Toony Tuesday's Tinselthon: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Welcome everyone, to the first of hopefully many editions of Toony Tuesday's holiday-themed reviews - entitled Tinselthon. First up, the one that started the madness; the special that created term, and has continued the trend today with movies that are all essentially the same thing "something (romance, mishap, goofiness, bright light competitions, etc.) and TV shows where something (disbelief in Santa, missing presents) turns to something expected (belief, gifts turn up, everyone’s happy) to this day. It’s the first of Rankin/Bass’ iconic holiday specials: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Everyone knows the song, everyone remembers the story, everyone can recaaaall the most famous reindeer of aaaaall. And everyone has figured out how much of an asswipe Santa - and everyone but Mrs. Donner, Hermey, Clarice, Yukon Cornelius Mrs. Claus and the Misfit Toys - was. So please let me retell it in my snappy, sardonic, somewhat-serious and un-patent-able wit and weird, uncouth yet funny writing.

This special has been sweet, fun, hilarious, and brilliant. But at some parts, it feels a bit cynical. Even though I never noticed it as a kid, almost everyone in the special was a damn jerk to Rudolph:
- His father Donner resented the red nose from the moment he was born (although I will give him some credit - he was genuinely shocked by the blinkin' beemer of a beak and wanted to protect him from the other dicks of does, and did feel horrible about his borderline emotional abuse when his son runs away from home);
- all the other reindeer (children and adults) give him hella grief because of it, by making fun of him (the kids) or keeping him away from... certain activities (Comet [thank gosh Santa yanked him out of the sleigh]). And even when he became an adult, the rest of them still act childish as hell towards him. [it's one thing for fellow kids to mock you for your appearance, but for grown deer and does to brush you off so harshly? That's a dick move if I've ever seen in a holiday special. And I don't care if that's how parents act toward their kin back then, that's just crappy];
- And finally, old Kris Kringle himself. From the moment he meets up with Donner and the Ms. to meet their newborn, Santa bitterly dismissed Rudolph because of the nose, and during the reindeer games scene where he admonished Donner for the little kid he co-conceived having the thing he didn't have any control over. The only time he finally shows any empathy to Rudolph is when the latter's nose has much better use when a demon snowstorm devastates the world and the nose's light so bright as a lifeline to give Christmas gifts to the kids. [Yeah, sure he did feel bad later on {he just didn't say it himself}].
(I said this in my review of the song during my Top 10 Worst Christmas Songs of All Time... list: the reason I hate the song [and therefore these characters in this special] is because Santa and the other reindeer treat him like garbage until the very minute (when a snowstorm somehow nearly wiped out the whole damn WORLD) he was considered useful - not a friend, or an acquaintance, or even someone interesting; USEFUL. People like them make the world a wasteland. While it’s nice that there are people with great talents to help make the planet brighter, taking advantage of them is a scumbag move.)


All these characters (except Donner to an extent) are the worst parts of the special, and while I’m aware that it’s one special whose plot is literally untouched all these years (...except the part of the end when the Misfit Toys do go to deserving homes) - causing me not to get totally furious about it, watching these scenes still tick me off - more so as an adult. Screw them!

And now to rid of the rampant rage, let’s talk about the special’s music.
Of course, this special titled Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer is based on the song called “Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer”. I don’t like the song (see why here), but I love the songs featured.

“Jingle, Jingle, Jingle” is a catchy and fun introduction to Santa (before he became the asshole we know and despise).
“We Are Santa’s Elves” is a sugary, charming and high-energy bop by...guess. The one elf with the specs doing that one line is always a highlight, as is the elf that cut another elf’s feather on his cap.
"There's Always Tomorrow" is a dreamy ditty by Clarice in which she comforts Rudolph from the cruel taunts from the other young deer. Her VA’s voice (along with those of the background vocalists and the stirring production) bring a string tingle down my spine and can for yours as well. The big crescendo at the end is also borderline ethereal. It’s an incredibly beautiful song that tells the listener that just because today was not your day, the next just may be.
"We're a Couple of Misfits" actually begins twice in which both Rudolph and Hermey ask why they are what others think they are, and it’s very sad. But the song itself is more cheerful and encouraging, where the two take joy in the fact that they are not alone in their misery over their true selves, and even more so when they say “fuck off” to their detractors, become what they are born to be and become independent together. It’s an upbeat and uplifting track that can inspire those who are in the same predicament to ignore the haters and be, stay true and love themselves.
There’s another song performed by the dynamic duo called “Fame and Fortune”, which replaced “Misfits” in the special’s 1965 airing and for several years. It’s a bright and cheery tune about them wanting to reach stardom and prosperity. While that doesn't fit the scene or the special as a whole, it’s still catchy and the instrumental is
"Silver and Gold" is a soft, slow, simmering song by Sam the Snowman, teaching us that the titular precious metals are not what they’re really worth, and life and all good that entails are. They do make great decorations though. The song was originally to be performed by Yukon himself, Larry D. Mann, but was given to Ives because of his legendary singing career. Makes sense there, seeing as the gold miner would’ve sang a song about gold, but whatever.
"The Most Wonderful Day of the Year" introduces The Misfit Toys. It starts sad and tearful, but when you get to know them you feel heartbroken for their current predicament, but you do smile a bit knowing what happens to them later.
And finally, another song by Sam the Snowman to close out the program, “A Holly Jolly Christmas”. While it debuted during the special, it has since grown to be a seasonal classic ever since. It’s definitely as bright, cheerful, fun, exciting and (dare I add) jolly as the Christmas season itself. Ives’ voice fits and mingles well with the track and is definitely the most memorable part of the song, and was even a Top 10 hit in 2019, making Ives the oldest artist  with the longest gap between hits and the oldest artist - living or dead (at 109 years after his birth) - to have a Top 40 hit. It’s also one of my all-time favorite Christmas songs.


