Well, the year has come and gone. And this year has had a new awakening in Hip-Hop. New rappers came out of the woodwork and made their mark. In this case, though, that’s a reeeaaally bad thing. Many of these rappers have gotten popular thank to the beats in their songs, a popular rhyme or a huge rapper appearing as the featured artist because they like this person and wants that push they believe he actually deserves. All these reasons and the ones I'll state below are those for why I've chosen my picks for the
Top Ten Worst Hip-Hop/R&B Songs of 2014.
Let's start it off with...
10) "
We Dem Boyz" -- Wiz Khalifa
First off, the title is stupid and doesn’t make sense. Second, nothing in the lyrics is about “Dem Boyz”, just Wiz Khalifa. And third, what the hell is a Becky? Were you referring to Becky from Roseanne? Yeah, both versions of her are very hot, but that line makes no sense.
Also, the line “Man, did you see her Interior?” creeps me out. There’s no way you can see inside a woman’s front hole unless you went to sex ed or watched TLC circa 1980-2005. And Wiz, no sane person wants to hear a song with two words repeating throughout almost three-quarters of it. Just ask Rihanna. And then don’t call anyone lazy for that same reason. Wiz Khalifa, this may be the last time I've heard a song by you. I hope that weed money you've saved up can buy you better things in life. And if one of your life goals is to successfully get so skinny, you actually look like a tree, congrats. You did it! Good job! Not for the love of God and the sake of all things happy and sane, eat a fucking hamburger and get back in shape, will ya?!
9) "No Flex Zone"--Rae Sremmund
Since these guys (and many rappers here) are skinny, I’d think it’d be embarrassing to flex anyway.
Oh man, when I first heard this, I knew these guys would be famous. To my chagrin. And now that they’re famous, I hope their status as One-Hit-Wonder comes as soon as I hope.
Over a very annoying beat, this song is about assholes acting like braggy, obnoxious wannabe mack daddies, and the place where guys who don’t want to be around them can go. However, I see this duo as complete hypocrites. In the song, there are
NO lyrics about them not being like the bragging idiots who show off to get blown at night; they act exactly the same. It's the same in the video, too. They still act braggy, they still look obnoxious and they already have girls on their arms like they’re something they know they’re not. So not only have Rae Sremmurd lied to us about the "not being shitty obnoxious taint licks" thing, they seem to have forgotten the concept and message of their own song. If they wanted to this track to be a parody of rappers who act douchey to prove they won't be like this, they failed miserably. Guys, learn how to make fun of people before you actually try to do so. Plus their voices sound incredibly annoying. It's like they told each other the other's voice is crappy and made a bet with each other to prove which has the least annoying voice of the two.
Also, what the hell is up with their name?? Rae Sremmurd. Of course, it makes no fucking sense. But after I read some comments of a video I saw a few days ago, the name is the reverse of two actual words. What are they? Drummers Ear. Yep, that's the most interesting thing about them we're gonna get from these two, folks. A really shitty name that's reverse for a really shitty term. That One-Hit-Wonder status can't come soon enough.
8) "Lifestyle" -- Rich Gang featuring Young Thug & RHQ
You know, the more I hear about these songs about bragging about their rich lives, the more I wish they’d hit bankrupt.
Okay, let's start with the concept: this is the 100,100th song about being rich and enjoying the good life that comes with it. With all your homies
The beat is just boring and so anti-hip-hop, you might think this is a pop song (pretty much like every other song on this list). And the person singing (aka autotune), even
Future does a better job than you. It should prove that you shouldn’t listen to yo’ homies/yes men when they tell you what should be put on your song.
Rich Homie Quan is just as annoying here as he was in his song "Some Type of Way", which inspired the annoying term of same name, and Young Thug is just as corny. Rich Gang is just Young Money with a new name, so I know one reason it would suck. And autotune needs to be banned from people who clearly do not know how to properly use it in their vocals. Just...no.
7) "Hot Nigga" -- Bobby Shmurda
Yep, nothing makes a hot nigga look hot like making a hand sign of holding a AK-47 towards a guy for no reason other than amusing himself, and pretending to pull the trigger. Fuck.
