point where Marco decides to switch up and take this his way--The Organized Way. They take an elevator, and the race against time continues. Fortunately, the would get more time ahead as Ludo and the minions end up sharing their ride with an unwanted guest--a slug who doesn’t get the point he’s coming with.
--I love how Star just called out an attack involving Adult diapers. Big Boy Diaper Blast--Just so funny. I should also mention here how darn cute Star calling her attacks is. I don’t know if it activates the attack spell in her wand or just happens while the spell is in action; it's really cute either way.

Star and Marco are close to the Wand Charger Department, but hit a snag with the elevator hitting out of order and stopping at the Booby Trap Department. The Minions give chase, but thanks to the fact that Starco have quick reflexes...and that they don’t...they’re lagging behind. Our heroes reach the Wand Charger Dept., but it takes a while before they find the right one. Another fight comes around and this time, it's just Star against the monsters.

While Star holds off Ludo, Marco finally finds it. Star has the charger, but Ludo has the wand, and is about to Start his Darkness, but the wand is on Empty. Ludo starts to question this, but Star kicks him out of focus. She plugs the charger in, and the Wand is back to up and running again. She and Marco drive on out (literally with a ) and tells the QB clerk that Ludo will pay for the charger--along with everything else. When he tries to lie to make a hasty exit, the sloth attacks him.
--This shall teach us all something. If sloths don't have it with you, they become deadly. Never mess with them.

Starco finally return home, with a new charger for the wand, now fully-powered and running for another while. But first, a floating object appears in front of them. It’s Marco’s mini vacuum, now possessed (as Star believes). She walks to it, and, by opening it, learns how it’s powered--by Star’s missing wand charger. When Star learns that she had a replacement all along, Marco apologizes for trapping it in, but she gives it to Marco, forgiving him. When Marc now has a magic vacuum cleaner in his possession, he doesn’t realize that there's still a mess in the room, and ends up on the floor in pain with the vacuum flies around.

This was a very interesting episode. During the fight against Ludo, Star’s wand is close to dying. What I like about this is that we see a fight without the wand’s power, and with that Star and Marco go low-tech for a while--using adult diapers boxes as ammo to hit back. And later, Ludo has the wand, but since it was dead, he doesn’t begin his evil domination. It’s obvious it wouldn’t happen anyway, but it was funny while it happened.
I do feel this concept was used a bit too early, but I’m glad the writers came up with it anyway. And it had me thinking: And had Star’s wand die, what consequences would come her way? Will she be stuck on Earth forever? (although that’s quickly debunked; since she does have the dimensional scissors) Would her kingdom on Mewni be destroyed forever and everyone in it will suffer an even worse fate than the one caused by her with her wand earlier? Will her parents ground her and not make her the future Queen (if that is possible)? Who knows.
I wish this would’ve happened in a later episode, because it’s a much better place to explore the concept. Also I wish the concept was a little fleshed out than just “the search for a charger”. But hey, I enjoyed what I saw here and that’s great for me.

I enjoyed this episode very much, for a lot of reason. It really showed me that Star and Marco are muy bueno as just best friends, that they can have wonderful love interests (although there are bumpy roads here so far), that they'll always stick together, and that I'm going to enjoy this friendship more than they themselves do. Also, I got the taste of that could happen when Star doesn't use her wand and what would (almost) happen had Ludo had the wand, Although it was pretty short (even for an 11-episode halfer), I enjoyed what came at me, and I'm even more curious about what happen had this concept gone either further. It could get much more interesting had this continued.

Well, another review is done, and boy, am I beat. I feel I want to get away. Stargazers, are you ready for vacation?? Well, the Diaz family and Star is going on one and we're going for the ride in "Diaz Family Vacation". Plus, the cheerleader is having a party, but our resident princess from another dimension has different customs for the celebration in "Brittney's Party". See you next week for the review.

As always, my thanks to the Star vs. The Forces of Evil Wikia page for everything. I'm eternally grateful as always.
I'm Andrew, and from here at Maroon Mondays, good night for now, and remember:
Reach for the Star, and Keep looking up!...at your TV screens.

Funday Friday: #17--Vine Star Honors Robin Williams

Happy Funday Friday, guys!!

How sweet is this?
Vine star Jamie Costa made a video honoring comedy icon (and his career hero), the late Robin Williams. In the video, Costa impersonated 20 of Williams' legendary characters in his beloved films, including Philip Brainard in Flubber, Alan Parrish in Jumanji, Teddy Roosevelt in the Night at the Museum series and the titular character in Ms. Doubtfire.



Oh. My. God. It's like looking at Williams himself, as if he's a start-up actor and discovered Vine!!

