Welcome back, everyone, to Short/Long Music Review.
This month on the Billboard charts have seen quite some movement. Some new songs have debuted in the Top 10, including one that became the first hit by the artist who, after leaving his universe-famous group, has more number-one hits than they do (ONE). (hah, pathetic!). Also, some hit songs took huge tumbles, while others rose in popularity.
Let's check them out.
This song immediately shot to the top of the Hot 100 upon release, thanks to buzz from an interview with Fader Magazine, by pretty much trying to negate everything he's done with One Direction by saying he was unhappy about it; curiosity from fans about what tones and topics will be featured in his own music, and what the former member of the biggest boy band in the world will prove in his first steps away from the band.
It's a shame that the first time I heard, because of his Irish accent, I can't understand much of what the hell he's saying. Plus, while it succeeds in conveying a sexual relationship with the fix'ins--pain, confusion, love and hunger for orgasm, along with fantastic imagery and graphics throughout; it also feels like artsy-fartsy nonsense that I think tries to teach me something about love and painbut ends up showing me that it's possible for a flower to grow out of a woman's clit while appearing in a naked, spiky-faced state used for an art exhibit at the Met.
The beat is really perfect; the slow alt-R&B production and fits with the writing and tone of the track and with Zayn's vocals (even if they're so moody, that I can't understand much of what he's seeing), proving that this guy can make decent music on his own.
I don't think this song deserved to reach number one; I don't think it has the presence and popularity to reach the top. I can recognize the reason (it become a smash hit because everyone was curious to see what the debut of the breakup member of One Direction would sound like) and can congratulate Zayn on his instant start to success. I know in my mind that what he said in his Fader interview made him out to look like an asshole, and that he should've left if he wanted to should he had the chance, but after this song and later interview with Apple Music's Beats 1 Radio, I can now see with fresh eyes and a fresher mind that he had no ill will toward the other members of One Direction and felt it was his time to depart for his own career with his own sounds and words in tow. I wish him good luck in the future.
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Riri is back! ...I think.
I mean, she had two other songs that would be part of the tracklist for ANTI, but for some reason they're not there. Instead she retcons everything by making "Work" the first single. And...I'm cool with that. I, at best, like "FourFiveSeconds" (almost all because of her) and I fuckin' despise "Bitch Better Have My Money" (partially because of her), so this was a great change of pace.
Anyway, this is Work, the so-called new debut single off ANTI, featuring Drake. And it's...fun. Really fun.
The beat is awesome; the soft dancehall-reggae production is perfectly bright and bouncy, and the and the chorus is exceptionally catchy. Put them together and you got a wonderful dance explosion.
It's too bad the lyrics are trash. That is if you are curious as to what the questionably-gibberish lines are and search it on the lyric sites. Some of the lines are about making a romantic relationship difficult, but staying because of the good sex, and others are just plain nonsense.
Then there's Drake's lyrics:
"If you had a twin, I would still choose you"
"Sorry if I'm way less friendly/
I got niggas tryna end me, oh"
"I spilled all my emotions tonight, I'm sorry
Rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin'
How many more shots until you're rollin'?"
Yeah, even with looking up the lyrics, this is dumb crap.
But this song is still a fun track to enjoy at the club, or a cookout, or a high school dance. Or sex.
--
This song is just like every piece of the Nostalgia Boom: Reminiscing about how great things were when you were a child. I don't mind things like this, but these are everywhere. Excuse me for getting off-topic: but I can't go through a week without learning news about a reboot/remake of an old TV show or a sequel/remake of a decades-old movie (looking at you, Disney) or movie adaption of a decades-old TV show--almost none of which are needed, and all of which are examples of Hollywood exes running to ideas and concepts that largely don't need to be touched, instead of new pilots and concepts that should be and can potentially be new hits that nearly everyone can enjoy. We can look back on old movies and TV shows and music to love again and take us away from today and back to times when young life was fun and free and amazing--and that's just cool. But to have this mentality so clearly all the time, it just annoys me.
