"One Bad Apple don't spoil
The whole bunch, girl/
Ohh, give it one more try;
Don't you give up on love"
Welcome back everyone to… Andrew’s Funshine All-Star Superstar Supercade Saturday! ...Show '72!
Let’s talk a bit about The Jackson 5ive.
In 1971, Rankin-Bass (via ABC) introduced to the world the animated versions of the biggest and hottest boy band on the planet. After that was a hit, Arthur and Jules realized, “hey, since we got a megahit on our hands, let’s sucker another boy band into making a cartoon about them and fool ABC into airing it because we know they'll buy into it because it made them money and we’ll make even more money! Mwa-hahaha!”
And now the idea of the guy making New Kids on the Block a smash after the monster success of New Edition before it even happened.
Ladies and gentlemen, here they are/it is, The Osmonds!
Plots:
"The Osmonds" tour around the world in their psychedelic shack of a private jet, and get into shenanigans thanks to both the thirstiness of their all-around dreamboat of a young brother Donny and their Cousin Oliver of a baby brother Jimmy. That’s it. Oh yeah, and their hit songs are featured and inspire the plots too.
"The Osmonds" tour around the world in their psychedelic shack of a private jet, and get into shenanigans thanks to both the thirstiness of their all-around dreamboat of a young brother Donny and their Cousin Oliver of a baby brother Jimmy. That’s it. Oh yeah, and their hit songs are featured and inspire the plots too.
Characters:
You know who they are. You just saw the title sequence.
…
Okay, here’s who they are:
- Alan is the oldest.
- Wayne is next. He had the balls to wear the most loud and extravagant outfit of the guys. (He also pilots the plane… for some reason)
- Merrill's in the middle.
- Jay follows after.
- And Donny is the youngest.
- Oh, and then there’s Jimmy too. (Every time I see him I always wonder if they have the same dad.)
- Alan is the oldest.
- Wayne is next. He had the balls to wear the most loud and extravagant outfit of the guys. (He also pilots the plane… for some reason)
- Merrill's in the middle.
- Jay follows after.
- And Donny is the youngest.
- Oh, and then there’s Jimmy too. (Every time I see him I always wonder if they have the same dad.)
- Fuji is the boys’ talking “thoroughbred Japanese akita [...], number one houseboy and stagehand” (voiced by Paul Frees - a white man and pretty much R-B’s bitch in the minority and foreign VA department. [Just see his work as Berry Gordy, John Lennon, George Harrison, and Grimsie]) . This canine is every other Asian stereotype (egg-)rolled into one. He speaks in a broken Japanese accent, he eats the Americanized versions of the country’s delicacies in a dog bowl with chopsticks. He serves the boys food like a servant. And all of that is from the first episode. All of this is cringe AF and every time he talks makes me want to upchuck (basically every other scene in every episode - so hey, at least I’ll slim down).
Voice Acting:
Whatever platitudes I gave about the voice acting in The Jackson 5ive, I can say less (and yet more) about the voice acting in The Osmonds.
- While the Osmond boys are undeniably a talented band of brothers, they're not exactly great voice actors. I’m very sure they have an infectious charm and charisma as wide and as big as the combined total of their teeth on stage and in their appearances on TV, but when their ink-and-painted counterparts speak, they have as much of such as a warped drift of wood wrapped in wet cardboard. I’m serious; every time any one of them talk, that’s it. They talk like they do in real life; and there’s no hamming it up or a gobful more cheese to be found as expected in a cartoon;, which makes it a bit hard for me to sit though at times. I’m sure they got better but after the episodes I was able to watch, I gave up. At least I’m sure they had the time of their lives in the recording booth and they did well enough to carry some jokes well, and I get a kick out of the way they say “hotel” every time, but I’m glad they didn’t give up their day jobs.