and now the characters I love:
Ms. Donner (Rudolph’s Mom): Her love of her son was obvious, but not being as cruel as the other reindeer make her as saintly as any loving mother would.
Clarice: Rudolph’s sweetie liked him for who he was from the minute they met, a cute deer that she could be friends with (or more). Even when Rudolph’s false fact failed and his real deal revealed, she still liked him and found the beamer handsome. She even wanted to help Ms. Donner find Ru when he ran away. She’s a very compassionate and wise doe who should’ve been of many
Hermey: The ex-elf and perspective dentist also ran away - this time from the toy factory at Santa’s village - for not being accepted as to what he dreams to be. He then meets Rudolph later on and they hit it off and trek to . He’s sweet, smart, strong-willed, sometimes sardonic and super; and his link-up and later friendship with Rudolph during the rest of the special is something iconic and forever the best part of the special.
Yukon Cornelius: This miner may be looney tunes when it comes to mining, but his unconventional style, kindness to Ru & Herm by helping them find a new living space and hyper-loud voice and hammy/cheesy speaking are infectious. And his sacrificing himself to save Rudolph and Hermey is one that gives him the right to be called a hero (even if he survives as shown later on with Bumble [how? “Bumbe]) Every time he appears on-screen makes me ear-to-ear grin, so much that he may be my favorite.
The Misfit Toys: This large commune of unique playthings couldn't be played because of their odd differences from other versions of their kind: A cowboy riding an ostrich (instead of a horse), a gun unleashing jelly (and not bullets), a jack-in-the-box named… Charlie, a polka-dotted elephant, a boat that sinks (not floats) and stammers and a depressed doll, with a flying lion as their leader. While it’s heartbreaking to see these toys in their current condition - unwanted, unloved and nowhere else to go, seeing Rudolph and Hermey cheer them up and convince them that they are the exact opposite made me tear up. And that they finally do find forever homes during the special’s close made my heart almost warm as much as Rudolph’s nose. As for the leader, King Moonracer, he’s a stubborn but caring and fair monarch, and his letting the Island’s castaways leave for their destinies is wonderful and palpable.
Ms. Claus: I’ve never seen her act harsh or malicious to any other character, let alone Hermey or Rudolph. Her meanie moment was at the start when she wants Santa to fatten up, but she was cool then and throughout.

While there were characters I dislike profusely, there are also characters I adore strongly, and the latter outweighs the former by a mile for me to keep loving the special. Also, a few words: the animation is shoddy and jerky but has its charms, the work to get the movie together was admirable, the voice work is top-notch - with most of the cash to blow on Ives as Sam (and he does a fantastic job), the songs are earworms of the very merry kind and the story sucks but the journey to the end is an enduring one. It’s not one of my very favorite Christmas specials, but it is still worth watching after all these years and something for the family to watch together. Enjoy.

Random Thoughts:
- The Head Elf is a dick, but his inflictions are a delicious riot
 - "WHY WEREN'T YOU AT ELF PRACTICE?!"
- If it weren't for their outfits, all the other elves would've looked like the mascot for the Greendale Human Beings - but with faces. In other words, they look non-gender-ish (no homophobe).
- Hermey's non-speaking faces and poses give me life. Just watch the song scenes mute.
- A cowboy riding an ostrich is super awesome, a gun squirting jelly would be brilliant at breakfast and lunch, a polka-dotted elephant or a sadsack doll would be any kid's favorite snuggle-buddy, a sinking, stuttering boat can be fun to play with when holding it, and Charlie-in-the-box...can have a different name- but Charlie is just fine.
- King Moonracer is a badass - in name, character and in form. He shall be my spirit animal of the month of December or any month ending in "-ember" or "-ry".

- As you all know recently, the Rudolph special was produced and aired in 1964, but Videocraft (Rankin-Bass as it was known that year) goofed big time with the copyright - the year used in roman numerals is MCLXIV -or 1164- MC-M-LXIV meaning this little, unnoticeable slip became a king-size snag picked up years later, proving it to be (at least without the featured music or Rudolph himself) under public domain. So if I had a YouTube show, Fair Use wouldn’t have to protect me; I can show most of it untouched and I’m good.

Thanks for checking in everyone, Come back tomorrow when the Tinselthon continues when I review another of Rankin/Bass’ Christmas classics: Frosty the Snowman.