Security Stupidity at 1 World Trade

Okay.
For the past few weeks and a half, One World Trade Center in New York City has gained a...sorta new reputation. Besides now being the largest building in the country, and a piece of welcome change in this country after the still-horrible September 11th attacks; 1WTC has now become a new target for people to scale and put in jeopardy.

Twice in the last six months, security guards were sleeping on the job while random people sneak through the security gate and scale the building. First a kid from New Jersey went to NYC and, after going past guards, scaled the entire building; scaled, from ground floor to spire. This Fortunately, he was caught and arrested.

And second, four workers who constructed the building snuck past security and reach the top of the building to do a shocking and scary stunt of skydiving straight from the top and reach the ground at a time when most of the City That Never Sleeps...well, sleeps. One of them taped video of the stunt as this happened. Here’s the video.

They later turned themselves in to the NYPD.

One time a guard (who was "half-blind", mind you) was caught on camera dozing off while work continued on the building's interior. Although it was in daylight, the fact he got hired, and the fact that he signed up for this job while he knows he's BLIND IN ONE EYE, with the other eye's vision crappy at best, is a mystery that even Dipper Pines can’t solve.

Although I love this country (I honestly do), there are reasons I hate living in it. Some of those are that anyone can be a kidnapper or murderer (even the prettiest ones), someone (anyone) will sneak past security at random places, the goddamn NAVY believes Cap'n frickin' Crunch is not a REAL captain (!!), and a kid can be smarter than police into doing anyone his bidding.
Now, I'm putting this out there for the people who are illogical enough I'm not criticizing the police; they do an awesome job, and should continue to do so. I'm criticizing the idiotic company hired the dumbasses who are sleeping on the post while random numbskulls sneak past them, scale the building, and do God-knows-what inside. Why hire these fools? It’s not cheap to do background checks and physical training on people before they even get a call to be rejected. And if that wasn't enough, President Obama made a message weeks ago saying that he's worried about a nuclear bomb going off in Manhattan more than attack from a foreign country. How calming.

Why not just hire Patrick Star?; He'll not only sleep and later sneak into the building at night, but somehow let everyone inside even for make-out sessions and weed trade. That’s how I feel, folks. Hate it? Comments at the bottom.

MaroonMondays Awards Review: Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards 2014

I'm not a kid anymore but I still watch the Kids' Choice Awards. It's the brightest, coolest, most colorful and humorous awards ceremony on television. I can't miss it every year and I change the channel left with a gut-busting feeling inside. Now...it feels like a light mixture of the Video Music Awards and the Teen Choice Awards, with the slime and as much craziness kept in for very good measure.

This years' host is action film superstar Mark Wahlberg. And right off the bat, Mark claimed that he would be the first KCA host to NOT get slimed. I made a bet with a friend that he would get slimed in the first half-hour. I mean come on, no one host leaves the KCAs un-slimed. I'll get to that later.

This years' show feels so different to me. It didn't get super crazy, no unique entrances, no people in costumes saying the winners names--what the hell, it wasn't as KCA-y as it was the previously decade. I don't blame me, because I'm not a kid anymore and I see a change in perspective. But I honestly enjoyed it. Every minute I enjoyed. Except the ones where Adam Sandler opened his mouth. Dude needs to know his brand of humor isn't funny anymore.

The song choices in the opening number were really interesting. Best Song Ever is an appropriate song; Applause and Wrecking Ball are definitely not. I don't know who American Authors is before the performers were announced, but they are really good and talented. They would perform again later on.

Aloe Blacc, Mr. I Need a Dollar also performed, singing his hits Wake Me Up and The Man. He sounded fantastic. I love Wake Me Up as a wonderfully soulful, R&B-infused piece of work with a hint a bluegrass, and not the electric crap Avicii produced and released last year. And The Man is also a really cool song, although I see the line "I need you to tell everybody/I'm The Man, I'm The Man, I'm The Man" sounds like some dude is bragging to someone that he's better than everyone else.
No one likes an arrogant jerkhole.
Aloe (which has gotta be a stage name) is the the only person to make me let it slide.
Although I feel that they are not very well-known to the kids, I feel these two acts were great choices for this years' show. And really age-appropriate, unlike last year. I mean, come on! Pitbull? Xtina?? KE$HA?!?