Costa not only looks very eerily like Williams, but also has his vocal tone and mannerisms down pat. It's like he's still there with us in spirit. It's just absolutely amazing!! I am blown away.

I don't use Vine at all, and I don't look at videos on it every so often, but after watching this clip, I really should go there more. Great job, Jamie Costa. You have are attention, and you have the approval of many. Continue doing what you're doing, and don't stop. You're amazing.

Rest in Peace, Robin Williams.

Monday, April 13, 2015

SNL 40 Review: Taraji P. Henson & Mumford & Sons

Remember those sketches in Episodes 14 & 15? Those sketches that were parodies of Birdman and Empire? Yeah, who knew that they would later become foreshadowing? Because after those shows aired, episodes that aired later on featured the stars from the actual film and TV show. The man who played the titular fake superhero (Michael Keaton) and the woman who stole our hearts and laugh boxes as Cookie Lyon have actually hosted Episodes 17 and 18, the latter of which we'll be looking into this week.

Now, you know Taraji P. Henson is known as a wonderfully talented actress. She can act in comedy AND drama very well, and has done big wonders in both film and TV as well, being a breakout on Person of Interest and red-hot hit of the season Empire. If there's anyone who should be known for her talent (and sex appeal, too; let's get that out of the way), it should be her.

The Cold Open begins at the compound of Bill and Hillary Clinton, where the latter (Kate McKinnon, flawlessly and effortlessly), along with help from her assistant (Vanessa Bayer), prepare for her big announcement of becoming a candidate for President in the 2016 Election.

I won’t have much to say about Kate McK’s performance, but that it was awesome and that she nails the impression amazingly. I eagerly await what will happen in the next two seasons when she plays Clinton again during Election season. As for Darrell Hammond as Bill Clinton, he really returned to form here and never missed a beat. It’s good that Lorne kept the current announcer handy just in case. Nessa B also did pretty good as the assistant. This was a great CO, so with that, LIVE FROM PHILADELPHIA, IT’S SUNDAY--i mean, MONDAY NIGHT!!

After the open, Taraji comes to the stage to do the Monologue. During it, she mentions Empire (as expected), and talks about how grateful she is to have been in show business for over 20 years. She then turns it into a song number about what would’ve happened had she not gotten the chance to act on the silver and small screens. And it was great

Man, Taraji can SANG! And has the talent to talk during a song like she’s in church.
I also liked some of the cast member’s responses (especially Kenan’s, in which he mentions Good Burger [which, to me, is not that bad of a film], Kate Mc (for some reason) and LesDogg’s [who really looks like she could make some woman her bitch in jail]). A really good Mono, and it makes me appreciate song number Mono’s now.

The Pre-Tape After asks the important question: Do you wear your Depends? If you refuse, will you wear Depends Legends? (Seriously?)

I honestly didn’t care for this one. It was too weird for me; and not the weird SNL has been known for (especially in the entire 2000s), but the weird that wouldn’t look out of place on MadTV.

In the next sketch, HLN is covering a courtroom case on an inappropriate sexual relationship between teacher Janet Johnson-Luna and her student Gavin Daly.

This was a really good sketch, parodying HLN for its over-reliance on courtroom cases. Also, Henson did great in a more dramatic role as Daly's mother's lawyer. Also, Pete Davidson fits the role of the teenage student well. Mostly because he's barely a teenager anymore.

DreamWorks Animation has hit success with its latest film Home. So of course the film is getting a sequel--Home 2. In this “First Look”, the cast (Jim Parsons and Rihanna with some other people) has expanded to include Hip-Hop stars including Nicki Minaj, Kendrick Lamar and Rick Ross, along with Sofia Vergara and two odd choices.

Having Taraji play Nicki was a nice change of pace (mostly because Sasheer Zamata is already playing Rihanna), and she played really well; she emphasized on Minaj’s hyper behavior and voice and made it funny. Also, TKill and Cecily were also the best parts with their impressions of Parsons and Vergara. It wasn’t great, but still got the job done.
And another thing, you can’t make a film so quickly after the first one was released, unless you wanna make it look like something out of Video Brinquedo.

On QVC, actress-turned-designer Claudette Fontaine appeared with its host (Taraji P.) to talk about her clothing line: a 3-way poncho. But she can’t tell a thing about the three ways.


I’m just leaving this here.