Which beings me to this song. It's not a bad song, and gives some new insight into memories of when one was young and reaching adulthood. I can agree that it's scary and most times, and all we can do about childhood is reminisce about it. I can relate to that jazz. But it's also weird--especially when the Video is concerned. Big Wheels? Really?
Also, this line:
"I wish I found some better sounds no one’s ever heard,
I wish I had a better voice that sang some better words/
I wish I found some chords in an order that is new,
I wish I didn't have to rhyme every time I sang"
I don't know if I should laugh and find it clever or slam them on Twitter for such laziness.
This song peaked at number 2 (a great feat in and of itself), but there are better songs from them that deserve to get higher too.
--
Yet another Justin Bieber song from Purpose is a big hit. It's "Sorry". And...I really like it. (#notsorry)
This song is Justin trying to apologize to a girl for being a shitbag; either to get back into her heart...or into her pussy.
I like the arrogant, sarcastic tone Justin shows here, trying to be sincere but can't. For some reason, I can actually get behind Justin Bieber being an asshole. (Yes, I did wrote that.) At least this is better than that little cream-puff with the swoop from back in the last decade.
The writing isn't brilliant, but is still great and super catchy.
And I haven't even got to the beat. It's fuckin' awesome. The warm and sweet tropical house/dancehall beat is amazing, and creates great vibes with every listen. I couldn't take my ears off it and couldn't stop replaying after first listen.
I never thought I would love a Justin Bieber song like I did with this, but I'm cool with it.
--
And rounding out the Top 5 (at least at the end of the month),
Flo Rida can't stop being relevant...and can't stop sucking cow teats.
"My House" is the second single from the EP of the same name, and another reason Flo is not as great as he thinks he is. Since we all know--because of the many other songs he does--what it's all about, I'll just skip to the beat. It's a very nice and pretty catchy flow, but I don't consider it his best, which is sadly ironic as it's actually an original beat, and that his better productions are those that steal beats from other songs. (Interesting progression here.)
Also, while most of it is the same old stuff we've come to expect from Flo Rida, bit of the writing is mediocre tripe.
"Yeah, you know what we is" is the worst of them. I mean, come on. Really?
In my mind, this track doesn't sound like a regular song made for the charts--or even the album it came in. It sounds like a song made for a soundtrack for a movie or a TV show or a commercial, which explains its appearance in an ad for Pizza Hut during Super Bowl 50
(apologies for the Ad playing twice. It's the fault of the channel that featured the video)and I'm damn sure it will be shown in a TV spot for a few movies later this year. Even if the song doesn't fit with the plot of the movie.
I don't mind this one at all. It's catchy, and not that bad a song as other people make it out to be, but it's pretty underwhelming (even for a Flo Rida) as isn't as great as...other other people make it out to be. I'll play this under a good mood, but not a lot though.
---
Now that that the Top 5 has been covered, let's get to more songs.
Pop
"7 Years" - Lukas Graham
I had nothing to expect when I first heard this song.
Then he starting rap-singing.
This song is about Lukas looking back at his life during certain parts of it.
Honestly I don't like much of it. His vocals try for sincere, but end up laughable; the production tries for soft and heartfelt, but sounds more sappy and forgettable (it has to be irritating the music box sound); and the lyrics go for honest reflection, but sound either made-up or something I can't say without people scrutinizing me for saying it (must eb the rap-singing and Lukas saying "Once I was (blank) years old" twice in some lines).
I can appreciate what the song is--an autobiographical track reflecting on childhood and growing to become what he is today, a rap-singer who one day become famous. But I don't love it. All the parts are perfect and in the right place, but the execution doesn't sit well with me. And I've heard songs like this before, and I don't think this would be a favorite.
--
"One Call Away" - Charlie Puth
Ugh.
Okay, not Ugh. This is actually a better song for him. Yes, I'm saying this despite his abomination of a debut single "Marvin Gaye", but even taking the latter away, this is way better. His high-pitched voice isn't as high-pitched and whiny as in "See You Again", and the plot (doing your best to be a great friend to a shy, mousy girl) is kinda heartwarming, if not really sappy.