Anyway, Nickelodeon gave away its' first Lifetime Achievement Award this year. And who was the person to receive this honor?
Only the person who came to Nick, took it, put it in his hand, and molded it into appointment television for all kids for the past 20 years, Dan Schneider.

And it was a wonderful tribute; casts members of his shows Sam & Cat, iCarly, VicTORious, Zoey 101, Kenan & Kel and Drake & Josh all joined together to help celebrate this man and his amazing work.
They then presented him with this nice Blimp in gold.
He is a wonderful talent and a great storyteller and he definitely deserved this honor. This was hands-down the best part of the show. Children's television has changed for the better thanks to him, and will never be the same after him. Not bad from that guy from Head of The Class, a show I still never heard of.


Austin Mahone and Cody Simpson both got slimed!! I'm sorry; I had to put this there. The fangirls probably wanted them to take their shirts off straight after. Also, a slime rodeo? Who the hell under the age of 13 wants to watch a real rodeo, let alone a slime rodeo? with Slime Tubes? Does anyone want their limbs ripped apart doing this? Seriously, I find this stupid and dangerous.

Finally, Mark got slimed. All it took was Kevin Hart (that evil bridge troll) to turn his kids against him to get their dad drenched in the green gloop. It had to happen (it always has to) or else this would've been the corniest KCA either in years or ever. Mark did fine as a host, but not great. Usually a KCA host gives his or her all to the show, acting completely like goofballs to make the show great. People like Rosie O'Donnell, Mike Myers, Whitney Houston, Jack Black and Justin Timberlake are great examples.

Oh yeah, now I know who they are. That group with the song I saw in the pormos for The Crazy Ones. They sang Best Day of My Life, pretty much the song that makes them a one-hit wonder until their next hit. I like it sounding nothing like regular pop. Just drums, guitars, and a banjo to make indie reach the top of mainstream radio. This year will go to indie and not pop. Thank you American Authors, for helping continue to break the Pop crap barrier in mainstream radio.

Usually, one of the reason I tune in is to see what the stage would look like.
I will say, it looks beautiful.

It looked like the producers took a page from the Lisa Frank catalogue.

WINNERS (as shown on the broadcast):
Favorite Funny Star: Kevin Hart (I only find him funny when he doesn't yell like a frickin' banshee)
Favorite Female Singer: Selena Gomez
Favorite Actress: Ariana Grande (a very talented girl, congrats to her)
Favorite Actor: Ross Lynch (not related to Jane Lynch, despite first thought and both being blondes.)
Favorite TV Show: Sam & Cat (like it wasn't going to win; Nick shows rarely lose)
Favorite Movie Actor: Adam Sandler (I thought Johnny Depp would win again, but meh. Kids actually find him funny.)
Favorite Action Movie Star: Robert Downey Jr.
Favorite Animated Movie: Frozen (Best choice to win all night. Really good film.)
Favorite Actress AND Buttkicker: Jennifer Lawrence (Meh.)
Favorite Male Singer: Justin Timberlake
Favorite Movie: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (Figures.)
Favorite Group: One Direction (Come on. It was pretty much a lock)
Favorite Animated Animal Sidekick: Patrick Star (SpongeBob SquarePants) (Sure, because everyone likes a fat, lazy, idiotic, immature crustasean better than this...)

Favorite Cartoon: Adven--Phinea--Teenage Mutant Ninj--Gravity Fa--SpongeBob Squarepants (I'm beginning to think Nick fixed the vote. All the other noms are better than this show now. It deserved the win back from 2000-2005, but not this, last, or for the last four years.)
--More on the show's website--
Nickelodeon Lifetime Achievement Award: Dan Schneider (the man that took Nickelodeon to new heights and never fell back to Earth. This is definitely well-deserved. Congratulations, Dan.)

