Here is said song by someone who happens to be a novelty act, someone I wish was a novelty act, and a female artist who doesn't deserve to be a novelty at.
It's "Post to Be" by Omarion featuring Chris Brown and Jhene Aiko. (WHAT?!)
"If your chick come close to me
She ain't going home when she post to be
I'm getting money like a Post-It be
Uh, what?
I'm getting money like a Post-It be"
Uhh...How can you get money like a Post-It...be?
Post-Its can do anything like store quick important information like going to the store after work or buying thumbtack from OfficeMax or a reminder to watch Scandal On Demand. This is a stupid chorus and--wait.
"You get money like you 'posed to be"? As in, supposed to be?
THIS is a stupid chorus.
At first, you would believe the chorus is "I get money like I'm 'posed to be", but his vocals make it sound like "I get money like a post-it be".
Even if you put in the "Post-It" theory though, there's still no way you'd make as much as one, as Post-It's make millions of dollars from people who write down important information or things to remember...unlike you guys, who put in too much information and say things that no sane person would ever remember.
"Ooh all my niggas close to me
And all them other niggas where they post to be"
--Exactly where are they "post to be"? Beside you like the Delightful Children from Down the Lane? Because the only reason I see them where you are is to use your name and appearances to get into parties, eat free food and drinks, and hit on women they'll later fuck and throw out of their lives like a napkin at Burger King.
"Ooh the hoes go for me
Have your chick send a pic like pose for me"
--The only reason women go for you now is because of this stupid piece of cat shit.
"That's how it post to be
That's how it post to be
That's how it post to be
Everything good like it post to be"
--I swear if you weren't reading this review or these lyrics, you'd think he's literally talking about a Post-It.
I swear, this is one of the stupidest choruses I've ever heard.
All it is, is the same as every other chorus in a Hip-Hop song: Taking your girlfriend--while he claims she thrown her slut ass at him; You make money in less then fair ways; and your niggas are at your side (entourage at best, emotion kick-boxers at worst). Yeah, great things most black men do these days.
Let's start with Omarion's verse and see how low the bar for decency in is (or steady as it's already gotten to the floor).
"Pull up to the club and it go up
Make your girl fall in love when I show up"
--Steal your girlfriend. As if we've forgotten what he said earlier, he mentions the topic of taking another dude's chick again just to hammer in that he's a man slut and takes any girl, even if they're already taken, like a vacuum on a floor at the Radisson.
And another thing, him saying "Pull up to the club and it go up" makes me think that him stepping into a building makes it lose gravity and rise above the ground. Stupid and goofy, all on it's own.
"It's not my fault she want to know me
She told me you was just a homie"
--Uhh, sure, it isn't. But you just said you'd make her love you and take her away from her man. Also, she lied to you in saying that her man was a homie, yet you knew she was taken anyway. We're already in the first verse, and yet Ormarion has trumped Rae Sremmurd in stupid, contradicting lines that could've easily been proofread and revised before recording.
"She came down like she kneeeeeeew me
Gave it up like a groooouuuuupie"
--Of course, you're Omarion; Internationally-known R&B superstar with platinum-selling--ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, who am I kidding?? My family barely remembers you. And you're right--How does she know you? Oh, and that "stretching the line to fit the beat" thing. STOP IT!!
"And that's facts, no prin-ah!"
--WHAT?!? Oh, fax. I can't believe I thought that's a clever line.
"Cold nigga turn the summer to the win-ah!"
--Dude, you are no Tyrion Lannister. So don't flatter yourself.
"She save me in her phone as 'bestie'
But I had her screaming, ohhhh"
--Wait, hold on. Why is this line sound so familiar?
"Yo girl wasn't supposed to text me
You wanna know how I know what I know"
Oh yeah. That lyric structure is from "Murder She Wrote" by Elephant Man. They sampled a classic reggae/dancehall song (which by the way is more danceable and has more oomph than this dreck), and tried to use it to boost this for more recognition. No wonder Hip-Hop and R&B has gone to Hell; there's no originality anymore.
