The Billboard Music Awards aired last night. This years' show was hosted by actor/comedian Tracy Morgan. And I enjoyed it. Well, some of it.
It started with a performance by Bruno Mars. An amazing performance of "Treasure" that looked liked something from the 1970s. What puzzled me is that everyone (Bruno and his bandmates) wore the same thing. The same thing.
But I didn't freak out because every time I see Bruno Mars perform, he and his band always wore the same thing. If that doesn't creep you out, then there still are some things that will.
Next was Selena Gomez with "Come and Get It". It was slow but sweet at the same; mostly because it had an Indian theme. True story, but the first time I heard this song, I thought it was about food, mainly because of the hook "If ya ready, Come and Get It (Na-Na Na NAAA)". Then I thought it was about sex (and food). Then I noticed it was about Justin Bieber; would've been better if it was about food and sex (thinly veiled, of course).
Later we had The Band Perry performing "Better Dig Two". Only minimalist here; just the band some dancing, and those lights you see at EDM concerts. Then they banged on some drums. It was a little boring, but still great to watch.
Then there is Icona Pop. I really didn't know who they were before last night, and admittedly, I really cared less. They performed "I Don't Care", which was the mood I was in when I saw the performance. I didn't see much, but all they did was walk around the stage with their name in incandescent lights, which fortunately I didn't have to see. It was a bore.
After that was...(gulp)...Chris Brown.
(shudder)He performed his latest single "Fine China", which, at first, I thought, hidden under the typical lyrics of falling for a girl, it was about giving China payback for the crap it gave us in the last (&#*@) years. But nope, only a typical song about falling for a girl. I kinda liked what was going on here; Chris...impressing a Chinese girl...on a set that looked too much...like China.
It then turned into a fake karate movie scene with ninjas falling down by Chris' world-famous dance moves.
They probably couldn't handle someone who got away with bea---sorry. Anyway, Chris ended his set being a product of Michael Jackson and Henry the Dancing Octopus (look him up) and did one of MJ's signature moves. Chris, you may not have been told this before, but I will tell you this. YOU'RE NOT MICHAEL JACKSON!
Next was Macklemore and Ryan Lewis performed their colossal debut hit "Thrift Shop" with Wanz. (I still don't know how to pronounce his name) Instead of on stage, the three performed from the Wynn Resort. I loved the vibe they had when they performed. Macklemore was all over the place with his fans singing every other line, while Wanz was his smooth swaggeriffic self...who sounded like he sang with a track.
It wasn't until a few days later when they appeared on 106 & Park to reveal that the performance was taped at an earlier date because of scheduling conflicts. Apparently they said they tricked us...so, great job, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. You two certainly pulled the perfect prank on us. You sure fooled me! Heh heh heh...heh.
Okay then. Next up was--you know what? The show was three hours long and I missed the Simpsons for this, so I'll just say the rest of the show in a nutshell.
-Taylor Swift sang "22". As hype and colorful as it was, it was boring for me. A bunch as hipster-dressed teenagers "working" behind the scenes until they started dancing. The girl even used both halves of the stage. Everyone else used one half and I think it's unfair. Oh and Jabbawokees showed up, so it pepped me up a bit. And the song is kinda catchy.
--Then Kacey Musgraves sang "Merry 'GO Round". I've never heard of this girl...or this song...
--Next, Justin Bieber sang a new song called "Take You". It starts off with Justin in a small fake airplane full of foam like he's taking a full-body bubble bath. Then he dances with people looking straight out of a rundown airport. Later ends the performance back in the fake airplane. It was actually enjoyable to me. It was kind boring though, but I enjoyed it. Well done, Bieber. Well. Done.
--Pitbull and Christina Aguilera performed "Feel This Moment". Yep, the song that ripped off a-Ha's classic "Take On Me" into a song about being in the moment...of sex. Although I hate the song for that, I kinda like the performance. Not too hype, not too dull. It was actually perfect...until they bring out A-ha's frontman Morten Harket to sing the chorus of "Take on Me". I wouldn't mind him preforming with them if he sang more than that. But since he didn't, that was a waste of his time, and it made me hate the performance because of that.
Now here is the buzzworthy moment of the entire show.
Miguel adorning someone... by jumping into them and hitting their head with his nuts. Before that, he performed his bombastic, super-sexy, soon-to-be-a-classic single "Adorn".
He and his band were behind a screen for a questionable reason. After perform the majority of the song, Miguel kinda got in the moment and jumped over the crowd mosh pit and then hit a woman in the head with his foot and put another in a lock. Then he performed the rest like nothing happened. It was live televised event. There were people sitting in front of you. Something happened. Oh I more than enjoyed this. Loved the song and this performance. But let it be learned for Miguel to be careful doing that again. There will be a time when it happens again, a fan says "I'm cool with that. I got to meet Miguel!" and later sue him for physical assault with a deadly weapon...his balls.
Later British quasi-heartthrob Ed Sheeran sang "Lego House", a song clearly not about Legos, yet is about a house. It was a short and sweet stripped performance and it actually kept my attention the whole time. This guy is really talented, and this one of the most wonderful moments of the night. And to me, there weren't many.
JLo and Pitbull (again??) performed "Live It Up". I was mostly focused on her outfit, which didn't involve pants. Other times she was dancing with some guys. This was an awesome performance, this coming from a guy that you all think is a pervert. A Howard Wolowitz pervert.
will.i.am (or William as the elderly like to call him) performed "(pound)thatPOWER" with Justin Bieber. Ugh (Jeez the producers sure like Justin Bieber.) First off, why is this song have a title like that? You can call it creative; I call it stupid. Then the performance starts off cool with William and Bieber popping up from under the stage, beginning the song. Then it got bad from there when William started "rapping". And they used both halves of the the stage. Really producers? Of all times in the show, would've you just give to someone worthy of it, like, say, Prince? Nope, just give it to Taylor Swift and William--I mean will.i.am. (Sigh)
--David Guetta is next with Akon and Ne-Yo in second position with "Play Hard". It was an exciting performance. Yeah.
--Nicki Minaj (huh) performed "High School" with black, braided water lizard Lil Wayne. There was a lap dance. I can't say anymore because I didn't like it. At all.
--And finally, the moment we've all been waiting for. The legendary Prince, the man who was the crooner before "crooner" was a word.
--Earlier tonight Prince was the recipient of the Billboard Icon award, which was well-deserved. After the tribute video, Prince took the stage and killed it. He killed, slayed, shot, stabbed and kissed the stage goodbye. He performed slowed-down, rock-n-roll version of "Let's Get Crazy" and "Fix Ur Life Up". I really don't have to tell you about it. The man deserves the title of icon and Billboard giving him the Icon award was an understatement.
Well, that (finally) it. All the show reviewed by me. Stay tuned for my black-guy interpretation of the 2013 BET Awards. You might just find this the bomb-diggity shizzle fo' nizzle mah jiggaz. Or I'll just type it in English. That'll be much better to type. Bye!
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