SLMR: Move That Doh & Sanctified

Hey all. Welcome back to Short/Long Music Review.
Today, I chose two songs that my brother listened to a few days ago. I hated them ever since, but wanted to review them because they sound perfect enough for a review...and because I hate them. They the usual, but the first song takes drugs up to Eleven, and the other is so hilarious to me, that I just see it as a (really bad) spoof on religion.
Here are “Move That Doh” by Future feat. Pusha T, Pharrell Williams and Casino (ha) and “Sanctified” by Rick Ross feat. Kanye West and Big Sean.

Push what?

Wait. "Move That DOPE"? That's the title? So, it’s about pot? Well, it makes more sense than "Doh". Sounds like it's about playing (and then, doing questionable things) with Play-Doh. And referring to it as molding womens' bodies to shapes with big tits and butts, and stuff; whatever.
Okay, that beat is so creepy. It's like my worst nightmares in audio form. And yet, it's probably the best part of the song. Let's listen to to Future's lyrics, and see how much this guy proves his worth in the hip-hop world.

After 45 seconds of this "Move That Dope" repeating shit, I was about to turn it off. But we finally got to Future spitting his first lines. Even though he goes through the lines really quickly, I could still tell some things. He says something like "Rockin' the Dope", "Rocking the Boat", repeating "Maserati" 3 times to fill space and something about (yams?). And I think I heard "Kunta Kinte" (why he made a stupid reference to Roots, I couldn't figure out).

"Beatin' that china like Kunta Kinte"
Are you fucking serious?!? Referring drugs to to an African being whipped in the height of slavery is downright disgusting and lazy; whether real or fictional. It's not as disgusting as "Beat that pussy up like Emmett Till"". This trend of rappers using horrible incidents in African American history and referencing them to sex, smoking, ect. is the worst. Yet I feel like they're doing this because of race. "Because we're black, it's not racist". It's sad, that what I think. What's next? And what is china? Drugs or Plates? Neither; it's an African slang term for "mate". Which brings it all together.

I don't know why he calls himself "Future".
I understand it if it's his favorite word

or that he likes the word so much, that if he has a career in something, he'd use it as a nickname. But if the name is used because he believes himself as the future of hip-hop, then it's a really bad future indeed.
T-Pain used autotune years before he even begun songwriting, and even said himself that "autotune is on it's way out" in 2008, before it even gotten really popular. And he can't sing, even probably without the A-tune. He can rap, but his flow is corny as crap. So why is he famous? I don't know, so I shouldn't waste sleep on this.

Pusha T is basically rapping about how much old he is to be happy to have weed in his life. His rapping voice annoys me to hell. He sounds like he's angry someone ate his fries. Yes, the voice sounds humorous to me. The lyrics are the same as Future’s.

Pharrell Williams is also on this track. (And yeah, his "Hat" is in the video, too,) I wanted to put this there because I honestly didn't know he was a rapper before he was a singer. When I was a kid, the most I heard from him was singing and talk-singing. The closest thing to hearing him rapping was in Snoop's "Drop It Like It's Hot". I think he's the best part of this song; obviously, because he’s way better than Pusha and miles better than Future. The dark-skinned dolts shouldn’t even be in the same breath or sentence as this caramel-colored genius. Although the 12 times he said “nigga” was a turn-off. And yes, he mentions the big, gaudy hat he now wears in videos like T-Pain wore weird (but cool) looking top hats during the Thr33 Ringz era.

I'm not even getting into who the hell Casino is, why that's his name, and his verses.

And now, here's Sanctified.


As annoying as it sounds, I like the part where some female gospel singer tries to sing like Mahalia Jackson; that part I enjoy.

By the way, the artwork cover > looks creepy as hell.

Let's start off with Big Sean (who, as I previously thought, IS NOT the main artist in the song):
--"All I want's a hundred million dollars/and a baaad bitch!"
Because $30 million and Naya Rivera isn't enough, huh, Sean?
--"Plus that paper chasin'/It done turned me to a saaavage!"
Because we all have dreams of getting money and groupies. Oh wait, we all really do.
--"Groupies in the lobby/They just tryna get estaaablished!"
Typical. Any night with Big Sean makes you another example of Andy Warhol's 15 Minutes of Fame...well--Porn, Cheap Modelling, and Black Rapper Music Video Edition.
--"God, I've been guilty fornicating for my staaatus!"
Sure, making songs about sex, weed, hoes, ASS, ASS, ASS, ASS, ASS, ASS, ASS--and having sex with married women (and/or men; I'm not judging) to keep your popularity in the rap world is he smartest idea in your life.
Adultery gets you nowhere, idiot.