So, I enjoyed this years' show. It was great. Not the same feel as years' past, but I still enjoyed it. And by the way, folks. If you've said that the Kids' Choice Awards isn't what it was way back then, I don't blame you all. But come on, it's still a show for the kids. You can still watch, but it isn't made for the generation of kids that watched it first. It's for kids; I mean little tiny humans who don't know better yet, and their snot is green. Don't criticize something you've watched back then as a kid, because it makes you look like fools for watching anyway.
Thank you all for joining me for this review. I'll see you next year and probably next week for the review of the Academy of Country Music Awards.
Later!

Man with the 132-pound Scrotum Dies; So Does Mr. God Hates Fags

Hello all.

Some sad news last week. Wesley Warren, Jr. has passed away Wednesday. But to the world, he was known as the Man with The 132-Pound Scrotum. His disease and journey to remove it has received national attention with a special on TLC. He has also been mocked mercilessly for his huge nutsack, which was as huge as Mini-Me. Warren previously suffered two heart attacks prior to his death and has not had health insurance to cover his disease among other things.

I’m sure he was a nice man and didn't deserve this attention, but I think he should be happy for it. He had a disease that was grave and spread to not only his balls but the rest of his body. And since he didn’t had health insurance, his death would’ve came at any day and would’ve hit him like a moving train. At least he got the help he needs while he needed. And it didn’t ruin his life and made him a little stronger.

Also last week, someone also of controversial and sensational stardom who died is Fred Phelps, founder of the ever so controversial and ever so caring Westboro Baptist Church. Phelps died on March 19 from natural They are known as the people who hate everything that is bound to "destroy God's beautiful vision on this wonderful green Earth" or so I annoyingly say, including gays, and have also been known for having members go to funerals of celebrities and members of the military and stuff and protest their support for gays.

Look, I'm one of the many Americans who hate the WBC for their annoying stance on homosexuality and death. It's one thing to be anti-gay (which I understand and I am okay with) but to go to random people's funerals and picket for no reason is not only sad but downright stupid. Why waste your time ruining other people’s lives because they’re different? You’re not as holier-than-thou as you think. Then there's the fact Phelps' daughter said in a statement that there will be no funeral for him because they "don't worship the dead". What?! I know a decent human being doesn't do that, but to me this sounds completely hypocritical. They don't want a funeral because they're afraid that random people will show up and protest about his extreme and radical beliefs on sexuality and such, with "God Hates Fred Phelps" signs at the ready; just like the WBC protest at their funerals . I don't blame them, but I hope that this wouldn't happen. Hate shouldn't trump hate. Let's just ignore hate because they want us to feed into their craziness and let them win some battle between them and America. In their own words, they said that the media was “Gleefully anticipating” Phelps’ death, and that it’s “been an unprecedented, hypocritical, vitriolic explosion of words.“ And they also call us hypocrites for wishing and hoping for his death--just like they wish and hope for death to all gays and military servicemen. Doesn’t that sound like they’re talking like Charlie Sheen during his “WINNING” phase? Even after he's dead, they won't go away. They'll still be here. Mocking and criticizing us. (Let that sink in for a minute).

I'm not sad he died; honestly I don't care. This guy is of religion, but his religion is crazy. He’s an egotist and a big phony for taking traditional religion and repeatedly dipping it in the shitter. At least I don't have to hear his crap again (well, I rarely do, but)...at least for now, where there will be more from his family and other members ever so blinded by his unique ideology and painful beliefs. But just wait, Phelps family. If you think this would be bad? Then just wait until one of you die. The gays and soldiers and everyone else will come to picket just to protest because one of you all died. Okay, I'm kidding; let's not. Don't waste your time with this crap and move on.

Justin Bieber Acts--Is an Asshole in a Deposition

Our favorite Canadian tragedy is at it again.
In this video obtained by TMZ, Bieber is asked in a depostition by attorneys in a Florida law office about - and his relationship with Selena Gomez. And all he does is act smug, stern, and a downright ass. Every question he gets asked, he answers with smart-aleck remarks. Take a look...