God, that video looks really horrible
Great, another asinine song with an asinine dance. The first time I heard this, I treated it like any other Hip-Hop song: Another asswipe acting like he's on top of the game, bragging about how better he than all of us, showing us all the money he owns, and spends three minutes spitting about it all. What makes this song even worse is that the two worded title appears in the lyrics...repeatedly.
Look at the chorus:
"
In Chewy, I'm some hot nigga
Like I talk to Shyste when I shot niggas
Like you seen em twirl then he drop, nigga
And We Keep them 9 milli's on my block, nigga
And Monte Keep it on him, he done dropped niggas
And Trigger he be wilding, he some hot nigga
Tones known to get busy with them Glocks, nigga
Try to run down and you can catch a shot, nigga"
Yeah, talk about classy right there. Not only does it follow the the mold of other songs with the "I'm way better than you, and if you disagree, I'll kill you with a gun I don't legally own" mantra, it features the word "nigga" at the end of every damn line in the chorus.
Genius, Shmurda,
Geeenniuuuss.
And another thing, what the hell is up with using a warning siren in a rap song? It's not cool, it's extremely irritating and serves no purpose in the song other than make people think "Just another menace to society who shouldn't be on the streets"; well, mostly me, but still.
What's disturbing here is that he revealed that he once sold drugs as a child in the fifth grade. I've heard some sad shit from rappers before, but this is a goddamn shame. I bet he had some shame recording that line, but said it anyway to prove how "gansta" and "domineering" he was, but I just see it as "I peddled dope as a kid, and I'm still walkin'. Haha! Fuck the police!" I should pray for him. Nah, not worthy enough.
Also, he introduces the Shmoney Dance, a fucking stupid dance that follows the footsteps of The Dougie, "Stanky Leg", "Pop, Lock 'n Drop It" and the "Nae Nae". It's just a dance that was created to tie-in with the song that no one will remember after the song's impact (or what little there is of it) dies down and everyone will have forgotten the dance until their 20th high school reunion when they're too old to even try to perform it without being embarrassed.
As for Bobby Shmurda, I know this won't be the last of him, as he might have another "hit" on the burner or might appear as a featured artist on another rapper's song, but if he goes bankrupt and barely has enough to still live with his parents with that air glock he loves so much in possession, he'd be a sad man, and I'd be a happy guy.
6) "Tuesday"
ILoveMakonnen featuring Drake
I never thought I hear a song about Tuesdays in my life...but after this one, I never will again.
febr.jdv krl/bef/aldbv RQEkdakldWCnakf:D---Huhh? Oh, I’m sorry, I fell asleep on the keyboard. What was I--oh yeah. This song.
Where to even begin?? Okay, how about the beat? This is fuckin’ boring. It’s like NyQuil or marijuana for the ears and brain. I don’t know how people find this enjoyable, danceable to or even something to like. And the surprising thing about it? I find this the better part of the song.
The lyrics are just basic as shit. Clubbing, drinking, fucking, taking other guys’ girls, making money and haters. Nothing else. This guy’s like Cleveland Jr. in voice and body type. Except Cleveland Jr. sounds better than him.
That's right; "
Balls Deep" is a much better and catchier song than this.
His (and Drake’s) vocals are fucking boring and irritating with no personality or substance and this goddamn pause at the end of every damn line, plus they say those verses in a near-high pitched voice, to say nothing of the chorus. (I take more comfort in Jim Parsons’ voice of Buddy in the new Elf special). And what the hell is up with his name? It just follows the recent trend names of rappers used as sentences like Soulja Boy Tell Em, IAmSu (the guy from Sage the Gemini's “
Gas Pedal”), Sage the Gemini himself, and Chance the Rapper. Make no sense, it’s a mouthful and makes a minute of your life away just thinking about it. Plus Drake doesn’t help matters. He’s just the same problems as that guy, except he’s better than that. He’s been a rapper for almost 9 years now (counting his mixtapes); he should know how to make this shit song better by dropping some rhymes, but no. He does this dreck instead! God, Drake is dead to me now.
Also I want to mention that this guy is a part of Drake’s record label OVO Sound, which produced and released this track, which is why it makes me so sleepy. I’ll remember to play this whenever I’m stuck in Insomnia-Land.
