Saturday, May 13, 2017

Short/Long Song Review: "Fake Love"

Welcome to Short/Long Song Review.
Without introduction or interruption, let's get it started.

To listen to the song for the full SLSR experience, go here:
https://www.iamlmp.com/tracks/drake-fake-love/



Oh look. Drake's on his period...


AGAIN.


"I've been down so long, it look uuup to me/ (what?)
they look up to me/
I got fake people showing fake looove to me/
STRAIGHT UP TO MY FAAAAAAAAACE!! (x2)"


Dear Christ, this song is fucking annoying! From the start and throughout, Drake uses his ungodly monotonous "rapping" voice and greatly horrible singing voice to sing about the most bitchy, whiny, jokey and pathetic thing ever: having fake friends while rich.

Oh, poor Drake. He has friends who only use him for money and not be honest, personal and happy to him. Boo-fucking-hoo!!! It's like "No New Friends" Part 2; except Drake immediately forgot the stupid statement he made in that song and continued being a SunTrust location to his crummy comrades.
Dude, aren't you rich? Wouldn't you think that wealth causes people to flock to you as human ATM? Oh, and you thought being a rich, famous rapper would be a beacon for good BFFs.
And back to "they look up to me", of course they do; how else are they gonna look at you while they're sucking your dick trying to get into your wallet?

"Somethin' ain't right when we talkin' (x2)/
Look like you hidin' your problems,
Really you never was solid
"
Oh so you're getting it just now??

"I can tell that love is fake/
I don't trust a word you say/
How you wanna click up after your mistakes?/
Look you in the face and it's just not the same"
Well, excuse me, Mulatto Mordecai. Riddle me this: If you knew something was wrong, why did you let them stay until it was too late?
"[...] tryna play it safe/
Vibe switch like night and day, I can see it like right away/
I came up, you changed up, I caught that whole play/
Since then, things never been the same"
Oh, so you thought they were friendly?
Look, Aubrey. I understand. (...no I don't.) If you see it right away, why didn't you say something right away? Or at least just stop being friends?? Because it's much easier just talking it out since you're the type of nigga who sings his feelings instead of just shooting him dead and getting it over with like every other rapper does.

"How can you click up after your mistakes?"
Your mistake? You were looking in a mirror when you said that right? Because they didn't didn't meet you. And it sounds like a strict stick-in-the-mud parent punishing their prodigy child for...being a child, while being lowkey jealous he could do so.
"You have done the ultimate disgrace to this family by disregarding your studies and practicing you music for...this trash ritual."
"But dad, I was only having fun with my friends."
"I don't care! Your friends are nothing to you! You are a . Go to your room and think about what you did!"
"Okay..." "[sniffles] ...fuck you."
...
"Fredrick, get me my paper!" "...fuck you."
...
"*sigh* Why couldn't I play with my friends...?"

"That's when they smile in my face/
Whole time they wanna take my place (x3)"

Who, Drake?!? who the hell would want to take your place!? I don't know how or why they would do that, when you're one of the biggest rappers on the fucking planet!! The Billboard stats prove it, the Spotify streams prove it, the fanbase proves it, and even you prove it!
"I'm the biggest man,
I said that before I knew I was" -
No one accept your...colleagues at Young Money can touch you. And no one can replace you even if you're featured in their songs. So, the fact that you're thinking this--let alone made a song out of it is really pathetic. Oh, and I'm sure no one wants to sound like a pussy when they're rapping about cash, sex, material possessions and stealing some another woman from a guy.

Not only is Drake's little confessional obnoxious and irritating as fuck, most lines are repetitive as fuck and really stupid.
Lines like this:
"No you can't son me, you won't never get to run me
Just when shit look out of reach, I reach back like one, three
Like one, three, yeah
"
piss me off when I end up hearing this track.
What the fuck does "son me" mean?; you act like the father figure anyway, not Mr. Furley suspecting something's up in 4A.

And speaking of the video: yeah, I only played half of it, and it's still 3 1/2 minutes of my life taken away. If a girl--after making a damn scene of not forcing me to talk about my music when I just want to eat with her and talk something else--shoves cake in my face and pour wine on my head in public, I would straight-up smack the Sonic rings out of her.

"Fake Love" is a retarded song, and definitely one of the worst I've heard--from Drake and this year (so far or otherwise). Other than the beat--which admittedly amused me with the Hanna-Barbera sound effect in some parts reminding me of that one Ginuwine song we've all known, loved and/or fucked to, this is another ditty that dwindles my likeness towards Drake more and more.

Thanks for checking in.
I'll see you again soon.


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