Literally hours after the questions being asked, Bieber took to Twitter to defend himself:

Love how some people love to twist and justify the horrible action of others. We all have a right to defend ourselves and feel harassed

— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) March 10, 2014

Justin, I know rich pop star girls are hard to get and get around, just ask the guys who dated Taylor Swift. But still, if someone asks you questions, even from people of authority, you don't act like a dick, like you have somewhere to be.

Minutes later, he sends another tweet, this time to his fans for standing by him and that people of authority shouldn't ruin their mentality. (like that'll happen...)

They can't break us. They can't get us down. We are too strong. We love too much. #mybeliebers

— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) March 10, 2014

And if that's not enough, Bieber says he was "set up" by the attorneys to bare his feeling during the depo, because he worries of his feelings and his career enough to think that

BULL. SHIT. Justin, stop. This behavior is just embarrassing. I know I shouldn't care about you or you idiotic antics, but I have a blog and I need to continue it, so you're a idiot. This behavior of yours is-- you know what? It just came to me. Maybe this is a blessing for me. The more you make dumbass decisions in your career and your life, the more posts on you I will make on this blog.

Call me selfish, but if I stay to my original word that I don't talk about Justin Bieber, this blog would be 37% more boring (not a real fact). I need content like this to survive. And I need to air out my thoughts about this sniveling piece of crap to agree with the rest of the world and generate page-views. And in hindsight, I should thank you for it. I should thank you for breaking my (pretend) word to whine my ass off about you, why I now hate you, and how you can act like goddamn Michael Corleone to do whatever you want. So...thank you, Justin Bieber, for being a fucking asshole and having me document as much of your life as I can on this blog to make it more popular.
You're the absolute best!

1 Season Wonder - God, The Devil and Bob

Welcome to 1 Season Wonder, a segment of Maroon Mondays. Here's how it goes.
I scour across the Internet and find TV shows with only 1 season, watch them, see if I enjoyed them, talk about them here and put them in a list of 1-Season Wonders. It sounds easy as it looks, right? No, you actually have to find these shows, watch through them hoping they're not as painful as they were the first time, and debate with yourself to see if it makes the list. If that sounds challenging and you want it that way, then let's do it.

During the late 90s and early 2000s, NBC was the number 1 broadcast network in America. Almost all of its programs were huge hits in the ratings-- including ER, Seinfeld, Friends, Frasier, The West Wing, Will & Grace and Law & Order. Some of their sports programming included basketball, baseball, and hockey, bringing in big ratings and big money to the network. But even the Peacock Network had low- and middle-rated shows that were either cancelled or lucky to have another season, and even then it would be cancelled. One of the former was a show so controversial because of its content and humor that many religious groups were so up in arms, that they boycotted NBC and wanted it dead. Oh, and it's a cartoon.
Here it is, God and the Devil hanging out and betting if Earth is good enough to be saved. Then they meet Bob. Blasphemy, huh? It's--well--God, the Devil and Bob.

The story is simple: God doesn't like the direction Earth is going and wants to destroy it. The Devil hears about this plan, and jumps on board. But God makes an ultimatum: Choose a random citizen to see if Earth is okay to save. If he/she fails, goodbye Earth. Devil accepts. So who's the person they choose? Bob Allman, a drinking, smoking, soft porn watching married man from Detroit. It's pretty much said much easier than done.




I don't think of the show as that blasphemous as the Christian groups perceive it to be. Besides the fact that God and Satan are major characters with their backgrounds and stories in the forefront, there is nothing else wrong with this show. It's not meant for families, it's for adults, as if the intro alone wouldn't tell you enough.

The show features the voices of James Garner as God, Alan Cumming as the Devil,
It's edgy, but not really edgy. The Bible and demon jokes are there but it's not as provacative as Family Guy, American Dad, South Park or even 90s era The Simpsons. And speaking of Family Guy, I want to make a counterargument that Family Guy does even worse with its jokes on religion. But it premiered a year later, got cancelled itself twice (but only because of ratings) and no matter how hard they try, the groups just can't get it killed, because it's still on the air.

