Wednesday, August 28, 2013

1 Season Wonder - Gidget

Welcome to 1 Season Wonder, a segment at Maroon Mondays - where I take a look into the annals of Television and find some of the best TV shows--with one season--and bring them to you for your enjoyment.

I scour across the Internet and find TV shows with only 1 season, watch them, see if I enjoyed them, talk about them here and put them in a list of 1-Season Wonders. It sounds easy as it looks, right? No, you actually have to find these shows, watch through them hoping they're not as painful as they were the first time, and debate with yourself to see if it makes the list. If that sounds challenging and you want it that way, then let's do it.


Ahh the 1960s. Such a wonderful decade. Bright sun-shinny days, happy kids having fun, dancing, surfing, Model-T cars, government, war, McCarthyism, segrega--uhh, anyway, the sixties were awesome not only in real life events (except the bad ones), it was awesome in television. The characters and plots were bright, realistic, and either gritty or silly. One of the latter, this edition's show, was really bright (because it takes place at the beach most of the time), realistic (because some of the characters know how to surf) and it is silly (but not Batman or Monkees or Bewitched silly, but it's up there.) Also, as we heard from Seth MacFarlane at last years' The Oscars, the title character is played by the legendary and certainly hot Sally Field. It's Gidget.


Before there were shows like "Moesha", "Boy Meets World" and "Saved by the Bell", we had Gidget. A look into the world of a normal, typical teenager going through things we went through as teenagers. This show definitely had all a sitcom in the 60s had for the 18-49 demographic: the beach, hot guys, dancing like you're on American Bandstand, quirky best friend(s), and one or two parents that are always strict and caring. And that's what Gidget was all about.

Gidget may seen like a boy-crazy character of a 60's sitcom, but she's more than that. She's pretty sophisticated and charming character who's up to learn about life and being assertive and proud of herself, with her family and friends by her side. In fact, on one hand, Gidget was utterly enjoyable and, at times, hilarious to look at. That's attributed to Sally Field in her first television role. Field really committed to the role, giving us some moments that make us laugh, some that made us cry and some in between. You might never know what Gidget would be up to next (unless you've been religiously watching reruns or on DVD.)
Gidget's father Russell was like many 60's sitcom dads. They are always wise and calm, yet can be strict when the time comes. But at all times, he's very sweet. He always had the right thing on his mind, and was that guy to go to if you really need help. Plus, he's hilarious when he acts goofy.
I can even enjoy Larue for being the goofy yet sweet and dependable best friend. She is always there for Gidget even if it sacrifices her own devices. Larue was the voice of reason for Gidget during hair-brained schemes, but goes along because she cares for her.
On the other hand, Anne and John were so annoying. Like "take a gun to your head" annoying. They may care for their little sister/sister-in-law, which is understandable, because of her behavior. But other than that, the things she do and say makes me want to bash my head against a wall. I don't know if they suffer any disorders or neuroses, because that's what they act like.

Why I Love This Show: is that, even though this show is old (and, you know, a season long), it actually holds up today with what teenagers do and the morals they should learn. Just replace dancing with clubbing, sleepovers with sex, and mild drug use with heavy drug use. It also teaches us good morals we could use unlike the many sitcoms that don't like The Monkees or The Beverly Hillbillies, like learning to feel good with yourself, having your best friends' backs like they would have yours, and learning to appreciate the things you have in life as there are people who don't.

The show aired on ABC from September 15, 1965 to April 21, 1966.Reruns after its initial run aired in syndication for decades, with two made-for-TV movie sequels airing years later, 1969's Gidget Grows Up and 1972's Gidget Gets Married, along with a syndicated reboot, The New Gidget. Decades after its cancelation, Gidget has maintained a big and devoted cult audience. Reruns can now be found on Crackle, Hulu, and Antenna TV, a digital subchannel airing sitcoms and dramas from the 1940s to the 1990s. The Monkees and (starting this fall) Bewitched can also be found there.

Favorite Character: Gidget. She was smart, sophisticated and crazy (sometimes all at once). She wasn't like many female characters of the 60s. She wasn't boy-crazy all the time, and acts like what a teenage girl going on adolescent should be like.

Favorite Episode: "Like Voodoo". The part where she makes a plan to stop the curse gives me the chills, but made me laugh as well.

And there it is, Gidget, the second addition of the 1 Season Wonder segment, added to the list of 1 Season Wonders and will forever be known as the show that put Sally Field on the map and forced her to go to a show she hates to the grave, The Flying Nun.

Tune in next time when I review a show that made two of the greatest characters in nonfiction history best friends and helps a guy solve a problem (keeping Earth alive)...and made some of the most religious groups up in arms that they forgot it's fiction.

I'll see you next time, but until then, keep your television shows close and the pieces of crap closer.

New MM Schedule

Hi everyone.
First off, let me take the time to thank all of you for helping Maroon Mondays reach 1000 pageviews. Almost all of my recent posts have made more then 5 pageviews in less than a day. I'd be lucky if any of them reach just 1 for a day. And my review of the Video Music Awards has become the second fastest-growing post in the blog's history, after the Cleveland House of Horrors post. Thank you all for your support. I know it took me nearly a year, but it's better that way than anything else.

Now I want to tell this: starting next Monday I will put in place a new schedule.

Every Monday: I will put in one-two new regular posts. I know news is rampant, but I have other things to do. And I want to make as many as I can to please you guys.

