Tuesday, October 19, 2021

New Superman Comes Out as Bisexual; Conservatives Come Out as Crybabies


Lies, Injustice and the Aristocratic Way. Of course that's the motto of the conservative base, but you will never hear them say that. Of course, I'm making a mocking variation of the classic motto of Superman, whom became the target of the GOP's humorous and humiliating histrionics this week after the latest issue #5 of Superman: Son of Kal-El - featuring the newest variation of the Man of Steel - dropped this week with the announcement that Jonathan Kent, the new owner of the iconic supersuit with the S on his chest, is a bisexual and in a relationship with another man.

That's right. I wrote Jonathan Kent, and not Clark. But that didn't stop conservatives from crying about it on right-wing media and social media - thinking that the Superman in the now viral image of the hero kissing another dude is the one with the beloved secret identity we know and love.

Jonathan is the son of Clark Kent (known to diehard fans as Kal-El on Krypton) and Lois Lane, and in issue #5, he comes out as bisexual and engages in a passionate kiss with Jay Nakamura, a writer for a social media platform. 

I already love Superman as a fictional superhero since I was little, but I never thought I would relate to him (or at least a version of him). Now that I can, I can take stock in feeling well represented in comic books (at least as far as I know). So when I heard this news, I was surprised but very happy. 

But whom isn't happy are conservative TV hosts, pundits and politicians.


It's a fictional character in a comic book. He's not real. None of them are. Yet these people think and act like they are. To be fair, I thought Superman was real too years ago, and was disappointed when my grandmother told me he wasn't. I was eight. (I just wish she told me any day but my birthday though. Thanks for ruining my childhood piece by piece, grandma!) Uhhh - meanwhile, these are grown people getting overemotional over print cartoon characters coming out as sexual orientations that are not straight.

And here's the thing: this isn't the Superman we've known, loved and cherished as kids on up for decades. That Superman is still straight and married to Lois Lane (or as -- referred to her as Louis. FREUDIAN SLIP ALEEEEERT! Maybe she's more accepting of LGBT people than we thought). This new Superman is their son. Certainly failed a spot check, didn't you? Maybe it's the fact that you saw grown, older Superman kissing a young man old enough to be his son (and not... well, his son). That is gross. 

Since Supes kissed a dude in a random comic book, conservatives clutched their pearls and whined like there's no tomorrow. Otherwise, if he were straight like his parents, they wouldn't have noticed or cared if he farted deep somewhere in Yellowstone Park.

Then there's , whom cried like Ricky Schroeder in The Champ (in that scene where his screen-boxer dad Billy Flynn dies [it really is sad]) during his appearance on Fox News during his stark raving rant about the history of superheros he was conditioned in changing to his disgust as this one Superman (not THE Superman) came out.


Yeah, umm, about that.

First off, fuck you. Saying that only members of the LGBTQ+ community are sex-crazed creatures that carry and spread STDs is a stupid fucking stereotype. It's proven that Straight people are just as oversexed - if not more - than non-straight people. (Every other rap song these days and the past few decades prove it. And so do the many members of your party.)

There have been comic-book superheroes across the decades that have come out as non-straight and non-traditional but no one noticed until now. And the few you mentioned - Batman, Superman, Spider-Man - were never seen with romantic partners of the opposite sex in the comics (TV shows and movies, yes, but not the point). They always talk to women, and sometimes, the tension is there, but nothing much builds from it. Plus, superheroes have been sexualised pretty much forever. Those top-heavy body-hugging supersuits and rock-hard abs should've been a red flag.

And then there's Dean Cain, whom at least would have some right to an opinion, as he previously portrayed both Kent and Supes in Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. But his opinion is still trash to me.

"They said it's a bold new direction. I say they're bandwagoning. I don't think it's bold or brave or some crazy new direction. If they had done this 20 years ago, perhaps that would be bold or brave. But brave would be having him fight for the rights of gay people in Iran."

How, Sway?? How is it bandwagoning if it would be bold and brave in the 90s? Answer: it wouldn't have been in the 90s. If Superman came out as gay, the media would've caused a frenzy. And right-wing would've been just as histrionic; but in the 90s, the places they would've said as much is just CNN, C-SPAN and any public-affairs show that they would demand an appearance. Society and people's acceptance of the LGBTQ community has largely changed and improved during and since that decade and there is a right to create and publish stories about gay people that hasn't happened before. But what hasn't changed is some people's backwards thinking; it just got a bullhorn and worldwide platform. It's not bandwagoning, but you're willing to call it that because gay media is everywhere and people love it but you can't handle it. Just because you played Superman once before, that doesn't make you a gatekeeper to other people who want to portray Superman in any way they want.  Go make yet another straight-to-digital movie and fuck off. I haven't liked him or his opinions for years, and I'll continue to after this example. 


If you don’t like it, that's fine; just ignore it and move on with your day. But that's the problem with the GOP; anything that challenges and disrupts their centuries-old mindset of Manly macho men, women with no say in anything except what goes where in the kitchen and how many children their bodies can handle making, straight/white-only lifestyle, they clutch their pearls and bitch about it to anyone within earshot as if that will make what they think is controversial go away (but it won't) - previously it was in the newspaper, radio and public events with a microphone ; now, it's television, social media and YouTube. This is just one of many "issues" the conservative base in the United States wants to make an issue but isn't an issue. All the Archie Bunkers and -- in America really show their whole ass when it comes to their knowledge of the issues and problems surrounding most everything. They see something that they don't like, cry a river of crocodile tears in front of others, and demand their justice when there's nothing  wrong going on and nothing they can and will do to change it. (And yet, this accuse and mock other people whom want actual change where it is actually deserved.)

I'd be happy to give Son of Kal-El a read and enjoy it whenever I get the chance. I enjoy Superman media and this will be an awesome comic.

I wish this was a non-issue, but I also wish I could enter a cheap bathhouse and end up having swc with Oscar Issac, Rami Malek, Idris Elba, Weird Al and Lupin III, so we can't always get what we want. As soon as progress and positive change comes in this country, there will be people (specifically in the GOP) who will cry and whine about it and demand it all stop and go back to the good old days (see the dorks who scream "cancel culture" and YT commentators who say TV sucks now), while actually ignoring the actual issues that needs to be addressed and improved (see every other thing mentioned in Congress today on C-SPAN like infrastructure and climate change - which is real) or else we're all going to a version of hell we'll see and live through before some go to the well-known one. If only there is a great, honorable, extraordinary, true-blue superhero that'll save us from all the evils and suppression of society. Oh wait... he's not real. Or straight.