If you wondering why I put this there is because when I read “the 3-way poncho” on Yahoo!, I immediately thought of this. Maybe some writers watched this one day on non-Big 3 stations, or on Ion Television late one night, or on YouTube, and immediately found funny. Was it the shirt, was it Suzanne Somers’ over-modeling of the shirt, or was it the background music that clearly sounds like the incidental music on Glee? Either way, had this happened, this was an interesting muse for the skit.
Back to the skit itself, Kate McK does a great job as Fontaine, a seemingly washed-up singer turned desperately-clinging-to-fame fashion designer with ease, along with Henson as the QVC host, in what I think is a parody of such, who acts a little too happy and excited to be around nice, expensive, sometimes un-needed products, and are only this way for the paycheck (and if they’re lucky, some of the products themselves). Another thing, did Montaine watched Miss Trash 2015 on TV and liked Miss Delaware’s performance so much, that she hired her as a model here? That’s what I see here.

No disrespect to Baby Aidy, but really, that’s what I see.
This was one of the weaker sketches of the ep, and would’ve be even weaker had Kate Mc not appeared in the sketch (although I can’t see how any of the other female cast members could pull off “old lady with a washed-up attitude and creepy leer” like Lori Beth Denberg on All That, there’s a plus.)

I’ll get to Mumford & Sons’ performances in a moment.

First, Hollywood Game Night is back!! And after so long (the last time was in Episode 3 Hosted by Bill Hader). This time around, host Jane Lynch tries to keep her sanity in check while around these celebrities: Vin Diesel (TKill), Wynonna Judd (Aidy) and Common (Pharoah), whom are playing against Nick Offerman (Beck Benn--YES!!), Marion Cotillard (CecStrong) and Wanda Sykes (Henson).
Because the celebrities matter more than the civilians here.

Kate Mc really returns to form as Lynch, as hot, funny and cross-dressing-ly as possible.
Also, my favorite part has to be Beck also returning to form as Offerman. Seriously, he does it so well, it’s like the real deal is there. Anyway, this was a fine sketch and everyone did great. It's great to see this sketch back after a while, and I enjoy it very much.
I do wish he was chosen to talk more than TKill's Vin Diesel, which wasn't all that impressive, as was Henson's Wanda Sykes. Woman tries so hard to yell like her.

They actually brought this back. I don’t know why, but they did. Somehow this makes sense.

Vlog Two/How 2 Dance with Janelle To
Anyway, this segment was pretty meh; pretty much so, compared to the last one in Ep. 5 Hosted by Chris Rock. At least that one was interesting. Janelle is fine, but not great character, even if it gives SaZam some screentime, Teddy (KyMoo) is dull, but he did get a few laughs out of me. I really hoped that Taraji would be the saving grace as Janelle’s mom, and she was. This was one of the weaker sketch of the show, but does beat out the QVC sketch by a hair..

Well. I knew this was happening. It’s still funny nonetheless.

If you’re not an Empire fan, you must admit, the Muppets’ reactions to Cookie was priceless.
If you are an Empire fan, you know this Laugh-Your-Ass-Off hilarious. And if you’re a Sesame Street fan...well, I don’t blame you for Elmo’s sudden and untimely demise, thanks to Cookie’s indulgence for out-of-style fashion sense.
I also want to praise the characters and puppeteers for appearing in the sketch. The participation was amazing. All of the Muppets that appeared really did put a smile on my face. Not bad for a show that at first hated Muppets for having their own sketch.

Cinema Classics returns with host Reese De’WHAT! (Kenan) presenting another film gem that not many really remember, "Their Own League", a movie made during the Baseball origin story boom of the 80s. In it, a group of women (pretty much all of the white female cast members...and Moyni...for the aforementioned reason) try to please their coach (TKill) in the hopes that they’ll play baseball. Then, two black women (Henson and LesDogg) ask to join.
You can see where this goes.

This was an alright sketch. It got some laughs out of it. It was also predictable, what with the obvious racism jokes, but they were pretty chuckle-worthy.

The Five-to-One (can remember the last time I used that) is an odd one, even by their standards. (But hey, SNL is known for odd, so this’ll pass). It’s called Connectatron, which pretty much looks like Video Brinqueto’s shitty version of Transformers, Megaman, Voltron and Power Rangers rolled together. But somehow, this had an interest on me.
The members of the crew (Usual Guys 1 & 2 Usual Girl #2 Cecily [Kate Mc is pretty much UG #1 at this point] and Pharoah) are ready for a fight from the evil Shark . But the fifth member Mavis (Taraji) doesn’t want to help, because she feels the others are treating her like crap, and becomes the biggest ghetto bitch ever with her responses.

I didn’t find this hilarious, but there were some good jokes. I found the ripoff elements to be absurdly delightful and the set was absolutely amazing for a tiny part of a studio in a New York City building high above the ground. I also found TKill’s voice absolutely annoying. But since this is the tone I hear every time he appears on screen (which is every week in every other sketch), I learn to get through it. So yeah, on paper this was a great.concept, and the execution of everything else was very good, but this still was a mediocre sketch to end the show on.


