SLMR: We Can't Stop and Pom Poms

Welcome to Short/Long Music Review, where I find songs (I either love or hate) to review them in a short review that took a long time to review.

Today I'm working on two hits from four former Disney Channel stars that become something close to J.Lo and The Wanted. These artists have changed their images because they wanted to, not because they had to. They're growing, and so are their fanbases. So they had to make songs to prove those changes: songs about girls with big butts and having fun like it's no one's business. It's "We Can't Stop" by Miley Cyrus and "Pom Poms" by The Jonas Brothers.

First up, "We Can't Stop".

As you all know, Miley Cyrus began her career as the star of Disney Channel's Disney Hannah Montana.

During that time, she has sang every other cliched teeny-bopper song under the sun about breakups, makeups, best friends, going out, kissing, and other crap through the world-famous alias of Hannah Montana, becoming one of the most cleanest, holiest, smells-like-lemon-est singers and actors in the world. Even after Hannah changed her look to something from a thrift store, she still looks clean. After the show's end, Miley has gone through a big change in her life; dropping the Walmart shirts and Target pants and going straight to the Hollister tank tops and H&M short-shorts. She has gone through a big phase and boy, has she impressed us with it. And she has put this change into song form with "We Can't Stop".


When I first read about this song, I thought "Oh God, am I gonna hate this song". Because it's about adolescents doing God knows what, going God know where, putting things where God (and the other person) know where to put them, and saying that they don't care what anybody else thinks like teenage girls on The Maury Show, you can understand what I mean. But when I first heard it...well, It's kinda surprising. As it turns out, I actually like it. (I know, I know. I may be as shocked as you are.) But there can be a good reason why. Now I like Miley's music, even all the way back to her Hannah Montana phase. Sounds poppy, lyrics are clean, and the beat is sugary, but danceable. And like that music, it's catchy, with beats to dance to, and it's not really too sugar-coated. And as her image matured, so did her music. She did have a few missteps here and there ("Moving my hips like yeah" Really?) but she gradually gotten better. Which leads to "We Can't Stop". The beat is perfect (it was produced by Mike WILL Made It; not a typical choice for a white female pop artist, but surprisingly nice choice indeed), the lyrics are super catchy (although some including "Everybody in line in the bathroom/Trying to get a line in the bathroom} are questionably weird), and the popularity may be well-deserved. It is yet another poppy dance/club song about getting sweaty and finding love in a club, but at least it's not set to an electronic beat with creepy sounds or human noises slapped in, because I really hate them.
Now the video...it's interesting. Dancing with a giant teddy bear on your back? Check.
Colored mist coming from your nether regions? Check.
Cutting your fingers to spew pink liquid? Check.
Kissing a doll version of yourself? Check.

And twerking on blast in skin-tight clothes?

Double check. Make that part of the list of components for the weirdest and most off-putting music video I've seen this year so far. Yes, it involves dancing and falling in love (or lust) and being with friends...even though it's in an really odd setting. Some critics have said that the video is a desperate attempt by Miley to be popular and relevant again. I don't know about them but I really like the video, but it's best that I watch in small doses. I can't have nightmares about that...moving computer head.

And now, "Pom Poms".

That's right, guys. The JoBros are back, and they're better than ever! Now, before you ask me, yes, the Jonas Brothers were also Disney Channel stars. After they became teen heart-throbs (with their skinny suits and their promise rings), their first television appearance was on Hannah Montana, before being randomly chosen (like every other DC star appearing in every other DC show) by Disney Channel to star in their own show, Disney JONAS.

It about the three spending time away from being pop-rock stars and kicking back to become regular teenagers. And with that, there is also wacky scenes, goofy transitions and an awesome soundtrack. Sometimes I thought Nick was a player, Joe was goofy, and Kevin was gay. (It was actually really good.)
(Yes, the Disney logo appears on all the DC shows' logo; and the Disney (program name) thing is a joke to show my annoyance of such)

After the show ended (it got cancelled), the brothers went back to music, and were nothing like I thought. After another album, a sudden breakup, side projects (Nick with The Administration, Joe went solo, and Kevin had a kid), the trio decided to patch things up, get back together, break up with the label, start their own, and make more music, which led to "Pom Poms".


Now this song is different from their earlier work, mostly because it's about a guy's desire to see a girl's booty go boing. Normally, if I hear any song about this description, I'd think about beaning myself with a can opener. But this time I won't. This one's actually a pretty enjoyable song about such. In fact, as I admit, hearing this song, the JBs makes this look innocent, although they probably wouldn't admit it. Also the line "I want you on my team/Want you like a kid just wants a milkshake" is kinda cute, but hilarious. The beat is amazing; the addition of college sports marching band music is an awesome touch and using "put you pom poms down for me" is a clever euphemism for "shake dat ass for me, mommy", although no one is supposed to be fooled. In fact, the more I hear this song, I more I know that they're trying to be more mature, but I just see this as adorable.
As for the video, it looks like a exciting extension: Telling girls to put their pom poms down on a football field. Get it, because cheerleaders shake pom poms on a football field.

It's a--never mind. And to make it more exciting, throw in hot skinny girls in skimpy clothing (maybe from Hollister or H&M), a real marching band and a church choir to accentuate the "Revival" line. (GLORY!) And, oh, the kid and the milkshake are here too. So this video for "Pom Poms" better to look at than "We Can't Stop". To me it looks like the visual is set in Gravity Falls, making "We Can't Stop" look like it's set in Elmore. There's no finger-cutting, doll-kissing, money-eating or hot dog pinatas here. Keep going somewhere else.
But both videos are enjoyable, as are these songs. These songs are great to dance to at the club or at home by yourself. Either way, these songs are wonderful to hear, but don't listen too close to the lyrics.

And there they are: two songs I didn't have to review but I did, because-well-someone had to. The hooks are catchy, but the lyrics are about Running things before things run we (GULP) and feeling happy some girl's hands are free to run all over you. But it's up to you if you want to listen. And next time I will be back to find another song to review (I hope it's good; who am I kidding, it's probably bad)
See you next time.