On Wednesdays at the end of the month: I release a new edition of 1 Season Wonder. This month's edition is Gidget (if you didn't know).

On Fridays, if necessary: A second of third new post if I want to.

On Sundays: I release a new Short/Long Music Review. (Dates [and music] Vary)

And my review of a major awards show will be released the day after. Not the day of, because I want to make a full review.

I hope you understand the new schedule, because I hate to release a new post at the wrong time.
Thank you all once again for your support.

Monday, August 26, 2013

MTV Video Music Awards 2013: My Review

(UPDATED on May 30, 2014. Pictures re-uploaded after accidental deletion.)

Hi everybody. Welcome to MaroonMondays Cable Awards Reviews; where I watch the expensively cheap, trashy, over-the-top and shocking-because-they-planed-it awards shows and review in the way I can for your enjoyment.


This time, I'm tackling the MTV Video Music Awards, the undisputed king of trashy, shocking, near-over-the-top, OMG-I-can't-believe-this-happened-live moments. This year the VMAs took place from the BK. That's right, Brooklyn, New York at the newly-built and almost nearly graffiti-covered Barclays Center, with host...well, no host this year. But it didn't really matter. It was always about the performances and shocking moments. Always.

Some changes happened in the day leading up to the day of the nominations. One change was a huge makeover of the iconic Moonman award. It went from being the earliest representation of Music Television...to this.

This creation was by world-famous artist (and Brooklyn native) KATS (who?) known for the cat with the skull-and-crossbones face with Xs for eyes. Companion. You know? You don't? Oh, me neither.

Also, the nominations were revealed on the network's Instagram and Vine pages. At first, I thought it was a bad idea because people with brains won't wake up in the morning to see six-15 second videos about nominations. It still is, but the concept and execution is awesome.
Now the show has come once again, with everyone looking forward to who wearing what (or who), what performance will shock and amaze (or just shock), and who is going to put MTV's censors on a handstand.

Lady Gaga opened the show with her latest hit "Applause". And if you know who she is, you're bound for something you'd never ever expect from her to perform.
Remember blood-tits?
Or Jo?
(Who, by the way, would look like the prettiest man-dyke I've ever seen.)
That's what she's about, as was seen here with "Applause". It started with Ms. Gaga welcoming us to the show, which looks like she was already in a weird costume. Fortunately she tricked us as the camera pulls out to reveal she's actually in a white nun's habit. As the song begins, she takes the habit off and dresses up in a outfit fit for Broadway (and yes, she looks amazing in that) and makes 3 more outfit changes.
As it turns out, this is one of the most subdued Lady Gaga performances I've even seen (and that's saying a lot.) I've seen many Lady Gaga performances, and they are worth nightmares. This one, not so much, thank God. After a change into a wig and suit outfit, she then dashes through her dancers to wear this.

Yep the same thing she wore the music video.

And she looked ass-tastic.
I will admit, I wasn't all that surprised for this performance, but I was surprised when she pulled C-shells out (if you know what I mean). Stay classy, Stefani. Stay classy.

Miley Cyrus.
Yeah.
She sang "We Can't Stop". If you read the Short/Long Music Review on this song and its video, you know she'll pull off something Disney Channel wouldn't (they stick to radar-breaking writing). So she comes out of a giant robotic teddy bear, wearing something she stole from the trash can at Chuck E. Cheese's (just kidding; you look hot. Stay classy, Destiny.) and dances with a bunch of human pink ones. If that wasn't enough, she moves like she's drunk, feels tired, like she wants to make Walt Disney spin in his cryogenic grave, and just couldn't resist a little twerking. She then puts her face in a plus-sized dancer's ass and then smacks it. (Right now, I admit, I thinks it's hot to see a woman smack another woman's ass. Yes, I'm a filthy animal; It happens. Sue me.) And if that wasn't enough, she pulls off her outfit to reveal a flesh-colored bikini while Robin "Beetlejuice" Thicke walks in.

She looks nice in that. No, she doesn't. He would duet with Miley by singing his monster hit "Blurred Lines". She should not ever sing "Blurred Lines". EVER. She then grinds him.

(I wonder how Paula felt) I wish I were him. Then 2 Chainz and Kendrick Lamar come out. I'd rather have Miley grinding Robin. Seriously, I don't mind Kendrick, but hearing something come out of 2 Chainz's mouth would be equivalent to putting a gun in mine. You can understand why. We mash that up with see Miley having fun with a foam finger 9 times. Stop, Miley. Actually, don't. It's turning me on a bit. (Sorry. Filthy animal kicking in.)
And those reactions...

...priceless.

Kanye West did "Blood on the Leaves" from a screenshot of a forest. Really. Although it may seem boring (as I always say), I actually enjoyed it. Who knew that Kanye West rapping in front of a picture in silhouette would be so enticing? Anyway, this was the first time I heard this song, so...I like it and I'm going to hear it again sometime.

Justin Timberlake was awarded the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award, which acknowledges artists who made big innovations to the Music Video form. Other artists who received the honor include Janet Jackson, The Beatles, George Michael, Madonna, Beastie Boys and last years recipient Britney Spears. He first sang his latest single "Take Back the Night". Great song, nice beat, and awesome message to get your ass on the dance floor and make the night yours. He then preformed his biggest hits like "SexyBack", "Cry Me a River", and "Senorita".
And then...he brought...them.