This week’s musical guest is Mumford & Sons, a folk-rock band that has been heating up the mainstream for the past few years with their hot tracks and impressive string work. I’ve heard a few of their songs, my favorite being “Little Lion Man”; and I’ve become really impressed with their music.
So for their first SNL appearance, they just had to start with a bang, right? HELL YEAH!!!

Their first song, “The Wolf”, is just freaking awesome. The guitar work just blows me away and their vocals is soothingly wonderful. Just from the top, it just gets me in the mood of bopping my head like I’m in the mosh pit at their concerts. I love this performance so much it makes me feel like I want to watch it every day for the rest of my life. But I won’t, because then I’d stop almost immediately. You can tell that it was a great performance when the Audience pops hard immediately after the last lick of music.

Their last song “Believe” is the complete opposite in the scale of sound. It’s a softer, quieter and soothing song that could take you to another world of bright lights and flying angels, even if you're still awake. I love this just as much as ”Wolf” for being completely different in sound and tone. I can't wait for their next album in a few weeks, and I should listen to more of their music. Seriously, it's fantastic.

Time for an Update:
Part 1:

Part 2:

You know, what’s the point of putting in 50 more words about this segment?
They’ve gotten much better and I actually laughed at the jokes. That should be enough, right?


Cecilia Gimenez, the woman who created the crappy Jesus painting, returned to give her thoughts on the Lucille Ball statue in Upstate New York that went viral for scaring everyone that comes in contact with. Her thoughts are just this: “I’m so glad my painting is so much better that that crap statue”. The mentions of the Comedy legends whose statue


Jacob the (Several-Years-Long) Bar Mitzvah Boy also returned for another long-arse list of thank you’s to, and jokes about, every who’s been a part of his family’s lives. And of course he ignores the anchor’s questions like a dick, before going back to them. But the reason he's here with his Jewish-stereotypiscal jokes is because he's here with his dad (BILLY CRYSTAL).
I’m sorry, but whoever online thought that Billy Crystal “stole the show” is a Goddamn liar. The jokes he had as Jacob’s father was just as corny as hell as Jacob’s. (But Jacob has the advantage of being a boy, so he’s fine.) I mean he reads like a child just barely illiterate. Plus the second time the Audience applauded was just pretentious. It’s no wonder Michael gets annoyed with them at his podiatrist office.

This was a fine Update. The jokes were really good, and Kate McK’s turn as Gimenez was way funnier than Jacob the Dry Shade bot and I-Think-I’m-Funny-So-Laugh-at-Me father, despite what the editors at the TV show website were paid to tell you.

How Was the CO?
Like Hillary Clinton, Ready for Elections
Best Sketches:
Cookie on Sesame Street
Hollywood Game Night
How 2 Dance with Janelle To (this one squeaked past for being really funny at the end)
Honorable Mention

Worst Sketches:
The Rest of Them

On my thoughts of Ms. Henson as host, she was very good, and did everything she could that the scripts told her to. But she wasn’t that great as I thought she would be. And I hope this episode would begin a big rebound by the writers to end the season on a higher note. But after watching this, it seems that it’s gonna take a while before they actually reach treble.

This was an overall middle-of-the-road episode. The were a few good sketches, but even then, they weren't really strong. But hey, after last week’s episode hosted by Michael Keaton, this is no way they could capture lightning in a bottle twice in a row. Taking that option away, it seems like some of the episodes I’ve reviewed this season. It was very mediocre and the hosts try their best, but it doesn’t help. Also, ironically, Weekend Update was the best of the best, and it’s clear that the writers have listened to everyone’s cries/whines (mine included) to be better and they have gotten better.

As for the cast, they've all did their best, but the writing just didn't help with their performances this week. Also, Kate McK clearly is becoming the Usual Girl of the sketches. But in this case, I really don't mind. The characters she play are hilarious, her impressions are mind-blowing and her delivery is just fantastic. Unlike Moyni and TKill (where outside of impressions, they could've gotten any of the other cast members to play characters), they have only one woman to play some of these characters right, and it's Kate, and she plays them very well. I really hopes she stays a long while, while also hoping Lorne and the producers doesn't treat her the same way the treated Kristen Wiig during her tenure as cast member.
Well, yeah. This was frustratingly mediocre and I don't think I'll ever see this one again soon.

SNL will return on May 2, when Scarlett Johansson returns to Studio 8H as host for the fourth time. Hopefully with another long-ass hiatus, the writers can recharge itself and pop out another hot one. That or the cast of Avengers: Age of Ultron will make a cameo in the Monologue and a sketch parodying the film. Either way, I'll be a very happy man. See you then!!