Special SLMR: Birthday

Hey everyone. Welcome to a special edition of Short/Long Music Review, where I review certain songs on the day of my birth, and today I review a few songs that have the word "birthday" in the title. But here's the thing: they have close to nothing about birthdays. The first is about helping your significant other feel better after a crap day...by making him dance...and make him eat "cake".
It's "Birthday" by Katy Perry.



I heard you're feeling, nothing's going right/
Why don't you let me stop by?
The clock is ticking, running out of time/
So we should party--all--night
--Yeeeaaah, I don't think partying is gonna help a guy be happy on a crap day like this. The least he could do is knock a guy out or

So cover your eyes,
I have a surprise
I hope you got a healthy appetite
Oh you better hope so. Because there's no way he'll say no to a cake, some dancing and an irresistible orgasm. Except one thing: he will.
If you wanna dance,
If you want it all
You know that I'm the girl that you should call
Katy, don't you get it? He doesn't want to dance; he doesn't want cake; and maybe he'll eat you out, but I'm pretty sure he's too tired to give in to crazy demands.

Boy, when you're with me, I'll give you a taste
Make it like your birthday everyday/
I know you like it sweet, So you can have your cake
Give you something good to celebrate
Well, it seems nice that she's doing something as nice and caring as this. It's really nice that someone like Katy is going out to help a guy feel better and enjoy--wait, what?? "Give you a taste"?!? When you mean by taste, do you mean a taste of the cake icing or your saliva? Or even worse.
So make...a wish
I'll make it like your birthday everyday/
I'll be...your gift
Give you something good to celebrate
...aaand it's a sexual innuendo song. Using birthday metaphors and cake. I mean, this is Katy Perry. She's known for cutesy sex songs, so of course this song exists. So it's pretty obvious that a sex line that everyone won't take forever to get will be found here.

So hot and heavy...'Til...dawn
--And I'm right. Again.

So let me get you in your birthday suit
It's time to bring out the big balloons/
So let me get you in your birthday suit
It's time to bring out the big, big, big, big, big, big balloons
--Big balloons?? What big balloons? Do you mean...your boobs or...his...ew.

Okay...this song is catchy. And gross.
On one side, the sexual mentions make me want to stop eating cake for a while (especially the frosting, as it reminds me a something else), and Katy's tries to hide it fail and end up weak and corny.
On the other hand, the beat is really good: because of the throwback boom many popular genres of the 60s, 70s and 80s (including Disco) are now of use in many songs this decade (including this song), which uses disco very well. Plus the lyrics are admittedly catchy and Katy's vocals are pretty fine. In fact, listening to it sweet and sappy nature, you'd think that it was originally made with kids in mind (which is funny, because of the cake references and cake is sweet). You'd be forgiven if you think this song wouldn't be out of place on Radio Disney, Nickelodeon or Disney Channel.

So yeah, catchy lyrics, gross implications, wonderful beat--all-in-all, pretty good song, I like it a lot, and at least it has something to do with birthdays anyway. At least no one mentions that it's not they're birthday more than once to us like we're all idiots!