That's right. *NSYNC. Reunited.
But first, the backstory.
There was a huge rumor swirling that Justin would also reunite with the members of his old boy band *NSYNC. But unfortunately that was shot down days later (even though they all wanted to). I really wanted this to happen, given I was previously a fan of the band, and that I thought that was a planned lie like on the finale of The Office, when Michael Scott returned.

This even had me changing the profile pic of my personal Twitter page to pictures of Chip Skylark.


You know, from Fairly OddParents? He was voiced by another former member, Chip Kirkpatrick. He was really cool character.
Anyway, the lie happened and the rumors were true. The band is back together again. So they performed their biggest hits "Bye Bye Bye" and "Girlfriend"...and then left. Yes, it was short, and I wanted more, but it was satisfying nonetheless.
Welcome back, *NSYNC. Welcome back.
Straight after, Justin ended the set with his current solo hits "Suit and Tie" and "Mirrors". It was an absolutely amazing medley to an absolutely amazing man. Keep staying classy, JT.

Kevin Hart later made fun of them for being fat. He does have a point. He then made a creepy compliment to Lady Gaga about her ass. Who wouldn't? Stay classy, Chocolate Drop.

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis took the stage to preform that will probably take the nation by storm and put sexual segregation to rest, "Same Love". Such a powerful song, full of truth and sadness in which our country is stuck in a time where not only acceptance in skin color wasn't allowed, but acceptance in sexuality and marriage equality wasn't allowed either, and still isn't. I hope this song changes that. Later on the duo and featured artist Mary Lambert (who is smoking hot; I don't care what her size is) brought out another smoking hot woman, Jennifer Hudson, to sing the rest of the chorus. Later the two girls got into a singing smack-down. This performance really almost had me in tears. Well, not the smack-down.


Drake sang.
Seriously, he sang to his latest single "Hold On, We're Going Home". Well...the beat is great. I could dance to that without the singing. Then October's Very Own (I don't know how a month could have it's own person. If so, then I'm March's Very Own. Yeah, why not?) performed "Started from the Bottom", the ultimate song about being raised in the 'hood and living with mom and dad, dreaming of becoming a football player, and ending up being a low-class rapper with money, liquor and bitches at your feet in the process. He moved around the stage. That's it. I liked the Energy? I don't know what to say; The album cover is whack.


Bruno Mars sang "Gorilla", a song about doing it like a primate. Primal screams throughout. I was scared. Stay classy, Peter.

Katy Perry had the daunting task of closing the show, something almost everyone hope will end with a bang. She sang "Roar", something I also did a Short/Long Music Review on. She was at the Brooklyn Bridge--oh sorry--near the Brooklyn Bridge at a fake boxing ring, pretending to be a boxer. I understand the concept of the set, because the song is about fighting a bad relationship and coming out strong, but the performance was boring and dry. I like the tempo the set had and the lion props decked around the ring, but I stop at that. No bang. A sizzle, maybe, but no bang.

Next year, MTV, do better. Get a host. Make it brighter. And stop making those trashy moments; they now seem forced and sad. The BET Awards are kicking your ass, and they are more entertaining. And yet I thought they were the bad one. But there is one plus: the set. It looked awesome.
Anyway, MTV, clean up your act. Same for you, Miley. Just...stop.

And now to the secondary part of the VMAs, the part no one has cared about since 1985 and came back into interest since 2005, since it stopped being unwittingly and (amazingly) awesome. The winners of the coveted Moonman award.

WINNERS:
Video of the Year - Justin Timberlake — "Mirrors"
Best Male Video - Bruno Mars — "Locked Out of Heaven"
Best Female Video - Taylor Swift — "I Knew You Were Trouble"
Artist to Watch - Austin Mahone (who?) — "What About Love"
Best Pop Video - Selena Gomez — "Come & Get It"
Best Rock Video - 30 Seconds to Mars — "Up in the Air"
Best Hip-Hop Video - Macklemore and Ryan Lewis (featuring Ray Dalton) — "Can't Hold Us"
Best Collaboration - Pink (featuring Nate Ruess) — "Just Give Me a Reason"
Best Direction - Justin Timberlake (featuring Jay-Z) — "Suit & Tie" (Director: David Fincher)
Best Visual Effects - Capital Cities — "Safe and Sound" (Visual Effects: Grady Hall, Jonathan Wu and Derek Johnson)
Best Art Direction - Janelle MonĂ¡e (featuring Erykah Badu) — "Q.U.E.E.N." (Art Director: Veronica Logsdon)
Best Editing - Justin Timberlake — "Mirrors" (Editors: Jarrett Fijal and Bonch LA)
Best Cinematography - Macklemore and Ryan Lewis (featuring Ray Dalton) — "Can't Hold Us" (Directors of Photography: Jason Koenig, Ryan Lewis and Mego Lin)
Best Video with a Social Message - Macklemore and Ryan Lewis (featuring Mary Lambert) — "Same Love"
Best Song of the Summer - One Direction — "Best Song Ever"
Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award - Justin Timberlake

Thank you for joining me for this edition of MaroonMondays Cable Awards Reviews. I'm Andrew saying "I bark funny."
Sorry I wanted to end it in happy, upbeat fashion after the...degrading...mess. Anyway, bye!

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Some Dipshit Wants Autistic Teen to be "Euthanized"

Hey guys. Before I get to a pissed-off rant I wanted to spew about this story, I wanted to write a post about this almost immediately after I read the reader of the reader of the report.