There are a couple minor annoyances:
-The line "Superman ain't got nothin' on me" irritates the crap out of me (Hint Hint: No, he doesn't), and that's not including the times the chorus comes in the song.
This came close to cracking the Top 10 so far, and I'm actually happy about that. It's actually a good song by Puth and should've been true debut. Granted it wouldn't be a talked about as "Marvin Gaye", but...I don't care.
--
Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello
What is this?
This song is about two people in a relationship pondering what the other is doing, and trying to pry the truth out. The thing is...
There is so much wrong with this.
1) Camila Cabello, who I think is the worst member of Fifth Harmony (a bad girl group in and of itself). She doesn't have a great voice, which sounds robotic and uninteresting. She tries so hard to have a cutesy, baby-like voice like Ariana Grande; but Ariana does it better, as Camila ends up sounding on the level of a kitten screeching in a boiler room.
2) The writing, which tries to explore a dark aspect of infidelity in a relationship, but ends up straight hokey.
3) The vocals of both singers don't sound believable. They try to be convincing about the subject at hand, but I really don't buy it.
Also, the composition contains elements of Bill Withers' classic "Ain't No Sunshine", a way better song about heartbreak after a good relationship. Why? This wasn't needed, and I don't think even Bill Withers himself would be flattered with a writing credit on this.
Seriously. This song is terrible.
--
He's got a new song out called "I Took A Pill in Ibiza", and it's exactly what you think.
At first, it seems that Posner wrote a more sad, personal track about the bad side of a music career. But then you realize he made "Cooler Than Me", "Bow Chicka Wow Wow" and--if A Dose of Buckley's "Ten Worst Songs of 2014" video is taken to consideration--"Top of the World"; he's never going to do that. Never going to try to put out his soul for everyone to hear and sing about a painful moment of his life he wants to get off his chest. (Hell, I would enjoy "7 Years" MORE than whatever mess he'd concoct here.)
He's sad that he's not popular anymore and to stay around, he gives up most of his material possessions and goes around the world to tell people who somehow still know him to not go where he went like a fricking after-school special. Boo-fucking-hoo.
Dude, you've done enough to get yourself into this. You were a novelty act with a few popular novelty songs. Then your time went up and everyone went to the next novelty. Now you made a song about downing a drug you didn't know was by some manic fan you didn't know and felt shitty about it, expecting to feel sorry for you. Other famous singers wrote and released songs way more serious, powerful, heartbreaking and therefore better than this crap. And it isn't going to be the one to get you over the top. At least not here, as this became a big hit in Norway and the Netherlands (although that has to be because of the EDM version by SeeB which isn't that bad).
I can only wonder how this guy still has a career, when most of the songs he makes are crap, and charted like crap. Well, that line in the latter song "I could *fart* on the track and it still " proves it. I find it annoying that he's out in the world, not a care inside, doing whatever he wants, and making music that's uninteresting, soulless, shameless, unintentionally hilarious and undeserved of being hits.
Mike Posner...go away.
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While this band has been a thing for a while now (since last September actually), I first officially met them during the broadcast of Grease: Live back last month. So I decided (days later) to play their EP SWAAY and check what they're about.
Their big hit currently is "Cake by the Ocean", which I first assumed was about a strange summer fling at the beach with more than just sandwiches and sody pop in the basket. And if a theory about that title--meaning "a slang term for 'sex on the beach'", which is thanks to the producers misunderstanding of the latter term--is true, it makes so much sense.
It's surprising I kept hearing this song in an ad for Sprint that I kept skipping on YT, and never realized it was their song. But hey, "better late than never", amirite?
But in all fairness, this song is awesome.
It's really fun, really wacky, really catchy and really sweet...like cake. The beat has an awesome funk and new wave groove that can create a perfect vibe the second it starts; the lyrics are goofy as fuck, but also works in continuing the vibe and are super catchy; and Jonas' vocals make it clear the guy is having the time of his life singing, just like the band is for playing it, and just like you will once you play it.
