It's finally here. The worst year in recent recorded history ever is almost over. We're close to a vaccine of the most powerful virus since the Kansas Flu (since some people indignantly want to call COVID the Chinese Flu, the Kung Flu, Wuhan Flu or the Wu-Wu [fuck you in the mouth] because that's where it came from [no shit], I'll call the Spanish Flu the Kansas Flu since that is where it possibly originated in the USA), it's the Holiday Season and it's time to start being genuinely happy again. Because being sad and bored during most of the year was killing me. (Oh sorry. Didn't mean that way.)
Anyway, SNL is back for December and the final three episodes of the year. So Xmas decor shrewn across 8H, sketches rubber stamped across the holiday (and Hanukkah if you're lucky; Kwanzaa be damned), and for this year skits about Trump sweating off his airy second skin as he screams and cries until his epic "fuck off" from the White House (praise me if I'm right; don't quote me if I'm wrong).
Our first of our Holiday Hosts Three, sketch comedy fans, is the male half of the Twins Bateman. Jason Bateman may not be as well-known an actor or heartthrob as Kirk Cameron, Scott Baio, Todd Bridges or Michael J. Fox , he is still a great enough performer on the static box. Thr Hogan Family, Arrested Development and now Ozarks, his Emmy-winning contributions to television have nothing short of laughs, tears, memories and sparks. Although if you told me this isn't his first time hosting (it's his second!), I'd be shocked. Because it doesn't seem like he hosted before on this late night block. But as a fan of Hogan Family and Arrested Development (and have at least heard of Ozarks), I'm totally excited for his appearance.
On the other hand... I bring you to the most lucky and forgiven motherfucker on the planet. You remember Morgan Wallen, the guy who got the chance of a lifetime to perform on SNL back on October 10th (the episode hosted by Bill Burr), but fucked it all up when he got caught on camera partying at an Alabama bar with everyone not masking or social distancing and had to apologize for it? Well, Lorne decided to accept his plea for forgiveness (and desperate attempt back to crossover relevancy) to let him perform less than two months later. And he seems to hold up on his comeback by wearing a mask during promos. I never had interest in his music and was going to start before his original appearance, but dropped after his foolish faux pas. But if Lorne can turn the other cheek on this walking major COVID safety violation, then so should I.
If you guessed the Cold Open was on that viral Senate commitee hearing with that Looney Tune bitch with a mouth that runs on idiocy, congrats. You don't get smacked on the back of the head.
First off, CECILY STRONG IS FINALLG BACK LIVE!!! Thank God she is safe and healthy. She did fantastic as... Whatever her name is. The sketch perfect captured how bonkers the hearing was. Maybe a little too bonkers. Kate McKinnon was fab as Giuliani (fart and all) Nothing more notable to say here cause that's all we expected.
Bateman finally made his return to the main stage after FIFTEEN YEARS (he last hosted in 2005). After mentioning what I said earlier, he recounts a sketch in which he plays monkey who chucks shit at famous people (after joking he had the vaccine, I wish a monkey did it to him). I bet it sucked, but the more important chunk was during the goodnights when the same monkey almost either sucked face or ate off his face. It was a crazy sight, but the story droned on a bit until JB mentioned the sweet denouement that the monkey wanted to make amends and did. Then he got sent to the glue factory. That punchline paid off.
The Sketch After was a meh but the little things made it worked. At (yet another) sleepover, the host's father talked with them about one of them having their first little red dot on the couch (but it wasn't big). Of course the chick portraying the cunt clump culprit is Kate, but she sells it well. Otherwise, it was forgettable.
On the contrary, this Pre-Tape is brillant.
So, Santa is getting letters from the kids and is about ti pick the good ones for presents. Well, one of them isn't Stu, who's desperate for a PS5, as the clip switches to a parody of... that Eminem song "Stan"? Well, what a twist! Seriously, this was so incredible. The PS5 element was brilliant, the set was on point, the lighting and colors were well-contrasted, the rap by Pete Davidson was A1, the Dido-esque vocals by Kate were smooth, Bowen Yang was slammin' as Sir Elton John (because of capturing the charisma and bravado; not the gay thing) and the Santa bits were sweet and savory. A definite must rewatch.
At an outdoor event, there is some singing by two hosts with assistance from the piano player... Blah blah blah. I didn't pay attention because it got tepid immediately and i wad behind.
Fortunately, I was brought back by the next pre-tape. Three women try to tell their mothers thst because of COVID, they can't come to their homes. So the moms reacted the way they usually do -- overreacting, guilt-tripping, fake tears and feigning anything that'll get them out the door without reasonable explanation. This was hilarious; the reactions are what most parents would go for and don't hold back. And the kids' begging to stop and understand are equally funny.
