I'm not posting this to gain attention or act like a smarmy dick to others. I definitely don't want this to be clickbait. I'm posting this to help bring awareness to Autism and the other disorders in the Autism spectrum during this, the last day of Autism Awareness Month. This may sound like it's a bad thing, but I'm not trying to make it so. So here we go.
I have Asperger's Syndrome.
(Yep. I guess you can tell because of how I write on this blog over the years.)
I had barely any idea when I was a kid, but when I learned I had the certain disorder when I was 18 (and in high school), I was confused. I thought I was a normal kid, I thought I was just acting fine, and I thought I was living the life I (thought I) was supposed to be. I was, but in a ways different from most kids. But when I learned, I was... kinda sad, to be honest. And scared too; from what most people with mental disorders were weird and dippy (well, mostly from misleading and offensive content on TV). Boy was I wrong.
Life with Asperger's was never easy.
I had the behavior of an easily-annoyed, sometimes-dickheaded dolt. I barely recognize other people's emotions, let alone put them on the same level as mine. I put myself and my needs among others and sometimes, I feel like I'm on top over others. I really didn't get why, and most of the time, I didn't care.
School life was hell. I could barely make friends, even in elementary school. And the ones I did manage to have (while good) were hard to maintain with my behavior. And if I could get through the day without being bullied or disappointed in either myself or some random thing that had nothing to do with anyone else, that was a freaking miracle. Usually, schoolwork and teachers were my main priorities; I actually liked both a lot and felt proud of how hard-working I was. I also couldn't help but snoop around the halls too. At least it's better a time to do that than getting bullied, that's for sure.
And home life wasn't any better. Most days, it was barely better.
I was an asshole to my family. Some things I say to any member would get me a one-way ticket to Punishment-ville. Spankings, time-out, no TV, backtalk with a condescending tone--I had it all. Sometimes, for reasons I didn't even deserve. When I was a kid, I blamed my parents (especially my mom) for the bad things I did and said (which compared to other kids, to think of it, wasn't really that bad), but today, it's mine (And my mom's), mostly because I was super smart (in places) and was supposed to know better even at a young age, I still did and said things that either annoyed or infuriated everyone (especially mother). She did her best, and I feel sorry for her to put up with me all these years. Despite this, she still treated me like I was Dennis the Menace to the near max and dealt with me accordingly. Oh well. That's the half of my home-life.
On good days, I mostly preferred being alone to do things like read a book or watch TV among others. Sometimes my words were more calm, happy and sensible. And when I do want to spend time with family members, the activity either doesn't last long or I wish it lasted longer- depending on my likeness towards the activity. When I do these things, I feel much more calm, happy and at ease, and I feel much better with family, to the point where I'd love to be with them. And there are days at school where I'm great around my friends and teachers. Yep it seems like work and occasional play isn't the only things I was good at on good days.
So yeah; just because I had Asperger's Syndrome, that doesn't mean it's truly a bad thing. Yeah, my life wasn't like Silver Spoons or anything; a little like Good Times but in a higher class. But I was still as normal as the next guy. I knew that Asperger's would swallow me up in a bad way or destroy my life. Fortunately, I've gotten better as I've gotten older; I did get help, and since then I'm on better terms with my family, I've got awesome and supportive friends on social media, I finally got the strength and support to go out and have fun every once in a while, I have this little blog here I built from the ground up that I really enjoy--and am grateful for its success worldwide (seriously) and with my readers alongside; and at the end of the day, I wouldn't have it any other way. Were there times I wish I was normal (meaning without Asperger's Syndrome)? Yes. But today, I'm so in content with my disorder that my wishes are back in the past. I'm as normal as normal can be, and I don't mind it at all.
So, in conclusion, having Autism or something on the spectrum is not truly a bad thing, or isn't going to ruin your life, or will change everything. It's just something you're born with and something you can (and will) be fine with.
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