A family in Ontario, Canada, got the huge shock of their lives when they were sent a letter from an anonymous person (who was probably afraid to show who he/she really is), who says that a teenager, 13-year-old Max Begley, is a "nuisance" to the community and should be--get this--euthanized for the "trouble" he causes to the community. The boy has a severe case of autism since he was 2. Understandably, the family is also pissed off about this letter, which was sent to the boy's grandmother, who lives 15 minutes away in Oshawa from the family's home.

Here's the letter below:

Some of the big parts goes "That noise he makes when he is outside is DREADFUL! Its (sic) scares the hell out of my normal children!!!!! They should take whatever non retarded body parts he possesses and donate it to science."It continues "What right do you have to do this to hard working people!!!!!!!! I HATE people like you who believe, just because you have a special needs kid, you are entitled to special treatment!!! GOD!!!!!!"
The letter ends with this statement "go live in a trailer in the woods with your wild animal kid" and to "(do) the right thing and move or euthanize him!" The letter was signed "One pissed off mother". Bitch.

To whoever sent this letter: I hope you choke on something and have a seizure. But seriously, what you did was absolutely insensitive, insane and downright wrong. To call out a child with autism for "making noises" makes you an evil human being. Why would you write horrible letter to his family and make them drive out the neighborhood they've called home for so long? To restore peace in the neighborhood? It seem to me that the child annoys you and only you and that this letter you wrote is you advantage, which makes the the situation even worse. Oh and EUTHANIZE?? You should know that it's for animals, but for child?! Fuck...me.

I bet you that if you were in this kid's shoes, you would feel the same way he feels; hurt and sad for being bullied about his illness and wishes he had never gone through shit like this. And then some bitch with kids would do the same thing you did, and your family would feel so ashamed at this, that they would want to leave the neighborhood, and that's that bitch's fault, which you are. A bitch. And the signature you wrote, "One pissed off mother", shows how sad, immature, fearful and dickheaded you are to hide under an alias so that nobody would know who you are and and criticize you for being ugly and cheap while on welfare, on top of being a bitch for writing the letter. And how dare you call you children "NORMAL"? For all I know, your children could look like Beavis and Butthead with a heavy case of asthma and drool in their sleep. (I am not sorry.) I hope that the police find whoever you are so the world will fuck you over for such a horrible thing you did.

I feel sorry for Max. To go through with with a really bad disorder and be mocked and teased for makes me wish I was in his life so he can take mine and have all the great things I have. He shouldn't have to go through what he and his family just went though.

So Max, live long and prosper. "One pissed off mother", go fuck yourself and die.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Roar and Brave: Do They Sound the Same? Yeah

Hi everyone.

Yesterday I release a Short Long Music Review on the new Katy Perry song "Roar". In it I called it an exception to the female empowerment song that is almost nothing like I've heard from Katy before and that this is a proves the Katy-Cats will go to war with Lady Gaga and the Little Monsters and promise some epic lashing and whatever.

But today, I got a shock when I noticed something I didn't notice before. I'll get to the details later, but first: Do you remember Sara Bareilles? You know, "I'm not gonna write you a Love Song" and "Who died and made you King of Anything?". Yeah, her.
Well, she made a song earlier this year called "Brave". It's about facing your fears and being yourself in a crowd of look-a-likes and imitators. I really liked that song and would play it over and over every chance I could on YouTube. It's got an awesome beat and inspiring lyrics paired with a very nice voice from Sara. It's something you should listen to if you have the chance.
So here it is below.

Everyone has heard of the song and has sang the praises...including Katy.
She tweeted this about Sara:


So why are these songs garnering controversy? Because they sound very similar. That's right, the two songs sound nearly exactly the same. In fact, if you play them together, back to back, it's like you're listening to one song with a little overlap between. Here, check it out yourself on PopCultureBrain.
http://popculturebrain.com/post/58069632801/portkey-listen-katy-perrys-roar-layered

An amateur producer even mixed them into a really nice super-song. It's f*cking awesome.


I noticed this when I was watching Inside Edition today. It surprised me. It shocked me. It made me want to make this post to my advantage. (Okay that last part was a joke, but you get the gist.) And I couldn't believe I haven't noticed this before. Shame on you Katy Perry. Shame on you for taking this wonderful song and making yours sound like it. You deserve the criticism you'll get from this. And to think I really loved "Roar" for sounding less like female empowerment" (I get more stupid every time I type this) song and your slutty slut whore songs (and there are many. Peacock, anyone?) I should want to boycott by not listening to it anymore, but I like it a lot to do otherwise. I won't do it; I really like it.

Anywho, Sara has noticed this, but is taking it in stride, tweeting:


(She's probably happy with the added boost of talk of the song, but that's just me.)

Anyway, Katy, you have to make not much PR on this "scandal", because this song is too good enough to make this even worse. At least this wasn't sampled, because that's not the biggest thing to do in music ever.

Yahoo! Changes its Logo: Why?

After 15 years of using the the same logo without updating it (besides a change of color),
Yahoo! has announced a never-before major campaign. A campaign to show a lot of different logos for the month of August and reveal the best on September 5. It sounds good, but here's the catch.