All of this is perfect for a good time..and any other time; just play it, and your mood is always on the up and up.
I believe this song
--
Honestly, this is one of their best singles in a while.
The beat--which sounds nothing like what they've usually did before--is mesmerizing. The elements of disco is a wonderful surprise and perfectly added. And Chris Martin Kratt's vocals perfectly blend in, giving off a vibe that he's having an amazing time while recording.
This song is very cheery for pop, very light for disco and very groovy for dance--and it all works. I know this track will become a hit later through the Summer.
---
It's funny we end one section with Coldplay, and start another with Drake, was we reach this month's picks of fuckin' chicks and suckin' dicks. It's time for...
Hip-Hop
starting with...
Oh my God, this song is awesome.
The energy he gives is FIRE. He spits FIRE too. Those raps he spews just takes away all my reservations about this and his other songs and make me a true fan.
Just read all of these.
"To do what you couldn't do/
Tell Obama that my verses
Are just like the whips that he in,
They bulletproof"
-
"I coulda killed you the first time/
You don't have to try and say it louder nigga,
Trust, we heard you the first time/
It's nothing personal,
I would have done it to anyone/
And I blame where I came from,
And I blame all my day ones
You know Chubbs like Draymond/
You better off not saying nothing"
-
"All you boys in the new Toronto
Wanna be me a little
All your exes know I like my O's
With a V in the middle"
-
"How am I keeping it real
By keeping this shit to myself?
You was never gang, gang, gang, gang
You was never one of us
Had us fooled for a minute there
Now we done all grown up
But I'm better off anyway
Y'all never gonna finish Drake
Say you seeing 'bout it when you see me man
Y'all never home anyway"
-
"I used to wanna be on Roc-A-Fella
Then I turned into Jay"
DAAAAAMMMMNN.
(Also, the lines about his pool being bigger than Kanye West's was hilarious.)
Basically what he's saying is "I'm better than most of you, and y'all niggas ain't got a chance".
And quite frankly...I can believe him on that.
Hot, witty, quirky raps, the speed like a NASCAR driver at the Indy 500, the cockiness of Kanye (with even less of the ego), and the return factor that makes him even better.o
Yes, I think Drake is even better than ever ("Started from the Bottom" definitely aside.)
, , And the way he says the line "Lookin' for Reveeeeenge" was corny (but a good kind of corny), but also really catchy.
This has a big mixtape vibe (thanks to the beat--a slowed-down sample of "Glass Tubes" by Brian Bennett and-of all things-"The Question Is" by The Winans [the comments on both linked videos is unbelievable]), but is perfect for the radio. I'd definitely turn this song up anywhere I am.
Brag songs in general annoy me a bit, but honestly I can get behind a Drizzy brag song.
If when he said "I take any skeptic and turn 'em to a believer" to you then, you really wouldn't believe him.
If Views from the 6 is anything like this, I'd so cop it--illegally of course.
--
This, though, I wouldn't give to my worst enemy. He'd probably like it.
This is "Best Friend" by ... Young Thug.
...and I don't wanna play this shit.
And this...
isn't the only reason why.
Being John Malkovitch, the video is not.
--
And speaking of shitty music videos trying to emulate what partially made the 1999 film a masterpiece...
Here's "Watch Out"--by the Young Thug of 2013, 2 Chainz. A questionable song in its own right
To be honest though, the difference, between these videos, is this one is intentionally absurd, and because of that, it's actually kinda funny. And the song, despite sounding like the background music on a Wii game, isn't that bad. Sure, it's a bragging song, but the humor in it shouldn't be something that you can't angry over. And it get on my nerves, but but doesn't go off the deep end.
I still don't like 2 Chainz, and would avoid him on many costs--And I despise Young Thug, and would avoid him at all costs.
--
--
--
This next song, "Antidote" by Travi$ Scott is a big opposite.
Despite the extremely obnoxious use of Auto-Tune, the annoying lines about taking your girlfriend, popping pills, haters and their incessant hating and the many lines about "the nightshow" (including just "the nightshow")... I can handle this one. Mostly because of the beat.