- As for Jimmy, I kinda like Jimmy. He actually does a great job with his acting and sounds like a kid voicing a kid (well duh) - like those kid actors in the Peanuts specials, and makes his character of the annoying tagalong baby brother work nicely, and his antics are funny if not tolerable.
- Honestly, I’d rather listen to of the boys’ “acting” over the dulcet tones of any of the performances of non-white characters (and even some white ones) by Paul Frees. Fuji is the main pain, but even when he voices a male foreign character, it wouldn’t take a nerd reading the end credits to know every single one is voiced by him. Iris Rainer does the same, but she has a great touch of subtlety to keep her from sounding as obvious, sickening and disingenuous. Even if you were blind like Stevie Wonder, even you & I and he (and the rest of the conquered world) would know that’s a honky attempting - and failing - to affect an accent and dialect of a denizen of whatever country the boy band is gigging. But because R-B’s cheap as crap in almost all production aspects except voice acting (look up the narrators and main stars of its Claymation holiday specials… oh and who’s starring in this show) and thought one man (and woman - Iris Rainier) voicing all non-Osmond characters would be enough, here we are. I hate this! I can’t stand this! And it makes me sick that this happened! But of course, there’s nothing I can do about it but complain and move on.
Voice Acting:
Whatever platitudes I gave about the voice acting in The Jackson 5ive, I can say less (and yet more) about the voice acting in The Osmonds.
- While the Osmond boys are undeniably a talented band of brothers, they're not exactly great voice actors. I’m very sure they have an infectious charm and charisma as wide and as big as the combined total of their teeth on stage and in their appearances on TV, but when their ink-and-painted counterparts speak, they have as much of such as a warped drift of wood wrapped in wet cardboard. I’m serious; every time any one of them talk, that’s it. They talk like they do in real life; and there’s no hamming it up or a gobful more cheese to be found as expected in a cartoon;, which makes it a bit hard for me to sit though at times. I’m sure they got better but after the episodes I was able to watch, I gave up. At least I’m sure they had the time of their lives in the recording booth and they did well enough to carry some jokes well, and I get a kick out of the way they say “hotel” every time, but I’m glad they didn’t give up their day jobs.
- As for Jimmy, I kinda like Jimmy. He actually does a great job with his acting and sounds like a kid voicing a kid (well duh) - like those kid actors in the Peanuts specials, and makes his character of the annoying tagalong baby brother work nicely, and his antics are funny if not tolerable.
- Honestly, I’d rather listen to of the boys’ “acting” over the dulcet tones of any of the performances of non-white characters (and even some white ones) by Paul Frees. Fuji is the main pain, but even when he voices a male foreign character, it wouldn’t take a nerd reading the end credits to know every single one is voiced by him. Iris Rainer does the same, but she has a great touch of subtlety to keep her from sounding as obvious, sickening and disingenuous. Even if you were blind like Stevie Wonder, even you & I and he (and the rest of the conquered world) would know that’s a honky attempting - and failing - to affect an accent and dialect of a denizen of whatever country the boy band is gigging. But because R-B’s cheap as crap in almost all production aspects except voice acting (look up the narrators and main stars of its Claymation holiday specials… oh and who’s starring in this show) and thought one man (and woman - Iris Rainier) voicing all non-Osmond characters would be enough, here we are. I hate this! I can’t stand this! And it makes me sick that this happened! But of course, there’s nothing I can do about it but complain and move on.
Animation:
I'll be very honest here: I think the Osmond brothers really do look alike in real life (at least in their adolescent years. But the animators did a great job transforming them to animated form. The formation from real-life to animated in the title sequence is admittedly incredible. Too bad they look alike in animated form too. Even after they’re introduced by Long Duk Dog in “And Away They Go”, I still sometimes forget which name matches which face with which certain fruity pebble outfit. I do know which one Alan is because of the vest/ascot combo. Talk about radical.