"All I wanted was a hundred million dollars/and a baaad bitch!"
Wait a minute--
"Plus that paper chasin'/It done turned me to a saaavage!"
Wait! That's the same verse from Big Sean. You know, it's impossible to hate a song even more but just from the first stanza, I'm already past hatred. I know Kanye had some bas tracks before, but stealing verses from another rapper is just downright lazy.
"Niggas be lovin' the old Ye/They sayin' the new Ye, the nigga be spazzin'"
Well, duh. You haven't been your best since Graduation. Plus you're rapping fast to fill lines. That's annoying.
--"And wash my sins, in the blood of Jesus?/People sayin', 'Ye, We need another Yeezus?!"
Well...I'd rather die than even spend life under the religion of the one we have now. Kanye believes himself as the music equivalent of Jesus Christ. That's egotisim as its most finest (and silliest)--says the blogging equivalent of Dr. Mehmet Oz.
--"God sent me a message, said I'm too aggressive?/Really? Me?? Too aggressive?!?"
Yes, He did. He says "you're too aggressive." He also says to stop pretending to be like Jesus. You are not like Jesus. It is not right, and you know you are going to hell when you die.

And another thing: Fuck. Me. I hate it when rappers rap their rhymes like they're questions. They ask like they need someone to answer, believing they have no one to answer to. They're no better than us. They're annoying and frustrating to me. I'm so glad I'm not rich with no common sense.
(crying in a corner...)

Let's just skip to Ross' verse...because it starts with Sean's fricking first verse again!
-“Keys to my success, I get new keys and new address”
Yep, just like every other rapper, Ross briefly mentions that because of the fame as a rapper, he no longer lives life in middle class; he now lives in mansions, goes everywhere around the world, and drives fancy, expensive cars and has any woman he wants at his feet (sometimes literally)
--”Bitches that I date don’t get degrees, but they can dress.”
I was gonna just joke that any woman really wouldn’t date him outside of his money and to see if his dick is as big as his stomach, but I’ll say this: At least he has the decency to take them out first and actually let them wear anything other than underwear before he begins the hanky panky.
--"Fellatio's amazing/ Make grilled cheese for you, the best"
Sure, nothing in a rap song gets better than congratulating a girl on how well she sucks your dick, Rick. Why not have another verse be about how well she tosses your salad? And what the hell does "grilled cheese" mean? That's gotta be a sex term. Or Rick was thinking about food, I dunno.
--”Major cult figure, I’m the fresh David Koresh”
At first, I thought that Ross mentions that because of the many fans he has, he became a cult favorite in the rap industry; but then, I thought it didn’t make sense because he’s just as mainstream as Jay-Z, Kanye, Snoop and some others. And I didn’t know who David Koresh was. Then I learned from RapGenius that Koresh was a religious cult leader who notably killed 73 of his members and himself at the end of a fiery 51-day standoff with the FBI.
Well, be careful, folks. Before you know it, he takes you all on a vacation and gives you poisoned Nuvo. (Yes, a reference to another homicidal cult leader.)
--"All I wanted was $100 million and a bad bitch."
Not that crap, again.
--"Now I want $200 (million) and (Minaj; just kidding) menage in my palace."
Get in line, Ross. Every rapper wants the same thing. Except Lil Wayne; he also wants is unlimited Robitussin, a couple AKs, a few Semis and a war cellar; then, he's all set.


I'm not a fan of both songs, but I like Sanctified better. The beat is slow, but I like it. It's something to groove to once in a while. Move That Doh--pe has this boring, yet creepy beat that I'll try to stay away from, but just won't leave my mind, which makes it creepier. Yes, Sanctified has the encouragement of adultery and sucking Rick Ross' disco stick, but I'd rather have the song that takes the risk of the woman's husband beating the crap out of me, than the one with the side effects of pot killing me in the inside.

And there they are: Two songs I didn't have to review but I did, because-well-I really want to. I really don't like one song. At all.

Well, thank you all for joining me on this edition of Short/Long Music Review. Until next time, bye.