For the next 30 days, Yahoo! will reveal a different logo every day until September 5 and then will reveal the completely diffent one on September 5th.
All I want to ask is: WHY? Yahoo! already has a great logo. It's been in use for 15+ years and it's never been a bad one to anyone, including me. I like the Idea of making 30-so different logos and asking the public which one is the best. But I don't like the idea of rolling them out one per day. I find better to just roll them all out at once. It makes me wonder what "Genius" mind at Yahoo! HQ made the campaign, not thinking that people will want to protest this campaign because of some suckish logos like this
and this
and this.
(You know what? I kinda like that one. Reminds me of Martin.)

Anyway Yahoo!, I hope whatever logo you have planned for September 5th is a great one...or a really good one. Or a completely different one that surprises us, that it has put this campaign to good use. Otherwise, I will hate it.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

SLMR: Roar

That's right. Yet another Short/Long Music Review.
So, if Lady Gaga's back, then I guess Katy Perry's back too. Since Teenage Dream was released, and its singles were huge hits on the charts, becoming #1 hits in the process, she went on tour, appeared on TV, and made movies including The Smurfs, which actually was a good mivie (although when I saw it at the theatre, my eyes were closed the whole time.

After that, she was out of the music world, so far gone no one was talking about her in terms of music, and wanting her to show off her daisy dukes and bikini top once again...that is until a picture of a gold truck that read "Katy Perry Prism" showed up last month, geniusly telling the world that Katy-Cats are pouncing back to Earth. The first single of the upcoming album was Roar.


This song is about female empowerment (Oh god) and the need to be strong and forget the--okay, I'll tell you this. I hate female empowerment songs...but this can be an exception.

It isn't dark, it isn't scary, and it isn't yawnish. It's a song written in a Punky Brewster-type of way, like saying "Our relationship isn't working. You suck balls. I'm leaving you ass. See you in Hell" (and there is no way Katy is going other way. Not even her parents are helping her.)
As for the beat, it's almost like nothing I've heard from her in--well, ever. She sounds different, there's more smoothness into it, and it's not about a slut. Because that's what we want these days.
Oh and I will admit this. As I have said, I usually hate female empowerment songs. With a passion. They always talk about the woman being stronger after she leaves her lover, about how she's always in a sh!tty relationship and they're everywhere. They will never leave. There are more of them then love songs, breakup songs, party songs and even parody songs.



In fact why aren't there any male empowerment songs? I wanna hear how a guy can leave a bad relationship and come out stronger. I don't care if he cheated. I don't mind if there aren't many. I just want to hear this a million times so I can pay for all the stupid FEM-EM songs I've listened to over the years.
Oh and there is no music video yet, so stay tuned. Katy, you have a hit on your hands. You might be a big star soon, so keep up the good work. I like music that sonds like music from the 1980s. I would buy the album if you promise one thing? Be a slut for me in at least two songs and I'll be in heaven. That way the rest of the record isn't so dirty.

And there it is: one song that proves the Katy-Cats will go to war with the Little Monsters and promise some epic lashing and makeup and glitter everywhere. Something I'd pay my house and whatever's in my pocket for. See you next time if I find another song that may be another Song of the Fall...or something that gets me more pageviews.

Monday, August 12, 2013

SLMR: Applause

That's right folks. Another Short/Long Music Review.

You know Lady Gaga, right? Pop star more known for her creepy outrageous fashion choices than her music? Perfect, so everyone? Okay so Lady Gage has been out of the music world since Born This Way and out of the public eye since the day she broke her hip and leg, barring her from wearing yet another god-awful trainwre--I mean avante-garde creation. Whether you love it or hate, you gotta give credit to Gaga for being such a creative genius.

And during that time, she has been in the studio working on more new music and, with her creative team Haus of Gaga, began developing an unprecedented new application involving a new album Artpop and videos for each song on the album, bonus music, games, chats, fashion updates and much more. If it sounds exciting, then tell that to the people who don't care (including me). Because right now, I'm more focused on her latest single "Applause".


This single would've been released on August 19, with her performing it live at the MTV Video Music Awards on the 25th. But thanks to some people who somehow found snippets of it and leaked them to the Internet, that won't happen. (Genius Idiots) So now Ms. Gaga and her record company Interscope had to release "Applause" TODAY. So I (along with everyone else) just had to hear it...and make a Short Long Music Review about in the process.

So here it is: I love the beat (It sounds something like I Gotta New Attitude and Let's Get Physical), I love the lyrics ("I overheard your theory/'Nostalgia's for geeks'" is hilarious), and I really love the chorus ("Put your hands up/Make 'em touch" has never left my mind)...but I'm not completely in love with Ms. Gaga's vocals. She sounds like she's singing in Broadway. (Not a bad thing, but iffy to me.) It sounds scratchy, odd, and surprising every time I heard it. I don't know if that it's the point or not, but yeah.



Please don't get me wrong; I love Lady Gaga, and I love all her singles. But to me, this is the first time I haven't all the way loved one of her song right out of the gate. I'm just as surprised as you are. I think that'll change every time I keep hearing it. There is now music video yet; that will be released next week. For now, we have to picture what that vid might be, because Lady Gaga has always kept us wondering, guessing and shocked, especially shocked. For now great single, Lady Gaga. I can't wait for you to perform it at the VMA's. This single is going to be a hit and will be the song of the fall, because we already have a song of the summer.

And there it is: one song that will begin a huge revolution the the era of the Little Monsters. May their mother be proud. I didn't have to review it, but I did. Stay tuned tomorrow when I review Katy Perry's new single "ROAR". Until next time, I'm Andrew saying "Give me an Applause".