As for Jimmy specifically, he looks nothing like his real-life counterpart -- which is a good thing to me. Real Jimmy is a brunette(?) while cartoon Jimmy is a blonde. Plus, he looks skinnier and adorable, much more so than his fat, chubby-cheeked real-life self. He looks like Lewis Capaldi as a prepubescent (that may not be a compliment as the night terrors I suffer from the video of Long Haired Lover from Liverpool would tell you. Ugh). At least they both can sing.
Back to I.Y. Yunio-frees, the one thing I like about him is his design. He's a pretty cute dog from a pretty cute breed.
The backgrounds look beautiful. No matter where the Osmonds land on their tour, the sights look bright, smooth and colorful - if a little shaded and warped like the show took place in one of the boys’ dreams (probably Jimmy).
Songs:
I’ve never listened to an Osmond song before in my life. Literally, I've seen them only once years ago on an episode of Oprah featuring them; I’m sure they sang, but I didn’t remember that. And this is despite the many, many times I’ve seen Donny and Marie on TV in my childhood alone. (I can’t remember the first time, but I’m sure it was long before that Family Guy cutaway gag that mocked them and their… close relationship.) So it wasn’t going to be easy to listen to their music for the first time for this review, but… it’s still not easy. Believe me when I say that listening to early-70s bubblegum pop music makes you feel like catching diabetes. I come from a different time, you see. But these songs… they’re alright. For what they are. I just wouldn’t catch myself listening to them again anytime after. And after each one, I just listen to an early Jackson 5 song a plethora of times to wash off the candy-tinged flavor.
I'll be very honest here: I think the Osmond brothers really do look alike in real life (at least in their adolescent years. But the animators did a great job transforming them to animated form. The formation from real-life to animated in the title sequence is admittedly incredible. Too bad they look alike in animated form too. Even after they’re introduced by Long Duk Dog in “And Away They Go”, I still sometimes forget which name matches which face with which certain fruity pebble outfit. I do know which one Alan is because of the vest/ascot combo. Talk about radical.
As for Jimmy specifically, he looks nothing like his real-life counterpart -- which is a good thing to me. Real Jimmy is a brunette(?) while cartoon Jimmy is a blonde. Plus, he looks skinnier and adorable, much more so than his fat, chubby-cheeked real-life self. He looks like Lewis Capaldi as a prepubescent (that may not be a compliment as the night terrors I suffer from the video of Long Haired Lover from Liverpool would tell you. Ugh). At least they both can sing.
Back to I.Y. Yunio-frees, the one thing I like about him is his design. He's a pretty cute dog from a pretty cute breed.
The backgrounds look beautiful. No matter where the Osmonds land on their tour, the sights look bright, smooth and colorful - if a little shaded and warped like the show took place in one of the boys’ dreams (probably Jimmy).
Songs:
I’ve never listened to an Osmond song before in my life. Literally, I've seen them only once years ago on an episode of Oprah featuring them; I’m sure they sang, but I didn’t remember that. And this is despite the many, many times I’ve seen Donny and Marie on TV in my childhood alone. (I can’t remember the first time, but I’m sure it was long before that Family Guy cutaway gag that mocked them and their… close relationship.) So it wasn’t going to be easy to listen to their music for the first time for this review, but… it’s still not easy. Believe me when I say that listening to early-70s bubblegum pop music makes you feel like catching diabetes. I come from a different time, you see. But these songs… they’re alright. For what they are. I just wouldn’t catch myself listening to them again anytime after. And after each one, I just listen to an early Jackson 5 song a plethora of times to wash off the candy-tinged flavor.
Speaking of The Jackson 5ive (yet. again.), I think it's about time I return to that series and discuss the second season -- under the title The New Jackson 5ive Show. Because if a Saturday Morning Cartoon gets a new season, it has to get a new name too to remind you it’s still fresh on the air.