That's it. Just the beat.
--
"$ave Dat Money" - Lil Dicky feat. Rich Homie Quan & Fetty Wap
This has to be a joke. (Okay, it is, but still...)
And he's white. Honestly I thought that was a shitty black rapper just now getting famous. But, nope.
Shouldn't you guys condemn him for stealing the right to take on our genre, and make shit like this? But, honestly, this is kinda funny. This song tries to be a more raunchier version of "Thrift Shop"--saving money by doing very tightwad-y things to either save or stretch a dollar, and in its form, largely succeeds.
Dicky's lines...are pretty funny, and I can get through the annoying voice, showing this is to be funny.
On the other hand, there's the featured artists--Rich Homie Quan and Fetty Wap, still mumbling their way through bullshit to the bank. Really. Even with a song parody about not doing such things, they still can't go through it without mentioning the paper, fuckin' bitches and some shit. Hell, he even mentions that in Quan's voice, and cuts it short. (Good, that guy is creepy as fuck.)
I also find it ironic that this song about saving money from mundane ways of blowing it away, features rappers who rap about doing such things and have rapper names that indicate such.
But anyway, I like this song. It grew on me, and I can get with it. Just yes to Dicky no to Quan and Fetty, though.
---
Okay washing my hands of the mostly bullshit, let's get to...
Country
where we have some newcomers to the charts, all making measly gains in 80s section after a couple weeks of life.Kicking off this genre section, we have Chris Young and Cassadee Pope teaming up for "Think of You", a song about what used to be and what is broken now in a relationship.
In terms of vocals, both artists have a twang in their voices that almost make the lyrics indecipherable. Also, speaking of "empty space", there isn't much chemistry going on here between the two; I actually feel empty space between their vocals. And it's not just them recording their vocals, and the mixers put them together. Plus, the production is pretty bland; the muffled drums, weak guitars, no bass, and not enough punch or drive to show. I know that it's hard to move on after a strong close kinship, but this song doesn't really show it.
But despite all that--and the used up trope of the way things were and what they are now, This song is just fine. Mediocre, but fine.
Also, if my friends ask me about my ex, I'd rather just tell them we broke up and just move on from it. "If you wanna go see her, go ahead. Just stop thinking of us being together, you weird fucks!"
--
And if their situation ever continued into one like this, as shown in Dierks Bentley's "Somewhere on a Beach", the girl deserved to leave.
Really? Fucking really?? Do you really need to brag your ass off to your ex about how you found a new girl that is seemingly better than her? Do you realize that you and this girl are in a relationship just fir the fuck of it? No, not for love or emotions or a kinship. Just " she goes to the clubs and party, she got a hotter body, she's much more fun, she's a great drinker, she fucks me great"--blah blah blah. This is disgustingly obnoxious and painfully hilarious.
The tone on Bentley's vocals sounds embarrassingly cocky and arrogant, and the lyrics try to paint the ex as the bad guy; when it only makes her look she's just the used car in Dierks car garage of relationships and the new girl is the hot new sports car. But I can't see this, because he's acting like a huge smarmy lame asshole douche mocking her by showing off his new lover like a trophy--which I think she is portrayed. And all this makes me feel sorry for the ex, because there is nothing in this song that she's done as the reason as to why she and Bentley broke up and he's off railing the hot alcoholic freak of his new chick.
Plus, the production doesn't match the tone and lyrics at all.
It calls for "the end of a relationship, and it's hard to move on but it's time for a drink at the bar", but the producers didn't realize the lyrics call for "the end of a relationship...it's time for a drink with some slut that has good pussy and smoking hot tits, so forget that other girl and fuck her".
Yeah...this song is morally bankrupt ans boring as hell.
In short, it's a country-fied "Hotline Bling" with more clarity and a new girl thrown in.
FUCK THIS SONG.
--
Tim McGraw is back (possibly again), and he seems grateful, humble and kind for how far he's become in life thanks to the people who brought him there life with..."Humble and Kind".