Not funny is this next sketch, which seemed to be the show dissing Wallen for attending a party instead of waiting to party at the show with his performances. But they didn't seem to stick the knife of mockery in his back like they were supposed to and showed this stupid twist in which his future self, his Asian future self and Pere Davidson warn him of the consequences of his drunken debauchery. There's a problem with that. He's already there, there's much less people at the place, the woman is holding a phone she more likely swiped off the lock and chain from the Metro store down the street and like Morgan here would listen to his future self when he's smashed beyond oblivion. This is the show less shaming him for wasting their time and money on his biggest platform play and more begging him to stat and suck his dick as a thank you. I swear they banned Rage Against the Machine for speaking their mind against a billionaire running for president, but if your musical guest is doing a stupid thing of getting bombed at a college party, let's say "hey we're disappointed qyou in not doing the right thing and putting yourself and us at risk, but we're not ballsy enough in banning you because we have none, so come back in two weeks and we'll prepare our jaws, eh?". And prepare they did.
Because Morgan Wallen performed for the first time. And... He was alright. His first track was a smooth track about... Reminiscing about some girl or town or party. I wasn't paying attention on account of the extra lighting across the set. It's as if they're twisting the knife in us (or at least those who hated his given a second chance in the first place).
Time for an Update
Jost and Che this week riffed on Guiliani being a major nutcase with leaking hair dye and a blasting ass throughout the past month. Absolutely hilarious.
Next up, a family visit a Mall Santa and Ms. Claus. But because of the pandemic and despite the mall still opening, the two reps of Christmas must do their duties so they accommodate. With terrible results.
This sketch is the second funniest based on the physical comedy alone. The commitment JB and Cecily go through is commendable. Also the talent of the little girl saying her one line is very good and cute. Plus, the robot elf with the tablet face is pretty funny too.
I have nothing negative to say anymore about Morgan Wallen anymore. I have now realized watching his second performance - looking like Joe Dirt Jr. and mugging the camera the level of Milton Berle - that this anger got unhealthy and staying pissed at him much longer would ulcer me. So I'll stop and say he did quite well. His music isn't bad and I'm happy he reaching the heights he's reaching. I'll just shit on him the next time I'll joke about him later in the future. Now to leave my real anger and disgust at those who deseve it -- COVIDiots, people who dismiss Elliot Page's transition as relevancy and attention-seeking and blasphemous and the people in the right wing and Democratic establishment [everyone fuck off].
Finally, a pre-tape about that one guy in a circle of dudes who sucks at joking at the drop of a hat and keepa trying despite falling flat every time. Of course, Kyle Mooney plays this to perfection and the loopy, trippy, colorful wonderland in his inner musical monologue is amazing. Too bad the audience didn't see it that way.
Speaking on the audience, it seemed they were as dead as the assholes they were forced to treat from COVID--uhh, the flu. The laughs were barely noticeable, the times there wasn't any dragged the live sketches down (and to be honest, half of them weren't great anyway and were there because the sets looked like they shouldn't have been used just for dress. My guess is they just got back from hiatus and needed that jolt back after Thanksgiving break and it shows -- and much better during the pre-tapes at that. We shall see next week, but... Meh.
Jason Bateman made a great host. Despite the fifteen year absence, he looked and acted like his last time was last season. He was totally game for the show and was a highlight of them. Whether as the judgemental dad shaming his daughter for makimg her mom sad to Dad who just can't see the tomboy fucked up his couch because of her pussy over-power, to seemingly unmotivated cabaret piano player to the Mall Santa not giving a shit about his job as more of an acting afterthought, the former David Hogan showed that he is not a forgotten 80s gem. He's a forgotten 80s gem-turned-unfogettable Emmy-winning dynamo. And he didn't need SNL for a brief career revival; SNL needed him, and he said "sure, lemme check my schedule. I'm sure there's a date open. Ahh, how about whenever I feel like it". One part I made up; guess which is it.
The cast is closer because Cecily Strong is back on! I really missed her. Her contributions were sorely needed and her disappearance felt like a slow withdrawal. Hopefully the weekly hits keep on comimg. Speaking of withdrawal, where's Dismukes? Do I have to mourn yet another featured freshman?? Amongst the sausage fest this week from the regular men, I'm surprised I still remember his face and that we share a name and that in some way we're linked in thst we're just watching from afar. Meanwhile, Lauren Holt and PUNKIE POWER! have definitely earned their places with the FaceTime sketch.
In Conclusion, episode seven was okay. Just not up to par like the marathon six before it. I guess again the break is to blame. The sketches were presented well - especially the ones focusing on the holiday season under the COVID pandemic. Lots of areas to cover and they were well-covered. The jokes were middling but with strong potential - and I can blame that on the audience for not being there (and maybe the writers for trying harder). This outing is a bit forgettable but fortunately, we're two more weeks before the actual Christmas episode so here's hoping for a much better installment.
Until then, we got the pre-Christmas epiosde next week hosted by the most sexy young actor today with the cutest name to match - Timothée Chalamet, with musical guest - and the most badass rocker and backup touring band(?) to come from medium-town Jersey, Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band.
See you again next week. Until then, I'm Andrew Pollard, and my concern for a pasty-faced white male cast member of SNL named Andrew is its own concern. Goodnight...
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