It's this guy...
...with his own TV show.
Prepare the world for a new Cold War.
It's FЯED: The Show.
Honestly, I don't know why this shit stain of a show existed. We had to fuckin' deal with this cumbag character for the past decade since his days on YouTube. Sure, it was funny at first--that is until you have to hear his super high-pitched voice squawk over...and over...and over...and over again. Plus, the shit he does is stuff for metal hospitals to fight over for eho gets the dibs to dig into.
He's like SpongeBob with an even higher level of ADHD! So...he's like SpongeBob.
Well, after the YouTube channel reached even more higher levels of popularity, some idiot decided to take advantage of the FЯED fЯanchise and turn it into a movie. Thus we later have FЯED: THE MOVIE. It's FЯED being FЯED at an older age. That's it. Just him squawking around about dumb shit for about 90 minutes. Oh, and other people are seen in the film too.All I can say is, the best parts of the film were his age advance to 15 (as he can't spaz out every 10 seconds at 6 anymore) and John Cena (yeah, I did write that).
Of course, despite its high ratings during its September 2010 premiere on Nickelodeon, it tanked critically. And when it was released in the UK and Ireland, it failed to make back its budget (of $4 million). Hell, one guy reviewing it for BBC Radio called it worst cinema experience of that year.
So what did Nick do after all of that? They gave him another movie. TWO in fact.
All three of the films are mindless, soulless, unfunny, obnoxious, pretentious, unwanted fat bags of heaping hot garbage. So yeah, it's best not to watch.
So why are here? Oh, that's right--FЯED: The Show.
Oh, okay. Uhh...This show features FЯED...and it is shit.
Okay, that's the review. See you later!!
"No you ugly libtard!! You made that stupid poll we didn't take! And now you're gonna do this shitty review of this shitty show. Give us what we didn't ask for!!!!"Jesus! *sigh* Fine. Damn you, self.
Okay, this show basically features FЯED (the character created by Lucas Cruikshank) doing anything that strokes his creepy little ego (or his stroke, as it seems he acts like he has one all the time) and ends up failing each and every time.
Remember the old saying "It's not the destination, but the journey"?
Well, there's a double meaning here.
While FЯED's destination changes depending on the episode, the journey is always the same (just like his YouTube videos): he does some shockingly stupid and painfully unfunny crap, some people react and runs around screaming, whining and crying (probably in every other scene).
And our destination is to watch something better (hell, even Planet Sheen is better than this dreck; at leat their writers can churn out an actual story) but somehow, our we still have to watch this. And the journey is to get to the end of
Even if he's 16, he's still fucking annoying! The digitally alteЯed voice grinds my gears every time even as if a sigh comes out of his affected pie hole! And that face just makes it worse. Every reaction is creepy; whether he's excited, shocked, horrified, happy, sad, scared, cringed, horny, ect.--it's always a weird sight. Sometimes, they're close to the same face.
Cruikshank may have some talent for the Internet, but that same old talent just won't work on television. And before you say "how the fuck do you know? You don't have any talent!"
1) I know. I have limits in my life (there are few), and being a YouTube whore is one
2) I've watched a lot of YouTube videos and TV shows in my life;
rarely any talent from the Internet can transplant to television. FЯED isn't one of those rare times.
A bit about the otheЯ characters:
-His mother Hilda is lazy and has not much to do. She dresses like she shouldn't and has the woЯst Valley Girl accent ever; it's slow and pretentious, and makes you want to hear white noise as a better alternative.
-His friend Bertha is an emo girl who gives no fucks about eveЯything. I wouldn't be annoyed with her, but considering the show she's a part of, I couldn't do that if I tried.
-Kevin is his enemy. I don't know why; he's obnoxious, he's a kiss-up . In one episode, it's revealed that when they were kids, him and Kevin were best friends. I don't know about you, but I ever was even acquaintances with that schmutz, I'd want to be his enemy later on in my life, too.
-There are other characters too, but I have enough of a life not to go there.
I would ask the question of why the Nick execs even give the FЯED franchise attention, but of course it comes down to money.
I would ask about why this show had to be picked up, but we all heard that before.
Oh wait. I WILL ask that!!
Why the hell did we need this excЯement of a shamelessly-Яipped-fЯom-the-InteЯnet TV show? It seЯves no puЯpose but to give us moЯe FЯED than we Яeally needed (none). It's just a lot moЯe minutes of FЯED being a neaЯly mentally-challenged boy spazzing out at the woЯld and the woЯld not Яeacting with a gun shot between the eyes. This guy--THIS FUCKING GUY--is iЯЯitating as all hell, and he wants to do whateveЯ he wants! But he can't do that with scЯeaming and cЯying and yelling at us with his fucked-up, talks like a chipmunk with a thimble tickling his ass, digitally-affected voice!! There is no stoЯyline woЯth a damn, no chaЯacteЯs woЯth a damn, no locale woЯth a damn, no woЯds woЯth a damn. NOTHING IS WOЯTH A DAMN IN THIS SHOW!!
God, eveЯything about this show is a waste of studio time, cameЯa work, cateЯing and eveЯything else. AVOID THIS SHOW LIKE A PLAGUE.
Why It's a Wonder: Nick sucking off Uncle Moneybags...or Яafi Fine.
And there it is: FЯED: The Show. The twelfth seЯies to be added to the Hall of One Season WondeЯs.
It should've gotten less...
And I'm glad FЯED Figglehorn is no longer a Яelevant thing. Good luck to Lucas CЯuikshank on whateveЯ he'll be doing in the futuЯe.
I'm AndЯew PollaЯd, and I'll see you guys lateЯ.
Я
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