IHateMakonnen
5) "Don’t Tell ‘Em"
Jeremih featuring YG
I’m still puzzled as to why his name is spelled and pronounced this way. Jer-re-MEH. Makes more sense to remove the H at the end...or put an A near the end.
Ugh. Yet another song about taking your girlfriend and sleeping with her. I know these songs seem catchy to you people, but here’s the thing: it’s still about adultery, and keeping that a secret. It may seem easy, until the idiot guy brags about it the next day. And I swear to God, this beat and Jeremih’s vocals could put me to sleep. I can barely hear or understand them...except this one: “
I’m from Chicaago”
Whoop-de-fucking-doo, you’re from the Windy City. Not a thing anyone would care about during a one-night stand. Also this cryptic crap. Dude, you’re not Alex Hirsch! Why you ackin’ so secretive to the girl you seeing, when no one’s gonna notice or care? They still barely know how to pronounce your name. And things get worse when YG (Mr. Toot-It-And-Boot-It) comes in.
--“
934-8616/I gotta missed call from yo’ bitch!”
I could picture a beatdown if he say this out loud. Doesn’t matter the guy, I’m just picturing it.
--”
She been plottin’ on for a whole minute”
Plotting on what? An evil plan to take over the world?
--”
She wanna suck my dick/An’ I’m cool wit it”
Dude, what kind of man
doesn’t think it’s cool for a hot girl to give him brain during sex?? Seriously.
Its producer, DJ Mustard, keeps using the same sound and elements in his productions (like quiet beats, low piano hits, and people shouting “Hey!” every other second), therefore making them very unoriginal. And yet, they somehow end up being hits. It’s like people listening to they recognize the sound from another DJM song, and like it so they listened to this.
Chalk this as a bad example of “If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It”.
4) "Loyal"
Chris Brown feat. Lil Wayne & Tyga
There should be a law that forces these guys to stay away from women...and long-term relationships.
Even though this is part Pop, it’s also part R&B, and there are more rappers than singers, so it definitely counts for this list. Also because it’s very confusing; if you’re calling out women for being shallow sluts cheating, don’t make lyrics about men taking those women from their boyfriends; it makes them look no better
AND makes you look stupid for not proofreading the lyrics first. What makes you think taking those women from their boyfriends anyway is completely different from other guys doing it? Because this happened
after they’re cheating? Or maybe because you’re Chris Brown? (which is worse) That still doesn’t excuse the fact that the girl is still cheating on her man with a rich guy (aka you).
Lil Wayne tries to act like a saint in his lyrics about girls being sluts, clearly forgetting the fact that, among others, he has four kids with four different women. I guess if making a point about sex as long as it doesn't refer to you can work...sometimes.
3) "Fight Night" -- Migos
You’ve never heard boxing like this before.
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for the main event of the night, Migos vs….some woman’s vagina. Apparently, Chris Brown and Lil Wayne are still influential to the development of Hip-Hop music in that sense. Because every other hip-hop song that comes on the radio always has a variation of the line “Beat that pussy up”, which not only makes no sense, but also sounds like domestic abuse (Which explains why it’s popular with some black men...and most NFL players) And this is just the worst of it. “Imma knock that pussy out like fight night”? Shouldn’t it mean “Imma knock that pussy out
like it’s fight night”? That structure makes no fuckin’ sense! Oh no poor pussy! What did it do to deserve such treatment and disgust by such horny, thirsty idio--oh right, the rest of her foolishly got with them that night. Also the “Regulate” line; what made it so genius and so popular that they had to play it twice during the song, including the start? I will never know but I don’t like it. And Migos repeatedly referring to themselves as “Rich niggas” just makes me laugh. While they aren’t really rich now, they won’t be rich anytime soon. So they better hold onto their money. Those Versace clothes and Timberlands aren’t cheap.
You know what? I’ll just be honest here.