I like this one. The soft, slow, yet rising, stirring and powerful production just moves mountains for the concept--which, while small, works wonders. McGraw looks back on his life and feel grateful for the lessons and messages of wisdom from family (especially his grandma) and the people in his life for supporting him throughout his endeavors in life. What else there is to say? I like it.
---
Okay, I usually don't listen to gospel songs voluntarily in my life. Usually, my mom turns on to the stations where we live and they're on for hours. No changing the dial, it's all we can hear. I didn't mind it when I was a kid, because I actually enjoyed them. But as I got older my like and enjoyment dwindled significantly. There were more songs I didn't listen to than songs I did want to listen to. But understandably, that's because most of them are repetitive in their topic and try so hard to be relevant and down with the young ones.
But last year was the year when I had to be disgusted with contemporary gospel music, because most of them try so hard to pander to a different crowd. The young crowd that likes hip-hop. Yeah, really.
These songs sound so terrible being two different things at the same time. And being two different things THAT SHOULDN'T BE TOGETHER!! One example is Erica Campbell's "I Luh God"
(and no, that's not a typo. That's how it's written)
This song tries so hard to be hip with the young crowd by making everything this way.
Starting with this awful beat is trash. This light piano melody and trap percussion is just laughable. Even DJ Mustard could giggle at this gunk.
Then comes Erica's vocals. I listened to a lot of Mary Mary songs when I was a kid, and I always noticed that both ladies have spectacular voices. Listen to "Shackles", "Get Up", "I'm Walking" and "God in Me" and you'll see how amazing she is when she sings. Here, this is just embarrassing.
Trying to act like a gansta rapper with your vocals (or whatever the heck that is) makes you like a joke, especially compared to your previous singles.
And the lyrics are even worse. Mixing lyrics about our Lord and Savior with the mannerisms of a rapper is just pure garbage juice. And those aforementioned other songs are way better at being hip-hop-ish than this.
And then, there's the video, which looks like a parody of rap songs while being as pure as possible, but this is serious. All of this is hilarious: A woman with a large wig, a lit-up E, a girl wearing a hat tagged "Selfie", a car, and all other nonsense that just screams something Funny or Die would make up. Maybe a comedy skit at the Dove Awards (a ceremony honoring Gospel music) like Taylor Swift's "Thug Story" for the CMT Music Awards. (I wish) And back to DJ Mustard, there's even a fat black guy in the clip who looks like him, shouting "Love im, I love im" over and over, which is extremely annoying.
All of this make this song inexcusable Gospel. And I understand who would like this, but I don't understand why they would like this.
She had this to say in an online interview:
"They're used to (me) very pulled up and polished and singing 'Yesterday' and 'Help.' But, I just wanted to have fun, declare my love for God and at the same time reach an audience that I think the gospel community sometimes ignores. There is Christian hip-hop but I feel that more Caucasian children gravitate to it. So, I figured, you're my people so, let me get with my folks!""You're my people. Let me get with my folks."
Most of your folks would not like this. And they would laugh at this.
Erica, you're great at being polished and pulled up. It shows you have a wonderful voice and spirit, and that you can make great contemp. Gospel music. But if you're going to make crap like this, I won't see you as one of the best at this genre. Fortunately, this is only one song.
Well? Ehh. I really enjoyed some songs, but I was only overwhelmed in a few places. There is a lot to be happy about production wise, but I couldn't overlook some blandness and uninspired tripe in the writing.
-Pop has really expanded, dusting off a few old genres and making them new again, and digging deeper into others, which I do appreciate.
-Rap is still shit, filled with lines worthy of jail or a shooting range and beats worthy of an online third-party beat-making website or app.
-Country still has the mentality of morally-absent rappers (in some places) and boring beats that make you pass out then feel like you've been molested. ("Humble and Kind" is pretty good.)
-And stay away from whatever the hell genre "I Luh God" is. Or, to make it easier, stay away from Contemporary Gospel entirely.
And that does it for another month. See you all soon.
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