Okay...no disrespect to people whom have schizophrenia (because you don't deserve the condescention), but his vocals sound like those a schizo would make. Every line sounds different from the last, and they're all annoying. Also, his vocals are slathered in Auto-Tune. Even if you don't notice it that easily, you can really tell it from hearing his verse. I had a feeling that Chris Brown's verse would be the worst, but I was sorely mistaken. This shit is really fucking terrible and really fucking reprehensible.
And yet, I didn't have my hopes up too high when I heard Brown's lyrics.
Got your girl in my section finna blow up
And nigga smoking loud, I'm 'bout to roll up
She ain't never got high like this with a guy like this
When she pop it tell her hold up"
--Stop.
Already. Already, the first line in this verse and it's about taking your girlfriend and what he'll do with and to her. How original. Ohh, fuck me. (Also, what the hell does "finna" mean?)
"Better believe she gon' leave with a real nigga
I dick her down, can't put it down like I do
"I get to bussin', no discussin', gotta deal with it
Team us, we ain't worried about you"
Because apparently, real niggas do whatever they want without consequence.
Real niggas also take other guys girlfriends and use them like disposable cellphones--they're cheap, doable, and only there temporarily, and when the time is up, they throw the girl away and find the next one to buy--I mean, steal--I mean, take away.
And lastly, real niggas always refer to themselves as real niggas in songs, but they're seen as either real fake or real idiots in real life.
Well, another crap verse. Goodness, these guys are so fucking reprehensible, being aware of saying whatever they want in songs and knowing they won't do them in real life. I still can't find them as human--
"If your dude come close to me
He gon' wanna ride off in a ghost with me (I make 'em do it!)"
Uhhh...
"I might let your boy chauffeur me...
Jhene Aiko...what are you doing in this shitty song?
...But he gotta eat the booty like groceries"
...Oh. I see. writing and recording a shitty verse. Carry on.
"But he gotta get rid of these hoes from me
I might have that nigga sailing his soul for me"
A crap reference to her mixtape Sail Soul(s), EP Sail Out and album Souled Out. But it is the better line in the entire song.
"Oooh, that's how it post to be
If he wants me to expose the freak"
That's good, right? WRONG!! A woman singing about taking another girl's boyfriend is just as sick and reprehensible as a guy taking another dude's girlfriend. It doesn't make things better; it just makes things distressingly worse! I've heard some horrible lines about metaphorically chewing on someone's body part (and most of them come from Lil Wayne), but this is a disgrace. And from, of all people, Jhene Aiko?! WHY!?!
""I MAKE 'EM DO IT!""
OH.
Bottom Line: This song is fucking terrible. The beat is boring and seemingly unoriginal, the verses range from corny to stupid to unethical. It's shit like this that makes me sick (figuratively and possibly literally) and roll my eyes. But it's popular with other people, so I understand why it's popular on the charts. Mostly thanks to Chris Brown for still being a part of the music-making business and public conscience. And maybe Jhene is at fault too for dragging her fans to a song she (at least in my eyes) should not have any business being a part of (And yet, she is the only artist in this song I would believe of being capable of putting in a decent verse). Omarion too, for that dumb-ass chorus and his dog shit verses. Part of me thinks he did write some of this, so he's at fault too.
I hate this song. This is one the worst songs I've ever heard in my life, and I don't want to be in the vicinity of listening to this again. I can't stand this at all, and I wish this was never made. I have a definite feeling this will make my Top Ten Worst Hip-Hop/R&B Songs of 2015 list, and it should for the reasons I've mentioned. I don't care if this can get The Artist Temporarily Known as Maybach O" to eat and pay mortgages on his house for another year. I HATE this.
See you next week for another quick Short/Long Song Review.
Until then, I'm gonna try to regain my sanity. And my interest (and appitite) in food.
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