I think it's sad that it didn't at least another season, but for story reasons, it makes sense. Continuing the show with the storyline that God and the Devil deliberating whether Bob can save Earth would've dragged and gotten old. So thank (you know) we haven't reached that.

What I love about the show is how ambitious it with its premise. It really is groundbreaking in the 90s for a show like this to even exist. If it was made in the last decade, let alone today, it would probably be another Animation Domination or Adult Swim show. No one would bat an eye. Some of the characters are hilarious, especially the Devil. And I will watch and re-watch over and over if I had to.

You can find the series on YouTube and DVD.

Well, thank you for joining me here on 1 Season Wonder. See you next time when I might find another show to review. That is if the pageviews sustain.


Later! Until next time, but until then, keep your television shows close and the pieces of crap closer.

Man Sues McDonald's...Because He Was Given ONE NAPKIN

I'll get this out of the way quickly.

Toss this under "Stupid Lawsuits That Should've Never Even Been Thought Of". A man is suing a California McDonald's for--get this--giving him one napkin. (Shut the front door!) Webster Lucas says he ordered a Quarter Pounder Deluxe at the Pacoima, Calif., eatery on Jan. 29.

But on opening up his paper bag, he found just one paper tissue. He alleges that when he returned to the counter to ask for more, managers refused. Lucas alleges the debate turned racial when the Mexican-American boss mumbled something like "you people" and some stuff-— which Lucas took to be a reference to him being black. He did make a point about the manager not giving him more napkins; he was very assholish and a jerk. But really...

Dude, be glad you even got a napkin in the first place. Some people walked out of McDonald's without any napkins at all, and they don't complain. Maybe because they thought that if they sued, it'll make them look like idiots. Just like you are. A damn idiot. And if you really wanted a napkin so badly, go home and get some tissue, go buy some from the store, or even go to Burger King! At least they let you get some yourself.
The man also claims that the incident caused him "undue mental anguish."

"Undue mental anguish."
You loopy man-cunt!!! You go mental after bitching out against the manager for having one napkin?!? I've gotten beat up and humiliated for nearly all of my childhood, and I've never whined, cried or moaned about anything. You were given one napkin, and now you feel mentally destroyed and need to sue?! You need a kick to the head, that's what you need.

And about the "You people" comment, it probably wasn't because you were black, it was because you're a dumbass.

MaroonMondays Awards Reviews: The Oscars 2014

Hi everyone and welcome to MaroonMondays Awards Reviews, where I, Andrew, bring you my thoughts on the big awards ceremonies...and and tries to be funny with it.

Ahhhhhhh...The Oscars, the film industry's biggest night. The day everyone comes in their Sunday Best, and drink like they're in their Friday worst. The Day where the best films are celebrated, yet they're only dramas. And theyday where I have to make a review for a televised ceremony on Sunday, But I have to do most of it on Monday. CRAP. But it was worth it.

So here we go anyway.

I didn't watch as much this year as I got really bored really fast, and the stupid montages tuned me out, so here's a review of what I saw.

The show usually begin with the usual pre-taped open which superimposes that year's hos into scenes of that year's nominated films. And it tries to be funny. This year...none. Thank God.

Ellen's monolouge had some hilarious moments including telling everyone Jennifer Lawrence fell on the red carpet (after saying she wouldn't; although she already blurted it out) and they give the Oscar to her. That gave the second biggest laugh from me that night.

After the first few awards have been given out, just as the show began, Ellen did something no Oscars host ever did before...she gave the stars pizza. Yup, she ordered pizza from a mom and pop shop, Big Mamas and Papas Pizza, just almost a mile away from the Dolby Theatre. As soon as the pizza came to them, they went at it. I thought it did feel it was forced and planned a little, but it was really funny nonetheless.

Pharrell performed one of the nominated songs "Happy" from Despicable Me 2, and already set the stage ablaze. He got Lupita Nyong'o go shake, Meryl Streep to shimmy, and Amy Adams to shake her groove thang all during the second verse. He also actually made most in the audience to get up and dance with him. It was a fantastic performance.