Teen Choice Awards: My Review

Welcome everyone to the dog days of summer. Where the beaches are closing, the babes are done tanning, the BBQs close, and everyone gone back to their normal lives. Oh and the Teen Choice Awards come out and play for the right reasons. Teenagers vote to choose which actor or actress or singer is hotter than the other and hope that actor, actress or singer wins. Also they want to see if Justin Bieber or Cody Simpson or One Direction will perform and/or take his shirt off. Oh and they'll scream every five-seven seconds. And even though I don't watch most of the TV shows their demo watches, I enjoy the TCAs for its upbeat, colorful and preppy nature. Sure it's annoying for some, but what else can you watch on a broadcast network in the summer and have this much fun (even if you don't have cable)?

This years' show is hosted by Pretty Little Liars star Lucy Hale and Glee star Darren Criss, taking place for the last time at the Gibson Amphitheatre in Los Angeles before the venue closes to make room for The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Why that's happening, I don't care. I couldn't watch this years' show because I had other things to do (and all the other TVs in the house were taken), so I had to grab the info from Wikipedia and the show's official Twitter page, which was very slow at best. But that was fine because I figured most of the people winning last night were the same people who won last year. But I love watching the actors and singers acting surprised because they either knew they won or were surprised they won, because their fans have been playing "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better" with other celebrities' fans. Also there wasn't much winners last night that I didn't see coming.

Usually during my reviews, I just give my critiques on performances and nothing else, because nothing else happens in the ceremony to surprise or excite me. But here, it's the exact opposite. There were some interesting moments that would stand out among the rest to make headlines around the world. I'll get to that later, but first, the performances:


Starting off the show is everybody's favorite foreign pasty-faced pretty boys One Direction, singing their latest hit "Best Song Ever". I got to hear it for the first time, and to me, it is not what the title implies (even if they know what the best song ever is; hell, it could be some heavy metal song about Zombies and moonshining). I didn't like it because the boys were a little off-key. I'm okay that they didn't do much but stand and walk around the stage, because that's what everyone did tonight...well let's say that I'm glad they began the show and not ended it. The performance started the show with a fizzle, not a bang.

Next up was Florida Georgia Line with "Cruise". I don't like the song so much, but it has become the fourth rated song of the summer, behind "Blurred Lines", "Get Lucky" and "We Can't Stop", to my utter annoyance. This song is like every other country (and every hip-hop) song about cars and sluts. So here's a short rundown: They're standing there, with a bunch of women in skimpy clothing dancing like strippers (or normally) and then Nelly comes out. The same as their last live performances. I didn't like it. I hated it.

One of the the best performances of the night for me went to Demi Lovato with "Made in the USA". Although I'm a sucker for So-Happy-to-be-An-American-I-Could-Sing-About-It songs like "Born in the USA" and "God Bless America", this technically probably wasn't one in that context. This song is about being patriotic, yes, but in a good relationship. I like this song because it puts a twist on the ever-so-legendary songs about being American by singing about being an American in love, which is genius. She sang beautifully here, and that's what mattered here. I don't care what Demi wore, I don't care what 'do Demi had and I don't even care if Nick Jonas was on drums. Demi was great and that's what mattered.

And finally, Paramore (whose only songs I heard were Decode and Only Exception [Both of which I love]) sang yet another song I never heard of tonight {I should listen to the radio more}, "Still Into You". It was energetic from the beginning. Haley Williams was amazing singing the song and doing whatever she was doing there. Although I was wondering what was on her legs, Then a flash mob of people wearing black clothes and colored wigs erupted on the stage. And then they showed their asses. Yup, good way to battle the censors, Fox. Anyway, it was an awesome performance from start to finish, and ended the show with an explosion. And this is a show that is really annoying and suckish most of the time.

The music performances were wonderful, but the biggest and the best moment of all that night was when Lea Michele made her first public appearance since since the death of her Glee co-star and real life boyfriend Cory Monteith. She was brave to come out on stage after a very painful time in her life, and I commend her for that. To lose someone you loved and cared for so much, and more over for that to be so focused on in the public eye, she must have the balls to come out on TV and thank the fans for their love and support. And of course, that was when Glee won best comedy, but that time is better than no time at all.

Oh and then there was...twerking. Oh yeah, that's right. twerking. This tweet shares my anger and embarrassment for this country.


And this is what I would rather watch than that. Notice how the rakes Sideshow Bob hits represent the facepalms I made after hearing that. And the grunts I made after said facepalms:


And now this years' winners. They get a surfboard. No, seriously, a surfboard. Something that looks they can't surf on. But it is better than a piece of metal. Also, I kinda wasn't surprised at some of the winners, because whatever adults find horrible, teens find amazing. In fact, someone has actually blown the lid on voting. And he happened to win one in 2010. Shane Dawson, popular comedian on YouTube, posted this tweet about 45 minutes into the show:

I was shocked at first, but quickly knew he was probably right. Some of the winners were either the same winners from last year or those who were expected to win. And the producers probably made the choices for the winners, not the teens who voted on the website.
Which led to this.