Plot:
The six-episode final season is pretty much the same as the more-than-twice-as-long first season; the brothers are touring; they see some interesting stuff; Michael wants to meet, save and protect some animals; they end up in a wild, crazy, unexplainable situation while their songs play in the background -- or they play their songs to disrupt or advance a wild, crazy, unexplainable situation (depending on if it benefits the band or not). Pretty much every episode this season is about Michael daydreaming about something -- whether a version of a fairy tale or his cerebral reaction to an event the family following to kick off the plot -- whether by his own volition or as a result by being knocked out by some object (no it’s not that bastard Joe’s fists). -- I thought The New Season 2 was amazing; the jokes are still funny, the stories are creative and beguiling (despite the repetitive kickoff of Michael getting knocked out in almost all of them, the characters are still awesome -- and Michael is still adorable, and the songs slap (as if there was any doubt).
Voice Acting:
The same actors are back to voice the animated version of the beloved boy band, but there’s a noticeable change: the VAs of Michael and Marlon -- Donald Fullilove and Edmund Sylvers, respectively -- have dropped after season one, with Marlon’s/Sylvers’ voice being way more noticeable than Michael’s/Fullilove’s. (This is because they hit puberty.) Overall, the VA work is still well done and the Young men voicing the brothers (also including Joel Cooper as Jermaine,
Mike Martinez as Tito and Craig Grandy as Jackie) are still incredibly talented.
Animation:
I don’t know if this happened, but I think the ink-and-paint work got a little better. The ink-and-paint work looks a shade or several more smoother and clearer than last time and the character designs are slightly more fluid
Laugh Track:
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but even the laugh track got better. It’s much better timed, well reflects the type of jokes just uttered, and even features an applause track after each song, making you think a group of people are watching this before we all ever did and their reactions were recorded (you know like during the last season of All in the Family)
More Songs:
Of course, just like last season, The New Jackson 5ive Show features music from the real-life superstar Jackson boys. Unlike last season, only two songs from the actual band are featured from their sixth studio album Lookin’ Through the Windows (these being “Sugar Daddy” and “Little Itty-Bitty Pretty One”). That’s because the vast majority of the featured recordings are from lead singer Michael via his debut solo LP Got to Be There, further shifting the series focus from cartoon Jacksons to cartoon Michael. I don’t mind this all that much because Michael was the band’s lead singer, a very talented vocalist and musician, and was at the time (and still is plus all the way throughout his life and career) extremely popular.
Overall, The New Jackson 5ive Show is just as funny, silly, colorful, entertaining, and fun as The Jackson 5ive (yeah, I know, same show with two titles. I’m tryna make a funny) and is the quickest watch you’ll have of the series I’ve reviewed so far on this series. I had a lot of fun with this one, and you will too.
Huh? Oh yeah, the show I’m actually reviewing. Well, The Osmonds is also a fun, funny and entertaining series. Despite it's predictable plots and mile-away story beats and conclusions, it still is simple and harmless fun obviously cashing in on the huge popularity of the real-life family boy band -- and especially the heartthrob status of youngest member Donny (and Jimmy too for the little ladies). Every episode isn’t available on YouTube (and not a single one elsewhere), so it was absolutely difficult to base my opinions of the series from just a handful of them. I hope you get enough persuasion to watch and enjoy like I did though, because I think I’ve got just enough to get something out of it.
And that is it for my review of The Osmonds.
Tune in next week when we go on yet another exciting, fascinating, scintillating and fun trip around the world. But instead of five boys’ talent and popularity at stake (and not their virginity; that was locked up tight like Charles Manson in San Quentin), it’s one man’s love for the sweet chaste niece of a hard-hearted grump, his quest (along with his loyal, zippy manservant) to travel the globe for her hand, and one hired thug’s hunger to stop and defeat them. Will love prevail? What tricks are in store? Who will win? The man of course, but let’s pretend we don’t know as we join Phileas Fogg and co. as they go Around the World in Eighty Days.
See you next week. Until then, I’m Andrew… your… short haired luster from … ehh, screw it, that creeped me out. See ya next week.
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