P!nk also had a gracious performance She gave a perfect rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" from The Wizard of Oz. I nearly cried. Bette Midler also performed a song from Beaches, during the In Memorium segment. While I liked it, everyone else hated it because it wasn't a song good enough to perform during the segment, which usually calls for really sad or moody songs. It's understandable, I thought she did really well.

This.

As the show continued, Degeneres asked some celebs to join her in a selfie. She got as many people in the show and got Bradley Cooper to hold the phone. Joining her were Jennifer Lawrence, Meryl Streep, Brad Pitt, Lupita Nyong'o, her brother Peter, Angelina Jolie, Jared Leto, Kevin Spacey, Julia Roberts and Cooper, who has very long arms.
This picture blew up Twitter as soon as it hit the web. Immediately, retweets came left and right. And before the show even continued, it beat the record set by a pic of President Obama hugging his daughter Malia three years ago. And because of this, Twitter broke for a few minutes. I didn't really notice because I was doing less exciting things like--well, i did things. Is there anything Ellen did not do that night that didn't go viral?

John Travolta became a trending topic within seconds, not for showing up or saying something funny (which is rare in itself), but for mispronouncing the name of one of the performers. Seriously, everyone on my timeline called him out on it and made joke about it, praising "Abu Nazir" or "Idella Dazeem" or "Adel Dalzeihm" for her performance of "Let it Go" from Frozen. Speaking of, that was wonderful, performance and song. This Adimna Manzal person is really talented and should go in pictures. She'll be fantastic.

Basically, almost everything on this show went viral in minutes. So while last years' show was the classiest I've ever seen, this year's show was the humblest and funniest. I really enjoyed it. Well, except the joke DeGeneres made about Liza Minelli. That wasn't nice.
I wouldn't be surprised if Liza gets back at her someday.

Okay, speeches I loved:
Well, I loved Lupita Nyong'o's speech mentioning her brother, her family and how her Oscar reminds her of little children who's dreams can come true. That was a very sweet moment for her and the show.
Cate Blanchett's speech, which films with female leads can earn actresses a lot of money.
Jared Leto's passionate speech about a single mother/high school dropout who worked hard to give her kids a great future...who is his mother, June; that was very heartwarming and fantastic.

WINNERS (in order of broadcast):
-Supporting Actor: Jesus--Jared Leto (Dallas Buyers' Club)
-Achievement in Costume Design: The Great Gatsby (Cathrine Martin)
-Achievement in Hairstyle/Makeup: “Dallas Buyers Club” (Adruitha Lee and Robin Mathews)
-Animated Short Film: Mr. Hublot
-Achievement in Visual Effects: “Gravity” (Tim Webber, Chris Lawrence, Dave Shirk and Neil Corbould)
-Animated Feature Film: Frozen (DUH.)
-Live-Action Short Film: "Helium" (Anders Walter and Kim Magnusson)
-BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT: “The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life” (Malcolm Clarke and Nicholas Reed)
-Documentary: "20 Feet from Stardom"
-Foreign Language Film: "Great Beauty"
-Achievement in Sound Mixing: Gravity
-Supporting Actress: Lupita Nyong'o (12 Years a Slave)
-Achievement in Cinematography: Gravity (Emmanuel Lubezki)
-Achievement in Film Editing: Gravity (Alfonso Cuarón and Mark Sanger)
-Achievement in Production Design: "The Great Gatsby"
-Original Score: “Gravity” (Steven Price)
-Original Song: Let It Go (Frozen) [Like we didn't know]
-Adapted Screenplay: 12 Years a Slave (John Ridley)
-Original Screenplay: Her (Spike Jonze)
-Director: Alfonso Cuarón (Gravity)
-Actress: Cate Blanchett (Blue Jasmine)
-Actor: Matthew McConaughey (Dallas Buyers' Club)
-Best Picture: 12 Years a Slave

Well, that's the end. I hope you all enjoyed the review as half as much as you have the show. This show was way better than last years. And like the half of America who watched last night, I hope Ellen hosts again next year.
See you next time.