Such smart investigating, Shane. Anyway, here they are in particular order:

Choice MOVIE
Action: “Iron Man 3
Actor Action: Robert Downey, Jr. - “Iron Man 3
Actress Action: Anne Hathaway - “The Dark Knight Rises
Drama: "The Perks of Being a Wallflower"
Actor Drama: Logan Lerman - "The Perks of Being a Wallflower"
Actress Drama: Emma Watson - “The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Comedy: "Pitch Perfect"
Actor Comedy: Skylar Astin - "Pitch Perfect"
Actress Comedy: Rebel Wilson - "Pitch Perfect"
Romance: “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2
Actor Romance: Robert Pattinson - “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2”
Actress Romance: Kristen Stewart - “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2”
Sci-Fi/Fantasy: “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2” (Of course)
Actor Sci-Fi/Fantasy: Taylor Lautner, “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2” (Of Course)
Actress Sci-Fi/Fantasy: Kristen Stewart - “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2” (OF COURSE)
Breakout: Adam DeVine - "Pitch Perfect"
Scene Stealer: Kellan Lutz - “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2"
Best Villain: Adam DeVine - “Pitch Perfect”
Summer Movie: Action: "Fast & Furious 6"
Summer Movie: Comedy: "Grown Ups 2"
Summer Movie Star: Male: Johnny Depp - "The Lone Ranger"
Summer Movie Star: Female: Sandra Bullock - "The Heat"

Choice MUSIC
Male Artist: Justin Bieber
Female Artist: Demi Lovato
Choice Single: Male Artist: Justin Bieber featuring Nicki Minaj - “Beauty And A Beat"
Choice Single: Female Artist: Demi Lovato - “Heart Attack
Choice Single: Group: One Direction - “Live While We're Young
Group: One Direction
R&B Artist: Bruno Mars
Hip-Hop/Rap Artist: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
Rock Group: Paramore
Electronic Dance Music (EDM) Artist: David Guetta
Country Group: Lady Antebellum
Male Country Artist: Hunter Hayes
Female Country Artist: Taylor Swift (Since when is she still a country artist?)
Rock Song: Imagine Dragons - “Radioactive”
Love Song: One Direction-"Little Things"
Break-Up Song: Selena Gomez-"Come and get It"
R&B/Hip-Hop Song: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis featuring Ray Dalton - “Can't Hold Us'
Breakout Artist: Ed Sheeran
Breakout Group: Emblem3
Country Song: Taylor Swift - “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” (Wow you people are idiots)
Summer Song: Miley Cyrus - “We Can't Stop
Summer Music Star: Female: Selena Gomez
Summer Music Star: Male: Bruno Mars
Summer Music Star: Group:
Choice Summer Tour: One Direction-“Take Me Home Tour

Choice TELEVISION
Drama Show: Pretty Little Liars
Actor: Drama: Ian Harding - “Pretty Little Liars
Actress: Drama: Troian Bellisario, “Pretty Little Liars
Fantasy/Sci-Fi Show: "The Vampire Diaries"
Actor: Fantasy/Sci-Fi: Ian Somerhalder - "The Vampire Diaries"
Actress: Fantasy/Sci-Fi: Nina Dobrev - "The Vampire Diaries"
Action Show: “NCIS: Los Angeles
Actor: Action: LL Cool J - “NCIS: Los Angeles
Actress: Action: Lucy Liu - “Elementary
Comedy Show: "Glee" (WHY??)
Actor: Comedy: Jim Parsons - "The Big Bang Theory"
Actress: Comedy: Lea Michele - "Glee" (I don't see why.)
Animated Show: "The Simpsons"
Male Personality: Simon Cowell - "The X Factor"
Female Personality: Demi Lovato - "The X Factor" (Not a shocker, but I don't mind.)
Reality Competition Show: "The X Factor" (It just had to. They share a network.)
Reality Show: “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” (I hate this country.)
Female Reality Star: The Kardashians & Jenners - “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” (Don't want to live here anymore.)
Male Reality Star": Kevin Jonas, “Married to Jonas
Breakout Show: “The Fosters
Breakout StarBlake Jenner - "Glee"
Scene Stealer: Male: Chord Overstreet - "Glee"
Scene Stealer: Female: Miley Cyrus - “Two and a Half Men” (She's not even a main chara--oh, I don't care.)
Villain: Janel Parrish “Pretty Little Liars
Summer TV Show: "Pretty Little Liars"
Summer TV Star: Male: Keegan Allen - "Pretty Little Liars"
Summer TV Star: Female: Lucy Hale, "Pretty Little Liars"

I wanted to do more, bur I couldn't take any more of this. It was already a nightmare copying this from Wikipedia. So I wondered what happened if I typed every single letter of every single word of every single category. Then I stopped and went to sleep because it felt like I was at this for hours. I feel sorry for however made the website.

Anyway, it was a nice show, but they need to put it together and I can't wait for next year. I'll see you next month for the VMAs review.

Oh and if I mess up, I was frustrated at all this. Sue me.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

SLMR: We Can't Stop and Pom Poms

Welcome to Short/Long Music Review, where I find songs (I either love or hate) to review them in a short review that took a long time to review.

Today I'm working on two hits from four former Disney Channel stars that become something close to J.Lo and The Wanted. These artists have changed their images because they wanted to, not because they had to. They're growing, and so are their fanbases. So they had to make songs to prove those changes: songs about girls with big butts and having fun like it's no one's business. It's "We Can't Stop" by Miley Cyrus and "Pom Poms" by The Jonas Brothers.

First up, "We Can't Stop".
As you all know, Miley Cyrus began her career as the star of Disney Channel's Disney Hannah Montana.