Every song Migos produced, recorded and released this and last year--Migos
I just fucking hate Migos. With a passion. I feel the reason they’re on this Earth is to make music that challenges your mind, destroys your feelings and insults your intelligence, and wins. It just leaves you with a headache so huge and brain so empty, it might take 4 straight weeks of PBS, Jeopardy! and The 700 Club just to get you back on track. The worst of the bunch is their mixtape
Rich Nigga Timeline in which it’s a fucking hour of fast-as-hell spitting, nonsensical lyrics, questionably stupid beats and background noises and nasty sexual content. The worst for the whole thing is “
Pop That”, three minutes of wanting to breed a state’s worth of children with a woman because of the way she shakes her ass. I wish they never existed or I'd want to wipe them from existence myself. That'll be a fight night.
2) "6 God" -- Drake
The first time I heard this song, I immediately wanted to drink to get this out of my head. And when you listen to this, you’ll understand why.
You know, I don’t like
all of Drake’s music, but
this is the freaking pits. This is four minutes of Drake rapping and stretching words
to fill space! I have never heard something this sound so fucking irritating! Yes, rappers have done this before, but those last times wasn’t as annoying. And he doesn’t do this on just one line;
HE DOES THIS ON EVERY OTHER FUCKING LINE!!!! And this goes on after the first few lines. It makes me wanna shoot myself like I’m the Nostalgia Critic (although I shouldn’t mention his name on this list because he’s better [AND funnier] than Drake or this song [and please don’t tell me how many Grammys, VMAs, BET Awards, AMAs, Billboard Awards or other awards he’s won; I don’t really care]). Plus the chorus is also annoying in that Drake’s singing is terrible. I’ve him sing before; he’s pretty good. This is really terrible. I’d hope that after this year, I’d never want to hear this song again, but I live in a house where almost nothing but Hip-Hop is playing, so I’d better save up on Beats headphones...or beer.
And finally...
1) "Anaconda" -- Nicki Minaj
The minute I saw the the artwork for the song’s cover art, I knew this song would suck. I just didn’t know, the minute I first heard it, it would suck ass (pun intended). And yet...I knew this would also be popular.
I just didn’t know it would be
THIS popular.
I’ll say this first: It’s a song about a man desire for a lap dance from a woman with a big ass. But this time, it’s told from a woman’s POV. Still, we’ve heard this before, people! We’ve heard songs about quenched-ass men wanting to get sat on before! It’s not new! And she mentions fucking guys who peddle dope (basically half of any female rap song’s MO) to be their personal trophy wife (probably the other half), likes getting head from a man
with grills on, and laughs like a fucking hyena! And she says all this with
no shame or remorse. I would feel sorry for a woman doing this against her will, but in this case, she’s doing this intentionally. And it’s one reason I’m questioning humanity on Earth. Plus, she sounds like a rapping Trinidadian version of Brittany Morris from
Glee, yet somehow makes Brittany sound smarter than her.
Also, this is the second most annoying and irritating Nicki Minaj song I’ve ever heard; right after
Stupid Hoe, which is deservedly one of the worst songs ever recorded. I don’t care if the song is actually about women being sexually liberated and expressing their sexuality freely, while making men watch and hear without touching. This song was produced by men, the music video is directed by a man, and the song it samples is by?--you guessed it--
A MAN. (And speaking of the sample, the producers don't do a damn thing with it. No change, no idea, no creativeness,
nothing. Just the same parts of "
Baby Got Back" repeating throughout with nothing genius ) That not only tells you how hypocritical Nicki Minaj sounded, but also proves how thirsty and disgusting we men can be
AND ARE. And this is coming from a guy who trying hard not to be a prude. To say nothing of the fact that it still makes women look and sound like whores, and still sounds annoying (And yes, I’ve heard rap songs by men mentioning horrid sex with women, but I find that making men look and sound like whores, too. Creepy, lewd, sick whores) I know this wouldn’t be the last song like this from her, but I have a feeling it may be much worse than this.
“
He toss my salad like his name Romaaaiiin”
(snicker) Okay, that line’s pretty funny, but it’s still sick, though.
Nicki, I don't know how you'll top yourself in the slutty, foolish, ass-slinging department, but after this, I think it'll be possible.
And there they are: the
Top Ten Worst Hip-Hop/R&B Songs of 2014. Disagree? Well, it's my list and I stand by it. Thanks for joining me, and check back next week for my picks for the
Top Ten Best Hip-Hop/R&B Songs of 2014. See you then!