During that time, she has sang every other cliched teeny-bopper song under the sun about breakups, makeups, best friends, going out, kissing, and other crap through the world-famous alias of Hannah Montana, becoming one of the most cleanest, holiest, smells-like-lemon-est singers and actors in the world. Even after Hannah changed her look to something from a thrift store, she still looks clean. After the show's end, Miley has gone through a big change in her life; dropping the Walmart shirts and Target pants and going straight to the Hollister tank tops and H&M short-shorts. She has gone through a big phase and boy, has she impressed us with it. And she has put this change into song form with "We Can't Stop".


When I first read about this song, I thought "Oh God, am I gonna hate this song". Because it's about adolescents doing God knows what, going God know where, putting things where God (and the other person) know where to put them, and saying that they don't care what anybody else thinks like teenage girls on The Maury Show, you can understand what I mean. But when I first heard it...well, It's kinda surprising. As it turns out, I actually like it. (I know, I know. I may be as shocked as you are.) But there can be a good reason why. Now I like Miley's music, even all the way back to her Hannah Montana phase. Sounds poppy, lyrics are clean, and the beat is sugary, but danceable. And like that music, it's catchy, with beats to dance to, and it's not really too sugar-coated. And as her image matured, so did her music. She did have a few missteps here and there ("Moving my hips like yeah" Really?) but she gradually gotten better. Which leads to "We Can't Stop". The beat is perfect (it was produced by Mike WILL Made It; not a typical choice for a white female pop artist, but surprisingly nice choice indeed), the lyrics are super catchy (although some including "Everybody in line in the bathroom/Trying to get a line in the bathroom} are questionably weird), and the popularity may be well-deserved. It is yet another poppy dance/club song about getting sweaty and finding love in a club, but at least it's not set to an electronic beat with creepy sounds or human noises slapped in, because I really hate them.
Now the video...it's interesting. Dancing with a giant teddy bear on your back? Check.
Colored mist coming from your nether regions? Check.
Cutting your fingers to spew pink liquid? Check.
Kissing a doll version of yourself? Check.
And twerking on blast in skin-tight clothes?
Double check. Make that part of the list of components for the weirdest and most off-putting music video I've seen this year so far. Yes, it involves dancing and falling in love (or lust) and being with friends...even though it's in an really odd setting. Some critics have said that the video is a desperate attempt by Miley to be popular and relevant again. I don't know about them but I really like the video, but it's best that I watch in small doses. I can't have nightmares about that...moving computer head.

And now, "Pom Poms".
That's right, guys. The JoBros are back, and they're better than ever! Now, before you ask me, yes, the Jonas Brothers were also Disney Channel stars. After they became teen heart-throbs (with their skinny suits and their promise rings), their first television appearance was on Hannah Montana, before being randomly chosen (like every other DC star appearing in every other DC show) by Disney Channel to star in their own show, Disney JONAS.
It about the three spending time away from being pop-rock stars and kicking back to become regular teenagers. And with that, there is also wacky scenes, goofy transitions and an awesome soundtrack. Sometimes I thought Nick was a player, Joe was goofy, and Kevin was gay. (It was actually really good.)
(Yes, the Disney logo appears on all the DC shows' logo; and the Disney (program name) thing is a joke to show my annoyance of such)

After the show ended (it got cancelled), the brothers went back to music, and were nothing like I thought. After another album, a sudden breakup, side projects (Nick with The Administration, Joe went solo, and Kevin had a kid), the trio decided to patch things up, get back together, break up with the label, start their own, and make more music, which led to "Pom Poms".


Now this song is different from their earlier work, mostly because it's about a guy's desire to see a girl's booty go boing. Normally, if I hear any song about this description, I'd think about beaning myself with a can opener. But this time I won't. This one's actually a pretty enjoyable song about such. In fact, as I admit, hearing this song, the JBs makes this look innocent, although they probably wouldn't admit it. Also the line "I want you on my team/Want you like a kid just wants a milkshake" is kinda cute, but hilarious. The beat is amazing; the addition of college sports marching band music is an awesome touch and using "put you pom poms down for me" is a clever euphemism for "shake dat ass for me, mommy", although no one is supposed to be fooled. In fact, the more I hear this song, I more I know that they're trying to be more mature, but I just see this as adorable.
As for the video, it looks like a exciting extension: Telling girls to put their pom poms down on a football field. Get it, because cheerleaders shake pom poms on a football field.
It's a--never mind. And to make it more exciting, throw in hot skinny girls in skimpy clothing (maybe from Hollister or H&M), a real marching band and a church choir to accentuate the "Revival" line. (GLORY!) And, oh, the kid and the milkshake are here too. So this video for "Pom Poms" better to look at than "We Can't Stop". To me it looks like the visual is set in Gravity Falls, making "We Can't Stop" look like it's set in Elmore. There's no finger-cutting, doll-kissing, money-eating or hot dog pinatas here. Keep going somewhere else.
But both videos are enjoyable, as are these songs. These songs are great to dance to at the club or at home by yourself. Either way, these songs are wonderful to hear, but don't listen too close to the lyrics.

And there they are: two songs I didn't have to review but I did, because-well-someone had to. The hooks are catchy, but the lyrics are about Running things before things run we (GULP) and feeling happy some girl's hands are free to run all over you. But it's up to you if you want to listen. And next time I will be back to find another song to review (I hope it's good; who am I kidding, it's probably bad)
See you next time.